To the negative nancies out there

[san diego 407]

There is a difference that we need to draw between "degrading comments" and honest comments that intended to help OP but OP does not like them. The bottom line is

1) that if you do not want to hear advice that you do not like do not post anything. This is not the place to seek approval of your actions (sometimes illegal or silly). This is the place for seeking help

2) If you are voicing your opinion be prepared to hear opposite opinions, which do not agree with yours

3) If you are committing or trying to commit clearly immoral acts such as: a) Trying to make co-sponsor to pay your bills despite the fact that co-sponsor was nice enough to sign I864; b) Commit immigration fraud; c) Seek advice on how to immigrate into US illegally; d) Divorcing your petitioner after receiving temporary card after clearly fraudulent marriage and trying to stay in US; and many-many other questions on committing acts of immoral nature that I see on this site. BE PREPARED TO NEGATIVE OPINIONS.

If you follow these 3 simple rules you are OK.

The only time I agree with the OP where there is no place for negativity is when people ask questions, even seemingly stupid. Either answer question or move on. This situation I agree with OP.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

Darn I was looking for the like button then I realized this is not Facebook

[DCFAMS 2]

I don't think anyone wishes ill of anyone on this site, but I do think that some of the 'colder' responses come down to the following:

For the petitioner or beneficiary this is a very harrowing, anxious, nerve wracking emotional process that is fraught with danger and setbacks are sometimes very hard or difficult to absorb and process. Most of us want nothing than to be reunited with our loved ones, spouses, family, or simply want to ensure that we succeed in acquiring the papers that we need to forward what we each feel is our destiny in life. That being said the people on the other side of the isle at the DOS and DHS are just doing a job, like it or not, for them this is a daily routine of analyzing forms and interviewing people and doing what their training has taught them is the proper course of action.

I think that some of the less emotional people on this website want to constantly remind us that you do really need to leave your emotions regarding immigration somewhere else, because they have no place here. This is a process, a highly bureaucratic (and sometimes very frustrating) process, with rules, regulations and quite significant penalties for failing to properly follow instructions. I honestly do not think that anyone wishes ill upon anyone else on this site (although sometimes you wonder what some people posting were thinking when they describe their situation) and want to constantly remind people that in this process there is a fairly clear cut way to succeed and that you need keep your wits about you, remain logical and rational you will succeed and that doing what your emotions tell you to do is not always the best way.

[skiptex 225]

Darn I was looking for the like button then I realized this is not Facebook

[Robert&Karen 264]

Many people on forums can often be very opinionated and others can offer great advice. You can try to ignore the negative comments but sometimes it stings when you read the upsetting comments. Unfortunately, people will voice their opinions whether you like it or not. I have had my feelings hurt on many occasions by posters on other websites. I doubt there will ever be a time in life where a human being will not hear at-least one hurtful or degrading comment. Therefore, it may be best to avoid posting questions which may trigger negative or opinionated comments altogether. I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately.

Consider the source. We have trolls and wannabes out here who poke the bear just to watch the reaction. I want to talk to a person who has been there, done that.

[no more 16]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

I definitely agree on not saying anything at all. WHen people make remarks that speak down to others its counter productive and all that needs to be said are the facts. My favorite are the no it alls that get facts wrong. How bad is it to say something and give information when you think you know and you dont. I only say something when i know for sure because i experienced it. There is one lady who you can see is very nervous and needs to have help with answers. People were saying you need to look up on your own. Instead of just answering. JUst ignore the people who cant have compassion. Everyone has a day when they want and need compassion. Sadly some people see it only when they need it. THank you for saying this outloud!!

[joonphon 7]

I don't think anyone wishes ill of anyone on this site, but I do think that some of the 'colder' responses come down to the following:

For the petitioner or beneficiary this is a very harrowing, anxious, nerve wracking emotional process that is fraught with danger and setbacks are sometimes very hard or difficult to absorb and process. Most of us want nothing than to be reunited with our loved ones, spouses, family, or simply want to ensure that we succeed in acquiring the papers that we need to forward what we each feel is our destiny in life. That being said the people on the other side of the isle at the DOS and DHS are just doing a job, like it or not, for them this is a daily routine of analyzing forms and interviewing people and doing what their training has taught them is the proper course of action.

I think that some of the less emotional people on this website want to constantly remind us that you do really need to leave your emotions regarding immigration somewhere else, because they have no place here. This is a process, a highly bureaucratic (and sometimes very frustrating) process, with rules, regulations and quite significant penalties for failing to properly follow instructions. I honestly do not think that anyone wishes ill upon anyone else on this site (although sometimes you wonder what some people posting were thinking when they describe their situation) and want to constantly remind people that in this process there is a fairly clear cut way to succeed and that you need keep your wits about you, remain logical and rational you will succeed and that doing what your emotions tell you to do is not always the best way.

well said!

[Miss smarty pants 84]

Ok. So what im getting from all this..... You all think I should definitely book my husbands plane ticket now for the day after the interview. Right??? Lol. J/k

[Darnell 8,478]

Consider the source. We have trolls and wannabes out here who poke the bear just to watch the reaction. I want to talk to a person who has been there, done that.

Just bear in mind that this is a 'peer-reviewed-portal'.

Care to go troll hunting with me ?

[Ready to do it 101]

I think every post needs the positives and negatives of every potential outcome. It's irrelevant whether feelings are hurt, it's not the response the OP is looking for etc. The responses to any question or post help not only the OP but also future readers in a similar situation. Optimism, pessimism, what have you is all irrelevant. Posts need answers and hopefully the correct answers, not the politically correct or feel-good answers. I've seen people write on this board that this site is for picking people up or for moral support. Really? I use it to gain info, knowledge, and facts. I can go to a therapist if I need to be picked up or need moral support. It's funny to think that many OPs get offended when they ask a question or for advice and someone makes a post that either a) they do not agree with or b) they get argumentative and say how rude the answer was etc. If they don't want advise from every angle, then they shouldn't be asking for advice.

[kennym 275]

I think every post needs the positives and negatives of every potential outcome. It's irrelevant whether feelings are hurt, it's not the response the OP is looking for etc. The responses to any question or post help not only the OP but also future readers in a similar situation. Optimism, pessimism, what have you is all irrelevant. Posts need answers and hopefully the correct answers, not the politically correct or feel-good answers. I've seen people write on this board that this site is for picking people up or for moral support. Really? I use it to gain info, knowledge, and facts. I can go to a therapist if I need to be picked up or need moral support. It's funny to think that many OPs get offended when they ask a question or for advice and someone makes a post that either a) they do not agree with or b) they get argumentative and say how rude the answer was etc. If they don't want advise from every angle, then they shouldn't be asking for advice.

The item in Bold is an important item to remember...

[Todd&Charity 0]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

ahmen......LIKE the positive ness & smart advice ALOHA

[Rufus2012 175]

I used to be a bit more harsh on those who replied brusquely or somewhat rudely. But after a while, you read a lot of the same questions. The example of making concrete plans before a visa is in hand (I would argue successful admission at POE is the real go/no-go point) comes up a lot. There are a lot of questions about the affidavit of support that are obvious if the poster would just take the time to read the documents available on this site; if your fiancé does not have enough income, you have to get a cosponsor, full stop. A lot of people do not do their homework. I see a question of "I just filed my K-1, what do I do next" - well, duh, take the time to read what's here first.

There are some trolls, but they go away after a while. There are some cranky people with very helpful information, but I'd rather have them around ticking off the squeamish than not have their presence and the useful data they bring.

The USCIS and DoS are far less forgiving of your stupid mistakes than even the most hostile, belligerent person on these boards. If you can't deal with them, if they get you down, you are going to have a rough time when some apparatchik is making decisions about your future and insists on that extra piece of paper to satisfy his own notions of what is and isn't a relationship.

[TiklingGuy 211]

I just want to tell you both Good Luck, were all counting on you.

[hnubno 9]

i think some people are just more sensitive then others. i read a lot of the topics here and i read alot of suggestions and i think 99% of the suggestions aren't overtly harsh. i think people are just passionate in helping or suggesting and many of the new members that are asking for help or info think that they are being attacked. i have to say that a lot of new members are very very sensitive from what i noticed.

altho with that said, i can't say anything going off topic because we get a lot of that here. lol going off topic is quite strict in here altho it's understandable in certain parts of this forum.

Edited September 28, 2011 by hnubno