I want a divorce but don't want him to stay here

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I find it hard to believe that a "scammer" who allegedly put in over a years worth of effort to convince both his spouse and the US government that the relationship was real didn't put in the effort of a quick google search to find out that he in fact did not need to stick around.

You obviously haven't read enough posts on here.

In a lot of other countries, the foreign ex-spouse doesn't usually get to stay, so it would be reasonable to assume the same is true for America. Couple that with a sub par understanding of English and assumptions are definitely made.

Whatever, I'm the child of an opportunistic foreigner basically seeking a greencard by marrying my mother. It is what it is. He stay married to her until she could take no more. I still think he should be shipped back there and suffer through the lack of sunshine and worse economic situation. I still stand by my assertion that if the USC needs to really think logically about why someone would be interested in them and if such a person would be interested in them if they were both American.

[Dohan 133]

Why is it when people on here discuss marital problems the immediate solution is divorce? You obviously love the man, you have a child together, why not try to work it out? It's so easy to feel used and just check out but think about your child. Even if you do end up divorcing the child will most likely want to have a relationship with the father. Divorce is not the only answer until you try everything.

[Arslan12 20]

@

N-o-l-a

That's not true either. This is probably how you want it to be. Every country has different rules about foreign spouses. In a lot of other countries where a foreign ex-spouse can not stay due to termination of the marriage, he/she is entitled to stay as a parent of a minor child. Or in some countries a foreign ex spouse can stay based on his own qualification e.g if he is working a full-time job and is able to support him/herself, has not committed any crime and has a good moral character. There are a lot of reasons why USC looks for a foreign partner or they fall in love for other reasons. For most foreign spouses being able to come to the US is a very small factor when they fall in love with an American.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Arslan12

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

You obviously haven't read enough posts on here.

In a lot of other countries, the foreign ex-spouse doesn't usually get to stay, so it would be reasonable to assume the same is true for America. Couple that with a sub par understanding of English and assumptions are definitely made.

Whatever, I'm the child of an opportunistic foreigner basically seeking a greencard by marrying my mother. It is what it is. He stay married to her until she could take no more. I still think he should be shipped back there and suffer through the lack of sunshine and worse economic situation. I still stand by my assertion that if the USC needs to really think logically about why someone would be interested in them and if such a person would be interested in them if they were both American.

And I am a child of a mother who divorced my father over petty fighting and then filed for full custody of me and fabricated lies about him for the courts in an attempt to make it impossible for him to see me because she was a vindictive monster with no regard for me or my father. While he didn't get her way right away, it meant for most of my childhood I was basically just a pawn in here ridiculous war with him.

We are only seeing OP's side of the story. Neither of us have actual proof that he used her and without that I think it's disgusting to try and separate a child from their parent simply because they willing entered into a marriage that they probably should have thought about more. No amount of posts or condescendingly-used emojis is going to change that.

Edited February 12, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[Umka36 781]

Why is it when people on here discuss marital problems the immediate solution is divorce? You obviously love the man, you have a child together, why not try to work it out? It's so easy to feel used and just check out but think about your child. Even if you do end up divorcing the child will most likely want to have a relationship with the father. Divorce is not the only answer until you try everything.

In this instance the OP stated she wanted a divorce. Who's to say she hasn't already tried all she could to work it out? No one here is disagreeing with you about doing what is in the best interest of the child. We also can only rely and reply based on what has been provided.

[Pennycat 880]

Why do so many USC's on this website think they can just bring someone here and then throw them out like garbage as soon as the marriage goes south?

Just divorce and move on with your life.

Oh please. Divorce is ugly in any country, by people of any nationality. People often take any piece of leverage or control they can and use it. Because people can be vindictive and nasty. And to the uneducated, the spouse's immigration status looks like an awfully attractive piece of leverage (something our law rightfully does not allow). I'm not defending this line of thinking/questioning. I've personally dressed these folks down myself. Just that finding the biggest stick to beat up your soon-to-be-ex isn't exactly unusual behavior. And USCs hardly have the corner market on this site of searching for ways to actively screw over their spouse during a divorce.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

No amount of posts or condescendingly-used emojis is going to change that.

Apparently you didn't catch that it was tongue in cheek. Rant on though.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Oh please. Divorce is ugly in any country, by people of any nationality. People often take any piece of leverage or control they can and use it. Because people can be vindictive and nasty. And to the uneducated, the spouse's immigration status looks like an awfully attractive piece of leverage (something our law rightfully does not allow). I'm not defending this line of thinking/questioning. I've personally dressed these folks down myself. Just that finding the biggest stick to beat up your soon-to-be-ex isn't exactly unusual behavior. And USCs hardly have the corner market on this site of searching for ways to actively screw over their spouse during a divorce.

I am not saying USC's are alone in trying to mess with their partners. But if you're here on VJ long enough you start to notice a pattern with some USC's. They moan and whine about how it should be their right to bring their spouse or future spouse over and the government shouldn't intervene. Then they're upset when they realize the marriage is going south and suddenly all blame is on the foreigner and how the government should be better at keeping these people out... Hello! You spent all this time convincing the government you're a bona fide relationship so you could bring them over...

[Teddy B 17,251]

Really? Unsubstantiated generalization.

No, it's called 52 years of life experience as a USC.

[Harmonia 211]

The "I want him to get deported" people scare me. Imagine if you had to move to another country and learn a new language. The immigrant left everything behind, quit their job, probably sold their house or left their apartment, chose their spouse over their family ties in their home country. Now to just want them gone, where do they have to go? Maybe they don't have a home to return to.

Its especially scary if you have a child together! How can you claim you were fooled and its all a scam? You obviously cared enough about the person at some point to have a child with them. And wanting to separate a child from their parent for no good reason, when there's no abuse etc, its disturbing. Can you imagine telling your child when they're older "oh I had mommy or daddy deported"! Maybe the kid would worry they're next.

[SteveKarlaMayer 21]

First of all, a child can't speed up the green card process.

Second of all, even if she feels used, it doesn't change anything. She can't have him deported. They proved they had a genuine relationship, he got his green card and now he can remove conditions without her. Divorce and move on.

There's a big "maybe", the very first word on my post. Who knows what's really going on their marriage. I'm just assuming that that's what the OP felt and the fact that she aggreed justifies that. We're not on the situation and we definitely don't know why the petitioner felt this way. I could picture my husband doing the same if after everything I will just tell him that my sole purpose is to study and get a job like he's just a sugar daddy.

[TabeaK 516]

I could picture my husband doing the same if after everything I will just tell him that my sole purpose is to study and get a job like he's just a sugar daddy.

Wow. You could picture your husband wanting to deport you because you want to study and get a job? Geez...

The OP clearly has issues beyond our ability to comprehend. Thankfully, there are laws protecting the immigrant assuming no foul play was going on. Given they have been married a while and procreated willingly I will assume there has been good faith in the beginning.

As far as vindictive USCs wanting to ship back their spouses to wherever they came from...well, we do see these cases here - but I still hope that these spoilt rotten brats eventually see the error of their ways. Like I said above, thank god the law protects the foreigners.

Just imagine that, you (as the immigrant) have chosen to give your entire life to be with the USC because you wanna built a life together. You put yourself in immigration limbo for god knows how many months and trust in the support of your USC spouse (because until you have immigration status, that is all you can do really). You have to rebuilt a support system, deal with homesickness, learn a new county - in some cases new culture and possibly a new language. And then the partner you trusted, who you possibly moved for because the USC was unwilling to move to YOUR country (I have met a bunch of those...) reveals him or her being a douchebag and trying to deport you...

Primary lesson: buyer beware! And that goes for both the immigrant and the USC...be damn sure the person your are changing your life for is worth it.

[DaveNot 55]

At the end of the day, you have your answers. I think you should seriously consider your options as to what the future may pertain if you choose to divorce. Many people choose to stay with their partner in fear of not being able to sustain life in one form or another when a child is involved. People have choices now! The thing is, you must have been happy to start with and feeling insecure about being used is odd considering the life changing circumstances that have had to have been met by your partner should be appreciated.You almost seem selfish only considering yourself as an individual. It isn't easy to leave everything you've ever known behind in life!

Something seems off if you seriously say you were used. You had a baby, that is so preventative. It isn't 1642. It takes two, and you have your own thoughts to contend with prior to making a decision. You wouldn't have had a child if love wasn't involved. Also, if it was a sham, I would imagine the guy would have taken off some time ago. Unless it involved two as a sham?

How do you think he may feel you even considering sending him away? Not good... Also, there is nothing wrong with somebody wanting to get out and better their lives when given the opportunity. Hindrance of such, as opposed to support, in my mind, is considered abuse. You should support him if he is genuine.

Marriage is work, it isn't easy. People say and do stupid **** all the time, and you know what, communication helps, not running away. Unless really, you're on the last leg or something like violence and abuse is involved. I have a feeling you argued over some silly stuff and this is the result. You seem naive. Otherwise, consult a lawyer and move on and leave the guy be. Settle things legally.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

Thank you that's excatly how I feel. And the fact that he keeps asking when can he file for citizenship doesn't make me at peace either. He was in a hurry to make a child too.

Thank you all for responding anyways. It sucks that he gets to stay here what's the point of giving him a conditional green card then might as well give him citizenship righy when they get here.

A child in the eyes of the government is nothing more than proof that you've slept together, nothing more nothing less, all you need is a working sperm and a fertile egg to make a baby, people drunk out of their minds on one night stands make babies. It also takes two to make a child, at some point you were involved in it as well.

With that said, just because you don't like him in the country or in the general area of you doesn't mean you have the right to remove him just because you want him gone.

He is your kids father and coming from a personal point of view, my mom kept me from my dad after they got divorced up until I could find means to see him on my own, she'd block calls from him, avoid finding ways to make it work to see him, etc. The first chance I had to live with him, I took it and realized I should have been with him the whole time versus stThat was something that caused me to NEVER do that to my daughters father. My ex and I absolutely sucked together as a couple for almost 5 years and we never had any business being together in the first place, but when it came to our daughter I have made extra concessions to make sure he can see her and vice versa. I go out of my way to make sure they have a relationship, drive her to him because he doesn't have a car, and made sure at one point that they had some food because he had gotten himself financially in a bad place for a weekend, and still wanted to see her. I bought him enough food for him to make her food for a weekend, nothing more. It's about the kid, not about the parents bitterness or rivalry or regret. The kids may never know that there is strife between ya'll if you act like civil people around each other.

Don't be at peace for yourself, people have shitty relationships. Everyone will experience it on a passionate level or eve, sometimes it's your first BF, sometimes your first husband, sometimes your sixth husband or boyfriend. You learn from it and grow, get past the anger, ESPECIALLY when you have a kid, it's just not worth it.

Go on with your life, let him continue on with his, and make sure that baby is centered in both of your lives. If he leaves the baby or wants nothing to do, then so be it. Some people are like that, then you just focus on you and the kid, but do NOT make an effort to keep the babys dad out of his life because one day you will regret it, or your kid will which by then you could ruin a relationship you spent a long time creating simply because of being spiteful years ago.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Ash.1101

[TBoneTX 43,133]

You would have to present sufficient evidence to USCIS/ICE of your spouse's fraudulent activity. You can't just make a claim and let it go.

Best is to divorce and move on. Consult a family law attorney to learn about custody rights. Kicking the ex out of the country to make it easy isn't likely to happen.

After review, the VJ Moderation team has concluded that the OP has gotten correct advice (such as that above) and that this thread has become quite heated, so it's time to close the discussion. Please avoid restarting this thread.

TBoneTX

VJ Moderation Team