Dissolving love and a missed green card

[Simon and Janet 6]

So he was here and did nothing but hang online and watch sports TV, I spent all my time and energy working to pay for things he wanted and needed, and now he's gone back home. He told me it was to find work there (because he couldn't find work here), but ended up dissolving the relationship and now he's flirting with one of his fb pals (forgetting he's still married, I guess?)

I am utterly heartbroken. I didn't get married to get a divorce. His lack of involvement in our marriage should have been warning signs to me, but ever-hopeful, I had thought he might change and prove my disbelieving family wrong.. or just prove my faith in him to be right.

Thanks to THIS lovely site, I discovered he had 2nd thoughts about our relationship. I guess when you spend all your time being idle and NOT working, the fake internet world becomes the one you choose to live in. All I wanted was for him to put some effort in. Now I have nothing left after all the effort I put out.

His green card arrived AFTER he left to go home. He's requesting I send it to him. Do I wait for money from him first to pay off the rest of the debts he had me incur on OUR behalf? I'm doing my best not to be emotional, but I don't like being abandoned after my best efforts have been put forth out of love.

(He was more upset over a possible ban from visiting his precious NYC than turning off the TV and attempting to work on things with his wife. See previous posts.)

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

I believe it is actually illegal to mail a green card outside the US. If he left before the green card arrived and without AP he technically abandoned his status. If you send it and he returns remeber your affidavit of support is still in effect. If his toughts aren't about your better good yours need to be. If he wants to come back he can go to the embassy and convince them he didn't abandon AOS.

[JoannaV 173]

Personally, I'd mail the green card back to USCIS/DHS and say "not at this address"

I don't know you but wish I could send you a hug!

[Sirdaniel42 86]

Again he is requesting something from you and not making an effort himself, I agree with above and would send the green card back to the USCIS and tell them on what date he left the country to go back.

I hope that you are able to pick up and go on with your life.

[JeannieL 44]

Agreed...Send it back to USCIS. Absolutely let them know what date that he left the US.

So sorry you are going through this.

Hugs

[EAbbas 213]

If his green card was approved and arrived after he left does this mean he abandoned his status? Just wondering....

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; Bye Love, Bye Greencard If he wanted to go home, let him stay there...

[ginimerlo 0]

I'm so sorry to hear that!! I'm gonna have to agree with everyone! send it back to the USCIS! Seems like he is not into the relationship why would you provide such a benefit (the green card, working and living in the us) when he doesnt deserve it!

Dont get let down! he is not worth it! Try to see forward! I know its hard but better things will come and definitely dont spend a cent on him! Sadly, I dont think hell pay back the debt either! but you are wiser now!

Take care!! and best of luck!!

[Anh map 2,098]

Personally, I'd mail the green card back to USCIS/DHS and say "not at this address"

I like Joanna's thinking !!

The old adage that you reap what you sow seems to apply here.

Divorce is no fun, but it is survivable.

Best of luck to you.

[NHKx2 43]

I'd tell him you'll mail the Green Card after he repays you for the debts you incurred on his behalf. After he pays you back, mail the Green Card, but to USCIS.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If his green card was approved and arrived after he left does this mean he abandoned his status? Just wondering....

If he didn't have advance parole when he left then his application would have been abandoned. If USCIS finds out about it then they'll revoke his green card.

[Susan+Masoud 0]

My advice (more opinion) is you had the warning signs and ignored them, so don't let the same mistake happen again. It's very unlikely he will give a damn about the expenses, let alone to pay for them.

So, just advice the immigration / USCIS and let them know about the situation in a brief and concise way. I would NOT give him the green card! Why would you?

It's better to end something that didn't work out sooner than later. At least you'll get on with your life sooner and learn from this experience.

Although I know it's always easier said than done, but try not to think it's the end of the world and know that there's a reason for why things worked out this way. You won't know the reason right now, but sometime down the road you will look back and see things differently and may be even understand why it didn't work the way you hoped for.

There are no guaranties in any marriage, even when we think we have the perfect match in life.

[cdneh 3,112]

Another vote for returning the card to USCIS. By no means whatever would I send it on to him. No way.

[garfield529 47]

Agree with everyone, just wanted to add to not let him try some mental tricks and tell you that you have to send it to him or you are breaking the law. I could see him trying to use that angle. Jim, even though he left prior to receiving the physical greencard, I thought your passport stamp was the substitute?? Am I wrong here?

[MOandDB 4]

I'd tell him you'll mail the Green Card after he repays you for the debts you incurred on his behalf. After he pays you back, mail the Green Card, but to USCIS.

i think this is the best advice.

anyway...i'm sorry you're going to have to go through this. no one ever expects this to happen, although there's always a possibility. things happen for a reason even if these things are crappy. maybe God has something else planned for you.

well...best of luck!