Who should pay for the AOS fees?

[SusieQQQ 11,585]

2 minutes ago, Going through said:

Why would it matter who pays for it?  

 

I guess I don't see the difference in who pays for what early on in that stage.

 

If you can afford it, you pay for it---if she can afford it, she pays for it.  Or both do 50-50.  

 

But honestly if you guys are arguing over who pays for the immigration fees, there are likely bigger issues in your relationship this early on.

Exactly. This is the “what allows us to be together” fee. If there is an argument over this, imagine the arguments over what is used to buy “his” and “her” stuff.

[Georgia16 2,858]

17 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Exactly. This is the “what allows us to be together” fee. If there is an argument over this, imagine the arguments over what is used to buy “his” and “her” stuff.

Yep that would kill a marriage before it is even started. 

[Zach2015 211]

I paid for everything for my wife, but we never questioned anything. We just knew I was paying for everything since she didn’t work and she wasn’t allowed to work when she got here. When she starts working soon, she will help me pay some of the bills. 

[geowrian 22,336]

45 minutes ago, Ryanmaria2018 said:

That all depends on whether the non citizen has a working permit or not. If not then of course the US citizen should pay.

If I married a trust fund billionaire, I'm certainly not the one paying the entire fee just because I'm working

Edit: At the same time, maybe I should just to make sure I hold on tightly to them. Gosh, I never even thought of what to do if that ever happened.

Edited December 29, 2019 by geowrian

[Going through 5,668]

4 hours ago, SusieQQQ said:

In another thread OP described his fiancée as “wealthy”*. Seems odd to be having this debate in that context.

 

* to be specific, OP said his fiancée claims to be wealthy. I understood he hasn’t visited her at home yet.

I guess I can see how a debate might have started over who pays for what...

 

I suppose if she's wealthy, he thinks she should foot the bill.

If she's the one doing all the leg-work, or he's insisting she move to the US rather than he go there, perhaps she thinks he should pay for it then since she's left with "doing everything else".

 

I'd suggest a 50-50 split...that way neither can hold it over the other's head later on.

 

Something in me predicts future troubles surrounding money.  

 

"Who's going to pay for the k1, who's going to pay for AOS, who's going to pay for ROC"...maybe even "who's going to pay for groceries?" cropping up later.

[SusieQQQ 11,585]

52 minutes ago, Going through said:

I guess I can see how a debate might have started over who pays for what...

 

I suppose if she's wealthy, he thinks she should foot the bill.

If she's the one doing all the leg-work, or he's insisting she move to the US rather than he go there, perhaps she thinks he should pay for it then since she's left with "doing everything else".

 

I'd suggest a 50-50 split...that way neither can hold it over the other's head later on.

 

Something in me predicts future troubles surrounding money.  

 

"Who's going to pay for the k1, who's going to pay for AOS, who's going to pay for ROC"...maybe even "who's going to pay for groceries?" cropping up later.

Read the OP’s other thread...

[Canerican 242]

6 hours ago, Neonred said:

You should pay for everything so you can always use that to remind her what you did for her and who is in charge.

 

At least it seems to happen that way here often.

 

 

@Trebaruna, I would not suggest doing as suggested in the quoted post above. This happens all too often here and is a fast track to a divorce. Immigration is not something that you can use to control someone. When or if you decide to go through the process it is mutual. It is not one person doing more for the other. You both want to be together and will do whatever it takes.

 

@Neonred, I don't know if you were joking or not, but I would not suggest one person holding something over another's head. That is not a good way to start a marriage. Marriage is a mutual partnership.   

[NikLR 13,220]

19 minutes ago, CDN(ON)-USA(VT) said:

@Trebaruna, I would not suggest doing as suggested in the quoted post above. This happens all too often here and is a fast track to a divorce. Immigration is not something that you can use to control someone. When or if you decide to go through the process it is mutual. It is not one person doing more for the other. You both want to be together and will do whatever it takes.

 

@Neonred, I don't know if you were joking or not, but I would not suggest one person holding something over another's head. That is not a good way to start a marriage. Marriage is a mutual partnership.   

Im sure it was sarcastic 

[Canerican 242]

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

Im sure it was sarcastic 

Ok. Just didn't want the OP to think this was okay. Its that whole digital thing of I cannot see emotions through a computer screen and no emoji was attached to confirm the emotion expressed. I like technology, but at times it can be a pain in the butt. 

[NikLR 13,220]

10 hours ago, CDN(ON)-USA(VT) said:

Ok. Just didn't want the OP to think this was okay. Its that whole digital thing of I cannot see emotions through a computer screen and no emoji was attached to confirm the emotion expressed. I like technology, but at times it can be a pain in the butt. 

I agree.  If it seems ridiculous I just assume sarcasm or else my belief in humanity wanting to be good would be completely and utterly ruined more than it already is!

[Trebaruna 0]

On 12/29/2019 at 11:41 AM, SusieQQQ said:

In another thread OP described his fiancée as “wealthy”*. Seems odd to be having this debate in that context.

 

* to be specific, OP said his fiancée claims to be wealthy. I understood he hasn’t visited her at home yet.

She is from a well-to-do family, certainly not a millionaire but I'd consider her background as bourgeoisie, even by US standards. Her family social status is particularly relevant here since she still lives at her mother's house and doesn't contributes for rent ( her family owns the house) nor groceries. I have no doubt believe her, she's very well traveled, I've seen multiple stamps in her passport.

[Going through 5,668]

So what exactly is the issue the two of you seem to be having over the K-1 and AOS fees?  You think she should pay, she thinks you should pay, she feels taken advantage of financially, you're in a tight spot financially right now... or what?  

 

Without further relevant details to your original post, all we can do is speculate as to what your concerns may be when it comes to who should pay the fees.

 

Members may be able to advise you better if you're willing to expand a bit on any financial concerns you are having.

 

 

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

3 hours ago, Trebaruna said:

She is from a well-to-do family, certainly not a millionaire but I'd consider her background as bourgeoisie, even by US standards. Her family social status is particularly relevant here since she still lives at her mother's house and doesn't contributes for rent ( her family owns the house) nor groceries. I have no doubt believe her, she's very well traveled, I've seen multiple stamps in her passport.

Such an interesting way to speak about the person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Sounds more like you’re working out a business arrangement with someone you barely know. You’ve seen multiple stamps in her passport? All the places we’ve traveled is something my current partner and I talked about on our very first date.

Edited December 31, 2019 by MorganandMichael

[Marieke H 2,336]

You should really spend some more time with this woman before starting any visa process and deciding who pays for what. From this thread and your other thread, it's clear that the both of you barely know each other, and that there is a lack of trust. The K1 is not a "let's try this and see if we want to get married" visa (contrary to what a certain TV show makes people believe). The K1 is for couples who are engaged, know each other well, and are ready for the next step. It usually takes several trips to get to that point.

Go spend more time with her, really get to know each other, talk about your plans and hopes for the future, get to know each other's families, build your relationship and trust, and then decide what your next step will be. 

[SusieQQQ 11,585]

14 hours ago, Trebaruna said:

She is from a well-to-do family, certainly not a millionaire but I'd consider her background as bourgeoisie, even by US standards. Her family social status is particularly relevant here since she still lives at her mother's house and doesn't contributes for rent ( her family owns the house) nor groceries. I have no doubt believe her, she's very well traveled, I've seen multiple stamps in her passport.

Not to cast aspersions, but multiple stamps by itself means nothing. (I had a roommate once with a passport like that. The trips were always paid for by gentlemen. Not saying this is the case with your gf, but there are often multiple explanations for things.) I would still, as in my comment on your previous thread, very, very strongly suggest you visit her at home before you take this further. It should be easy enough for you to do?

Edited December 31, 2019 by SusieQQQ