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About chiggins82

  • Rank
    Senior Member
  • Birthday 11/14/1982
  • Member # 180787

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • City
    Saint Paul
  • State

Immigration Info

  • Immigration Status
    K-1 Visa
  • Place benefits filed at
    California Service Center
  • Local Office
    Saint Paul MN
  • Country
  • Our Story
    We met in training in 2011 and quickly hit it off. We stayed in touch and it was soon obviously we were falling for each other. I finally took the chance, went to visit and started dating that weekend. That was 2 years ago and we are now looking ahead at moving closer to one another. Again, I am taking the chance and going there. We hope to one day both be dual citizens

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  1. I am reading all the responses, thank you so, so, so much for making me feel a bit less alone right now. I called my EAP and they are sending me out a list. I managed to clear a good chunk of my calendar at work because honestly, I am not functioning right now. I'm planning to tell my husband to stay somewhere else until after Thanksgiving and then I will let him know what I want/need next. In the meantime, I'm reading a book and some articles the EAP people recommended. There is no way I am going to thanksgiving and he knows that. I'm so devastated. I'm so grateful for all of you. I don't know if I want to consider reconciling or not. I told him I would consider it and he said that he ended it. I will talk to a counselor first and hopefully get some perspective on things. It's so hard to hear people say that he is only sorry because he was caught... and I know it's true. He had 1000 days to deal with this and he didn't. I never knew how truly selfish and immature he could be. I'm hoping he will accept and respect my decisions and walk away until I'm ready... I am fully expecting he won't. It's really hard not to feel worthless from all this. I know I'm not, but it's keeps popping into my head. I hate that I have to be alone. I wish I had somewhere to go. I thought about going myself, but I don't want to lose the comfort of my home because of him. Why should I be any more uncomfortable??
  2. Thank you so much for this advice... I'm going back and forth on whether I need to have that space or if I should just reach out to a counselor first. I'm thinking space is needed. Last night I told him I needed space and I went into the bedroom. He came in 3 times over the evening. To tell me he's sorry and that he knows this is his fault and that he doesn't deserve me, once to say that he was reading a book on infidelity and it was giving him even more perspective on how much he hurt me, once to ask if the dog could come hang out with me.... I'm scared to be alone right now, but I think it might be because I don't trust him (If I am gone, will he contact her. etc.etc.). That isn't healthy or helpful for me. I never thought about the sex addict part... He was a virgin when I met him. He'd never had a girlfriend. I'm pretty certain that's all true.
  3. I know this isn't my fault. No matter what good bad I have done, I did not choose to step outside of the marriage. I didn't choose to hide it and keep it going. Thank you for reminding of this. I know it, but it is near impossible to shake those other feelings of guilt on myself. I'm going to call this afternoon once my last meeting is over. Thank goodness I have them. I can't access the emails. For all I know he deleted them. He left for a walk yesterday and I was going to do some yoga.. I opened our laptop and he hadn't logged out... and I looked.... and then had an hour before he came home... so I looked at a bunch. I saw how many. Honestly if this was a sexual thing, I feel like I could move on with work and commitment. But these emails.... it was a full online relationship. And who knows what they talked about on Skype and outside of the emails. It's just such a deep deception. He was fully capable of this for such a long period time with almost no signs (well who knows, maybe there were and I'll realize later...) Thank you so much everyone for replying on here. It helps so much to just write out some of this.. and It helps more writing to people that know the sacrifice I went through to be here. His mom keeps texting me about THanksgiving... We're supposed to bring things for it... just every little thing is twisting the knife deeper right now.
  4. So this is what I've found out. The woman lives in Canada and he's never met her. Shes younger, but not young... like 27? (We're in our late 30s). I had about an hour to read the emails I found... there wasn't really anything that jumped out that told me she knew we were married, but he says she knew. He said he met her before we started dating and cut ties with her then.... and then in 2016 (about a year after I moved) she reached out to him. He said it was first because he was into things sexually that he didn't think I would be into (he never talked to me about that), but then he started getting involved more and more. They email every day. He would talk to her while he walked our dog and after I fell asleep. Up until this, I thought was had a an extremely solid relationship. We didn't fight. We rarely argued. We talked every day... but I could tell he had been pulling away and he'd shut down if I wanted to talk about that. Anything to do with his feelings beyond the more superficial ones. I knew he was stressed at work an thought he might be going through a bit of a crisis (like, am I doing what I want, do I like my life, etc.) The past few months though, I noticed the bigger signs.. hiding his phone when I walked by, typing a lot and saying he was looking at articles... I knew he was lying.. but the bombshell is THREE YEARS and you're absolutely right. He never ended it. He never confessed to me. I had to catch him and only now he wants to work on things. I'm furious. I told him he could leave and decide what he wants to do, or he could break it off now and block her from communicating again... so he did that. I've been cheated on before. I don't know now if we were solid enough to move past this. I would have thought so until yesterday. Now I question it. I've loved my life with him. He's my best friend. I'm scared to tell my family and friends because if I decide to choose to make an attempt at overcoming this, I don't think they would ever accept him again. Plus I feel like it's humiliating because it feels like I failed. I guess, I feel like I am dealing with so much pain right now, I don't think I can handle also dealing with my family. Last night we slept in different rooms and I avoided him. I tried to pack up some things and he broke down crying, he got in front of my car and begged me to stay.. So now, we're both at work for the day. I could pack up before he gets home. Or he said if I needed, he would leave. I think what I'm most confused about is that I don't know how much time to give this before I decide anything? Like should I rush right into kicking him out, or should we just get a counselor? I have EAP at work... Maybe I should just talk to someone on my own. I don't want to make decisions out of anger, but I don't want to not do anything. Right now, I feel numb. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anger right now, I don't feel sad... I just know that something needs to happen and I don't know what. I guess the lucky thing for me, we both have good jobs. I have the means to leave if I need. We don't have kids, just a dog..
  5. Yeah I get that. I think I'm reaching out because honestly I feel like I can't tell my friends back home and I don't have anyone in the US that I feel I can trust. He is begging for forgiveness and I just don't know where to start. This just f*cking sucks.
  6. I just found out that for the past 3 years, my husband has been chasing on me with another person, long distance and outside the US. I'm not looking for advice around immigration, but I had nowhere to turn for advice. I'm totally alone here and I'm scared to call my family because I don't know what to do. I just uncovered this this morning. I don't know everything, but there are email exchanges going back 3 years. Love letters, he sent her gifts, he spends the day on Skype with her when I'm out of town. He emailed everyday how much he loves her. Sounds a while lot like how we emailed when we were dating. I have nowhere to go right now and I don't know what to do. He says he wants to stay with me and work it out. Where do I begin
  7. Congrats! Hoping this is a good sign for others that were transferred!
  8. If this were me, I would use the last mail you received. The auto-emails and you checking the case online (to me) are not actions.
  9. I had different statuses too. I didn't have the address change one, but I think I had all the others until I was approved. I believe others had that address change one too. It seems like it's glitches in their system and/or different systems not being synced up so they say different things. It's frustrating and kind of unnerving to see all those! You could call USCIS. I doubt they would tell you much, but as a just in case you could try that. At least then if there was actually something wrong, they could fix it (most likely they'll say it's fine and they can't do anything because your case is still within normal processing time). As soon as your case is outside the processing window, I would send a ticket for them to look into it.
  10. Slightly Off topic - But to my Canadian friends in this thread: I got my renewed Nexus card! It arrived on the date that it was expiring. No interview needed. I applied in Aug/ early September, so it took ~2-3 months to arrive. Had to activate when I got it and I updated my green card info online as well.
  11. It's the same pic as my old card. I am so grateful for that too because it is seriously the best picture I have ever had on an ID card before. It looks like they put a fan on my hair when they took the pic!! hahaha! 😎
  12. It looks like you have lots of great evidence. Honestly, I would just organize it well and have the cover letter (like you're doing) and send it. My cover letter was two pages long, but had similar stuff to yours. My personal opinion is send more and hopefully avoid RFE's. I think though that the most important evidence is evidence that finances are tied, joint taxes and then proof that you live together with a lease or deed, etc. Since you couldn't add her to the title, it seems like you have lots of evidence to indicate that you are living together. All the utility bills, evidence of trips, etc is secondary and not actually required, just supplements the evidence that you have a legitimate marriage. You could probably lighten up on the secondary items and be just fine, but if you have them, I personally would just send them too. With the Bank statements, I just sent 1 per quarter since I moved so it wasn't so much. It shows the history and pattern, but is a lot less paper. Maybe you could do that? Hope that helps
  13. I would have thought the cases that were transferred would have moved as fast, if not faster! Go figure that USCIS didn't roll out their plan to level out the work properly... Seems like they just transferred to cause the exact same backlog somewhere else. 😖
  14. I wonder if someone was adding info somewhere that triggered an "action" that or just usual USCIS weirdness! Hoping it means that they are working on your case though
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