Mrs. T-B. & the Citizenship Test

[TBoneTX 43,059]

Mrs. T-B.'s #5 sister is visiting Philadelphia. The conversation last night:

T-B.: Your sister ought to visit the Philadelphia Zoo.

Mrs. T-B.: They have a sioux in Philadelphia?

T-B.: Not a sioux. A zzzzzzzzzzoo.

Mrs. T-B. [trying to imitate]: A sssssssssioux.

T-B. [rolling eyes to self]: They also have the Liberty Bell.

Mrs. T-B.: What's Delivery Belt?

T-B.: It's what Abraham Lincoln used to beat the slaves with when they escaped by horseback.

Mrs. T-B.: Will this be on the citizenship test?

T-B.: They ask about the Livery Belt, I think, yes.

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: Sometimes, husbands give their wives the rest of the ice cream, and the wives eat it.

T-B. [to self]:

[luckytxn 2,263]

I recently explained to my wife she will need to have to start studying for the citizenship test. After the usual back and forth I looked it up and found that since she is a permanent resident now they can't or won't deport her for failing the interview and test. Is this correct?

[Karee 4,189]

I recently explained to my wife she will need to have to start studying for the citizenship test. After the usual back and forth I looked it up and found that since she is a permanent resident now they can't or won't deport her for failing the interview and test. Is this correct?

That's correct. She can stay a LPR for the rest of her life if she wants. There is no requirement to become a citizen. There is no punishment for failing the test. I think they give you 2 chances to pass it. If you fail both times, you have to re-file.

[luckytxn 2,263]

That's correct. She can stay a LPR for the rest of her life if she wants. There is no requirement to become a citizen. There is no punishment for failing the test. I think they give you 2 chances to pass it. If you fail both times, you have to re-file.

This might get expensive then. Thanks for replying.

[moemac59 192]

Background:

We mailed Mrs. T-B.'s N-400 (citizenship) to USCIS last week. I printed the 100 interview questions that USCIS can ask, wrote the answers, and gave them to Mrs. T-B. to study. She stated that she had "looked" at them "a little" during the last couple of days, between Facebook activity and chasing after young Mini-Bone.

As I tucked her into bed tonight (she has resigned herself to my late-night VJ-ing), the conversation went as follows:

Mrs. T-B.: I was looking on-line for "how to remodel your kitchen without money."

T-B.: Shouldn't you have been looking for "how to pass my citizenship test without studying?"

Mrs. T-B. [brightly]: I looked at the answers! Ask me some of the questions!

T-B.: OK... uh, "Who was the Father of our Country?"

Mrs. T-B.: Abraham Lincoln?'

T-B.: No, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Donald... Ronald Reagan?

T-B.: Good guy, but no, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Barack 0bama?

T-B.: [censored]

[silence]

T-B.: Here's a hint: Jorge...

Mrs. T-B.: Jorge Washington! George Washington! He or someone else is on the $5... the $1 bill, right?"

T-B. [invisibly rolling eyes]: Uh, si man.

Mrs. T-B. [undeterred]: Ask me another!

T-B.: OK... uh, "What is one thing that Benjamin Franklin is known for?"

Mrs. T-B.: Oh, I saw this one! He was hit by... hit by... [makes vertical zigzag motion with hand]

T-B. [helpfully]: That thing that happens before thunder?

Mrs. T-B.: Si -- that's it! But I can't remember the word in English.

T-B.: Lightning?

Mrs. T-B.: That's it! He was hit by lightning!

T-B.: What was he doing when he was hit by the lightning?

Mrs. T-B. [blankly]: Uh, mmmm... sitting in his back yard, drinking beer.

T-B.: No, no no... uh, si, man; we'll talk about this one later.

Mrs. T-B.: I know how I can study! You put the answers on an MP3, and in three days, I'll know all of them.

T-B.: All of them?

Mrs. T-B. [mischievously]: Si, and you can motivate me by paying me $10 for all of them that I miss.

T-B.: You're not going to sneak that one by me, no man.

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: OK -- you can ask me more of the questions tomorrow, and sometimes husbands make financial arrangements so that wives can remodel their kitchen.

T-B. [to self]:

OMG.. My husband and I are crying from laughing so hard at this...too funny especially about Ben Franklin sitting in his back yard drinking beer. Thxs for posting this!! :rofl:

[TBoneTX 43,059]

This might get expensive then. Thanks for replying.

Missed ya, dude -- welcome back, si man!

OMG.. My husband and I are crying from laughing so hard at this...too funny especially about Ben Franklin sitting in his back yard drinking beer. Thxs for posting this!! :rofl:

This is only a fraction of the hilarious stuff that happens around here, hee man.

[beejay 123]

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: Sometimes, husbands give their wives the rest of the ice cream, and the wives eat it.

This is a very important rule that keeps our house functioning as well

[Darnell 8,478]

I want to know which brand o mp-3 player Mrs. Bone is using to listen to the questions that Mr. Bone transferred from the CD.

[TBoneTX 43,059]

I want to know which brand o mp-3 player Mrs. Bone is using to listen to the questions that Mr. Bone transferred from the CD.

We're not that organized yet, Brother D. However, I did just get her a new set of cooking-pots, which should enable me to do away with the ones with layers of stuff vulcanized in them. Edited September 1, 2012 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 43,059]

This is a very important rule that keeps our house functioning as well

Mrs. T-B. makes me hand her spoonfuls of ice cream, which she eats; she is disappointed when we run out of the ice cream altogether; she later accuses me of making her eat ice cream and thus ruining her perpetual diet. , man.

[beejay 123]

Mrs. T-B. makes me hand her spoonfuls of ice cream, which she eats; she is disappointed when we run out of the ice cream altogether; she later accuses me of making her eat ice cream and thus ruining her perpetual diet. , man.

I prefer to be my own ice cream delivery system but it's sounds like Mrs. T-B has it pretty sweet

[TBoneTX 43,059]

Oh, brother... upon further review...

T-B.: Let's review the citizenship questions again.

Mrs. T-B.: Ask me from the first two pages.

T-B.: OK. "What did the Declaration of Independence do?"

Mrs. T-B.: The decoration of WHAT?

T-B.: No, no -- the DECLARATION of Independence.

Mrs. T-B. [moderate pause] Declarate independence.

T-B. [to self]:

T-B.: "Name the U.S. war between the North and the South."

Mrs. T-B.: Word Wart Two.

T-B.: "What ocean is on the West Coast of the United States?"

Mrs. T-B.: The Specific Ocean! The Pacific Ocean!

T-B.: "How old do citizens have to be to vote for President?"

Mrs. T-B.: 18 months! [bursts out laughing]

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right on page 1 and 5 right on page 2.)

T-B.: Let's go to page 3.

Mrs. T-B.: No, NO! I haven't looked at those yet.

T-B.: Let's try. "During the Cold War, what was the main concern of the United States?"

Mrs. T-B.: Global warming? No... [looks sad]. I don't know.

T-B.: Russian nuclear proliferation.

Mrs. T-B.: [looks blank & forlorn]

T-B.: Here's one that you know. "What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment?"

Mrs. T-B.: Religion.

T-B.: "What is one reason colonists came to America?"

Mrs. T-B. [looks blank]

T-B. [helpfully]: What was your last answer?

Mrs. T-B.: Religion! Freedom from religion.

T-B.: Well, freedom "of" religion. "Why does the flag have 50 stars?"

Mrs. T-B.: For each of the states.

T-B.: That's right, although you can point out that Obama thinks that there are 57 states.

Mrs. T-B.: He does? There are?

T-B.: Si, and no. "Name your U.S. Representative."

Mrs. T-B.: Perry something! Perry Ellis!

T-B.: No, no -- RICK Perry is the GOVERNOR.

Mrs. T-B.: Calvin Klein?

T-B. [to self]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 5 right on page 3.)

T-B.: Let's go to page 4. [Mrs. T-B. strains to look] "Who is the Governor of your state now?"

Mrs. T-B.: Pet Olson.

T-B.: No, no -- PETE Olson is our Representative. You answered this just now.

Mrs. T-B.: Perry Ellis! Perry.

T-B.: They'll accept "Perry." "Name two national U.S. holidays."

Mrs. T-B.: Christmas, and... and Black Friday.

T-B.: Well, perhaps. "What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?"

Mrs. T-B.: Proclam emancipate.

T-B.: For whom?

Mrs. T-B.: The Negros. Can I say that?

T-B.: Well, "the slaves" is probably better. "What is one promise you make when you become a U.S. citizen?"

Mrs. T-B. [long pause]: To go shopping on Black Friday... and every day!

T-B. [to self]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right on page 4.)

T-B.: Let's go to page 5.

Mrs. T-B. [makes exaggeratedly sad face]

T-B.: "There were 13 original states. Name three." Remember the hint that I told you.

Mrs. T-B.: What hint?

T-B.: Back then, they were all NEW...

Mrs. T-B.: I know this! Nueva Hersey, New York, and... and... Nude Hamshit... Nude Hamster.

T-B.: "Hamp-shur."

Mrs. T-B. [trying to imitate]: Hant-shirt. Hand-shell. [looks sad]

T-B. [sympathizing]: You can choose 10 others. "Name one war fought by the U.S. in the 1800s."

Mrs. T-B.: Wort Warld Two.

T-B.: In the EIGHTEEN-hundreds.

Mrs. T-B. [looking blank]: Whirl Wart One. Will you be there to help me with these answers?

T-B.: Nope, but maybe you can be so pretty that the officer will forget your answers.

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right out of 8 questions asked from page 5. She got 4 right from page 6.)

T-B.: Let's try page 7. "Who is the Chief Justice of the U.S. now?"

Mrs. T-B.: I don't know! Calvin Klein.

T-B.: "The idea of self-government is in the first 3 words of the Constitution. What are those words?"

Mrs. T-B. [pause]: Freedom... Ice cream! Chocolate. [sadly] Don't buy any more. I can't sleep after I eat it.

T-B.: Of course not; we won't buy any more until tomorrow at latest.

Mrs. T-B. [to T-B.]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 5 right on page 7. In unfairness, all the chocolate ice cream had already been eaten last night.)

For not having studied, Mrs. T-B. actually did pretty well, si man, perhaps because she is so pretty, see man.

[Mr. Borkström 63]

This is pure comedy gold.

Reminds me somewhat of the Simpsons episode when Homer tries to help Apu study for his citizenship test. "Now, we all know the 13 stripes are for good luck, but why does the American flag have exactly 47 stars?"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Background:

We mailed Mrs. T-B.'s N-400 (citizenship) to USCIS last week. I printed the 100 interview questions that USCIS can ask, wrote the answers, and gave them to Mrs. T-B. to study. She stated that she had "looked" at them "a little" during the last couple of days, between Facebook activity and chasing after young Mini-Bone.

As I tucked her into bed tonight (she has resigned herself to my late-night VJ-ing), the conversation went as follows:

Mrs. T-B.: I was looking on-line for "how to remodel your kitchen without money."

T-B.: Shouldn't you have been looking for "how to pass my citizenship test without studying?"

Mrs. T-B. [brightly]: I looked at the answers! Ask me some of the questions!

T-B.: OK... uh, "Who was the Father of our Country?"

Mrs. T-B.: Abraham Lincoln?'

T-B.: No, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Donald... Ronald Reagan?

T-B.: Good guy, but no, man.

Mrs. T-B.: Barack 0bama?

T-B.: [censored]

[silence]

T-B.: Here's a hint: Jorge...

Mrs. T-B.: Jorge Washington! George Washington! He or someone else is on the $5... the $1 bill, right?"

T-B. [invisibly rolling eyes]: Uh, si man.

Mrs. T-B. [undeterred]: Ask me another!

T-B.: OK... uh, "What is one thing that Benjamin Franklin is known for?"

Mrs. T-B.: Oh, I saw this one! He was hit by... hit by... [makes vertical zigzag motion with hand]

T-B. [helpfully]: That thing that happens before thunder?

Mrs. T-B.: Si -- that's it! But I can't remember the word in English.

T-B.: Lightning?

Mrs. T-B.: That's it! He was hit by lightning!

T-B.: What was he doing when he was hit by the lightning?

Mrs. T-B. [blankly]: Uh, mmmm... sitting in his back yard, drinking beer.

T-B.: No, no no... uh, si, man; we'll talk about this one later.

Mrs. T-B.: I know how I can study! You put the answers on an MP3, and in three days, I'll know all of them.

T-B.: All of them?

Mrs. T-B. [mischievously]: Si, and you can motivate me by paying me $10 for all of them that I miss.

T-B.: You're not going to sneak that one by me, no man.

Mrs. T-B. [flashing big brown puppy-dog eyes]: OK -- you can ask me more of the questions tomorrow, and sometimes husbands make financial arrangements so that wives can remodel their kitchen.

T-B. [to self]:

I printed them out and read them to Alla every opportunity. Going to the rifle range...she drove I read questions. Before bed...no fairy tale for you tonight dear. (Yes I read Russian Fairy Tales to her which are actually like horror stories, you should try them)

In a couple weeks she had them all down.

Good Luck Ms TB!!!!

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Oh, brother... upon further review...

The replacement NFL refs are involved?

T-B.: Let's review the citizenship questions again.

Mrs. T-B.: Ask me from the first two pages.

T-B.: OK. "What did the Declaration of Independence do?"

Mrs. T-B.: The decoration of WHAT?

That would explain all the bunting.

T-B.: No, no -- the DECLARATION of Independence.

Mrs. T-B. [moderate pause] Declarate independence.

T-B. [to self]:

T-B.: "Name the U.S. war between the North and the South."

Mrs. T-B.: Word Wart Two.

Wasn't that won by Miss Lana Caine?

T-B.: "What ocean is on the West Coast of the United States?"

Mrs. T-B.: The Specific Ocean! The Pacific Ocean!

That's specific enough for me.

T-B.: "How old do citizens have to be to vote for President?"

Old enough to pull their own lever, please no si man!

Mrs. T-B.: 18 months! [bursts out laughing]

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right on page 1 and 5 right on page 2.)

That's better than the average person on the street, yessiree, man!

T-B.: Let's go to page 3.

Mrs. T-B.: No, NO! I haven't looked at those yet.

T-B.: Let's try. "During the Cold War, what was the main concern of the United States?"

Whether or not the Frigidaire was working, 0C, man!

Mrs. T-B.: Global warming? No... [looks sad]. I don't know.

T-B.: Russian nuclear proliferation.

Mrs. T-B.: [looks blank & forlorn]

No need to rub S.A.L.T. in the wounds, we should S.T.A.R.T. at the beginning, WWIII, man!

T-B.: Here's one that you know. "What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment?"

Mrs. T-B.: Religion.

T-B.: "What is one reason colonists came to America?"

Mrs. T-B. [looks blank]

T-B. [helpfully]: What was your last answer?

Mrs. T-B.: Religion! Freedom from religion.

So that's what's meant by separation of church and state.

T-B.: Well, freedom "of" religion. "Why does the flag have 50 stars?"

Mrs. T-B.: For each of the states.

T-B.: That's right, although you can point out that Obama thinks that there are 57 states.

Not yet, but Canada can't hold out much longer.

Mrs. T-B.: He does? There are?

T-B.: Si, and no. "Name your U.S. Representative."

Mrs. T-B.: Perry something! Perry Ellis!

T-B.: No, no -- RICK Perry is the GOVERNOR.

Mrs. T-B.: Calvin Klein?

T-B. [to self]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 5 right on page 3.)

T-B.: Let's go to page 4. [Mrs. T-B. strains to look] "Who is the Governor of your state now?"

Mrs. T-B.: Pet Olson.

Only in the restroom of an international airport.

T-B.: No, no -- PETE Olson is our Representative. You answered this just now.

Mrs. T-B.: Perry Ellis! Perry.

T-B.: They'll accept "Perry." "Name two national U.S. holidays."

Mrs. T-B.: Christmas, and... and Black Friday.

T-B.: Well, perhaps. "What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?"

Mrs. T-B.: Proclam emancipate.

T-B.: For whom?

Mrs. T-B.: The Negros. Can I say that?

T-B.: Well, "the slaves" is probably better. "What is one promise you make when you become a U.S. citizen?"

Mrs. T-B. [long pause]: To go shopping on Black Friday... and every day!

Spoken like a true American, U.S.A.! She gets credit for that.

T-B. [to self]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right on page 4.)

T-B.: Let's go to page 5.

Mrs. T-B. [makes exaggeratedly sad face]

T-B.: "There were 13 original states. Name three." Remember the hint that I told you.

Mrs. T-B.: What hint?

T-B.: Back then, they were all NEW...

Mrs. T-B.: I know this! Nueva Hersey, New York, and... and... Nude Hamshit... Nude Hamster.

You left out the state with the highest marriage rate, New-Ter.

T-B.: "Hamp-shur."

Mrs. T-B. [trying to imitate]: Hant-shirt. Hand-shell. [looks sad]

Eliot Spitzer was the Governor of Hand-Job, I believe.

T-B. [sympathizing]: You can choose 10 others. "Name one war fought by the U.S. in the 1800s."

Mrs. T-B.: Wort Warld Two.

T-B.: In the EIGHTEEN-hundreds.

Mrs. T-B. [looking blank]: Whirl Wart One. Will you be there to help me with these answers?

T-B.: Nope, but maybe you can be you are so pretty that the officer will forget your answers.

Words of matrimony, man!

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 4 right out of 8 questions asked from page 5. She got 4 right from page 6.)

T-B.: Let's try page 7. "Who is the Chief Justice of the U.S. now?"

Mrs. T-B.: I don't know! Calvin Klein.

Legal briefs are involved, stare decisis, man!

T-B.: "The idea of self-government is in the first 3 words of the Constitution. What are those words?"

Mrs. T-B. [pause]: Freedom... Ice cream! Chocolate. [sadly] Don't buy any more. I can't sleep after I eat it.

T-B.: Of course not; we won't buy any more until tomorrow at latest.

Mrs. T-B. [to T-B.]:

(In fairness, Mrs. T-B. got 5 right on page 7. In unfairness, all the chocolate ice cream had already been eaten last night.)

For not having studied, Mrs. T-B. actually did pretty well, si man, perhaps because she is so pretty, see man.

Reminds me of my favourite show, I Love Lucidity, babbaluu-ie, man!

God Bless Mrs.T-B, she is priceless, mainly because human trafficking is illegal. She will pass with flying colours, depending on whether or not you buy Neopolitan ice cream.

Edited September 7, 2012 by IR5FORMUMSIE