Hardest adjustment?

[fip & jim 452]

1 minute ago, thatguyuknow said:

Did anyone that moved from the UK have trouble weaning themselves off of UK news? I love the BBC and still check it maybe 6 times a day.

 

I’m trying hard to transition to NBC for my news, but I feel disconnected from the stories and I don’t really like how it’s reported/written. 

 

Just installed BBC iplayer and feel so much better for it. I'm not being elitist by saying it is one of the best news sources. Listened to Radio4 since we emigrated but there is something so comforting about watching the news at 6 (1 here), or the BBC News channel, the weather forecast. Nothing compares to the BBC. 

[thatguyuknow 147]

Oh @Pooley tell him to apply for a discover secured credit card as soon as he gets his ssn and opens a regular bank account. I’ve only been here for 3 months and capital one have issued me with an unsecured card 3 days ago, delighted. So important that he starts to build his credit as soon as he can. 

 

Oh and if you have any cards, add him on as a authorized user, they’ll be added to his report too. 

Edited July 11, 2019 by thatguyuknow

[EnglishLove 112]

10 hours ago, thatguyuknow said:

Oh @Pooley tell him to apply for a discover secured credit card as soon as he gets his ssn and opens a regular bank account. I’ve only been here for 3 months and capital one have issued me with an unsecured card 3 days ago, delighted. So important that he starts to build his credit as soon as he can. 

 

Oh and if you have any cards, add him on as a authorized user, they’ll be added to his report too. 

All great info guys! Thank you so much! And yes, I did plan on putting him on my account as soon as he gets his social but I do need to have him build his credit! 

[Wuozopo 4,285]

4 minutes ago, Pooley said:

All great info guys! Thank you so much! And yes, I did plan on putting him on my account as soon as he gets his social but I do need to have him build his credit! 

My credit built just by being a designated user on her credit cards. I started gettng all those pre-approved  card mailings. When I finally got around to applying, I got a Visa with an $8000 limit as my first card.  And I named my wife as a designated user. All our cards were paid out of that one joint bank account.

 

I guess we are old school. The younger people seem to want to keep their money separate. I've noticed it here on VJ and I thought maybe it had to do with not being sure about how things would work out. But I had a recent conversation with one of our young friends. They keep separate bank accounts and credit cards and have a system. He pays utilities, she buys all the groceries except he buys paper towels and dog food.(?) For school supplies, she pays for one kid and he the other kid. It's all kinda worked out. He said the #1 thing couples argue about is money and keeping separate  prevents it. It's just weird to us, but seems to be more common than I realized. 

[EnglishLove 112]

22 minutes ago, Wuozopo said:

My credit built just by being a designated user on her credit cards. I started gettng all those pre-approved  card mailings. When I finally got around to applying, I got a Visa with an $8000 limit as my first card.  And I named my wife as a designated user. All our cards were paid out of that one joint bank account.

 

I guess we are old school. The younger people seem to want to keep their money separate. I've noticed it here on VJ and I thought maybe it had to do with not being sure about how things would work out. But I had a recent conversation with one of our young friends. They keep separate bank accounts and credit cards and have a system. He pays utilities, she buys all the groceries except he buys paper towels and dog food.(?) For school supplies, she pays for one kid and he the other kid. It's all kinda worked out. He said the #1 thing couples argue about is money and keeping separate  prevents it. It's just weird to us, but seems to be more common than I realized. 

I was hoping that I could just do it that way of having him on my accounts and build credit that way. I am little concerned about sharing accounts as he isn't all that great with his money and I'm very careful with my money but I'm also a believer that when you're married, you share. That's what marriage is about. I have been trying to show him how to save and spend smartly lol. However, I can see the benefits of having separate accounts. I plan on having him on mine just have to make sure he understands that he will be doing more saving than spending 😂.

[wbeem 567]

16 hours ago, Wuozopo said:

I would like to offer one thing that helped me.  Younger people differ on this concept so feel free to disagree. My wife was quite clear in her speech and actions that everything she owned was not "hers", but "ours" once we married. She added me to her bank account and got me an ATM card. Same for MasterCard, Visa, and Discover cards.  She would say, can you go get us some cash? Or if she went to the ATM, she would hand me half and say I got us some cash. Do you think you can fix our fence? Our AC is not cooling. Our cars, our house, our money, our cat...that was in reality all hers. We were a team and it felt like it to me. The cat didn't buy into it, but after 10 years, he has just finally accepted me. 😂 

This.  10000000 times over and over again. If you don't get it now, you will.  

We are also and 'older' couple and I think it helps a lot.  

[AmandaandChayne 734]

21 hours ago, wbeem said:

Adjusting is hard, no matter what. 

I have moved so many times in my life and didn't think I'd have any trouble. For the most part, I was fine. What I really struggled with was after working for over 25 years, suddenly not working. My husband would go off to work every day and at first I used the time to get settled and find my space in the home and area, but after a couple of weeks I felt like I had lost my sense of purpose.  

.

This is exactly me and where I’m at now... struggling to find my sense of personal purpose. Yes I’m a housewife/stepmum and have a purpose but it’s the personal sense of value while  integrating into ny husband’s life which hasn’t  been easy despite him doing a lot to help as we learn what I need to feel valued. The not using my brain for anything much is an issue. 

[AmandaandChayne 734]

15 hours ago, thatguyuknow said:

Did anyone that moved from the UK have trouble weaning themselves off of UK news? I love the BBC and still check it maybe 6 times a day.

 

I’m trying hard to transition to NBC for my news, but I feel disconnected from the stories and I don’t really like how it’s reported/written. 

 

I’m gutted my iTunes has finally switched to America (despite being able to download America apps I need) because now I’m missing English news alerts so yes checking bbc and the telegraph and the mail and some trashy news because like you I feel disconnected from American news at the mo!!

[fip & jim 452]

5 minutes ago, AmandaandChayne said:

This is exactly me and where I’m at now... struggling to find my sense of personal purpose. Yes I’m a housewife/stepmum and have a purpose but it’s the personal sense of value while  integrating into ny husband’s life which hasn’t  been easy despite him doing a lot to help as we learn what I need to feel valued. The not using my brain for anything much is an issue. 

Can you study something? James (my husband) printed out the drivers manual for the state we live in. Not sure when you can get a drivers licence where you live but you can prepare for the written test so you can take it ASAP. You can work on your resume. Also look into doing something for yourself - join a bookgroup, ask about clubs or societies at your local library. 

 

If you're struggling you can PM me. I've been here nearly a year and I'm only just starting to feel better (passed my driving test recently). You're not alone Amanda, even though it may feel like it a lot of the time. AOS stage sucks. 

[AmandaandChayne 734]

16 hours ago, Wuozopo said:

I would like to offer one thing that helped me.  Younger people differ on this concept so feel free to disagree. My wife was quite clear in her speech and actions that everything she owned was not "hers", but "ours" once we married. She added me to her bank account and got me an ATM card. Same for MasterCard, Visa, and Discover cards.  She would say, can you go get us some cash? Or if she went to the ATM, she would hand me half and say I got us some cash. Do you think you can fix our fence? Our AC is not cooling. Our cars, our house, our money, our cat...that was in reality all hers. We were a team and it felt like it to me. The cat didn't buy into it, but after 10 years, he has just finally accepted me. 😂 

This helps but I would add you have to be consistent. My husband has gone out of his way to reinforce it’s my house and my home now too but slips with “my house” when referring to it and I find myself correcting him it’s “ours”. It’s not just the non USC who has adjustment issues and we have to be mindful that they need our help to adjust too. 😊

[AmandaandChayne 734]

3 minutes ago, fip & jim said:

Can you study something? James (my husband) printed out the drivers manual for the state we live in. Not sure when you can get a drivers licence where you live but you can prepare for the written test so you can take it ASAP. You can work on your resume. Also look into doing something for yourself - join a bookgroup, ask about clubs or societies at your local library. 

 

If you're struggling you can PM me. I've been here nearly a year and I'm only just starting to feel better (passed my driving test recently). You're not alone Amanda, even though it may feel like it a lot of the time. AOS stage sucks. 

Thank you!!! Great idea and I appreciate the help and kind offer of an ear. I may just do that. Can’t get an Oklahoma licence TIL EAD but this will help. 

 

[wbeem 567]

29 minutes ago, AmandaandChayne said:

but it’s the personal sense of value while  integrating into ny husband’s life which hasn’t  been easy despite him doing a lot to help as we learn what I need to feel valued. 

It was only about a year after we moved her before I realized that I was putting this 'lack of value' on myself because I was used to doing things differently.  I bet your husband looks at what you do and thinks WOW! I'm so lucky!  Don't underestimate the value of what you bring into  home and a family that money can't buy and a job can't earn.  I had to learn this because I never got the chance to be a stay home mom before this and I was used to equating value and success with achievements at work or things that are  more visual in terms of showing value. 

[Wuozopo 4,285]

1 hour ago, wbeem said:

Don't underestimate the value of what you bring into  home and a family that money can't buy and a job can't earn. 

I agree. I know I make my wife's life better as she does mine. She tells me everyday. I have actually never felt as valued as I do in America. And it's not because I bring home some big paycheck. I don't know if it's because the people around me are more open and expressive than UK people or what. I solve somebody's problem and they just gush over it. 

[Zoeeeeeee 795]

Just to add to this - Herschell started calling his apartment ‘our apartment’ pretty much straight after we got engaged (almost 2 years ago now) - when he wanted new crockery, we picked them out together (he had me on video phone, whilst the security guard laughed his head off at me making his dart round the shop, and hold things up for me)...even though he’s used to deciding everything himself, he doesn’t, because he wants to include me - and it makes me feel a lot more like it is my home too (I don’t move until November).

 

Re money/accounts - I envision we’ll have separate bank accounts - mainly because I don’t like the idea of spending someone else’s money - but we almost treat it like our money is shared anyway. So, we have separate accounts now and one of will pay for stuff and one of us won’t (whether it’s dinner out, groceries or a holiday) - and it doesn’t matter which one of us does, cause we’ll both always make sure the other can manage. And I’ve accepted that during the wait for AOS, I’ll have to get used to spending his money 😆.

[wbeem 567]

4 hours ago, Wuozopo said:

I agree. I know I make my wife's life better as she does mine. She tells me everyday. I have actually never felt as valued as I do in America. And it's not because I bring home some big paycheck. I don't know if it's because the people around me are more open and expressive than UK people or what. I solve somebody's problem and they just gush over it. 

I couldn't have said it better!  

I also feel so much more valued here than I ever did in the UK.  My husband and me are always looking for ways to do things for each other.  After being the main (and only) breadwinner in the home for over a decade it was an adjustment to have to ask for money (or to get something I needed at the grocery store).  He earns way more than me and takes care of us and the bills. But I've saved him a fortune because apparently he never used to look at prices and I do 😂!

As for work, just like you said!  

The other thing I found in the US is that it is so much easier to make friends.I find it generally much warmer and more receptive than the UK.