Scam?

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Hello everyone!

I am new to VisaJourney. I am not officially engaged, so I haven't applied for any visas etc. yet, but have been talking to an Egyptian man online and we have agreed we would like to meet in person and see what happens.

Anyways, I have been well aware that romance scams DO happen (I've heard about them, seen the show 90 Day Fiance, etc.). But I didn't really see any red flags in my relationship, so I didn't worry about it. And he seemed like a really honest man to me, but apparently many women have been fooled by this.

But after reading some of the stories on here, I have started to feel a little paranoid! There are women stating how completely genuine and honest they thought their MENA men are, but come to find out they were being fooled the whole time!

I'm just looking for any advice/tips/etc. to prevent this from happening to me?

A little bit about my story-

We met through a mutual friend. I have known his best friend for 11 years, and he suggested that he and I chat so I could help him improve his English skills. (We didn't meet on a dating website or anything like that, so I felt like that was a good thing). We just started chatting and had a really good connection. We talked about marriage, but have agreed that we need to spend time together in person before deciding on that (which is not easy in itself, given the distance, visiting visas, I'm a little leary on traveling alone, etc). We are the same age, both 27, he is actually about 9 months older than me.

Honest responses/advice/stories are greatly appreciated! Don't try to sugar coat anything for me, I need the truth

Thanks all!

Edited November 22, 2016 by WantYouToWantMe

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

Well sounds straight forward enough. Only thing is maybe being introduced by a mutual friend; but since you have known this friend for 11 years, that is a good sign. Not like you just met and he introduced you to his brother haha.

This friend and your man are not related?

If not, then I say go for it, go meet him and see how you two feel together. Sometimes you have to just go for it!

[A'n'L 735]

How well do you know/trust his friend? How did he immigrate to the US (if he did)? Are there other friends/family members of him that have immigrated to the US? If so, how?

What's his education/job and quality of life in Egypt? How quickly did he (or you) bring up moving to the US? DId you discuss/entertain the idea of moving to Egypt instead?

Just some ideas, food for thought. You can certainly never be sure what another persons intentions are, but take your time and visit as often as you can. Don't rush it, and don't go through with any commitments if you feel unsure.

[LORIEandPHIL 123]

Not even met, and you have talked about getting married? couldn't his "best friend" have talked to him more to help with his English? He may very well be a nice honest person, but he could just as easily be only interested in getting to the US. Take a lot of time to get to know him better, and meet a few times, go very slowly.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Recently, there was a thread(deleted now) from this member meggy91224 scammed by her immigrant spouse who took off once he has the 2 year conditional green card.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Honestly trust your gut...if you have a doubt then maybe your answer lays there....

[Ash.1101 1,755]

I'd be careful.

If the mutual friend you met him through is related to him or from his home country, this could just be a set up to get him here.

Marriage talk before meeting should be a red flag. How long have you guys been talking or dating?



As for scams, anyone at this point can be scammed. You have to look at the sum of all the things.

One of the reasons that women get scammed a lot by MENA country men, is usually because of money. The men usually can't get a tourist visa to visit, or don't have enough money to be the one visiting, so it goes onto the woman to be the one to meet the man, then eventually she finds out that it's quite costly to keep doing all of this, to the point that some people will just meet ONCE because the cost is too high, but then, she misses him too much, he tells her how much he misses her and would do anything to be with her, and then viola, K-1 visas get talked about and a while later he's here in the US.

You could go meet him and see how you feel. But remember, if he's TRYING to scam you and he's good at it, you'll probably just end up love smitten and not realize that you were essentially seduced into playing the role of the person who will get him into the US. Some people scam and keep it going until naturalization or their 10 year green cards, so they spend YEARS upholding the facade. Usually the person being scammed is either floored by it because they had no idea, or they're able to piece together why it all made sense when it happened.


I agree with trusting your gut. I don't think I've ever once thought my husband was out for a scam or anything like that. I think maybe I made jokes about it, but never put any true thought into it.

If you are worried, then take it slow. If he agrees to take it slow as well, maybe even have a Long distance relationship for a while AND NOT at some point try to speed it up, then you're good. You can be in control on how fast the relationship moves and DO NOT let him try to convince you that it needs to move faster. Some guys will say "Oh yeah, sure let's wait a while" and then after just a whole month, start sweet talking their way into that long while being sooner than thought.

[Deagle 494]

It's hard to tell whether it's a scam or not, the stories you read here are the sad scam ones. I mean the US spouse will not come to a forum just to write that their foreign spouse is genuine, people come here to ask question about their situation.

As the foreign spouse of a US citizen, I know that I really love my wife, she loved me too. We both wanted to live together and we are still together. Many people including her family and friends told her that this might be a scam, and that I am using her to get here to the states. I think this is how it is, the US citizen will always feel that he is being used and the foreigner spouse will always feel from the people around them, that they are scammers. I know some people are scammers, some not.

Eventually, no one can answer your question whether this is a scam or not, it's all about you and what you feel and what you decide to do.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Well sounds straight forward enough. Only thing is maybe being introduced by a mutual friend; but since you have known this friend for 11 years, that is a good sign. Not like you just met and he introduced you to his brother haha.

This friend and your man are not related?

If not, then I say go for it, go meet him and see how you two feel together. Sometimes you have to just go for it!

Thank you! You are awesome!

And no, they are not related; mutual friend has only known him around 7 years or so. Which of course is a significant amount of time, but he's known me longer I feel really good about a lot of things because we're friends on all social media, I can see his family members' and friends' Facebook pages, pictures of him doing things with them, etc... never caught him in a lie (and I'm a pretty good Facebook investigator ) But I think you're right, sometimes we just need to take a chance!

[millefleur 5,035]

I've had two previous relationships with foreign men (I'm the USC). While I wasn't scammed for green cards exactly (thank God I was living abroad and we never got to that point!), both ended badly. I can say that there were definitely red flags that I chose to ignore at the time because I was trying to be forgiving/give a second chance and I also chose to ignore my gut feelings.

Like the others said: you need to trust your gut feelings. I know it doesn't sound very logical, but our instincts exist for a reason. You haven't even met this guy in person yet. What has he done for you? What has he done to show that he cares about you? That's what I'd be looking for. If this guy is serious, he's going to go out of his way and bend over backwards to prove that to you. If he doesn't, I'd be weary. Make sure isn't using you already, even for English learning...from my past bad experiences I'd say it's really good to be paranoid. Keep your guard up, you don't want to be taken advantage of. If this guy is still interested even when he sees he will need to fight for you a little, that would show that he's serious. And, yes...time will tell. Let things unfold naturally, no need to rush it just because it's long distance.

With the people on this forum, you have a wealth of experiences to hear from. I know it might be hard for him to get a B-1/B-2 tourist visa, but I feel like him trying and applying would show that he cares, even if he got rejected. That would just be a sign that he's at least serious about the relationship and not just itching to get a K-1 as a foot in to the US.

Edited November 22, 2016 by millefleur

[Ash.1101 1,755]

It's hard to tell whether it's a scam or not, the stories you read here are the sad scam ones. I mean the US spouse will not come to a forum just to write that their foreign spouse is genuine, people come here to ask question about their situation.

As the foreign spouse of a US citizen, I know that I really love my wife, she loved me too. We both wanted to live together and we are still together. Many people including her family and friends told her that this might be a scam, and that I am using her to get here to the states. I think this is how it is, the US citizen will always feel that he is being used and the foreigner spouse will always feel from the people around them, that they are scammers. I know some people are scammers, some not.

Eventually, no one can answer your question whether this is a scam or not, it's all about you and what you feel and what you decide to do.

I have to disagree with this. THIS is the kind of mindset that gets you scammed. The "well I love them, so I'm going to do it!" mindset. Love is NOT an objective feeling, it can completely blind someone from seeing that maybe the person they love isn't very genuine. That "gut" feeling you could have, could end up being completely over ridden by the love you have for someone.

That's how you get so many people who send incredible amounts of money to their boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance and don't realize something might be up. While some people may say that they were stupid for doing so, at the time of doing it, the USC did it out of love.

We've had people on VJ who have done things out of love, only to be ditched before K-1 interview, or even in one case in the Philippines, the foreign fiance told her USC that their interview was denied based on not enough evidence, a couple of weeks later the USC contacted the embassy asking what more would they need, he thought their case was solid, only to be told that the foreign fiance NEVER showed up to the interview, so it was denied. When he confronted her, she pretty much said bye and blocked him out for no more communication.

People can tell her what red flags to look for, she can state her story and people can tell her what things might be red flags that she might be too love spelled to see.

With all that said, there are plenty of people here on VJ that will and have attested to their fiances/spouses being the most amazing thing to ever happen to them. Not all of VJ is scams and sadness, but those scams and sadness should help people be aware of what's out there and NOT just rely on the "But I love them!" feeling. That's what got those sad post people into the situation in the first place.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

How well do you know/trust his friend? How did he immigrate to the US (if he did)? Are there other friends/family members of him that have immigrated to the US? If so, how?

What's his education/job and quality of life in Egypt? How quickly did he (or you) bring up moving to the US? DId you discuss/entertain the idea of moving to Egypt instead?

Just some ideas, food for thought. You can certainly never be sure what another persons intentions are, but take your time and visit as often as you can. Don't rush it, and don't go through with any commitments if you feel unsure.

Thank you!

Friend was in the US for work, but now lives in Saudi Arabia; I know him fairly well, he was actually shocked when I told him about any potential relationship, so I didn't feel like it was set up in any way.

The points you brought up are good to think about.

Yes, actually he has tried asking me to come to Egypt/live in Egypt multiple times, but I always declined. Because in all honesty, I don't want to live there!

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Not even met, and you have talked about getting married? couldn't his "best friend" have talked to him more to help with his English? He may very well be a nice honest person, but he could just as easily be only interested in getting to the US. Take a lot of time to get to know him better, and meet a few times, go very slowly.

Well, the reason his friend had him talk to me to improve his English accent is because I'm a native English speaker; they're both from Egypt.

And as far as discussing marriage, I guess I felt like of course the final goal of a long distance relationship would be marriage; but I will not agree to anything until we've spent a lot of time together.

Thank you

[Ash.1101 1,755]

Asking someone to move countries when you haven't met them is a red flag imo. It may be super cute and lovey and it makes you feel warm inside that he wants you to live with him, but no person that isn't trying rush things or do anything fun like that, isn't going to even mention, hey you should come move to my country and meet for first time and the same time.

Some things that seem cute and lovey, have alternate intentions.


Also, unless both state they hate marriage (which would NEVER work for a couple who wanted to be together internationally) all LDR's across the boarder would end in marriage. You -have- to get married to be together when it comes to international marriage, so that will ALWAYS be the end game.


Even if the friend is in Saudi, I still see it as a worry. Why can't the friend teach him English, he must know enough English to come here on a work visa?




With all this said, tbqh you already seem to have your mind set that he's not a scammer. Go meet him and see what happens, but don't be surprised when you're super swoon. Almost all LDR relationships when they meet for the first time, scam or not, are incredibly loving for the first meeting. No amount of warnings anyone may give will change your mind tho, and much like Mille's situation, anything you do catch him in you may just forgive him.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Ash.1101

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

People can tell her what red flags to look for, she can state her story and people can tell her what things might be red flags that she might be too love spelled to see.

This. This is what would be the most helpful

Just to address a couple things that were mentioned (I can't reply to each comment individually because I have a limited number of posts per day)

He has never asked me for money; he actually offered to pay for plane tickets for me to travel to Egypt.

He is planning on trying to apply for the B-1 visa (I think that's the right one, the visitor visa) so we can spend time together here.

I mentioned before that I didn't want to live in the USA, and he didn't flinch about it and said he'd be happy to have me come to Egypt.

We've been talking about a year.

I'm not saying he's perfect or that these points prove he isn't a scam artist. He just never gave me a shady feeling and usually I'm overly suspicious and have a pretty good intuition.

The talking about marriage thing did make me feel kind of strange, but I told him I can't imagine agreeing to marriage before we know each other ALOT better, and he wasn't pushy about it. His response will be something like, "When I say I want to marry you it's just so you can see how much I admire you" or something like that. I'm not saying that makes it okay; and I appreciate everyone's honest opinions on that matter.

Thank you!