Pregnancy during the process is ridiculous

[xxxwabbiexxx 70]

Am I the only person who believes that getting pregnant during either the fiance visa process or spouse visa process is ridiculous??

So many people write 'we accidently got pregnant' no you didn't, you were having unprotected sex and you got the obvious result of that - I fully understand that accidents can happen occasionally, but I would bet that, that didn't happen for the majority of people - it's the 21st century, so for the majority of people there really is no excuse. If you truly want a child very early on in the relationship then that really is your decision but my advise from the bottom of my heart would be to wait till the process is over - for the sake of the innocent child.

What happened to spending time together - why introduce a poor child in the mix of an already complicated situation?? My husband and I don't want to even consider children for at least 5 years because we absolutely love being with each other, we love being selfish and spending money on expensive shoes or bags, we love eating at adult restaurant, we love just being able to take off somewhere at the drop of a hat and we love waking up gone 12 in the afternoon on weekends - surely this is what new couples need? to spend each and every possible second devoted to each other and enjoying each other, and then when they're ready to share their love, decide to have a child.

How many time have I read stories of people wanting to expedite their case because of pregnancy; so many times people have written that they've been married 6 months and have a one year old child and things have gone wrong, I wonder why - you knew each other for a few weeks fell deeply in love, got pregnant, married then actually lived together and things have gone wrong because you didn't know each other - all I can say is poor child.

This is just my opinion and I'm sure I'll get met with lots of abuse, but like you I'm entitled to my opinion and I think more marriages, in and out side of the visa process would last a hell of a lot longer if people waited till they were ready as a couple to have a child.

[payxibka 10,044]

You are entitled to your opinion but this post has nothing to do with the K-1 visa process or procedure. I am moving it to general discussion and will keep it out of Off Topic for the moment.

Edited September 12, 2011 by payxibka

[Britt♥Marco 9]

lol, i've heard of plenty people getting pregnant while having protected sex.

it does "just" happen sometimes.

[del-11-03-2013 1]

I totally agree with you Paul only visited me 4 times during our 2 years relationship. Now we are married and all I want to do is to spent time with him and only him

P/S : We plan to have a baby next 4 years.

[Bryan and Isabel 29]

In cases like this abortion may be the answer, mistakes happen but at whose expense??

[Dante & Geor 36]

You're not looking the whole picture here, it's not about getting pregnant just to expedite things. Some people really love each other and want to continue their love in the form of a baby.

Me and my fiance have a soon to be 4yr old. And we're together for almost five years now, and we don't regret a second having our son. Yeah it's wasn't planned (for me at least) I was on the pill, and yes it fails sometimes. He REALLY wanted a baby for that time, but I don't so I was taking the pill. But guess what! I got pregnant... He came to live here with me, he was here almost two years, but he didn't get used to the climate, and some other things.... so now we're moving on with the process.

Having a baby if a blessing, it doesn't matter if it's accidentally or on purpose.

And btw, we didn't stop going to "adult restaurants" because of our son, or travelling or so many other things. FYI "adult restaurants" have baby sits, so you can be with your baby and have a nice lunch with your family. And trips are hell a lot funnier with our son...

Edited September 12, 2011 by Dante & Geor

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Completely agree! Tony and I talked about birth control methods WAY in advance. I now have the Implanon rod in my arm and LOVE it. I got it in July and immigrated in September so I had time for it to "start working" and also the make sure it was the method for me (I had the depo shot first as a test as my doc told me it has the same hormones as the rod so I could test my body's reaction).

I can see accidents happening with the pill, with just condoms, and I know it sometimes happens on other forms of birth control but I'm willing to bet most pregnancies are either no birth control, just condoms (and the condom broke), just pills (and they didn't take them regularly)... basically avoidable situations. This is why I'm not on the pill. I know some people have zero issues but I just forget too often.

Tony and I DEFINITELY want to wait to have children. immigrating and dealing with that change was already such a big change, such a big emotional drain, we didn't and don't want to put the stress of a child and all that entails on our relationship so early... it is a big change going from living apart to living together permanently and learning about what living together means and each others flaws. We're almost 2 years together and I'm finally starting to feel like this is "home". Still miss home but could handle the emotional toll of raising a child without my siblings and parents around a lot easier. Definitely hard the first few holidays and I'm willing to bet when and if we have kids it's going to get bad again as well (with mum crying and what not).

Yeah so a long-winded reply but I agree. Accidents DO happen but when you're going through an already stressful process why add the extra pressure.. be EXTRA safe and EXTRA sure you're safe.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You're not looking the whole picture here, it's not about getting pregnant just to expedite things. Some people really love each other and want to continue their love in the form of a baby.

Me and my fiance have a soon to be 4yr old. And we're together for almost five years now, and we don't regret a second having our son. Yeah it's wasn't planned (for me at least) I was on the pill, and yes it fails sometimes. He REALLY wanted a baby for that time, but I don't so I was taking the pill. But guess what! I got pregnant... He came to live here with me, he was here almost two years, but he didn't get used to the climate, and some other things.... so now we're moving on with the process.

Having a baby if a blessing, it doesn't matter if it's accidentally or on purpose.

And btw, we didn't stop going to "adult restaurants" because of our son, or travelling or so many other things. FYI "adult restaurants" have baby sits, so you can be with your baby and have a nice lunch with your family. And trips are hell a lot funnier with our son...

Your situation is entirely different. You've been together a while. He's living with you there and immigration has suddenly just became a part of the process. I believe the OP is referring most directly to the people doing the K1, who've known each other maybe a year or two online, but only a short time in person and get pregnant on a "visit" during the K1 process. These people often expect it should speed up the process for them.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Sometimes people, particularly those from third-world countries, mistakenly believe that being pregnant will guarantee a visa. So they "accidentally" get pregnant on purpose so they can get to the US. It doesn't work like that, however.

[Austramerican 83]

I agree, and not just for those of us who are in the process of a fiance visa. Unfortunately it seems to be all too common for American couples to do stuff like that, either they have a fling or they date someone for a couple of weeks and have sex without even talking about whether they are going steady or not. They always think "it won't happen to me" so they either don't use any birth control at all or inconsistent birth control. I know so many people, both my sisters included, that have this sort of attitude.

I've been living with my boyfriend for a year when he was on his J1 visa. Now we are filing a K1, and the whole year we were living together, even though we KNOW we can live together great and deeply love each other even more than when we first met, we decided to wait until marriage to have sex. We are both virgins so its not like we are missing anything, and even though we both want kids in the future we want to make sure we have time as husband and wife first. I had a rather hard upbringing where I didn't have a whole lot of stability growing up, and I really want better for my kids. I want to make sure we have enough time to spend learning how to be husband and wife, and then in about a year or so after getting married, we can start trying for kids. I'm going to be 28 when we get married and he will be 24, and basically once you have kids your lives are devoted to raising them until they turn AT LEAST 18 (of course for their whole lives but thats when they are dependent on you). And if you have multiple children it will be even longer. My dad was 56 when his last child turned 18, so I want to make sure we get some "just us" time before we start having kids.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone should be like us and abstain completely, but you can use multiple forms of birth control. I'm also not going to tell you that you shouldn't have sex with someone when you've only known them IRL for a few weeks but you can choose to be smart and take precautions, or there are also plenty of things you can do that don't involve a risk of pregnancy

And if people just get pregnant thinking that will make their relationship look more legit, or to try to speed up the process, imo that is a horrible thing to do. Using a kid to try and get benefits is really low.

I know accidents happen but most of the time they can be easily prevented if both parties are careful.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Wow OP- Mind your own business!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Wow OP- Mind your own business!

Would you ask people who stop people abusing animals, and children, and arrest criminals, and drug and human traffickers (you get my drift) to "mind their own business"? The OP is expressing their disgust with people using children as tools, for putting children in the middle of an unstable situation. There is nothing wrong with that.

I'm sick of the "mind your own business" excuse. When your "business" affects other people (in relation to the OP, the innocent children) or runs the risk of doing so, a GOOD person speaks up about it. Some people do only get involved because they do want to get up in your life and think their opinion and choices are better than others, but the OP is expressing an opinion... did it kill you? No. Will it possibly make people think more about it before doing something so risky and in some cases so selfish? I hope so!

[Rebecca616 38]

Im trying to envision my fiance at his interview in Morocco and having to tell the CO that i had gotten pregnant while i was there... That is reason enough for us to take every precaution to ensure nothing such as that would occur. I had gotten pregnant for the first time early on in life and when you live through it you tend to see things differently as you get older.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Would you ask people who stop people abusing animals, and children, and arrest criminals, and drug and human traffickers (you get my drift) to "mind their own business"? The OP is expressing their disgust with people using children as tools, for putting children in the middle of an unstable situation. There is nothing wrong with that.

I'm sick of the "mind your own business" excuse. When your "business" affects other people (in relation to the OP, the innocent children) or runs the risk of doing so, a GOOD person speaks up about it. Some people do only get involved because they do want to get up in your life and think their opinion and choices are better than others, but the OP is expressing an opinion... did it kill you? No. Will it possibly make people think more about it before doing something so risky and in some cases so selfish? I hope so!

Please. This dude's post on Visa Journey isn't going to stop anyone from getting knocked up. He's just proselytizing and putting himself on a high horse. My daughter was born during this process. I had her because I wanted a child. It was my choice, and if things didn't work out with her father, I'd raise her on my own. Stay out of other people's uteri.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Im trying to envision my fiance at his interview in Morocco and having to tell the CO that i had gotten pregnant while i was there... That is reason enough for us to take every precaution to ensure nothing such as that would occur. I had gotten pregnant for the first time early on in life and when you live through it you tend to see things differently as you get older.

My husband did it. He got his visa- it didn't help or hurt him.