She stabbed me in the back, any advice how to proceed

[Kirk2012 0]

Hello,

I came to US through a fiance visa. After a year she apparently changed her mind and started to treat me very badly. The issue escalated and we were separated about 6 months ago, although we are still legally married. In the next few months I need to apply for the unconditional green card and I tried to convince her not to cause any problems, however, she is determined to cause me as much damage as she possible can. She told me that she will send me back home, but I'm convinced that the law cant be in favor of the citizen, at least not to that degree. I know i have to sit down with an immigration attorney but I wanted to have some prior knowledge before I do so. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what should I do in this case. I've been living in US for almost 2 years now, since I went through a whole lot to adapt to the environment and the culture, I've decided to stay, and quite frankly i love it here.

I would appreciate any advice you can give me.

Thanks,

Kirk

[FinallyDone:) 10]

i am sorry to hear this:(. i hope things get better...i personally dont know what to suggest to you but i will keep you in my prayers. sorry again

[together4evr 360]

Do not file to ROC yet

Get a divorce first then ROC immediately afterwards

She will not stop your ROC unless you have crimes in america or she filed abuse charges against you

Make sure you have all your proofs together

family pics

bills in both your names

copy of her drivers license and yours with same addresses

tax returns for 2 years

medical bills

health insurance

and more

[Krikit 1,163]

Moving from K-1 Process to Effects of Major Changes.

[Kirk2012 0]

i am sorry to hear this:(. i hope things get better...i personally dont know what to suggest to you but i will keep you in my prayers. sorry again

Thanks,

[Kirk2012 0]

Do not file to ROC yet

Get a divorce first then ROC immediately afterwards

She will not stop your ROC unless you have crimes in america or she filed abuse charges against you

Make sure you have all your proofs together

family pics

bills in both your names

copy of her drivers license and yours with same addresses

tax returns for 2 years

medical bills

health insurance

and more

Thank you for the information. According to what you have told me, i may not even need an immigration attorney after all, or maybe just a for a short consultaion. Thanks again.

Kirk

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Do not file to ROC yet

Get a divorce first then ROC immediately afterwards

She will not stop your ROC unless you have crimes in america or she filed abuse charges against you

Make sure you have all your proofs together

family pics

bills in both your names

copy of her drivers license and yours with same addresses

tax returns for 2 years

medical bills

health insurance

and more

Be careful of the bolded statement above. You MUST file for removal of conditions before your two year green card expires. If you don't then your permanent resident status will automatically be revoked, and they can start removal proceedings against you.

If you are within months of your conditional green card expiring then it's highly unlikely you'll have a divorce final before your conditional green card expires. If your wife is determined to make things difficult for you then I can guarantee you won't have the divorce final in time. She can drag the divorce process out for years, if she's determined to do so. My previous wife turned what should have been a simple divorce into a five year nightmare.

You MUST file the I-751 before your conditional green card expires, even if your divorce isn't final yet. Just fill out the form as if you were self-petitioning based on divorce, include a letter explaining that your divorce hasn't been finalized yet, and include all of the other evidence you would normally include to prove you entered the marriage in good faith. A USCIS immigration officer won't get around to looking at your I-751 for several months. When they do then they'll see you didn't include the divorce decree and they'll issue an RFE for it. They'll usually give you 12 weeks to respond to that RFE. If you get the divorce decree before the RFE window expires then send it in. If you don't then respond before the 12 weeks has expired that your divorce is still pending. At this point, the immigration officer can start removal proceedings, and you'll eventually be scheduled for a master hearing in immigration court. Go to the master hearing and bring whatever documents you have so far related to the divorce. Ask the judge for a stay while you wait out the divorce. The judge will almost always grant the stay.

In other words, you can delay the process until you get the divorce decree, but ONLY if you follow the rules and file everything when you're supposed to file it, or respond to any requests when you're supposed to respond to them. If you do anything that isn't "timely" then that could blow everything for you.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

You have tw0 options:

File the I-751 Petition as “married”,and of course living together, or file the I-751 Petition as “divorced.” Once you are not living together the best option is to file for divorce right now. There is a memo from UCIS that states that if the divorce is not finalized,the immigrant can file the I-751 and a RFE will be issued to give him about 90 more days to submit the divorce decree.

http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/New%20Structure/Laws%20and%20Regulations/Memoranda/*2009%20Memos%20By%20Month/*Oct%202009/Adjudication%20of%20Form%20I-751100909.pdf

Edited April 8, 2012 by sandranj

[The Rice King 1]

Nobody knows your situation better than you and your wife. Think back when you two were in love and she did her best to bring you over as soon as possible to be beside her FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Remember that if it wasn't for her choosing you as her husband you wouldn't be in the US. You love it here? I bet you do. Since you do then the least you can do is bite your lips, listen to her, swallow your pride and humble your self for the sake of saving your marriage. Sure you shouldn't have to take abuse from anyone but in marriage you will feel that way sometimes and that's normal. It takes a lifetime to learn everything about a spouse. Do you still love her? I would assume that you still do... If you already fell out of love in such a short time then you were never in love in the first place. If you love your spouse then let her know and do everything you can to save your marriage.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Nobody knows your situation better than you and your wife. Think back when you two were in love and she did her best to bring you over as soon as possible to be beside her FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Remember that if it wasn't for her choosing you as her husband you wouldn't be in the US. You love it here? I bet you do. Since you do then the least you can do is bite your lips, listen to her, swallow your pride and humble your self for the sake of saving your marriage. Sure you shouldn't have to take abuse from anyone but in marriage you will feel that way sometimes and that's normal. It takes a lifetime to learn everything about a spouse. Do you still love her? I would assume that you still do... If you already fell out of love in such a short time then you were never in love in the first place. If you love your spouse then let her know and do everything you can to save your marriage.

Excuse me? He owes her NOTHING for "bringing him here". Just like she wouldn't owe him if the situation were reversed. Just because HE moved here (she helped but HE did the moving) doesn't mean he needs to put up with abuse or "humble himself".

I have been married 2+ years and have NEVER felt like I was taking abuse and it is NOT normal to feel that you are. That is a completely ridiculous comment. If you feel degraded or abused in the relationship there is something seriously wrong.

[TBoneTX 43,043]

she did her best to bring you over as soon as possible to be beside her FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

She brought him over so that they could marry within 90 days of his arrival.

The rest of the post (mercifully redacted) contains some of the worst advice that I've ever read on VJ. Agreed with Vanessa.

[The Rice King 1]

She brought him over so that they could marry within 90 days of his arrival.

The rest of the post (mercifully redacted) contains some of the worst advice that I've ever read on VJ. Agreed with Vanessa.

Oh that's right... I almost forgot that US has the highest divorce rate in the world and it is socially acceptable to go the easy way out. So then what after the 90 days? You see... people want to say what is socially acceptable and not admit their true feelings. I mean... they didn't think about the hard times they would have and promise to hold on no matter what? Isn't that still what is all about?

Edited April 9, 2012 by Jacob and Ngan

[The Rice King 1]

Excuse me? He owes her NOTHING for "bringing him here". Just like she wouldn't owe him if the situation were reversed. Just because HE moved here (she helped but HE did the moving) doesn't mean he needs to put up with abuse or "humble himself".

I have been married 2+ years and have NEVER felt like I was taking abuse and it is NOT normal to feel that you are. That is a completely ridiculous comment. If you feel degraded or abused in the relationship there is something seriously wrong.

Did you read carefully? I clearly said that he shouldn't take abuse.... however sometimes it feels that way.... and yes is normal. What I meant by that is that sometimes people say stuff and do stuff when they are angry and mistreat their spouse. Does that mean that they should separate and divorce? I personally don't think so but they should get professional help asap. Everyone get's mistreated and abuse from time to time in life by their teachers, at work, our own family, friends or some low life in the street. Unfortunately that is part of life. Everyone puts up with ####### from others.... then why not put up with a wife's ####### for a little while and try slowly work things out by communicating and seeking help? Sure is easier to say good bye but that is lame and for cowards. True love is resilient.

As for him owing her... yes he does. I would become the slave of any woman that takes me as her husband to bring me to the US and I would NEVER leave her. I would worship her and make her happy until the day I die. I have travel enough to see how fortunate we Americans are.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Jacob and Ngan

[aaron2020 11,651]

Oh that's right... I almost forgot that US has the highest divorce rate in the world and it is socially acceptable to go the easy way out. So then what after the 90 days? You see... people want to say what is socially acceptable and not admit their true feelings. I mean... they didn't think about the hard times they would have and promise to hold on no matter what? Isn't that still what is all about?

Disparaging the US divorce rate is irrelevant to how a person should threat his/her spouse.

I agree that being patience and appreciative of your partner are great in maintaining a healthy relationship.

However, being "humble" and being grateful to the US citizen for bringing the foreign spouse to the US is bull caca. Those are choices made by the couple. It wasn't the generosity of the US citizen. Both partners benefited from living together.

The problem that I have with your response is that you implied that the foreign spouse should just be grateful to the US citizen for bringing her/him to the US. There is no need to say "You love it here? I bet you do." That's overly simplistic and implies that all foreign brides/grooms are solely looking for green cards. If you feel this is what the foreign spouse is looking for, then yes the person should be grateful to the US citizen for bringing him/her to the US. For those who did it for love and feel that the US is the best choices between their two countries, then why should one be grateful to the other? Shouldn't they be grateful just to have the company and love of the other?

[The Rice King 1]

Disparaging the US divorce rate is irrelevant to how a person should threat his/her spouse.

I agree that being patience and appreciative of your partner are great in maintaining a healthy relationship.

However, being "humble" and being grateful to the US citizen for bringing the foreign spouse to the US is bull caca. Those are choices made by the couple. It wasn't the generosity of the US citizen. Both partners benefited from living together.

The problem that I have with your response is that you implied that the foreign spouse should just be grateful to the US citizen for bringing her/him to the US. There is no need to say "You love it here? I bet you do." That's overly simplistic and implies that all foreign brides/grooms are solely looking for green cards. If you feel this is what the foreign spouse is looking for, then yes the person should be grateful to the US citizen for bringing him/her to the US. For those who did it for love and feel that the US is the best choices between their two countries, then why should one be grateful to the other? Shouldn't they be grateful just to have the company and love of the other?

Last time I checked the meaning of the word "humble" was to not be arrogant or prideful. Maybe I should have used a better word like "compromise". Most people repeat what others say because is politically correct or socially acceptable to say. I don't.

Yes I wrote "You love it here? I bet you do." So what? Who doesn't? The US is not perfect but is the best country to live in the world by far. So by that you determined that I am implying that ALL brides/grooms solely come for the green card? If I think that way then what am I doing in VJ?

Waiting for a K-1 visa sucks but the experience can also make a relationship stronger. With that said... After only one year and a half plus all that K-1 proce$$ing and waiting and now his wife all the sudden hates his guts? All that effort just to victimize him FOR NO REASON?

Edited April 10, 2012 by Jacob and Ngan