Husband wants to get his mom a GC and bring her here with us

[nohappyending 0]

Thank you in advance! (Don't know if this is the right forum...) 

 

My husband and I have been married for five years now. We went through a rough patch in the beginnning, but all is good.. Or so I thought.

My husband just became a USC, and now he's determined with getting his mom a GC and bringing her here with us!

I vehemently oppose this decision as: 1) he did not ask me if I was okay with having her here with us, 2) we don't have the funds for the process, and 3) when she was here visiting some time ago, it didn't go well.

Her visit was very stressful for me, my husband and I argued constantly because she was here. Just because we're both women, doesn't mean we'll get along. For this reason I don't want her here, because I know it will open a can of worms. Again. Her visit caused me to become distant from his family in general, when we were once very close. 

 

Any advice on what I can do or what I should do? 

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2019 by nohappyending
Misspelled right- "rig"

[Unlockable 7,306]

9 minutes ago, nohappyending said:

Thank you in advance! (Don't know if this is the right forum...) 

 

My husband and I have been married for five years now. We went through a rough patch in the beginnning, but all is good.. Or so I thought.

My husband just became a USC, and now he's determined with getting his mom a GC and bringing her here with us!

I vehemently oppose this decision as: 1) he did not ask me if I was okay with having her here with us, 2) we don't have the funds for the process, and 3) when she was here visiting some time ago, it didn't go well.

Her visit was very stressful for me, my husband and I argued constantly because she was here. Just because we're both women, doesn't mean we'll get along. For this reason I don't want her here, because I know it will open a can of worms. Again. Her visit caused me to become distant from his family in general, when we were once very close. 

 

Any advice on what I can do or what I should do? 

 

 

 

The way you asked your question seems more like you are seeking family/relationship advice rather than immigration advice.

 

Immigration wise, you can not stop him from petitioning anyone that is eligible. If he decides to go through with it, he can do so without you. As a US citizen, he doesn't need you for anything immigration related.

 

If you two share a home, you DO have a say who is allowed to stay in your home. That is about the extent I can offer you advice on how to deal with you issue outside of immigration.

 

[Ontarkie 13,898]

~~Non conductive post removed. Stick to answering the OP's questions~~

[Just Paul 4,591]

He can file for his mother.   When you are asked for a I-1864A, that will be another discussion just as to where she will live.  Hopefully she isn't too old to earn enough credits for medicare and social security.

[carmel34 3,523]

12 hours ago, nohappyending said:

I vehemently oppose this decision as: 1) he did not ask me if I was okay with having her here with us, 2) we don't have the funds for the process, and 3) when she was here visiting some time ago, it didn't go well.

Sounds like you have some serious relationship problems to work on, if he does not respect your opinion on these important issues.  If he chooses his Mom over you it says a lot about his true intentions in marrying you.  By the way, your name isn't Chantel is it?

[kiwibean 42]

Why does he want to bring his mother so badly?  I wonder if figuring out what is behind his thought process will help you find some areas to negotiate.

Also, have you looked into how long this is likely to take him?  Do you have the necessary household income to sponsor her?  You might discover there's something that will make it difficult.

[nohappyending 0]

4 hours ago, carmel34 said:

Sounds like you have some serious relationship problems to work on, if he does not respect your opinion on these important issues.  If he chooses his Mom over you it says a lot about his true intentions in marrying you.  By the way, your name isn't Chantel is it?

Yeah, I'm realizing that there's issues where he doesn't even ask for my opinion, and I think they are important, such as this.

No, sorry, it's not. 😄

[nohappyending 0]

3 hours ago, kiwibean said:

Why does he want to bring his mother so badly?  I wonder if figuring out what is behind his thought process will help you find some areas to negotiate.

Also, have you looked into how long this is likely to take him?  Do you have the necessary household income to sponsor her?  You might discover there's something that will make it difficult.

Honestly, I don't know. 

I haven't looked at timelines. I will look more into the household income. 

 

Thank you.

[Going through 5,668]

There's an old saying that is somewhat to the effect of "no house is built big enough for two women."

 

If things are tense with your MIL now, it's not bound to be much better when she's actually living in your home and probably "taking over" or commenting on everything from how your husband is fed, how the home is decorated, your parenting skills (if you have children), your cleaning skills, whether you're a good wife in her eyes, etc.  In other words, I can see the large potential for her to want to continue mothering him as though he were still a child.  And then, there's the complete lack of privacy---which, as a still relatively newly married couple, you're going to miss greatly.

 

My first question to him would be "why didn't you even discuss this with me first?"  If his response is something along the lines of "it's my decision---it's my mother", then I'd probably (personally) respond back with "it's our house---not just yours".  Maybe ask him to put himself in your shoes---if roles were reversed, how would he feel if you planned on immigrating a relative to live in the home and didn't even deem it a necessity to discuss it beforehand?

 

I'd also have a game plan before any process begins if you do decide to go ahead---is she workable?  Is she going to be self-supporting in any way or will you both be paying all of her expenses, and causing more financial strain, going forward (cellphone, clothing, entertainment, personal effects, transportation, etc.)?  Is her living with you going to be temporary---she'll have her own apartment once earning enough of an income---or she's in your home until her dying day?  All things that will need to be discussed.

 

I also wonder...considering he didn't even tell YOU, has he even broached the subject of immigrating his mother with HER, or is this just all a pipe-dream of his right now?

[nohappyending 0]

5 minutes ago, Going through said:

There's an old saying that is somewhat to the effect of "no house is built big enough for two women."

 

If things are tense with your MIL now, it's not bound to be much better when she's actually living in your home and probably "taking over" or commenting on everything from how your husband is fed, how the home is decorated, your parenting skills (if you have children), your cleaning skills, whether you're a good wife in her eyes, etc.  In other words, I can see the large potential for her to want to continue mothering him as though he were still a child.  And then, there's the complete lack of privacy---which, as a still relatively newly married couple, you're going to miss greatly.

 

My first question to him would be "why didn't you even discuss this with me first?"  If his response is something along the lines of "it's my decision---it's my mother", then I'd probably (personally) respond back with "it's our house---not just yours".  Maybe ask him to put himself in your shoes---if roles were reversed, how would he feel if you planned on immigrating a relative to live in the home and didn't even deem it a necessity to discuss it beforehand?

 

I'd also have a game plan before any process begins if you do decide to go ahead---is she workable?  Is she going to be self-supporting in any way or will you both be paying all of her expenses, and causing more financial strain, going forward (cellphone, clothing, entertainment, personal effects, transportation, etc.)?  Is her living with you going to be temporary---she'll have her own apartment once earning enough of an income---or she's in your home until her dying day?  All things that will need to be discussed.

 

I also wonder...considering he didn't even tell YOU, has he even broached the subject of immigrating his mother with HER, or is this just all a pipe-dream of his right now?

Thank you!!! 🙌

[purem4g1c 113]

if you cant afford it then obviously you already know what the answer is, don't waste your time it'll just cause 100 times more problems down the long run, immigration is an expensive journey no matter who you are

[Nitas_man 3,100]

22 hours ago, nohappyending said:

 

Any advice on what I can do or what I should do? 

 

You can’t stop him but you sure don’t have to sign a support affidavit.

 

Has he seen the new rules yet?  It’s an eye-opener

Edited August 13, 2019 by Nitas_man

[JFH 12,189]

Tell him your mother is moving in too. 

[nohappyending 0]

15 hours ago, JFH said:

Tell him your mother is moving in too. 

I wish I could, but he wouldn't buy that. lol

[Nitas_man 3,100]

7 hours ago, nohappyending said:

I wish I could, but he wouldn't buy that. lol

Start clearing his $@@$ from the closet to make room for hers and he’ll catch on.