Visa cancelled and in a bad dilemma

[JeanneAdil 7,078]

1 hour ago, Coldshot said:

Please I need to add it was a wrongful conviction. He’s truly an amazing and wonderful man— that’s what made it hurt the most. 

This idea that he is amazing and wonderful man -is what you need to get over

as he isn't that amazing and wonderful

 

His mom and sister who have known him all his life said otherwise /they knew the real man 

 

you finally  saw his true self , his quick temper,  his controlling ways, his abusive language 

Short trips to meet you did not disclose the real person 

[Rocio0010 5,732]

1 hour ago, Coldshot said:

Please I need to add it was a wrongful conviction. He’s truly an amazing and wonderful man— that’s what made it hurt the most. 

Sorry, but that’s not true. A “truly amazing and wonderful man” does not cancel your visa like that, or treats you worse than a doormat. A truly amazing and wonderful man would not only talk to you instead of cancelling your visa, and would actually treat you like you are the most valuable person in their life. 
 

Nothing in your post says he’s wonderful. He’s quite the contrary.

[Ban Hammer 14,269]

having been there and done that:

- the other person has goals that do not match with yours (i.e. you want kids, they do not).  i suspect there are 
other life goals that do not match up with each other.
- he/she is verbally abusive
- he/she has a temper issue
- he/she makes you jump through hoops in order to please him/her
- that his mother showed zero empathy means the apple didn't fall far from the tree with her son.

- i have to wonder just how much truth was told to you about his criminal history

you have dodged a huge bullet with that person.  there is nothing worth salvaging here.  yes, it hurts now, but imagine
the torment you would have gone through with this person had you come to the states only to be left high and dry with
his antics.
 

[balo101 689]

You are very lucky to find out truth about him before coming to USA. He would have made your life miserable here. Hopefully you will heal from this pain soon rather than later. 

[mniceguy16 215]

On 6/22/2025 at 3:14 PM, Coldshot said:

I wholeheartedly wish this was a dream.😞😞😞I posted a snippet of my ordeal last week but I took it down. Please my thoughts are gonna be everywhere. I’m emotionally distressed. How do I move from here? I don’t know what I’m looking for maybe an advice. My spirit is immensely broken. I met my fiancé in 2021 when I was 26 and he just turned 40. We are from different races and I knew deep in my heart that he was the man for me and I for him. Although, he professes his love everyday; I thought his love was rock solid. He provides accordingly and gives me his time and “loyalty”. I gave him my heart and loyalty entirely hoping that I’d give him much more as we start a new life as husband and wife in America.

Apparently, we have had our fair share of relationship problems. He told me that he had been inconsistent in his teens with relationships but he promised to make this work. We have been in a LDR for almost 4 years and during those times, there had been series of emotional abuse. I thought that things are going to get better when we eventually close the distance— but I was wrong. I wish he gave me the chance. One of my toxic trait is I have a high tolerance to endure abuse especially from someone I love deeply.

 

First of all, He was convicted of a crime and he served his term in prison. He suffered from the trauma and we have been there to give him our support. 

Fast forward to when we filed our k1 application, It hasn’t been easy. Our k-1 petition took almost 3 years before we were approved from start to finish. After the approval; flight was booked, preparations were made and he was already getting things in order for my arrival. To be honest, he has anger issue. His mom and sister tried to warn me—they told me to leave him that he has always hurt girls during his late teens but I assumed they didn’t want me to marry him. He knew about it, told me he was willing to make our relationship work. 
Fast forward to this month, 3 weeks after my visa approval, and few days to my visa pickup; we had the most silliest conversation that involved calling what he said as disgusting and dehumanizing. He told me that I’m gonna <word removed> and <word removed> as a duty when I come to America. Normally, I would laugh and make silly comments about it but that day I was going through hormonal changes due to PMS and it affected my mood. I got little upset but never raise my voice when he starts to put his fingers down when I was asked to mention what I’m gonna offer him if it’s not to <word removed> and <word removed>.  
Each time I’ve always tried to tell him politely that I have way more things to offer than just to <word removed> and <word removed>. I tried mentioning things that are my duty as a wife but he  keep saying no to my answers. After that video call, I told him I felt disgusted and dehumanized on text. He read it the next day; told me he was canceling my flight and I never thought in a billion years he would cancel our visa that was still at the embassy awaiting collection. He blocked me everywhere( that’s his pattern whenever he’s stressed and doesn’t want to talk to me). I’ve been abused emotionally but the love I have for him made me stay and I thought things were going to get better when we eventually close the distance— I thought the distance was the problem. I tried to accommodate his temper but I ended up broken with a lot of emotional baggages. 

I went to pick up my passport on Friday and I was told it’s on administrative processing. I knew there was a problem because people that I had interview with were already picking up their passports. After sometime, I logged into my case tracker and I found out my visa has been cancelled. He tried reinstating the visa before the collection day but the deeds had been done. Few days ago we got a response email from the embassy saying that my visa has been revoked and it’s been sent to uscis. I’m beyond devastated and depressed. He tried minimizing his mistakes by saying that he doesn’t want to have children due to his family’s autistic gene blah blah. That I wanted children he cannot give me. He called himself toxic and I deserve better. He never mentioned about not having children until after late January 2025.—We have always wanted to have babies of our own. 
On January 2025, he got so impatient due to the current immigration Policy and our case being stuck at NVC for 12 months. He decided to call our relationship a quit due to the distance( not the first or 3rd time). I had to transfer my case immediately to a different country in order to get an interview date. I went through hell traveling from my country to a different country for two failed residential permit, police report and getting my medical done for interview. He ghosted me for weeks until our k1 application arrived at the new embassy. 

After the most excruciating journey of our lives and when I finally thought we are closing the distance, he cancelled the visa. I feel like dying. I can’t breathe and I’m devastated and depressed. Words cannot describe how much pain, Betrayal, grief and loss i feel. 

During our uscis stage, I literally begged him to relocate to my country or any country of his choice and he refused. We were traditionally married.

For what it’s worth, aside his temper problem, he has been the most amazing man I ever had. I love him so very much with all my heart and I don’t know what to do. I don’t think our relationship will ever survive this.( it never survived💔💔💔) To clear his conscience, he offered me money to start a new life. 
Is this how heartbreak hurts? Is this what pain feels? I’m going through soul-shattering sorrow. 
He sent me a text that I should move on and start something new and beautiful with someone else. 😭😭😭😭😭

To add salt to the injury, His mother got to hear about it. She wrote and sympathized with me few days after but when I told her on text that I’m beyond devastated and having suicidal thoughts due to the devastation and pain. In her words she says “ I’m so disappointed in you and also disappointed in my son. My son isn’t the only ####### in the world. There are thousands of women going through problems. I am an 80 year old woman and I’m not ready for any drama. I have gone through pain and hurt in my life. I am leaving to Mexico as soon as I can and if you still choose to kill yourself “ May your soul rest in peace and May God forgive you ” I am blocking you now for ever.
 
When I read her text; reality struck and I was numb from my head to toe. How could she dismiss my pains and depression like that. We were really close. We discussed literally everything we were going to do together when I come. 

My marriage is over. I’m left with a broken heart, in despair, sorrow.  I have been beating and bawling my eyes out, haven’t eaten in days, sleeplesss nights, tears and sorrow. 

I can only put my feelings in one word as the ultimate pain.  I am beyond shattered. Please any advice or help to salvage this situation will be highly appreciated.😞😞😞😞

Ok I will be straight forward here, you sound more like you are frustrated because the visa got cancelled rather than that your marriage to someone who sounds like he needs extensive therapy is in jeopardy. God loves you and did you a favor. This man was telling you what he would do to you and what you could offer him, you stood up for yourself and he got mad and cancelled your visa. I will bluntly tell you that God saved you and kept you alive. His mom is human and like she said, she is 80yo and has definitely seen more drama than you and many of us have seen, take this visa cancellation as a blessing and take the mom’s advise and move on with your life. That man is not worth your time.

[KMG 221]

11 hours ago, mniceguy16 said:

you stood up for yourself and he got mad and cancelled your visa.

This right here. Whenever you set boundaries with someone and they leave or start going crazy, that is a bad sign.

[Coldshot 6]

On 6/23/2025 at 12:25 PM, Rocio0010 said:

I know it sucks, big time. And it hurts. But be "happy" that it happened before you came to the United States, where you have no support system, I assume. At least you don't have to see his face every day. And that's a blessing, even though you do not see it as such now. If you had a daughter in your same situation, what would you tell her? I would be celebrating that the MF is out of her life. 

 

It feels raw now, but your pain is not forever. I promise you! Sooner or later you will smile and sigh in relief that, for some reason, God said "no" this time around. Remember, when one door closes, a window opens!

Thank you