Fiance's new friend

[AKukreti 24]

This is a situation that is currently going on and I want to know how others would feel about the situation if you were me and what you would do.

Friday my fiance's father invites this female doctor over. My fiance and her talk for an hour.

Next day he goes to a conference and without his knowledge she drove him to and from the conference. He thought his father was driving him.

Then today it was suppose to be a group dinner, was just the two of them. They went to dunkin donuts.

Tomorrow he is going to a conference with her and possibly dunkin donuts afterwards.

And she I invited him to go with her to a wedding.

I dont feel comfortable and he agrees if he was in my shoes he wouldn't either. He says he is depressed cause he is doing nothing. He quit school and can't work there. How is this mt fault?

I can't deal with this, if he spends time with her everyday or every other day. He goes from no friends like me, to having one friend whom is a girl. Another woman spending more time with him than me.

First day she arrived unexpectedly. Second day he found out last minute. Then today when he was invited I reluctantly said go cause it was a group thing. Then it was the two of them.

If I ask him not to see her, he wont and then he is depressed cause he has nothing to do and his mom is a pain

What do u think? What would you do?

[aaron2020 11,651]

If I was you, I would suspect that I was being used to bring him over for her.

Have you gotten married yet?

Tell him and his father to give you the truth. If you don't like the answers, then don't marry him.

As a K-1 visa holder, he can only adjust status by marrying you.

You are being scammed.

[SweetOpossum 55]

I am so sorry to hear you are going thru this, and of course it is painful. I hope you are able to start and honest dialogue with this man before you move forward (trust me, you have plenty of time before NOA2 to find out what is going on)

One of the benefits of being apart waiting is that it can also bring you closer and make the relationship stronger... or break it if it wasn't meant to last. Either way I hope things work out and that you can have peace in your mind.

Best luck.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

This is a situation that is currently going on and I want to know how others would feel about the situation if you were me and what you would do.

Friday my fiance's father invites this female doctor over. My fiance and her talk for an hour.

Next day he goes to a conference and without his knowledge she drove him to and from the conference. He thought his father was driving him.

Then today it was suppose to be a group dinner, was just the two of them. They went to dunkin donuts.

Tomorrow he is going to a conference with her and possibly dunkin donuts afterwards.

And she I invited him to go with her to a wedding.

I dont feel comfortable and he agrees if he was in my shoes he wouldn't either. He says he is depressed cause he is doing nothing. He quit school and can't work there. How is this mt fault?

I can't deal with this, if he spends time with her everyday or every other day. He goes from no friends like me, to having one friend whom is a girl. Another woman spending more time with him than me.

First day she arrived unexpectedly. Second day he found out last minute. Then today when he was invited I reluctantly said go cause it was a group thing. Then it was the two of them.

If I ask him not to see her, he wont and then he is depressed cause he has nothing to do and his mom is a pain

What do u think? What would you do?

I'm selfish and if I were you, I would not let my fiance spending more time with other woman rather than me. According to the book tittle "His Needs, Her Needs - Building an Affair-Proof Marriage- by Willard F Harley Jr, an affair started from small things like that. Go out together for lunch, buildup intimate conversation, and share many things in common. Though this book specifically talking about marriage-couple but can apply to any other couples.

You should be his favorite recreational companion not the other woman. Spend time talk to him over Skype, phone, or send each others email about how you are missed each other at that day. My advise is talk to him gently, voice your opinion in nice way that you are not comfortable for what is going on now and ask him what he feels if the situation is also happen to you. Does he like it or not?

Long distance relationship is exhausting and more time consuming when time zone difference is occur. But at the end, it is worth to fighting for. If he loves you and then he will respect your feeling and avoid a circumstances that could hurt you deeply.

Edited April 28, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Where are you and where is he?

What type of conference does he go to?

Edited April 28, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[AKukreti 24]

If I was you, I would suspect that I was being used to bring him over for her.

Have you gotten married yet?

Tell him and his father to give you the truth. If you don't like the answers, then don't marry him.

As a K-1 visa holder, he can only adjust status by marrying you.

You are being scammed.

No we haven't gotten married. I know he isn't using me for the green card.

[AKukreti 24]

I'm selfish and if I were you, I would not let my fiance spending more time with other woman rather than me. According to the book tittle "His Needs, Her Needs - Building an Affair-Proof Marriage- by Willard F Harley Jr, an affair started from small things like that. Go out together for lunch, buildup intimate conversation, and share many things in common. Though this book specifically talking about marriage-couple but can apply to any other couples.

You should be his favorite recreational companion not the other woman. Spend time talk to him over Skype, phone, or send each others email about how you are missed each other at that day. My advise is talk to him gently, voice your opinion in nice way that you are not comfortable for what is going on now and ask him what he feels if the situation is also happen to you. Does he like it or not?

Long distance relationship is exhausting and more time consuming when time zone difference is occur. But at the end, it is worth to fighting for. If he loves you and then he will respect your feeling and avoid a circumstances that could hurt you deeply.

I agree with you. He wouldn't like it. He admitted it. But he said he is depressed cause he has nothing to do. He quit school and says he can't work there. But how is this my problem? Why do I have to suffer this pain? He asks me what should he do?

[Lainie B 465]

If I was you, I would suspect that I was being used to bring him over for her.

Have you gotten married yet?

Tell him and his father to give you the truth. If you don't like the answers, then don't marry him.

As a K-1 visa holder, he can only adjust status by marrying you.

You are being scammed.

Possibly, but if it is a scam you would think at this stage the fiance would do a better job of hiding it.

[AKukreti 24]

Where are you and where is he?

What type of conference does he go to?

Im in the US and he is in India. First one he showed me a flyer for. It was a medical conference. But the one tomorrow night, for 1 hour is apparently a cardiac conference...for an hour??? 8:30 to 9:30pm. Im confused... And she will pick him up and drop him off.

[AKukreti 24]

This girl his father invited over and then introduced her to him. Telling her that she can ask him about physiology. Even though she is already a doctor. And the father told her she is welcome to come over whenever.

[Faycel and Renee 30]

WARNING - no sugarcoating it here.

If it were me I would speak my mind and if he didnt like it then so be it. There are too many men out there to start all over with - its simple. If it was me I would tell that woman that she is disrespecting my relationship and that if she dont stay away or if she interferes that the outcome is not going to be nice. If my fiance tries to defend it, he will be coming home to find all his stuff outside the door or burned up! Its simple and I have NO problem with telling dont let the door hit ya where the good lord split cha

[AKukreti 24]

Best part his mom doesn't thing there is anything for me to be upset about it.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I agree with you. He wouldn't like it. He admitted it. But he said he is depressed cause he has nothing to do. He quit school and says he can't work there. But how is this my problem? Why do I have to suffer this pain? He asks me what should he do?

It is not your problem if he quitted from the school and can't work. Why did he quit from school? He should have known better as a man - a real man- sitting around without doing anything is extremely shameful. I am a woman and the beneficiary but I still worked when my fiance filed petition for me until my K-1 visa was approved. He should learn how to be more responsible for his life and more important be ready for your future together.

Imagine when the time he comes to the US and everything is opposite from where he is come from. I think he will be depressed more than before and he might be point his fingers and blaming you for the whole situation. Tell him, in many Asian countries, most societies put a man in position to be a provider for his family. He has started learning now how to be that man. And stop act being a childish and using " depressed "word to make you feel awful.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Are you of the same ethnicity/culture as your fiance?

[AKukreti 24]

Are you of the same ethnicity/culture as your fiance?

No I am white. He is indian.