elmcitymaven

I said many meds ARE overprescribed. 

Why do you think that "psych meds" are over-prescribed? Why do you think that something that doesn't work for you, or you have no interest in taking, wouldn't help someone else? I'd further point out that there are other common uses for antidepressants rather than mental health issues.
 
I mean it could be said that any drug is over-prescribed. The top drugs in the USA, are typically statins, blood pressure medications, and metformin. Metformin is frequently even given to those without active diabetes at all - but pre-diabetics and for hormone reasons. All of these issues could be changed or controlled with lifestyle issues without the need of medication - but yet society has accepted them as wanted and needed in their lives, without being considered that the pill they are taking is just a crutch.
 
It is no doubt that opioid overuse is a problem. However, in our efforts to 'crack down', we have created a variety of bureaucracies and problems in our society, where individuals are intentionally left in chronic pain or with chronic disease or injuries, and those that are truly suffering cannot have access to relief. 
 
I think there are many people that actually need significant therapy and would greatly benefit it from it if they'd stop considering it as a 'weakness'. They might not require medication for their malady, but they certainly need something in their lives.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Look - you're doing it the hard way - but that doesn't mean it is impossible.  Lots of couples do not co-mingle their finances - for many reasons - bad credit, different money management strategies and abilities, control issues, pre-nups, etc.
 
Your key thing will be to prove co-habitation with leases/mortgages in both names, home or renter's insurance in both names, at the same addresses.
 
Then, craft a very detailed paragraph in your cover letter explaining HOW you do your finances, WHY you have chosen to file separately (most couples find that MFJ is a smaller tax burden - but not all), where you do things jointly, and where you do them separately (like Spouse 1 pays these bills from this bank account, and Spouse 2 pays THESE bills from this other bank account).  Yes, send a couple of statements to show that bills go to the same address.  Your photocopies of your driver's licenses, and any other items (library cards, gym memberships) that show you "do life" together are good things.
 
You will have to get in front of USCIS' suspicions with a good up-front explanation for WHY you do WHAT you do.  Again - show that you have lived together since you married (and before, if applicable).
 
Best of luck.  Like I said, you are doing it the hard way, but if you explain, you may just sail through.
 
Sukie in NY

Who turner they down? NVC?
 
“Where is everyone finding a sponsor at?”
 
I really don’t know if I get your question right but is not like a Facebook Marketplace for sponsors. I think that people look first in the closest family members and friends.
 
Will be helpful if you explain better what the problem is for us to better help you.
 
Good luck 

Hoorah! By the end of your post I was quasi saluting …especially as I enter my 3rd divorce whining woeth me ! 

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 
 
A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 
 
Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.
 
In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.
 
You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.
 
In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.
 
Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.
 
Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 
 
Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

I wholeheartedly concur, I would not give him a dime. Dig in your heels and go along for the ride. It's the I-864 you were worried about and now you have preempted that so what more can he do other than not sign the papers. But again I would not give him a dime papers signed or not!!!! Divorces you can run from but only for so long...ride it out and protect yourself! If he wants to fight he has to come here to the US and I do not see how that's going to happen. You have the upper hand at the moment! Do not I repeat do not discuss any personal details especially financial with him. Consider him a stranger now!

He can't claim you are the reason he quit his job and while waiting for the interview.Unless he has evidence you convinced him to quit 5 months early. Do you have conversations related to work in writing or was it over the phone/video chat?
NVC has clear instructions to not quit a job, buy tickets or sell property until visa is in hand... so I am sure you can fight that battle easily. 
 
You should look at serving him by posting a notice in a newspaper as @Family. And maybe have a consult with a  family lawyer based in Tennessee who is more familiar with international divorce. They might have some creative solutions that might bypass having to involve your husband. The process might be a little more drawn out as he won't respond to the summons but the divorce should be fairly straightforward as you have no children and I assume no joint assets. 
 
@Strawberrymermaid I am so sorry to hear about this latest development in your relationship. I always found your posts so helpful and inspiring and I loved your tenacity in fighting for your marriage and all the expedite requests ❤️ I wish you all the best in your journey.
 
 

It is 100% worth it to have a few consults with lawyers who have more experience with international divorce. 
Please get a second, third and forth opinion. Don't engage in sunk cost fallacy thinking because you already have a lawyer. 
 

Rely on solid legal advice before deciding how to proceed.
Consider consulting 3 lawyers who have substantial experience in Tennessee and international divorces.

you won't be stuck with his fees 
delete him
block him
divorce and move on 
and don't pay out a dime /  he can support himself 
 

Then, you don't have to worry about the I-864....The real intent is to recover US government benefits..... which he won't be getting. In addition, if you withdrew it, it is also void.

Nothing's changed, dude. I've been here over 15 years and it's always been full of Judgey McJudgefaces, exercising their internet-given right to judge. I've been both judge and judged, and after a while, I've embraced the hate and let it flow through me.
 
I'm always here for a decent flounce though.
 

Nothing's changed, dude. I've been here over 15 years and it's always been full of Judgey McJudgefaces, exercising their internet-given right to judge. I've been both judge and judged, and after a while, I've embraced the hate and let it flow through me.
 
I'm always here for a decent flounce though.
 

Nothing's changed, dude. I've been here over 15 years and it's always been full of Judgey McJudgefaces, exercising their internet-given right to judge. I've been both judge and judged, and after a while, I've embraced the hate and let it flow through me.
 
I'm always here for a decent flounce though.
 

Nothing's changed, dude. I've been here over 15 years and it's always been full of Judgey McJudgefaces, exercising their internet-given right to judge. I've been both judge and judged, and after a while, I've embraced the hate and let it flow through me.
 
I'm always here for a decent flounce though.