Prenup agreement discussion

[Mariana2012 89]

I think when you bring a foreign spouse to the US you are financially responsible for them until they become citizens weather you have a prenup or not. At least that is what I remember the lawyer telling my husband when we filed the AOS paperwork

Edited February 3, 2013 by Mariana2012

[Tosh Love 77]

Prenup agreement? My Filipina fiancée flipped out when I brought it up.wont even discuss it now. This throws up a huge red flag as we start visa process.Any thoughts?

I have been self-reliant since I can remember and do not have to depend on anyone for my living but I will admit, if my fiance asked me for a prenup I will be offended. I don't know if it is cultural or just a personal hang up but just my two cents. Please have a discussion with her and put all your cards on the table and find out why she feels this way. I do not think it is automatically a red flag.

[InHisTime 110]

OP, if you have doubts about her reactions about this "pre-nup agreement", I think you have to pause or take it slow. I'm a Filipina, but I think it won't matter to me especially when it affects our relationship. I have to understand that you have worked so much to acquire whatever you have right now. There is no certain thing is this world. Some people may change over time despite he/she loves truly now. We could never predict exactly what the future may hold for us. I think if she really loves, then, just accept the fact and still not bother about it. Important is how you treat him NOW and when she gets to the US. In time, she could find a job and maybe start saving for future. Both of you together once married could still start saving or acquire some wealth -- and that would consist your conjugal property, in the event that divorce may occur, at least you both have something to share or divide equally. Of course, you both have to work well in your marriage -- stay in love forever with God as the center in your family.

I hope you give a little time to know her better. She should be open enough to discuss this thing in an open and intelligent way, not getting pissed off. She has to be matured in dealing with this and other issues that may come in the future.

[aaron2020 11,651]

This is my opinion,

I am Filipina, It is an insult for me if my future husband will tell me that.. It is not our TRADITION or CUSTOM to have a Prenup. My husband and I dont have prenup, When I got here, I work. I assured him if things dont work for us, I would rather send back home. I told him He dont need to worry of me taking of what he owns. Filipina and American Women are different! I assured you that! So dont you worry about it..

Really? Don't worry? So no Filiipina ever divorces her USC husband and takes his money? Never ever so don't worry?

Must be something in the water that makes Filipinas more honest than women from other countries.

I think when you bring a foreign spouse to the US you are financially responsible for them until they become citizens weather you have a prenup or not. At least that is what I remember the lawyer telling my husband when we filed the AOS paperwork

Not true.

Don't confuse the I-864 obligation with divorces. One has nothing to do with the other.

[aaron2020 11,651]

If she's the one for you and you'd never leave her and will worship her forever...then why even bother?

Unless, you have doubts?

Why question his devotion to the relationship when he brought up the subject?

If they never divorce then it's just a piece of paper.

Why can't she say I don't care or want yor money. I will sign whatever prenup because I only want you?

Maybe she is after a green card and some money.

[AmyWrites 593]

I would get a prenup. Did anyone who is now posting on the "Effects of Family Changes on Immigration" think that they'd get divorced? No. No one gets married thinking they will get divorced, but life happens.

However I can understand how in a romantic sense, it's not going to be easy for her to accept this.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Real relationship should have the element of trust. Prenup can be interpreted of not having trust to your partner. As a woman I would be offended with it and it may cause bad vibes to your application. Real relationship is real happiness. Good luck!

My US citizen sister proposed a prenup to her very rich US citizen husband to assure him that all she wanted from the relationship was him. She said he can keep his money.

They have been very happy for 11 years. The prenup hasn't even been mentioned since it wa signed oh so many years ago.

Trust is a two way street. Why must only the US citizen demonstrate trust? What about the K-1 demonstrate she trust her future husband?

Why can't she say all I want is you and not your money? What has she done to assure him that it is him and not the green card and rich US citizen to take advantage of?

Edited February 4, 2013 by aaron2020

[darkangel1215 4]

Really? Don't worry? So no Filiipina ever divorces her USC husband and takes his money? Never ever so don't worry?

Must be something in the water that makes Filipinas more honest than women from other countries.

Not true.

Don't confuse the I-864 obligation with divorces. One has nothing to do with the other.

I didnt say NO FILIPINA divorce a USC! Duhhhh!!!

[InHisTime 110]

Let's stereotype American women. There are many Filipina women who are scammers, cheats, gold-diggers and liars.That's not my opinion, but something factual????.

Yes, there are bad women everywhere - all over the world. There are also good women all over the world. WE SHOULD NEVER GENERALIZE OUR PERCEPTION / CONCLUSION.

I hope next time when we give comments or posts here, we should always be careful of our words as we all come from different cultures / nationalities -- please try not to OFFEND anyone. And, perhaps, it would be very good if we make negative comments, with should be able to support it with good research findings or with an accurate and valid data. Thank you and God bless everyone.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

A pre-nup agreement is not just about protecting you, it's also about protecting her. Maybe you should consider sending her an email explaining it's about protecting you both. That the agreement will talk about what she takes from the relationship just as what you take.

The world is not rainbows and sunshine. Bad things happen. People change. Things change. It only makes sense that you write an agreement to protect you both. As someone else said, consider it an insurance policy that you may never need.

It is irrational for her not to even to discuss what about it upset her. It's irrational for her to shut you out, but it's also common in Filipina's to tampo when they're not getting their way. But it's also understandable if this totally came out of left-field for her, for her to think this is you basically telling her you don't trust her and think your marriage would fail.

I don't know if i'd call it a "red flag" that she's using you, but I would consider it a concern that she behaves in this manner when she doesn't get her way or like how something is going, but again, it's common with Filipino women (it's ALL over the boards here). If her behaviour is troubling to you, tell her that. See how she reacts. If you have no problem living your life with this little "quirk", then let it go.

Explain it to her and if it's something she can't live with, then you need to decide whether it's a deal-breaker for you. BUT please don't give in to her behaviour, you don't reward childish behaviour with giving what they want. Compromise sure, but she shouldn't get her way just so you avoid "hassle". Marriage and divorce (as you know) is serious and sometimes sticky business, it makes sense to protect you both for the "what if" and hope you never need to. I've read far too many bad stories on here. I don't have enough to worry about, neither does my husband, but if we did, we'd do one. In fact, you can still do post-nuptial agreements as well.

p.s. Make sure it's in English AND Filipino. Also make sure she sees her own lawyer to talk about what's in it and negotiate it. You don't want to risk it being thrown out by claims she didn't understand it (a common attempt).

[aaron2020 11,651]

Yes, there are bad women everywhere - all over the world. There are also good women all over the world. WE SHOULD NEVER GENERALIZE OUR PERCEPTION / CONCLUSION.

I hope next time when we give comments or posts here, we should always be careful of our words as we all come from different cultures / nationalities -- please try not to OFFEND anyone. And, perhaps, it would be very good if we make negative comments, with should be able to support it with good research findings or with an accurate and valid data. Thank you and God bless everyone.

Whether its men or women or Filipinos or Americans, the fact is there are many scammers, liars, and gold diggers out there.

That's a fact.

Don't understand why you would call that into question.

[CaroSL 68]

It could mean anything...

My fiancé doesn't want a contract, I want one. Because I am french, and in france, we have contracts when we get married.

One of the reasons why I want a contract is we never know what life is gonna be like and how we will react if we are hurt. The contract is there so if for a reason or another we get separated, we are both protected and reasonably so. It is not just protecting me, it is protecting him too. If I get hurt and I want to hurt him back and take all he has... well, I won't be able too. And it works the other way around.

This is why I want a contract, so if things go crazy, it will keep us from getting them any crazier. Always plan for worse... It is just rational, it doesn't mean I want to protect what I have or that I am gonna leave him, or that I think he would want to take things from me... Just means we never know...

He doesn't want one because he doesn't think that way, and he trusts me and himself, and human nature in general, much more than I do. This is not a red flag in our case.

Find out why she doesn't want a pre-nup... then you can say if it is red flag or not...

[aaron2020 11,651]

A pre-nup agreement is not just about protecting you, it's also about protecting her. Maybe you should consider sending her an email explaining it's about protecting you both. That the agreement will talk about what she takes from the relationship just as what you take.

The world is not rainbows and sunshine. Bad things happen. People change. Things change. It only makes sense that you write an agreement to protect you both. As someone else said, consider it an insurance policy that you may never need.

It is irrational for her not to even to discuss what about it upset her. It's irrational for her to shut you out, but it's also common in Filipina's to tampo when they're not getting their way. But it's also understandable if this totally came out of left-field for her, for her to think this is you basically telling her you don't trust her and think your marriage would fail.

I don't know if i'd call it a "red flag" that she's using you, but I would consider it a concern that she behaves in this manner when she doesn't get her way or like how something is going, but again, it's common with Filipino women (it's ALL over the boards here). If her behaviour is troubling to you, tell her that. See how she reacts. If you have no problem living your life with this little "quirk", then let it go.

Explain it to her and if it's something she can't live with, then you need to decide whether it's a deal-breaker for you. BUT please don't give in to her behaviour, you don't reward childish behaviour with giving what they want. Compromise sure, but she shouldn't get her way just so you avoid "hassle". Marriage and divorce (as you know) is serious and sometimes sticky business, it makes sense to protect you both for the "what if" and hope you never need to. I've read far too many bad stories on here. I don't have enough to worry about, neither does my husband, but if we did, we'd do one. In fact, you can still do post-nuptial agreements as well.

p.s. Make sure it's in English AND Filipino. Also make sure she sees her own lawyer to talk about what's in it and negotiate it. You don't want to risk it being thrown out by claims she didn't understand it (a common attempt).

Great advice.

With two originals - one in English and one in Talagog, there may be slight difference in translation that could cause legal confusion.

Make sure the English version is the controlling instrument. Any inconsistencies will be settle under the English version. This shouldn't be a problem since Filipino law allow prenup a and English is widely used and taught in Filiipino schools.

Furthermore, make sure that only a US court may hear any divorce or annulment proceeding. Since both parties will live in the US, that's a reasonable venue.

Worst case scenario is the prenup being settle in a Philippine court using the Tagalog version.

[mom2be 4]

Prenup agreement? My Filipina fiancée flipped out when I brought it up.wont even discuss it now. This throws up a huge red flag as we start visa process.Any thoughts?

This post reminds me when my husband(fiancé back then) asked me about "pren up" few weeks before we got married. I flipped as well I took it very insulting.I was thinking he asked me to marry him and did all the process for K1, I gave up everything for him including my own family ,work and the chance to go to a British school when I decided to be with him. That time I asked myself how combthis guy didn't trust me after I gave up so much to be with him? It upset me because in the Philippines our culture when it comes to getting married properties of both parties doesn't matter anymore,as a couple husband and wife share everything.For a filipina this topic is very offensive especially if she comes from a province.I told my husband this"if you don't trust me enough to risk everything why would you marry me and brought me over here ?If you don't think Our relationship won't work why would you waste more of our time ?Let me know if you have any second thought about us because I don't have problem going back to my home anytime. He said it was his mom's idea asshe owned almost a million dollar house,a company that my husband runs,and rental properties.So being an only son she wants to make sure he gets everything if we divorce.I told him I don't care any of his property I won't sign a pren-up agreement just to prove myself to you. If you don't trust me and have problem with it then let me know that way I know when to start packing my luggage and book a flight back!Ever since he didn't brought this topic up.But then after we eloped and got married I started to realize his side,so I asked him,if he wants me to sign a post nuptial agreement I will sign it and have a lawyer to prepare it for him. He said it's not necessary it was just his mom's idea. Well now we are 3 years married,and have a baby,I work hard,I never asked him money infact I gave him more money from my salary to help pay bills than him giving me allowance like other wives lol.Also my insurance kicked in last month and save him thousands of dollars for my cesarean! He has my ATM and I don't have his,when I agree to marry him I told myself I'd share everything I have for this man because I love him,and it doesn't matter if he don't share his as long as I did my part.Now I'm still madly in-love with him especially now that our family is complete.

So my advise is,don't take it as a red flag right away because as filipina,our culture is very different from yours, so you just have to explain it to her and if she don't want to have pren up and it will be a problem for you then don't proceed to the wedding,If not signing a pren up you think is a red flag you should think this over and over because you may let the great girl go and made a mistake that you'll regret for the rest of your life.Or if you do have more reasons other than her flipping out the idea of pren-up,then think about it before you guys get married.Good luck!

[darkangel1215 4]

Thats my point.. We Filipino dont really apply that prenuptial even there is a law. We Filipino have different tradition.