Pregnancy during the process is ridiculous

[Obama 2012 1,714]

The advice I gave can apply to everyone across the board, regardless of their personal situations. The same advice is given by USCIS and also consulates. Telling people when they should or should not conceive in a relationship is different because, frankly, it's NOBODY'S BUSINESS- except that of the parties involved. The OP's post is one small step short of trolling, IMHO.

While I agree to an extent that it's 'nobody's business,' that's only partially true. If your child were to become dependent on taxpayer funded programs/taxpayer dollars, to become a burden on the system, etc. then perhaps it is the business of others.

With that being said, if you're financially responsible, have no problems with getting pregnant when you barely know someone, then that's your perogative. I think it's highly irresponsible to get pregnant early on in a relationship, but some people do. For some it works out, for some it doesn't. For those that it doesn't work out for though, they need not gripe when their child grows up without a mother/father. After all, they made a choice and they should have to live with it.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

How about "full disclosure" ? You did a post where you gave advice not to book tickets, pay for wedding or plan it, etc. etc. until the process is over ...

How is pregnancy different? It complicates things, since there is no garauntee the father/mother will be admitted for residence it is in fact HIGHLY RISKY and potentially will result in a child who has no access to one of the parents for a long period of time or in some cases until adulthood when the child can travel to visit the other parent.

are you sick in the head? how can you mix a baby with a plane ticket? the OP is trolling, who is she to generalise a particular case? she offended some of the people who already have a baby concived before the visa process was over. if it complicates things for you and few other people it's a blessing for the mothers who had a baby this way or another. squeaky580 is a happy mother how can you troll about a baby being a burden or a complication? jesus christ, get a life

[KittyPollitt 284]

While I agree to an extent that it's 'nobody's business,' that's only partially true. If your child were to become dependent on taxpayer funded programs/taxpayer dollars, to become a burden on the system, etc. then perhaps it is the business of others.

With that being said, if you're financially responsible, have no problems with getting pregnant when you barely know someone, then that's your perogative. I think it's highly irresponsible to get pregnant early on in a relationship, but some people do. For some it works out, for some it doesn't. For those that it doesn't work out for though, they need not gripe when their child grows up without a mother/father. After all, they made a choice and they should have to live with it.

Thank goodness we live in a country where other's cannot dictate when we can and can not have children. Regardless of whether the child will become a parentless financial burden on taxpayers, it is still no one's business when or if that child is conceived.

And frankly, offering one's opinion on when one feels it is "okay" for TOTAL STRANGERS to have a child is asinine and presumptive.

[KittyPollitt 284]

If your child were to become dependent on taxpayer funded programs/taxpayer dollars, to become a burden on the system, etc. then perhaps it is the business of others.

Communism.

[Sergi9 110]

are you sick in the head? how can you mix a baby with a plane ticket? the OP is trolling, who is she to generalise a particular case? she offended some of the people who already have a baby concived before the visa process was over. if it complicates things for you and few other people it's a blessing for the mothers who had a baby this way or another. squeaky580 is a happy mother how can you troll about a baby being a burden or a complication? jesus christ, get a life

Wow... this is a very imflammatory thread.

I think the original OP suggested that having a child in this process is ridiculous.

Can we agree that "most people" who are in this process intend to live in the same country?

Can we also agree that "some people" in this process will never get a VISA?

Can we agree that for "some children" who will have to live a life without daddy in the country or mommy in the country ... that child might suffer in many ways, not only economically, but socially and psychologically?

If we can agree that it would not be in the best interest of the childto live without both parents due to some bureacratic mess, then perhaps careful timing of childbirth for some couples is not such a bad idea.

We can probably all agree that some people like to swim upstream... and that will never change because there are some people who are more admant about getting what they want when they want it regardless of consequences or potential outcomes.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

I am glad that the people who already have children are disgrunted by the OP's statement. Their kids are here and it's great to hear of their success. Really great. Good for you guys for making it work.

Consider though that some are not as lucky as you and cannot make the best out of a situation that is very risky.

OP: I also think that deciding to get pregnant during the immigration process is stupid. In fact my doctor and I joked about it at my medical. She said I shouldn't get pregnant within 3 months of getting the MMR. I told her I was going to be married for a while before I decided to do that! She said something about wishing all girls were smart enough to do that.

The person who said the OP hasn't had children so cannot comment is ridiculous! Every single person is in that position when they have their first child. No-one ever goes into it with hindsight. Everyone is still allowed opinion on the matter.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Helen Louise Pile

[Obama 2012 1,714]

Communism.

don't become a burden on society and this would not be an issue. Why in the hell should someone have to pay for someone else's snot-nosed little brat.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Adults can do as they please and I am not going to judge them, basically I really do not care as it has -0- affect on me or my family.

We have 4 children, 2 grown, 1 in college, 1 in high school. They are the greatest! But they demand a lot. If you enjoy your children you will be the happiest people on earth. If giving all you have and all you work for to your children first, before you do anything for yourselves gives you joy, you will always have a smile.

I do not recommend that young people, alrady with aenough to do with this visa process (that BEGINS when the visa is issued it does not END then) plus moving across the world and starting a lifelong commitment with someone, well, that's hard. Children, especially little babies, make it harder. If you are up for it, go for it.

Should they get any special consideration because they couldn't wait? NO! Will it cause additional difficulties, expenses, worries...YES.

You are grown ups, learn what you are doing, make decisions and live with them, but make your kids number 1

[SMR 368]

While I agree to an extent that it's 'nobody's business,' that's only partially true. If your child were to become dependent on taxpayer funded programs/taxpayer dollars, to become a burden on the system, etc. then perhaps it is the business of others.

And herein lies the problem with entitlement programs. Once we decide that society is on the hook for the problems and bad decisions of others, it's always everybody's business. And there is always a justification for inhibiting someone's freedom.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

We can probably all agree that some people like to swim upstream... and that will never change because there are some people who are more admant about getting what they want when they want it regardless of consequences or potential outcomes.

Yes

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

While I agree to an extent that it's 'nobody's business,' that's only partially true. If your child were to become dependent on taxpayer funded programs/taxpayer dollars, to become a burden on the system, etc. then perhaps it is the business of others.

With that being said, if you're financially responsible, have no problems with getting pregnant when you barely know someone, then that's your perogative. I think it's highly irresponsible to get pregnant early on in a relationship, but some people do. For some it works out, for some it doesn't. For those that it doesn't work out for though, they need not gripe when their child grows up without a mother/father. After all, they made a choice and they should have to live with it.

Then the problem is NOT that people are having babies but that someone else is paying for it. THAT is what needs to change.

I believe adults should be allowed to be irresponsible at their own expense.

And herein lies the problem with entitlement programs. Once we decide that society is on the hook for the problems and bad decisions of others, it's always everybody's business. And there is always a justification for inhibiting someone's freedom.

Then get society off the hook and stop socializing stupidity.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

To be honest I am always a bit dismayed, yet amused to see these topics especially at this site. Those of us here have foreign spouses which already enough people think is stupid and should not be allowed. Some of you met by internet, we did not. Are we better? Should internet meetings of K-1s be disallowed? Many people think so. What about K-1s at all? I have read right here at this site, simialr posts that K-1s shoould be eliminated!

It all involves children, eventually, whether it is the two children that came to me with my foreign wife or babies we made ourselves. We had TWO children during the process, but they were not BORN during the process. Is it any less stressful on us? Other than diapers and potty training, no. You thin I can just "do it" with my wife 24/7 and ignore that two children are involved also? Maybe we should only allow spouses with NO children already?

If the two adults in a relationship are willing to be adults and do what adults should do for their family and make their family number 1...everything will be OK. If you wake up today and say "I am going to be the best father and husband I can be today" and you do it every day and you get great pleasure from it, your spouse will defend you forever with a flamethrower! No way they are going to give that up!

If the adults are not willing to do that, the marriage will fail and it will suck for the kids and it doesn't matter what nationality your wife/spouse is, whether they came from 8000 miles away or 8000 feet away

we all choose what we think is best for ourselves but we cannot and should not choose that for others.

[Used to be broken 143]

are you sick in the head? how can you mix a baby with a plane ticket? the OP is trolling, who is she to generalise a particular case? she offended some of the people who already have a baby concived before the visa process was over. if it complicates things for you and few other people it's a blessing for the mothers who had a baby this way or another. squeaky580 is a happy mother how can you troll about a baby being a burden or a complication? jesus christ, get a life

No I am not sick in the head. I saw that OP who seemed offended by the Post had in the past created a post and advised others regarding marriage plans and tickets. Its no different with a child in my mind. The day your child is born is right up there with your wedding in terms of being one of the most important and significant days in your life and one which naturally one desires to have their beloved spouse or fiance in attendance. So doing that in the middle of the VISA process when one is not even sure the potential beneficiary can ever even set foot in the country seems ill advised and risky to use mild terms. You can never get that day back you will have missed it forever and if there is complications and your spouse needs assistance you will not be able to be of assistance. Are there better plans...? Perhaps.

Having seen almost a hundred or so posts over the years of someone who comes on the board and for their first post out of the shoot asks about an expedite because they are preggers is more akin to "trolling" than the original post. And most of the posts sound so arrogant as if they somehow deserve to jump the line ahead of people who have planned their lives a little more cautiously. They want to get senators and congressmen involved etc. etc, and then are shocked when they get a "hey back of the line bub" answer in the forum.

[KittyPollitt 284]

No I am not sick in the head. I saw that OP who seemed offended by the Post had in the past created a post and advised others regarding marriage plans and tickets. Its no different with a child in my mind. The day your child is born is right up there with your wedding in terms of being one of the most important and significant days in your life and one which naturally one desires to have their beloved spouse or fiance in attendance. So doing that in the middle of the VISA process when one is not even sure the potential beneficiary can ever even set foot in the country seems ill advised and risky to use mild terms. You can never get that day back you will have missed it forever and if there is complications and your spouse needs assistance you will not be able to be of assistance. Are there better plans...? Perhaps.

Having seen almost a hundred or so posts over the years of someone who comes on the board and for their first post out of the shoot asks about an expedite because they are preggers is more akin to "trolling" than the original post. And most of the posts sound so arrogant as if they somehow deserve to jump the line ahead of people who have planned their lives a little more cautiously. They want to get senators and congressmen involved etc. etc, and then are shocked when they get a "hey back of the line bub" answer in the forum.

My posts advising people not to purchase tickets and make wedding plans can be backed up by advisory notices on government websites regarding visa issuance.

It's not the decision for people to get pregnant during the process that's a problem. It's people's choices after the fact that causes issues. I never, ever expected to have our case expedited or his visa approved because of our daughter's existence. If he had been denied, I would have stayed there in Morocco with him. Indeed I moved there so that our family could be together during the process.

Why make a blanket statement on the subject and condemn us all as fools? When one of these people comes on the board whining and bemoaning their situation post pregnancy test, take THAT opportunity to berate THEM.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

Wow... this is a very imflammatory thread.

I think the original OP suggested that having a child in this process is ridiculous.

Can we agree that "most people" who are in this process intend to live in the same country?

Can we also agree that "some people" in this process will never get a VISA?

Can we agree that for "some children" who will have to live a life without daddy in the country or mommy in the country ... that child might suffer in many ways, not only economically, but socially and psychologically?

If we can agree that it would not be in the best interest of the childto live without both parents due to some bureacratic mess, then perhaps careful timing of childbirth for some couples is not such a bad idea.

We can probably all agree that some people like to swim upstream... and that will never change because there are some people who are more admant about getting what they want when they want it regardless of consequences or potential outcomes.

as you said SOME. the OP is generalising.

"someone else's snot-nosed little brat" ??? watch for karma. she's a b*tch and she'll get you someday