K-1 family does not like wife

[questiongirl 0]

So after my husband arrived to the usa. It seems his family has been nothing but, hard on him. They keep secrets from him and there favorite line is don't worry about us your in the usa.

or they constantly ask for money we do not have, Then when we say sorry we don't have it. They get all mad and remind us of all the support they gave us to get married.

What is a person to do? Is this normal? How do you handle it? They keep their life secret from us then they turn around and blame the wife. Saying she is brain washing you. or something else.

Or your not the same you have changed to much blah blah blah....

My question is this normal for India Families to do? Is there something we can do?

To make matters worse they make my husband depress and seem to enjoy doing it. They say you enjoy your life in america we will be okay our poor lives. Funny thing is they are doing good in India.

Is this a game all families play when the son or daughter move overseas?

Is them constantly trying to make you feel bad normal?

I try to talk to his family but, it constant taunting they talk back.. or they try to make my husband and I against each other.

When we went over to visit they constantly talked in Hindi so I could not be apart of the conversation.

Is this normal? even though they know English. I just don't understand.

Do they really think we are so wealthy in the usa?

What gives?

Its hard on my husband and I know he gets depress a lot.

What can I say or do to help?

Any suggestions would be most welcome any answers would be most helpful.

[Ischnura 285]

It's not just an Indian family thing. My in-law family hated me something silly when hubby and I first started dating. I was the trashy, gold digging, visa seeker who deleted the emails they sent him. Almost 11 years later and we've been married for 3 years and MIL is somewhat taking the hint that I'm not going to go away and pretending to like me is the only way hubby will keep in touch.

They lie and MIL is the worst attention seeking manipulator I've met. But here's our trick; communication happens to be a two way street so the whole "you never call" doesn't wash cause neither do they. We move where we want to because we're grown ups and go where the work is. If they want to visit they can but we aren't going to visit them every single holiday and we aren't staying in town just so MIL can have her kids around. We don't brown nose just to stop MIL from getting her feelings hurt cause all in all, what matters most is that we count too.

I have my husbands back and he has mine. We are a family that they are an extension of and under our roof we matter most. Not them.

If you guys don't need them for anything in particular loosen the strings and don't contact them as often. Live your life together, be happy together and remember that it's you and him not you him and them. They'll get over themselves eventually and if they don't then tough luck for them. All their thinking and saying and lying can only be your downfall if you let it.

[TBoneTX 43,418]

Bluntly? Shun those greedy manipulators. Cut them off completely. Life is far too short. If they continue to pester you, tell them to take a short walk off a long pier.

Edited February 8, 2016 by TBoneTX

[NikLR 13,220]

They probably do think you're rich and have life easy.

Your husband needs to either be with you and have your back or his family if they are going to act like that.

My MIL made me cry and guilt tripped me on my wedding day. It was not our fault she couldnt travel to Canada for the wedding. She likely cant even get a passport. Hubs told her to lay off if she wanted any contact with us. After all he's her son and it was up to him to make sure to contact her, not me.

I stood up to my family in support of my relationship too. I have barely talked to my brother in over 3 years because I moved here vs him moving.

Sometimes we have to make those decisions. It's hard of course but we chose our spouse and our life with them. Make it a priority or stop wasting everyone's time and emotions.

[katietw95 16]

It is definitely not an Indian family thing. With me being a white lady who met my husband, who is from India, it is definitely not a traditional thing for Indians to marry out of their own race. However, I am very lucky to be blessed with wonderful in-laws. My husband's family is absolutely amazing. They have always been supportive of us, and they absolutely adore me. I am so sorry that you are having such a horrible experience with your in-laws. Just know that, as everyone has said, it is not just Indian families. Unfortunately, some families, regardless of where they are from, are just that way.

[Expat1 971]

Bluntly? Shun those greedy manipulators. Cut them off completely. Life is far too short. If they continue to pester you, tell them to take a short walk off a long pier.

Glad you kept your mod hat on for that one. Well said.

[Yoveeta 36]

They say you can't choose your family, but you choose the one to spend life with... Some families are not worth to be called relatives... Of course it's hard when your family treats you bad, but you're about to create your own family now, and it's that matters

[flfreddy 92]

Yes, there is envious and jealous relatives left behind. Good thing is out of sight out of mind. Help at your terms, but not out of feeling bad or criticisms. Ignore and focus on your immigration procedures and immediate partner first. Once you have settled down, then help at your own comfort terms.

[moemac59 192]

Don't feel bad my adult stepchildren hated me when we were dating and when we first got married (almost 4 years ago). They are finally starting to come around when they realized that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. We have been together for almost 10 years and are at least civil to each other for the sake of their father/my husband. December was the first decent Xmas that we had together.

Hang in there. The only thing that you can do is be there for your husband.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

They are using emotional blackmail on y'all.

You and your husband have got to limit your interactions with them.

I wouldn't say that cut them off completely (it might be easy for western cultures to cut family but not for other cultures).

Cut the amount of phone calls.. Schedule monetary remittances so that you can control the demand from back home.

And it is OK to say, we don't have it.

Another "trick" is to vent about money issues to them (whether fake or not)..It usually deters them from adding their drama. You will flip the tables on them when the ask for money..lol.. It works..lol

[tomyka81 95]

I think what you have described might be all marriages even USC to USC lol I wouldn't worry about it to much. Yes, some foreigners really think that money grows on trees here until they themselves come here. My fiance spoke in Edo sometimes with his family when I was there. I wwas like "oh but nooooooo baby" My fiance claims me to be the best non Nigerian Edo speaker. I am learning that language and Pigin was real easy for me to pick up. If he try to switch to Yoruba or Igbo, I will know that language too.

YEs, constantly trying to make you feel bad is normal with anyone who wants to borrow money even your own USC relatives. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just politely say that you don't have it and let it be. You know that you aren't brain washing him so that is all that matters. In no time they will be harrassing you to have a baby and all will be forgotten.