chiggins82

I'm in the same situation as you- Canadian married to American, living in the US. We have gone back and forth to visit Canada about 6 times now since COVID started- without any problem whatsoever. (We always drove in a personal vehicle and went right to place of quarantine- which was my father's place- and then left straight home from there, so it was perfectly safe.) Immediate family members of Canadian citizens have been allowed into Canada under a special rule that has been in effect since June 8, 2020. There is absolutely no problem for you or anyone else in that situation to enter Canada, I'm a bit surprised people on this thread didn't realize this? Maybe not everyone is driving distance like we are, and weren't comfortable taking a flight during COVID (neither were we), who knows. But it doesn't matter where you live or who you are visiting- you can cross together and your husband is allowed in as an immediate relative of a Canadian.
 
You will need to bring your marriage certificate that shows your husband is an immediate relative of a Canadian, and you will need proof of Canadian citizenship. Note that you don't need a Canadian passport- crossing back and forth on your US passport or Green Card is fine, but without one you would need proof of Canadian citizenship such as a birth certificate for example. 
 
Under the rule starting July 5, you won't need to quarantine if both of you are vaccinated. You will still need a test within 72 hours of departure and another one at the border. Once that one comes back negative you're released from quarantine. You will need to upload your vaccine cards on the ArriveCan app before you leave- that app and the associated website explain pretty well how to register before you leave. You still need to have a quarantine plan in case your test comes back negative. 
Technically, there is a rule that the foreign spouse needs to stay 15 days in Canada- this is not a quarantine rule, normally it is totally fine to leave the country during the original quarantine as long as you go straight- but rather an immigration rule specifically for non-Canadian family members. It is not clear if it still applies as of July 5 for vaccinated travelers. But either way, the rule is unenforceable- you don't need to pass exit controls to leave Canada, they don't keep foreigners in the country after all, so there's nothing stopping him from leaving early, especially since plans can change. You just may need to have an original plan for him to be there 15 days in order to get in in the first place. All 6 times we have gone, it has been for 5 days or less and we have never had a problem re-entering. But again- that rule might be gone now since July 5, it's really not clear.
 
They also just announced today that as of August all vaccinated Americans will be able to enter even if they don't have Canadian family. So the 15 day rule will be gone at that point for sure. But in your situation, there's really no need to wait until then.
 
Let me know if you have any questions!

I just found out that for the past 3 years, my husband has been chasing on me with another person, long distance and outside the US. 
 
I'm not looking for advice around immigration, but I had nowhere to turn for advice. I'm totally alone here and I'm scared to call my family because I don't know what to do.
 
I just uncovered this this morning. I don't know everything, but there are email exchanges going back 3 years. Love letters, he sent her gifts, he spends the day on Skype with her when I'm out of town. He emailed everyday how much he loves her. Sounds a while lot like how we emailed when we were dating.
 
I have nowhere to go right now and I don't know what to do. He says he wants to stay with me and work it out. Where do I begin

I am reading all the responses, thank you so, so, so much for making me feel a bit less alone right now. 
 
I called my EAP and they are sending me out a list. I managed to clear a good chunk of my calendar at work because honestly, I am not functioning right now.
 
I'm planning to tell my husband to stay somewhere else until after Thanksgiving and then I will let him know what I want/need next. In the meantime, I'm reading a book and some articles the EAP people recommended. There is no way I am going to thanksgiving and he knows that. 
 
I'm so devastated. I'm so grateful for all of you.
 
I don't know if I want to consider reconciling or not. I told him I would consider it and he said that he ended it. I will talk to a counselor first and hopefully get some perspective on things. It's so hard to hear people say that he is only sorry because he was caught... and I know it's true. He had 1000 days to deal with this and he didn't. I never knew how truly selfish and immature he could be. I'm hoping he will accept and respect my decisions and walk away until I'm ready... I am fully expecting he won't.
 
It's really hard not to feel worthless from all this. I know I'm not, but it's keeps popping into my head. I hate that I have to be alone. I wish I had somewhere to go. I thought about going myself, but I don't want to lose the comfort of my home because of him. Why should I be any more uncomfortable??

So this is what I've found out. The woman lives in Canada and he's never met her. Shes younger, but not young... like 27? (We're in our late 30s). I had about an hour to read the emails I found... there wasn't really anything that jumped out that told me she knew we were married, but he says she knew. He said he met her before we started dating and cut ties with her then.... and then in 2016 (about a year after I moved) she reached out to him. He said it was first because he was into things sexually that he didn't think I would be into (he never talked to me about that), but then he started getting involved more and more. They email every day. He would talk to her while he walked our dog and after I fell asleep.
 
Up until this, I thought was had a an extremely solid relationship. We didn't fight. We rarely argued. We talked every day... but I could tell he had been pulling away and he'd shut down if I wanted to talk about that. Anything to do with his feelings beyond the more superficial ones. I knew he was stressed at work an thought he might be going through a bit of a crisis (like, am I doing what I want, do I like my life, etc.) The past few months though, I noticed the bigger signs.. hiding his phone when I walked by, typing a lot and saying he was looking at articles... I knew he was lying.. 
 
but the bombshell is THREE YEARS and you're absolutely right. He never ended it. He never confessed to me. I had to catch him and only now he wants to work on things. I'm furious. I told him he could leave and decide what he wants to do, or he could break it off now and block her from communicating again... so he did that.
 
I've been cheated on before. I don't know now if we were solid enough to move past this. I would have thought so until yesterday. Now I question it. I've loved my life with him. He's my best friend. I'm scared to tell my family and friends because if I decide to choose to make an attempt at overcoming this, I don't think they would ever accept him again. Plus I feel like it's humiliating because it feels like I failed. I guess, I feel like I am dealing with so much pain right now, I don't think I can handle also dealing with my family.
 
Last night we slept in different rooms and I avoided him. I tried to pack up some things and he broke down crying, he got in front of my car and begged me to stay..
 
So now, we're both at work for the day. I could pack up before he gets home. Or he said if I needed, he would leave.
 
I think what I'm most confused about is that I don't know how much time to give this before I decide anything? Like should I rush right into kicking him out, or should we just get a counselor? I have EAP at work... Maybe I should just talk to someone on my own. I don't want to make decisions out of anger, but I don't want to not do anything. Right now, I feel numb. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anger right now, I don't feel sad... I just know that something needs to happen and I don't know what.
 
I guess the lucky thing for me, we both have good jobs. I have the means to leave if I need. We don't have kids, just a dog..
 
 
 

So this is what I've found out. The woman lives in Canada and he's never met her. Shes younger, but not young... like 27? (We're in our late 30s). I had about an hour to read the emails I found... there wasn't really anything that jumped out that told me she knew we were married, but he says she knew. He said he met her before we started dating and cut ties with her then.... and then in 2016 (about a year after I moved) she reached out to him. He said it was first because he was into things sexually that he didn't think I would be into (he never talked to me about that), but then he started getting involved more and more. They email every day. He would talk to her while he walked our dog and after I fell asleep.
 
Up until this, I thought was had a an extremely solid relationship. We didn't fight. We rarely argued. We talked every day... but I could tell he had been pulling away and he'd shut down if I wanted to talk about that. Anything to do with his feelings beyond the more superficial ones. I knew he was stressed at work an thought he might be going through a bit of a crisis (like, am I doing what I want, do I like my life, etc.) The past few months though, I noticed the bigger signs.. hiding his phone when I walked by, typing a lot and saying he was looking at articles... I knew he was lying.. 
 
but the bombshell is THREE YEARS and you're absolutely right. He never ended it. He never confessed to me. I had to catch him and only now he wants to work on things. I'm furious. I told him he could leave and decide what he wants to do, or he could break it off now and block her from communicating again... so he did that.
 
I've been cheated on before. I don't know now if we were solid enough to move past this. I would have thought so until yesterday. Now I question it. I've loved my life with him. He's my best friend. I'm scared to tell my family and friends because if I decide to choose to make an attempt at overcoming this, I don't think they would ever accept him again. Plus I feel like it's humiliating because it feels like I failed. I guess, I feel like I am dealing with so much pain right now, I don't think I can handle also dealing with my family.
 
Last night we slept in different rooms and I avoided him. I tried to pack up some things and he broke down crying, he got in front of my car and begged me to stay..
 
So now, we're both at work for the day. I could pack up before he gets home. Or he said if I needed, he would leave.
 
I think what I'm most confused about is that I don't know how much time to give this before I decide anything? Like should I rush right into kicking him out, or should we just get a counselor? I have EAP at work... Maybe I should just talk to someone on my own. I don't want to make decisions out of anger, but I don't want to not do anything. Right now, I feel numb. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anger right now, I don't feel sad... I just know that something needs to happen and I don't know what.
 
I guess the lucky thing for me, we both have good jobs. I have the means to leave if I need. We don't have kids, just a dog..
 
 
 

I am reading all the responses, thank you so, so, so much for making me feel a bit less alone right now. 
 
I called my EAP and they are sending me out a list. I managed to clear a good chunk of my calendar at work because honestly, I am not functioning right now.
 
I'm planning to tell my husband to stay somewhere else until after Thanksgiving and then I will let him know what I want/need next. In the meantime, I'm reading a book and some articles the EAP people recommended. There is no way I am going to thanksgiving and he knows that. 
 
I'm so devastated. I'm so grateful for all of you.
 
I don't know if I want to consider reconciling or not. I told him I would consider it and he said that he ended it. I will talk to a counselor first and hopefully get some perspective on things. It's so hard to hear people say that he is only sorry because he was caught... and I know it's true. He had 1000 days to deal with this and he didn't. I never knew how truly selfish and immature he could be. I'm hoping he will accept and respect my decisions and walk away until I'm ready... I am fully expecting he won't.
 
It's really hard not to feel worthless from all this. I know I'm not, but it's keeps popping into my head. I hate that I have to be alone. I wish I had somewhere to go. I thought about going myself, but I don't want to lose the comfort of my home because of him. Why should I be any more uncomfortable??

So this is what I've found out. The woman lives in Canada and he's never met her. Shes younger, but not young... like 27? (We're in our late 30s). I had about an hour to read the emails I found... there wasn't really anything that jumped out that told me she knew we were married, but he says she knew. He said he met her before we started dating and cut ties with her then.... and then in 2016 (about a year after I moved) she reached out to him. He said it was first because he was into things sexually that he didn't think I would be into (he never talked to me about that), but then he started getting involved more and more. They email every day. He would talk to her while he walked our dog and after I fell asleep.
 
Up until this, I thought was had a an extremely solid relationship. We didn't fight. We rarely argued. We talked every day... but I could tell he had been pulling away and he'd shut down if I wanted to talk about that. Anything to do with his feelings beyond the more superficial ones. I knew he was stressed at work an thought he might be going through a bit of a crisis (like, am I doing what I want, do I like my life, etc.) The past few months though, I noticed the bigger signs.. hiding his phone when I walked by, typing a lot and saying he was looking at articles... I knew he was lying.. 
 
but the bombshell is THREE YEARS and you're absolutely right. He never ended it. He never confessed to me. I had to catch him and only now he wants to work on things. I'm furious. I told him he could leave and decide what he wants to do, or he could break it off now and block her from communicating again... so he did that.
 
I've been cheated on before. I don't know now if we were solid enough to move past this. I would have thought so until yesterday. Now I question it. I've loved my life with him. He's my best friend. I'm scared to tell my family and friends because if I decide to choose to make an attempt at overcoming this, I don't think they would ever accept him again. Plus I feel like it's humiliating because it feels like I failed. I guess, I feel like I am dealing with so much pain right now, I don't think I can handle also dealing with my family.
 
Last night we slept in different rooms and I avoided him. I tried to pack up some things and he broke down crying, he got in front of my car and begged me to stay..
 
So now, we're both at work for the day. I could pack up before he gets home. Or he said if I needed, he would leave.
 
I think what I'm most confused about is that I don't know how much time to give this before I decide anything? Like should I rush right into kicking him out, or should we just get a counselor? I have EAP at work... Maybe I should just talk to someone on my own. I don't want to make decisions out of anger, but I don't want to not do anything. Right now, I feel numb. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anger right now, I don't feel sad... I just know that something needs to happen and I don't know what.
 
I guess the lucky thing for me, we both have good jobs. I have the means to leave if I need. We don't have kids, just a dog..
 
 
 

I am reading all the responses, thank you so, so, so much for making me feel a bit less alone right now. 
 
I called my EAP and they are sending me out a list. I managed to clear a good chunk of my calendar at work because honestly, I am not functioning right now.
 
I'm planning to tell my husband to stay somewhere else until after Thanksgiving and then I will let him know what I want/need next. In the meantime, I'm reading a book and some articles the EAP people recommended. There is no way I am going to thanksgiving and he knows that. 
 
I'm so devastated. I'm so grateful for all of you.
 
I don't know if I want to consider reconciling or not. I told him I would consider it and he said that he ended it. I will talk to a counselor first and hopefully get some perspective on things. It's so hard to hear people say that he is only sorry because he was caught... and I know it's true. He had 1000 days to deal with this and he didn't. I never knew how truly selfish and immature he could be. I'm hoping he will accept and respect my decisions and walk away until I'm ready... I am fully expecting he won't.
 
It's really hard not to feel worthless from all this. I know I'm not, but it's keeps popping into my head. I hate that I have to be alone. I wish I had somewhere to go. I thought about going myself, but I don't want to lose the comfort of my home because of him. Why should I be any more uncomfortable??

I am reading all the responses, thank you so, so, so much for making me feel a bit less alone right now. 
 
I called my EAP and they are sending me out a list. I managed to clear a good chunk of my calendar at work because honestly, I am not functioning right now.
 
I'm planning to tell my husband to stay somewhere else until after Thanksgiving and then I will let him know what I want/need next. In the meantime, I'm reading a book and some articles the EAP people recommended. There is no way I am going to thanksgiving and he knows that. 
 
I'm so devastated. I'm so grateful for all of you.
 
I don't know if I want to consider reconciling or not. I told him I would consider it and he said that he ended it. I will talk to a counselor first and hopefully get some perspective on things. It's so hard to hear people say that he is only sorry because he was caught... and I know it's true. He had 1000 days to deal with this and he didn't. I never knew how truly selfish and immature he could be. I'm hoping he will accept and respect my decisions and walk away until I'm ready... I am fully expecting he won't.
 
It's really hard not to feel worthless from all this. I know I'm not, but it's keeps popping into my head. I hate that I have to be alone. I wish I had somewhere to go. I thought about going myself, but I don't want to lose the comfort of my home because of him. Why should I be any more uncomfortable??

OP I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you heal soon and that you get the happiness you deserve. 
 
I went through cheating as well. My ex husband always had communication with other women from another country.  I caught him 3 times during our 3 year marriage, and when i did he would end those affairs, then after a couple of months he would start again, sometimes with a different woman. He used to do this with women from the city where his dad used to live. He lived there a few years too so he knew them but did not see them during our marriage.  I forgave him because I thought he was not really seeing them, and it was all text and messages. But every time he would do it again, until one day, while on vacation to this city, he left me in the home we were staying to go out with this friends, and he cheated on me this time physically with another woman. 
 
I didn't know, I just saw messages the next day but I did not read anything that let me know he actually met with this woman. When we came back I told him we needed couples counseling. He had to agree (I wanted couples therapy for a long time and he never agreed) but I told him straight away the things he needed to do, I told him even if he did every single one of the things we needed to do I couldn't assure him I was going to stay. In my mind I needed to try everything before leaving. He cheated in April, we went to therapy, there he confessed he slept with another woman, I left him by June. 
 
So it took time to make that decision (and it was the best decision I could have made) , it was hard, but I was clear that going through therapy and all that work wouldn't mean I stayed. Take your time, set  up your rules, go to couples therapy, and then make a decision. Just make sure that your decision is going to bring happiness to your life. I wish you the best! 

my ex and i were separated several times before the 'for good'. there were many holidays where i went to my family gatherings ALONE (well, with kids in my case).

I know this isn't my fault. No matter what good bad I have done, I did not choose to step outside of the marriage. I didn't choose to hide it and keep it going. Thank you for reminding of this. I know it, but it is near impossible to shake those other feelings of guilt on myself.
 
I'm going to call this afternoon once my last meeting is over. Thank goodness I have them. I can't access the emails. For all I know he deleted them. He left for a walk yesterday and I was going to do some yoga.. I opened our laptop and he hadn't logged out... and I looked.... and then had an hour before he came home... so I looked at a bunch. I saw how many. Honestly if this was a sexual thing, I feel like I could move on with work and commitment. But these emails.... it was a full online relationship. And who knows what they talked about on Skype and outside of the emails. It's just such a deep deception. He was fully capable of this for such a long period time with almost no signs (well who knows, maybe there were and I'll realize later...)
 
Thank you so much everyone for replying on here. It helps so much to just write out some of this.. and It helps more writing to people that know the sacrifice I went through to be here.
 
His mom keeps texting me about THanksgiving... We're supposed to bring things for it... just every little thing is twisting the knife deeper right now.

OP: I know... I know.... it doesn't feel like this right now.. but..   It is not your fault. You are not a failure. There is nothing you could have done, no way you could 'be better' to cause anything to happen differently. Your heart, your trust, your soul, and your marriage has been abused by a man who cared nothing about any of these things. He is not sorry. He is sorry he got caught and has to make a choice. I'm a bridge burner, because well, I've been hurt before deeply. And I felt all those things you do now, and it took me a long time to not feel that way anymore. At the end of it all, I realized that person wasn't worth it, and it was time to start taking care of me.
 
You have two choices: Counseling and risk and hope he is willing to break clean and stay true.
Or pick up and move on. Focus on yourself. You picked up and left your entire life behind for him, and he betrayed and now risks everything without a care to you. Yes it will be hard, but it does sound like you have friends and family that will support you, and a path forward. They have every right to not want to support him either - afterall it's *you* they care about.

My advice:
1. Get some distance from him for a set amount of time, e.g. live apart for 1 month, don't speak by phone for 1 week. You need some perspective and you only get that by being apart.
2. Next, counseling, as others have stated.
3. Then, once you've had some time to reflect, reach out to the one family member or friend back home that you can trust the most and who will give you the best advice. You don't have to tell everyone but you should have at least one person you can rely on.
4. During counseling, bring up whether your husband is a sex addict. If he totally denies it and refuses to consider the idea, that's a red flag. He might not be a sex addict but he's crossed enough lines that the concept should not be foreign or offensive to him.

I'm not here either to tell you what to do, or not. These are very personal issues that depend SO much on the people involved -- you, him and the other woman. But I do know that sometimes a marriage is worth fighting for -- and sometimes it's not. For me, honesty and openness are the bedrock of marriage, as much as love is, and sometimes even more. There are days when you may not feel like you love your spouse as much as you should, but without honesty the love is hard to maintain. I have to say, an ongoing multiyear affair for me would be a dealbreaker, much more than a one night stand, or a brief fling that was firmly over when I found out about it. Something short-lived can be the kind of mistake that also shows that there is remorse and recognition that this is wrong. Just as an example, I recently found out a good friend is cheating on his wife. He is not willing to end the affair, and his wife is saying that counselling will fix everything. I don't think it will if two people want diametrically opposed things -- one wants a monogamous husband, and the other wants his wife and his girlfriend -- and neither is willing to budge.
 
When you find out things like this, it feels like your life is going to end -- the axis of the earth is off kilter, nothing looks right even though superficially to outsiders everything looks the same. My ex walked out on me and when he did, I felt like life never would be the same again. Actually, that was correct -- life is different now without him, but significantly better, because I chose to make it better. If -- if! -- you choose to move on, trust that you will live. Even if you don't, it's time to gather your team together -- friends and family, wherever they may be -- and lean on them as hard as you need. I couldn't have made it without mine. You deserve happiness -- and if this isn't what happiness looks like, you can find it elsewhere. ❤️ 

I just found out that for the past 3 years, my husband has been chasing on me with another person, long distance and outside the US. 
 
I'm not looking for advice around immigration, but I had nowhere to turn for advice. I'm totally alone here and I'm scared to call my family because I don't know what to do.
 
I just uncovered this this morning. I don't know everything, but there are email exchanges going back 3 years. Love letters, he sent her gifts, he spends the day on Skype with her when I'm out of town. He emailed everyday how much he loves her. Sounds a while lot like how we emailed when we were dating.
 
I have nowhere to go right now and I don't know what to do. He says he wants to stay with me and work it out. Where do I begin

I just found out that for the past 3 years, my husband has been chasing on me with another person, long distance and outside the US. 
 
I'm not looking for advice around immigration, but I had nowhere to turn for advice. I'm totally alone here and I'm scared to call my family because I don't know what to do.
 
I just uncovered this this morning. I don't know everything, but there are email exchanges going back 3 years. Love letters, he sent her gifts, he spends the day on Skype with her when I'm out of town. He emailed everyday how much he loves her. Sounds a while lot like how we emailed when we were dating.
 
I have nowhere to go right now and I don't know what to do. He says he wants to stay with me and work it out. Where do I begin

I just found out that for the past 3 years, my husband has been chasing on me with another person, long distance and outside the US. 
 
I'm not looking for advice around immigration, but I had nowhere to turn for advice. I'm totally alone here and I'm scared to call my family because I don't know what to do.
 
I just uncovered this this morning. I don't know everything, but there are email exchanges going back 3 years. Love letters, he sent her gifts, he spends the day on Skype with her when I'm out of town. He emailed everyday how much he loves her. Sounds a while lot like how we emailed when we were dating.
 
I have nowhere to go right now and I don't know what to do. He says he wants to stay with me and work it out. Where do I begin

You have to decide if you want to work it out or not, first. 

Slightly Off topic - But to my Canadian friends in this thread:
 
I got my renewed Nexus card! It arrived on the date that it was expiring. No interview needed. I applied in Aug/ early September, so it took ~2-3 months to arrive. Had to activate when I got it and I updated my green card info online as well.

It's the same pic as my old card. I am so grateful for that too because it is seriously the best picture I have ever had on an ID card before. It looks like they put a fan on my hair when they took the pic!! hahaha! 😎

I would have thought the cases that were transferred would have moved as fast, if not faster! Go figure that USCIS didn't roll out their plan to level out the work properly... Seems like they just transferred to cause the exact same backlog somewhere else. 😖

I hear ya.. as long as you got the infopass stamp or the GC plus extension letter, you will be fine. 
 
The system is as you say  and we know very very out of whack. Yes, hard to see  people around you are getting their approvals but soon it will all come - as long it is not a RFE.    

I received my notification this Saturday that my new card is being produced!!
 
WAC17299 Filer and haven't yet filed N-400

got an email today from uscis. we received 10 year gc already