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am i overreacting about this porn thing?

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NY_BX Proficient

NY_BX   397

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Addiction isn't a fun nor easy thing for about the addict and the persons involved. I strongly suggest that you talk to him with a professional counselor who specializes in addiction.

Someone said porn or little of it is okay but NOT everyone engages or enjoys porn. We have to be mindful that everyone is different and if it isn't comfortable to you then you have the right to voice that concern.

That's like me saying I have an addiction with inflicting harm to people but it is okay because it is natural human behavior. That's atrocious and any behavior that pose as an issue is NOT HEALTHY.

Protect yourself and your children if you are planning on staying with him. I wish you the best and get help if you can.

That is a horrible analogy. Sex between 2 consenting adults is natural human behavior. Inflicting harm to yourself and others is the exact opposite!

Don't ever do anything you're not willing to explain the paramedics.

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VanessaTony
VanessaTony

There's a difference between HAS looked at porn and IS looking at porn. I know for 10000% sure that Tony doesn't look at porn. He doesn't go to strip clubs (and wouldn't). I know he DID while he was

Kathryn41
Kathryn41

thread closed for review After review, I am re-opening this thread. Please remember that the OP has asked for advice. She has not asked for judgment and she certainly has not asked for condemnation.

Rebecca Jo
Rebecca Jo

Lookin' at porn is not an "open relationship".

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Moomin Proficient

Moomin   292

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Sorry to hear your problem! You are making too big of a deal on this porn business with your husband.

Every man I know watch and own porn. I wouldn't tell you either knowing your reaction.

"Every man watch porn". So that makes it alright to hurt the ones close to you, because of a habit? I couldn't really care less if my husband had such habit but if I told him from day one that it hurts me and he promised to stop, only to do it when I'm not there, I am more than just sure that's the first step of lying. And to be frank, I made it clear to my husband that I choose to not be around people who hurt me on purpose, do drugs or pi** me off on purpose, and that would include him too if it ever came down to any of those 3.

I do admit it has its benefits to sometimes just accept the way things are, and our differences. But in the case of being hurt by someone's addiction; no.

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VanessaTony Grand Master

VanessaTony   3,567

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That is a horrible analogy. Sex between 2 consenting adults is natural human behavior. Inflicting harm to yourself and others is the exact opposite!

I believe the analogy is sound. Some people are saying that watching porn is "natural human behaviour". This behaviour is inflicting emotional harm on the OP but we're supposed to excuse it because "porn is healthy".

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VanessaTony Grand Master

VanessaTony   3,567

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Every man I know watch and own porn. I wouldn't tell you either knowing your reaction.

One of my husbands friends told his live-in GF that every guy watched porn (including my husband) and went to strip clubs so there was nothing wrong with him doing it. He only told her that to validate what he was doing. It wasn't actually true because my husband doesn't anymore. Did before we were together but has too much respect for our relationship to do so now.

Guys tell each other and everyone else that "everyone does it" so they don't look bad doing it themselves.

Edited by Vanessa&Tony

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Jamaican Luv Rising Star

Jamaican Luv   13

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well for me and my husband we have watched porn together even on our wedding nite.. lol.. but the incest porn.. umm noo i would have a huge deal with that. I think you should just maybe try to talk to him about it again and see what he has to say. I wouldnt get mad at him if he is still watching it. Paying for it is another thing. If your gone for a couple of weeks, he has needs he might have to take care of, at least hes NOT cheating on you.

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Rufus2012 Enthusiast

Rufus2012   175

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And last but not least, buy a great, wonderful sex toy for yourself only. Use that instead. Taste of his own medicine....

A friend of mine (no, really, this was a friend) once got an old girlfriend of his a sex toy as a present. He said it was his biggest mistake, because he just couldn't compete with it. :)

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Peter_Pan Proficient

Peter_Pan   661

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Just because he watches "incest" porn (and I am using "" because everyone knows that actors aren't really related, else the movie would be illegal and I am guessing wouldn't sell that well either), doesn't mean he would rape his own children. Porn is a fantasy after all.

Case in point, world's biggest site on erotic literature. Do you see how incest stories have the greatest number, over 25 k?

I wonder, though, if the people against porn also oppose to masturbation.

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amyandjorge Enthusiast

amyandjorge   76

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A friend of mine (no, really, this was a friend) once got an old girlfriend of his a sex toy as a present. He said it was his biggest mistake, because he just couldn't compete with it. :)

LOL 'a friend of mine' bought one for herself while her husband is away. He refuses to 'meet' it, but he never asked her not to use it! Better than the alternatives (way better than incest porn or 'professionals'!)

And about overracting to the porn thing? Maybe, but not overreacting to the lying thing. That is a huge issue.

Also, how many 'healthy' habits are in the top ten list of addictions in the US?

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awkwardsoul Enthusiast

awkwardsoul   20

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I'm just commenting on the porn aspect. I'm a sex positive type, so my take is much different that lots of comments here.

listen to this Dan Savage podcast where he rants about the program "Find his Porn" http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2011/12/06/savage-love-episode-268

Men (or women for that matter) might look up weird porn for curiosity and not for arousal.

Best to just talk about it and know what your deal breakers are... wouldn't this of been a conversation when you were dating? Being sexually compatible?

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issha2lynden Community Regular

issha2lynden   77

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Porn habit can be very hard to break. It can lead a person to addiction. It is a spiritual bondage. A man can only break it if he wants to, and even if he wants to, or even he is spiritual..it is difficult to get out. This goes to bottom line "know the person you will tie the knot with". Getting married for me is not just letting my soulish desire overcome me..I prayed a lot and only when I had that inner peace I decided to do the Vow.

OP, your hubby is not a bad person, I look at it like he is a prisoner of his flesh-a sinful lust and yes some people here are right. It is a form of cheating but he needs help. He is now your hubby.You are now one.Pray to God and ask for help and wisdom how to survive him from it. God bless you deary.

Edited by issha
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A and T Rising Star

A and T   82

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Here is my take on it,

Having just porn on his computer is not a big deal and normal by all standards. (Well, hopefully its normal legal porn)

But running an " He had an interracial sex group on yahoo and I even found stuff about incest" , Plus paying to see girls on Cam is a bit too much. The cam girls are sort of a breech of trust , it might be slightly excusable but if he is so into sex that he has a web forum group about it, then thats a red flag.

And it seems every time you leave he is buying porn stuff, so it seems like he has a sex addiction. Have you talked to him about how it makes you feel? Is he forcing you to have sex a lot (like several times a day?) If so, it might be time to get him to a Councillor

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Andy & Sue Explorer

Andy & Sue   31

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Watching porn is ok by me, hell, I do it and I am a woman. But going further - that is paying good money and having cyber sex is a sign of something that's not ok and frankly, a sign of cheating.

Now, renting a DVD seems a bit like addiction, especially with so many free online porn.

I agree watching porn is one thing but paying for interactive webcam sex is another.

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Taga Newbie

Taga   0

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I read your post and my heart sunk. I was you several years ago. I know your story so well and if I didn't have to rush off to work right now, I would take this time to tell you how I survived. But before I go I will tell you, no, it is NOT okay. And the feelings you're experiencing are not to be ignored. This addiction (b/c he can't stay away from it) can be detrimental to your marriage. I'll post more later when I have more time (so sorry). In the meantime, know that you are NOT alone.

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bigdog Veteran

bigdog   376

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Each relationship is based on trust, friendship, hope and love. Only you know what is acceptable to you. Abuse is abuse in many forms, he has a problem it just depends weather you want to deal with it or not. See a professional person or real good friend you trust. In my line of work excessive Porn you will not get hired and can get you fired. Do what is best for you, my heart goes out to you.

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