Controlling and Insensitive Husband

[buzzingbee777 0]

I'm writing for a friend's case. She recently came to the US on a fiancee visa. She and her husband only met once in person although they have been constantly communicating online before they met. She truly adores this guy and she came to the US in good faith, hoping and praying that things would go well between them. As days go by, the true character of her husband is drastically showing and she feels overly controlled, unfairly treated and does not feel happy at all. Her situation is made worse by the fact that her husband's adult daughter lives with them. This daughter does not work and depends on her daddy financially. The daughter stays in the master's bedroom while she stays in the guest room. The daughter knows her daddy's bank account because she has access to it while the wife does not even know how much her husband is earning. There are many other instances and statements coming from the mouth of the husband himself which are evidence of how important this daughter over her as the wife. She already filed for her adjustment of status and waiting for the interview. She wants to undergo marriage counseling with her husband if he agrees to it. Unless there are changes in their situation, she is in a miserable condition. My question, is there a way for her to be able to stay as a permanent resident in case she decides to separate from or divorce him?

[Tintin and Mike 127]

I'm not in the position to give you a sound advice but so sorry for your friend.

Did you post this in the main forum? Wait for the experts on what they have to say

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I've moved your topic to the Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum as this is probably a more useful location for you to get the information you request on behalf of your friend.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

She hasn't been abused, she's just not happy and if he prefers the daughter (which most people do) then that's understandable. She had to have known the situation when she was talking to him. Who cares if they're living in the guest room? As long as HE is living there with him then that's not a big deal.

Whether she can stay depends on what stage of the process she's in when she leaves him. That said, you said she "recently came here" so she hasn't been here very long. In that case most people would return home because they came to the US for their spouse and not to stay in the US.

[sjr09 155]

Her situation is made worse by the fact that her husband's adult daughter lives with them. This daughter does not work and depends on her daddy financially. The daughter stays in the master's bedroom while she stays in the guest room. The daughter knows her daddy's bank account because she has access to it while the wife does not even know how much her husband is earning. There are many other instances and statements coming from the mouth of the husband himself which are evidence of how important this daughter over her as the wife. she is in a miserable condition.

A recognizable proverb that has surpassed the test of time, "Blood is thicker than water" the saying is that the bond of those related by blood is stronger than the bond of marriage or friendship. Your friend is envious and has feelings of resentment against his daughter for advantages she feels she should have. I call it the "little princess syndrome."

She hasn't been abused, she's just not happy and if he prefers the daughter (which most people do) then that's understandable. She had to have known the situation when she was talking to him. Who cares if they're living in the guest room? As long as HE is living there with him then that's not a big deal.

Whether she can stay depends on what stage of the process she's in when she leaves him. That said, you said she "recently came here" so she hasn't been here very long. In that case most people would return home because they came to the US for their spouse and not to stay in the US.

[Sandra G. 5,049]

I am not seeing any form of abuse here. She just saw this guy once before got married, of course she saw/knew what he showed her, now living together she was able to see his personality. I think if she disliked what she is noticing she just have to leave,period.If she decides to separate or divorce before the interview she won't receive her green card, because probably he won't attend the interview.

[Anh map 2,098]

This is one of the realities of the long distance, different culture relationships. The couple always has fun when visiting because it is a vacation for the both of them. They don't see each other in regular life circumstances. That is when we reveal ourselves to our BF/GF/spouses. There is probably an element of jealousy here. That can be present with couples from the same town/country/culture.

In my opinion the friend should work on her relationship (and make it clear to the hubby that it is an important thing for her) regardless of immigration. The counseling idea seems like a good step. Adding the GC (and making the accompanying threats re: immigration) only puts the relationship on poor footing.

[ca_babe 129]

That said, you said she "recently came here" so she hasn't been here very long. In that case most people would return home because they came to the US for their spouse and not to stay in the US.

Lots of Filipinos want to go to US to live and work here. The OP's friend probably have family members waiting for remittances from her. It's not uncommon to send money to the Philippines. According to Wikipedia, 13.5% of the country's GDP comes from remittances from overseas Filipinos. It makes it easier to put up with somebody without the intention of entering the marriage fraudulently because they were too excited by the fact that they're going to US. But when they come here, they've reached their goal. The things that they would put up with before, all of a sudden have become unacceptable. The pressure of going back to Philippines and having your relatives berate you for not staying in US so you can send money over to them is probably just too much to handle for most people. Some people say they want to stay here because they already resigned from their jobs or they sold properties in Philippines. It's not like you're barred from getting a new job when you quit your previous one or you're not allowed to buy properties again once you leave Philippines but mostly because it is expected of Filipino immigrants to send money. I'm not saying that they have a right to stay since it's up to the USCIS whether they'll approve the adjustment of status or not. I'm just giving a background to the readers from outside Philippines why people wants to stay here even if the marriage didn't work out.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

One thing I didn't read in the OP is that she has talked about any of this with the husband...

[justashooter 430]

because it is expected of Filipino immigrants to send money.

same thing with most chinese. there, they call it "family responsibility". here, we call it "extortion".

[ca_babe 129]

same thing with most chinese. there, they call it "family responsibility". here, we call it "extortion".

[AF-Wife 181]

It does sounds like a little but of jealousy torwards his daughter. Some women need to understand that his daughter is his blood and she's his wife. There's no competing ... Like she knows everything and the wife doesn't. Please keep in mind that he has also known his daughter his whole life. Your friend needs to talk to him, do therapy and give it time instead of worrying about staying in the US.

[Darnell 8,478]

where does the husband sleep ?

[QueenE 174]

His daughter should be more important than his wife. So I dont fault him for that. Your friend has to accept that if you marry someone with children you will and should never come first. He does need to be more open with his wife though, but she should talk to him but not to compare herself to his daughter because that will be counterproductive. Let her try counseling, she is so close and it would be ridiculous for jealousy of her husbands daughter to get in the way.

[Lornaevo 48]

How can you only meet someone once and think you really know them? These post are becoming way too frequent and I think the foreigner just wants to get to America and then cry foul.