Hardest adjustment?

[EnglishLove 112]

1 minute ago, thatguyuknow said:

We stay in Monroeville in PA, about 15 miles from the City and my partners family are about a 30 minute drive south in Greensburg/Youngwood area. 

 

Monroeville is nice for me, good mix of city and suburb. 

Ohh, you're far away from me lol. Our biggest city is Boise which is about 40 minutes away so if he feels like he needs the city it's easy to drive for a night out or something... at least that's what I'm hoping if he starts feeling home sick

[thatguyuknow 147]

Well hopefully, he might surprise you and feel comfortable right away. 

 

One thing I don't miss from the UK is the drinking culture. Drinking after work, going for pub lunches and events with friend always revolved around drinking. I mean I like a beer, but not coming home smashed a couple of nights a week. I started work last week and no one has asked me out for a drink or even talked about going to a bar. I actually felt super relieved. 

 

One thing I do hate about America on the other hand is Lip-Service - 'I worked 15 hours yesterday' - No you didn't 

[EnglishLove 112]

14 hours ago, thatguyuknow said:

Well hopefully, he might surprise you and feel comfortable right away. 

 

One thing I don't miss from the UK is the drinking culture. Drinking after work, going for pub lunches and events with friend always revolved around drinking. I mean I like a beer, but not coming home smashed a couple of nights a week. I started work last week and no one has asked me out for a drink or even talked about going to a bar. I actually felt super relieved. 

 

One thing I do hate about America on the other hand is Lip-Service - 'I worked 15 hours yesterday' - No you didn't 

One thing that UK has that the US does not is a lot of vacation time. My fiance has worked at his job for 7 months and already had more than a week off. I've been at my job for over a year and just reached a week of vacation and that's only because I haven't taken any time off since I've started. Thankfully, I'm able to kind of change my schedule up a bit so I'm going to try to go to 4-10's (4 days a week at 10 hour days) so I have 3 days off with him. 

[WaterLeaf 199]

3 hours ago, Pooley said:

One thing that UK has that the US does not is a lot of vacation time. My fiance has worked at his job for 7 months and already had more than a week off. I've been at my job for over a year and just reached a week of vacation and that's only because I haven't taken any time off since I've started. Thankfully, I'm able to kind of change my schedule up a bit so I'm going to try to go to 4-10's (4 days a week at 10 hour days) so I have 3 days off with him. 

Yeah that. It's all depend on how much work to do to get much money in, but on the low tier like many job it can be soul time stealing and it's very sad. There something got to be done about it.

[EnglishLove 112]

1 minute ago, WaterLeaf said:

Yeah that. It's all depend on how much work to do to get much money in, but on the low tier like many job it can be soul time stealing and it's very sad. There something got to be done about it.

I agree. I know the longer I'm at my job, the hours per month I earn raises but at the moment, I'm only at 6.67 hours per month 😕

[WaterLeaf 199]

1 minute ago, Pooley said:

I agree. I know the longer I'm at my job, the hours per month I earn raises but at the moment, I'm only at 6.67 hours per month 😕

Is that below the federal minimum wage? Jump the ship and get another job... that's what a lot of people do anyway.

[EnglishLove 112]

4 minutes ago, WaterLeaf said:

Is that below the federal minimum wage? Jump the ship and get another job... that's what a lot of people do anyway.

No, the the entire county and how they are. After I think 2 years it goes up to 8 hours per month and then it just keeps rising the longer you stay 🤷‍♀️ but my town I live in is TINY so there isn't many options 

[fip & jim 452]

I think part of the problem with moving from the UK is it isn't always an improvement to our quality of life. That can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. If you're moving from some awful inner city area to somewhere with stunning scenery and fresh air it can be an improvement, or from a boring village to a bustling city the same could be true. Your fiance may find his inner country boy and just love life here. 

 

In my last job in the UK I had over 6 weeks holiday per year, 6 months fully paid maternity leave with an option to go on half pay for a further 6 months. It was much easier to keep fit as I could do a combination of cycle/ walk/ public transport to and from work, the food was healthier and it was easier to find and prepare than where I am now. The upside is that you get to be with your loved one. I think it's easier to adjust when you're younger too. It's taken me ages to adjust to driving here - all those years of muscle memory don't just vanish over night. 

 

I think he'll be fine. If he gets bored of country life you can visit a city. I'd struggle more with feeling trapped in a metropolis. A lot of it comes down to personality and attitude. Keeping occupied during AOS is essential though. It's only makes the homesickness worse if you're not occupied. @thatguyuknow has a positive attitude and it's served him well. He also has a job already. ☺️ I know I would have adjusted much better if I could have got out and about sooner.

[EnglishLove 112]

44 minutes ago, fip & jim said:

I think part of the problem with moving from the UK is it isn't always an improvement to our quality of life. That can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. If you're moving from some awful inner city area to somewhere with stunning scenery and fresh air it can be an improvement, or from a boring village to a bustling city the same could be true. Your fiance may find his inner country boy and just love life here. 

 

In my last job in the UK I had over 6 weeks holiday per year, 6 months fully paid maternity leave with an option to go on half pay for a further 6 months. It was much easier to keep fit as I could do a combination of cycle/ walk/ public transport to and from work, the food was healthier and it was easier to find and prepare than where I am now. The upside is that you get to be with your loved one. I think it's easier to adjust when you're younger too. It's taken me ages to adjust to driving here - all those years of muscle memory don't just vanish over night. 

 

I think he'll be fine. If he gets bored of country life you can visit a city. I'd struggle more with feeling trapped in a metropolis. A lot of it comes down to personality and attitude. Keeping occupied during AOS is essential though. It's only makes the homesickness worse if you're not occupied. @thatguyuknow has a positive attitude and it's served him well. He also has a job already. ☺️ I know I would have adjusted much better if I could have got out and about sooner.

This is very true! My fiance comes from very low income place so I guess that will be an improvement. I think I'm just getting a little nervous with all the homesick posts I've been reading. I will make sure to keep him busy between getting his GED and doing improvements (which he loves doing) around the house.  

[wbeem 567]

Adjusting is hard, no matter what. 

I have moved so many times in my life and didn't think I'd have any trouble. For the most part, I was fine. What I really struggled with was after working for over 25 years, suddenly not working. My husband would go off to work every day and at first I used the time to get settled and find my space in the home and area, but after a couple of weeks I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose.  

One thing that really helped me a lot was not trying to bring Britain to my new home, but to try find the things I love here and focus on mastering them, enjoying them, learning .... basically making them 'mine.'  

Do you own your home? My suggestion is to give him a sense of purpose. Discuss with him things that he would like to do and give him tasks so he has a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Discuss them together though - don't order him around lol.  Also try to be mindful of the fact that when you get here, for a while you have no independence. Can't drive, get anywhere, work or do anything much - the things we take for granted that 'everybody does as part of life.' That includes if he needs some cash for anything. 

The biggest tip I could offer is realistically accept that it takes time to settle and adjust.  

As for the homesick posts, often it's not a case of wanting to go back; it's more wishing you could have some of your familiarity over here.  You'll be together and you'll work through it together. Part of your adventure   You will both be fine ❤️

[EnglishLove 112]

12 minutes ago, wbeem said:

Adjusting is hard, no matter what. 

I have moved so many times in my life and didn't think I'd have any trouble. For the most part, I was fine. What I really struggled with was after working for over 25 years, suddenly not working. My husband would go off to work every day and at first I used the time to get settled and find my space in the home and area, but after a couple of weeks I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose.  

One thing that really helped me a lot was not trying to bring Britain to my new home, but to try find the things I love here and focus on mastering them, enjoying them, learning .... basically making them 'mine.'  

Do you own your home? My suggestion is to give him a sense of purpose. Discuss with him things that he would like to do and give him tasks so he has a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Discuss them together though - don't order him around lol.  Also try to be mindful of the fact that when you get here, for a while you have no independence. Can't drive, get anywhere, work or do anything much - the things we take for granted that 'everybody does as part of life.' That includes if he needs some cash for anything. 

The biggest tip I could offer is realistically accept that it takes time to settle and adjust.  

As for the homesick posts, often it's not a case of wanting to go back; it's more wishing you could have some of your familiarity over here.  You'll be together and you'll work through it together. Part of your adventure   You will both be fine ❤️

Thank you!! I do own my own home. When he was here for Christmas, he redid my kitchen cabinets and lights so it kept him busy. Being that it's summer time, I have my fence and a lot of other projects. Thankfully, I have two vehicles so he'll be able to drive as his driver's license is valid in Idaho for 90 days and he's already going over the manual so he can take his test and get his license for here. One reason he stayed another two months was to build up some cash for when he's here so that'll help.. not that we really have anywhere to spend it lol. But going down to the gas station to get little stuff I think will help!

[ConnorS 85]

Hey Pooley great thread, I feel ultimately you may not have a hard a time of it as you think, from reading several disgruntled UKC's (or any other non USC for that matter) that made the switch from their home country, big city to rural town or visa versa, issues seem to arrise more so when there is lack of communication or an unwillingness to make changes on the USC's part and simply expecting their partner to settle into their life as it was before they got there and not fully recognising the sacrifices that have been made, the inability to work, to get around town as you have no transport etc just looking to fit that round peg in that square hole as it where.  I know this is general and wishy washy, but my point was more that you clearly have already given this though even before your partner has arrived and your willingness and desire to see him settle quickly and be as happy as he possibly can be, already shows your willingness to listen, to change to be proactive and not even necessary always reactive.  Anyway I wish you guys all the best, exciting times ahead 

[Wuozopo 4,285]

I would like to offer one thing that helped me.  Younger people differ on this concept so feel free to disagree. My wife was quite clear in her speech and actions that everything she owned was not "hers", but "ours" once we married. She added me to her bank account and got me an ATM card. Same for MasterCard, Visa, and Discover cards.  She would say, can you go get us some cash? Or if she went to the ATM, she would hand me half and say I got us some cash. Do you think you can fix our fence? Our AC is not cooling. Our cars, our house, our money, our cat...that was in reality all hers. We were a team and it felt like it to me. The cat didn't buy into it, but after 10 years, he has just finally accepted me. 😂 

[fip & jim 452]

1 hour ago, ConnorS said:

Hey Pooley great thread, I feel ultimately you may not have a hard a time of it as you think, from reading several disgruntled UKC's (or any other non USC for that matter) that made the switch from their home country, big city to rural town or visa versa, issues seem to arrise more so when there is lack of communication or an unwillingness to make changes on the USC's part and simply expecting their partner to settle into their life as it was before they got there and not fully recognising the sacrifices that have been made, the inability to work, to get around town as you have no transport etc just looking to fit that round peg in that square hole as it where.  I know this is general and wishy washy, but my point was more that you clearly have already given this though even before your partner has arrived and your willingness and desire to see him settle quickly and be as happy as he possibly can be, already shows your willingness to listen, to change to be proactive and not even necessary always reactive.  Anyway I wish you guys all the best, exciting times ahead 

 

17 minutes ago, Wuozopo said:

I would like to offer one thing that helped me.  Younger people differ on this concept so feel free to disagree. My wife was quite clear in her speech and actions that everything she owned was not "hers", but "ours" once we married. She added me to her bank account and got me an ATM card. Same for MasterCard, Visa, and Discover cards.  She would say, can you go get us some cash? Or if she went to the ATM, she would hand me half and say I got us some cash. Do you think you can fix our fence? Our AC is not cooling. Our cars, our house, our money, our cat...that was in reality all hers. We were a team and it felt like it to me. The cat didn't buy into it, but after 10 years, he has just finally accepted me. 😂 

Love these. So true. 

 

Also love everything that everyone has contributed here. 

[thatguyuknow 147]

Did anyone that moved from the UK have trouble weaning themselves off of UK news? I love the BBC and still check it maybe 6 times a day.

 

I’m trying hard to transition to NBC for my news, but I feel disconnected from the stories and I don’t really like how it’s reported/written.