cultural differences

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

51 minutes ago, YecaCruz said:

Suddenly he had to learn how to run a lawn mower, how to be a good steward and be responsible with a credit card, how to drive like a normal person, how to play Skipbo with my grandparents. He took advantage of going to the dentist with my dental insurance right away.

This was really big for my wife as well. She had never really gone to a dentist while growing up in the Philippines, if a tooth hurt then they pulled it out. If you had enough pulled teeth and had some money you bought dentures. So my wife didn't tell me for the longest time that she had an actual appliance with fake teeth in her mouth, and I was dumb enough not to notice. But now that I have dental insurance I made sure that when I got custody of my 2 older kids they went to the dentist and had all their cavities filled, then my wife went and had cavities filled, even my 4 year old went for a cleaning. I told her that this what you have to do now that you live in the USA is a cleaning every 6 months.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

2 hours ago, TexasHeartsIndia said:

One of the hardest adjustments for my husband has been language. He started learning English when he was in fourth grade, has a Bachelor's degree in English, taught English in secondary schools, spoke mainly English at work and yet he still struggles to understand American accents and slang. He was so confident in his English (and he really speaks well) so I think it caught him off-guard to realize that it wasn't going to be an easy transition. He really depends on me to translate for him especially in casual conversations. I don't know how to prepare someone for this kind of adjustment other than to explain it to him/her. The only remedy is to gain experience in speaking with Americans. 

This is the biggest issue with my wife is the accents. Since we moved to the South this year she always laughs about people have accents and comments to me about it. If you have a accent over the phone then she can't really understand you at all but she will just keep saying ok ok ok just to get off the phone.

 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

23 hours ago, Nuj said:

Has anyone dealt with miscommunication when it comes to helping your spouse prepare for travel to the United States. I feel like there seems to be a perception of America that is very rosy and inaccurate in other countries about the United States. I feel it is difficult trying to help your spouse have a more realistic perception/expectation? Does any one else agree/disagree?

My wife came from a very poor area of Cebu.  She was surprised that we all worked 40 hours a week ALL THE TIME.  Don't get me wrong, she has adjusted very well and also works 40 hours a week now...hahaha.  Life is great!  We have a new baby and we couldn't be happier.  God bless you both and good luck, david 

Edited June 14, 2018 by David & Zoila
Typo

[Nuj 28]

1 minute ago, David & Zoila said:

My wife came from a very poor area of Cebu.  She was surprised that we all worked 40 hours a week ALL THE TIME.  Don't get me wrong, she has adjusted very well and also works 40 hours a week now...hahaha.  Life is great!  We have a new baby and we couldn't be happier.  God bless you both and good luck, david 

lol that's funny... Congrats on the baby and your new life:))

[Kyle&Ana 718]

Well i'm the beneficiary, and ppl here have a big wrong perception about USA(they kinda believe u can find money or food in the street... or TV etc!!!)... Or all people up there make big amounts of money with not effort... but they don't know about all taxes.... bills...food.... and all work ppl do to accomplish that.... First time i visited USA was to miami and with training purpose and i kinda though the same! But now i know is not the same go to there for two weeks... going out everyday is just a tourist's life and not compare with the real life(everyday!!)! i will visit my fiancee next week and i'm really focus to see and learn about  the neighborhood, the lifestyle there, activities...  etc! so i can set up my brain to the whole scenario! 

 

So i know i will have a big change(here there are always places to party everyday, beaches nearby and kinda u can do whatever u want(that is bad) and not all ppl pay taxes or bills, but i'm trying to learn about my fiancee routine and life...

 

Summary: is good  that you and u fiancee talk about the topic, make examples sending links.... normally beneficiary do a big change, like giving up promotions at work, be away of friends, family, lifestyles, routines, favorite places!  Ur language :/ ...its a hard process, Love can help u defeat everything but speaking ur mind! ..... about culture me and my fiancee see it like LEARN NEW THINGS and watch it from new perspectives.

 

Good luck! and sorry for the long post!

Edited June 14, 2018 by Kyle&Ana

[Nuj 28]

2 minutes ago, Kyle&Ana said:

Well i'm the beneficiary, and ppl here have a big wrong perception about USA(they kinda believe u can find money or food in the street... or TV etc!!!)... Or all people up there make big amounts of money with not effort... but they don't know about all taxes.... bills...food.... and all work ppl do to accomplish that.... First time i visited USA was to miami and with training purpose and i kinda though the same! But now i know is not the same go to there for two weeks... going out everyday is just a tourist's life and not compare with the real life(everyday!!)! i will visit my fiancee next week and i'm really focus to see and learn about  the neighborhood, the lifestyle there, activities...  etc! so i can set up my brain to the whole scenario! 

 

So i know i will have a big change(here there always are places to party everyday, beaches nearby and kinda u can do whatever u want(that is bad), but i'm trying to learn about my fiancee routine and life...

 

Summary is good you and u fiancee talk about the topic, make examples.... normally beneficiary do a big change, like giving up promotions at work, be away of friends, family, lifestyles, routines, favorite places!  Ur language :/ ...its a hard process, Love can help u defeat everything but speaking ur mind! ..... about culture me and my fiancee see it like LEARN NEW THINGS and watch it from new perspectives.

 

Good luck! and sorry for the long post!

Don't apologize you have really good insight being the beneficiary, thank you for your input. Short or long its appreciated:)

[Alex & Ivan 44]

I definitely think that including your significant other in your day to day activities and explaining the in's and out's as to why you do things is super helpful. My husband has had the luxury of travelling to other countries and although he know's there are problems in every country he felt that it was better to have him move here vs have me move out to Mexico. We spend as much time as we can over facetime video or phone call so he literally is with me in every part of my day with the exception of work. He listens to my conversations with strangers anywhere from getting coffee to awful customer service calls when trying to get info on why my bill is now $50 more.  I tell him how my bills work, how much I make, how much in taxes to expect to be taken out but I also convert it in his currency so he has a better idea of what it is actually like to live life here. I by no means am rich but I work hard at the job I have and it pays my bills.

 

I have also visited his country 3 times in the past year and it makes me appreciate my life here a little more. We've compare lifestyles and he has opened my eyes to the harsh reality that life is just different there. Many times he has told me, you will not find someone who lives in a nice apartment, has a car, has internet, goes out to eat but also eat well, and has a college education unless you work a very high end paying job which are incredibly hard to get (and even then you will not make as much here as you make there) . Granted I live in AZ and I feel like we have a big variety of living situations, but I also let him know that not everyone here lives like me. He also could not believe that there was homeless people here lol ( but me too, at least here in AZ there are tons of programs and care facilities to help get you on your feet ESPECIALLY for women). 

 

Honestly I just feel blessed for the opportunities that have come my way and feel fortunate to have the type of life I have here even though it is not all unicorns and rainbows. But he works for the power plant down in Mexico and says that American's come and work for the same company and get paid in dollars which sometimes triples what he makes in pesos ( and those are entry level positions, not 15 year experience like he does). So to him having the ability to make more money (even if a  ton of taxes do get taken out) and the opportunity is bigger here than in his home country. I feel as if though it all has to do with perception. US is not his country of choice but that's what he is stuck with xD. And thoroughly explaining your living situation and struggles  but at the same time sharing how other's live compared to you helps shape reality for them a little more. But nothing beats experience like real life experience xD  so I am on board with everyone saying that the dose of reality won't really kick in until they are actually here 

Edited June 14, 2018 by Alex & Ivan

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

19 hours ago, LizM said:

Hear hear. We did the exact same thing for the exact same reasons. I'm fluent in English and I was working for a subsidiary of a US corporation back in Sweden so ultimately we thought me moving would work out best for us right now. 

 

This. What is up with the potholes haha? I had been to NYC plenty of times but never really by car before and jeeze, I never knew the roads were so bad. Also, I knew the city was expensive, and I was expecting the rent and health insurance to be costly. But I was still surprised by the ridiculously large fees you pay the broker when you sign the lease for a RENTAL apartment. That is just not a very common thing in Sweden. 

Yes, exactly - Paul speaks English fluently, and I'm barely learning my Swedish LOL if we ever were to move there, I'd want to speak it as fluently as possible. He's also worked in the states before (not that I think that will necessarily account for anything, other than looking nice on his resume). I think it's definitely the best option, for us, to get started and build a life together. If we ever want to move back to Sweden, we can work towards that together rather than while apart, and we'd relocate together that time around.

 

And I also have to comment on the potholes! I'm American and I don't even understand the pothole situation. And it varies so easily between states. We live right near the border of NC/SC, in SC, so I work in NC. The roads literally change as soon as you cross state lines - NC roads are so much better taken care of than SC. Our potholes have potholes.  and then they make little baby potholes.

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

19 hours ago, TabeaK said:

Same. I knew moving to the USA would mean a lot of sacrifices on my end; living in Germany is -in my opinion - better than the US. Nevertheless, it came down to who would have it easier to integrate in the other spouses country. And due to my education and language background, that job fell to me.

Never expected the USA to be some kind of paradise - it isn't and thus I was not disappointed moving here.

You sound like my husband, lol! He knew pretty quickly he would be the one relocating when we first became serious in our relationship. And he was very willing to do so without ever asking me to consider doing it myself. I think people like you and my husband are pretty amazing! I think I'd have had a much harder time, if it'd been me. But you do what you have to in order to be with the person you want to build a life with.

 

He says the same thing about the states. He lived here several years ago for his job, and while he enjoyed it and was happy here, when he moved back to Sweden later on he had no intentions of ever returning to the states. He loves Sweden. So I know it's a huge sacrifice. But it definitely has its attributes, and there will always be things one country has that the other doesn't. I've only ever visited Sweden (never lived there) and I miss it like it's my other home, and miss things there that aren't here. It goes both ways though for sure.

[ronniebreda 120]

4 hours ago, Paul & Mallory said:

 

He says the same thing about the states. He lived here several years ago for his job, and while he enjoyed it and was happy here, when he moved back to Sweden later on he had no intentions of ever returning to the states. He loves Sweden. So I know it's a huge sacrifice. But it definitely has its attributes, and there will always be things one country has that the other doesn't. I've only ever visited Sweden (never lived there) and I miss it like it's my other home, and miss things there that aren't here. It goes both ways though for sure.

Not to butt into your conversation, but I am glad others feel the same way I do. I have only been/lived in the NL once for about 4 months, but I miss it so dang much. Sometimes I feel like I miss it more than my husband does  (even though I know that cant be true). We had always planned on me being the one moving to the NL, but it was not realistically possible with where I was in my education, not being able to find a job, and not being fluent in Dutch. We really are couples that have left pieces of our heart in a different country and it is something you have to live with. I am thankful for this community and hear that others go through the same things and emotions as I do because no one in my immediate life can relate to our relationship.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

On ‎6‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 11:47 PM, Nuj said:

Lol yea I think most people outside the U.S. don't realize that most of our money goes to taxes and bills lol they think we are swimming in money 

 

We are swimming in money.  What is difficult to understand is that we are swimming upstream against the current of outflow.

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

On ‎6‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 12:26 PM, ronniebreda said:

Not to butt into your conversation, but I am glad others feel the same way I do. I have only been/lived in the NL once for about 4 months, but I miss it so dang much. Sometimes I feel like I miss it more than my husband does  (even though I know that cant be true). We had always planned on me being the one moving to the NL, but it was not realistically possible with where I was in my education, not being able to find a job, and not being fluent in Dutch. We really are couples that have left pieces of our heart in a different country and it is something you have to live with. I am thankful for this community and hear that others go through the same things and emotions as I do because no one in my immediate life can relate to our relationship.

Absolutely! I try to look at it as a blessing more than a burden. Although it definitely makes things more complicated than most couples who meet in the same country, lol... it gives us such a broader spectrum of what "home" is. We always have a home and place to go/stay in Sweden, and I find that to be such a gift. We can travel a lot of Europe any time we want by using Sweden as our "base camp" and it'd be so much easier. I had actually never left the US before I met Paul, and I feel like meeting him has changed my life for the better and really opened up my world, which not everyone can say. It still makes it hard to say goodbye, though!

[Rocko20 159]

Shouldn’t be a problem for my fiancé who has spent a lot of time in America on work/student visas before. 

 

Most of the foreign women I’ve

dated before were so well versed on western/American culture that there wasn’t really any “gap” or misscommunication

 

But time will tell as living together for a few weeks is nothing compared to being married together 

 

 

 

Edited June 20, 2018 by Rocko20

[Rocko20 159]

Also, I forgot to add that there is still a stigma with dating outside your race (people perceive the relationship not to last long due to cultural/nationality differences) so one definitely needs a tough skin when being asked stupid question by friends, family, or colleagues along with a "no care attitude" when you're out in public and notice you're being stared at just a little bit longer than everyone else.

[Umka36 781]

On ‎6‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 12:12 AM, Rocko20 said:

Also, I forgot to add that there is still a stigma with dating outside your race (people perceive the relationship not to last long due to cultural/nationality differences) so one definitely needs a tough skin when being asked stupid question by friends, family, or colleagues along with a "no care attitude" when you're out in public and notice you're being stared at just a little bit longer than everyone else.

I got more of this between my wife and I at her home country as it's more homogenous. Never really had any issues with family and friends about race, but cultural difference was a different matter for my parents as they were raised differently (FWIW all but one of their grandchildren are of mixed race).

 

This really only happened when waiting in line, but before we had kids people mistook my wife as another customer who was behind me. I never took it personally and just made a joke out of it.