-sigh- Here We Go - Divorce, Scam, Legal Woes - HELP!

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; I don't have the knowledge yet to tell you what to do other than contacting ICE. And I bet there are others that can tell you what the best steps are in order to move on.

I wish you all the best, and I keep you in my prayers and hope everything will be alright.

Just keep in mind: IT CAN'T RAIN FOR EVER!!!

Edited July 23, 2011 by Channah&Aaron

[Used to be broken 146]

another bullet point - divorce now, she'll have to concern herself with ROC on her own, and her 'fast track ' to uscitizenship (3 years) is nixed - she'll have to wait 5 years from the first greencard date.

In general, though - you have a really good case for ICE - but you have to get to the right ICE person. Sure, we've a hotline # at the bottom of this and every web page, in the small print, but ... they're mostly useless, that National Hotline. Strongly suggest you get into the local USCIS service center, and ask to speak to the ICE Shift Supervisor - be firm and adamant with the rest of the staff, not revealing too much, until you have that person in front of you. He'll start an intake process, and ask you for lots of evidence - it may be that you have 2 to 3 appointments with him, until he assigns an ICE case officer to you.

You can get into yer local USCIS service center via an infopass appointment.

Good Luck !

GOOD ADVICE above. Might fire the attorney as someone said maybe five minutes before the next hearing and tell the judge you feel you have not been represented adequately and need a continuance to go over the case history.

I would not report child abuse to the Police directly and I would mention your strong concern with ICE and that you have taken the children to be interviewed and assessed by social services child protection. They will get the story from the kids directly and will write up nice report for your next court date and as a bonus will include a restraining order on your wife from coming within 100 yards of the kids. Ask the judge to reward you money based on her above average earnings and the damage she caused resulting in them having to attend therapy.

Tell the kids to be honest and they will explain that she was threatening them if they told you its a common abuser tactic. Then sit back and let the system do its thing. They will do investigation, question her, charge her and arrest her. She can wait to be deported in the safety of a 10x8 cell.

We don't let child abusers adjust status, period. Stay on the phone with ICE until you get someone who will listen and act like mentioned. Document every step of the way. You should prepare your story above in affidavit form easy for judge to read, spell out dates and times, especially AOS tantrum date etc. Include it with a big bold title "CASE HISTORY", if they won't let you tell your story out loud in court, tell it on paper.

Good luck

Good luck

[crazykuya73 16]

Ang Yawa ! Sounds like you married the devil ? You gave her more chances than she deserved. Just be glad you and your children are no longer with her.

[Enigma11561 336]

Ok. You screwed up. Big time. Most men would have given her the boot a long time ago. You should never have put up with anything even close to what you did. But that is now history. You need a REALLY GOOD attorney who understands both the immigration process and the civil process. Someone who can present this entire story correctly, with bona fide evidence from you, and put this evil bi**h behind bars.This is all very complex because you allowed it to continue for such a long time, but the sooner you get your act together and pursue her, the better off you will be.If there is any evidence from a medical doctor showing evidence of child abuse, that will go a long way in helping you. I really wish you the bes.

[KayDeeCee 4,892]

Wow. It is your job as a parent to keep your kids safe. Report her abuse NOW. No more wondering and waiting. What are you waiting for? I have no clue what kind of an attorney would advise you not to report child abuse. Unbelievable. Fire this guy, and find someone that will be looking out for you and your kids. That is what you pay your own lawyer to do.

Lots of good advice given here. Report the child abuse. Divorce her, and do not help her with ROC, though it is my understanding she would have needed to file ROC last Dec, so that part is a little confusing. Gather evidence and report her to ICE. Fire your attorney, and perhaps go the route that was mentioned, where you tell the courts you were not being represented fully, in your best interests.

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Oh my God! I am sorry for everything you and YOUR CHILDREN have gone through... Very heartbreaking!

Please, report her to DCF/CPS NOW!!! Make an info-pass appointment and report her to ICE!

I hope she gets what she deserves....

[~ameriptian~ 54]

GOOD ADVICE above. Might fire the attorney as someone said maybe five minutes before the next hearing and tell the judge you feel you have not been represented adequately and need a continuance to go over the case history.

I would not report child abuse to the Police directly and I would mention your strong concern with ICE and that you have taken the children to be interviewed and assessed by social services child protection. They will get the story from the kids directly and will write up nice report for your next court date and as a bonus will include a restraining order on your wife from coming within 100 yards of the kids. Ask the judge to reward you money based on her above average earnings and the damage she caused resulting in them having to attend therapy.

Tell the kids to be honest and they will explain that she was threatening them if they told you its a common abuser tactic. Then sit back and let the system do its thing. They will do investigation, question her, charge her and arrest her. She can wait to be deported in the safety of a 10x8 cell.

We don't let child abusers adjust status, period. Stay on the phone with ICE until you get someone who will listen and act like mentioned. Document every step of the way. You should prepare your story above in affidavit form easy for judge to read, spell out dates and times, especially AOS tantrum date etc. Include it with a big bold title "CASE HISTORY", if they won't let you tell your story out loud in court, tell it on paper.

Good luck

Good luck

Great points!

To the OP, I hope you act ASAP to protect whatever is left for you and your children- financially. People like your soon-to-be-ex-wife shouldn't get away with their evilness.

[bigdog 376]

Protect you and your family first, file a crime report, ICE etc. If this was a scam and she just used you try to find proof. Get a bull dog attorney if need be. My ex was crazy got a wonderful wife now. Good Luck.

[fazmo 24]

First of all, I know you already understand your mistakes but I just wanted to vent and make sure you understand it fully. The system you blamed for protecting her was the same one you refused to protect you from this evil woman and stood in the way even investing a lot of time and money. Do not blame the system because you did not want its protection. She was heading to hell and you endangered yourself, your mother and your children by saving her while you clearly understood she was not nice to any of you. In America, there is something called "choice". She chose the road to hell by trying to manipulate the system to get unfair benefits. She was caught in the process. You should have respected her choice and allow her to pickup the consequences. Yes, I do understand that you were acting a good husband (way too good), but I also expect any father would protect his children. You did not. I am not sure whether I should blame her evil behavior or your lack of good judgment. Yes you deserve sympathy and I am really sorry, but I am so sorry for the kids who deserved far more step-mother (or a father who would go to great lengths to protect his kids, if the mom turns bad). They are the real victims here.

OK that being said, my first advice to you is apologize to your kids. Talk to them the first chance you got and cry in front of them and show you are sorry about all that happened. Tell them you were trying your best to get a caring mom but like some people do, you run to a bad woman. Show them you care. They would at least understand that they still have you as a father and not the husband of that woman they were so scared off. Make sure you tell them it is over and she is never coming back and she will never hurt them again.

Second, fire that attorney. Do not pay him any more money. When you are firing him, make sure you tell him he failed you and your innocent children and could not stand for their rights. In case he was in cahoots with the defense attorney, make him feel so guilty and tell him he ruined your life and worse the lives of children and not worthy your trust anymore.

Do not listen to his advice and report the crime (the threats, the knife over the children, the bruises everything) to the Children Protective Services. Trust me, they have child physiologist who would get the truth out of those kids and most judges would respect their findings. It takes one single felony charge to ruin her chances of staying here. I am going to repeat that. It takes only one single felony charge for her to loose whatever legal status she has here. It does not matter even if she got her 10 year green card. If she is found guilty of endangering children, she is out.

Another thing you should remember is that if you do not fight for your survival, nobody will. Not an attorney, not a judge, not any one else. Her attorney is good probably she is pushing him and manipulating him like she did for the last 2 years. You should grow some teeth and fight like a father and like a man and make your attorney or the judge fight for you. I know, with your story, I could present myself and convince any judge that this woman was a pure evil and deserved nothing but a jail and deportation. I don't need a lawyer or legal knowledge to show her evil maneuvers through the system - because it is as white as ice. She is here because you sponsored her. She is out of jail and deportation processing because you decided to stand in the way. She is ruining your life and your children because you tolerated her far more than anyone could have. Are you going to sit around and hope she will leave your alone? I guarantee you this will go on and on until you decide to put an end to it and work hard and fast to show the judge her true colors.

Talk with the ICE. Mention how she left the exact last day of the period the judge ordered her to stay. Mention how she endangered the children. Basically tell the ICE everything.

Last, I am really sorry about all that happen to you. Even though you made some terrible judgments, no one deserves to go through this. I do hope that you keep your children safe and make sure their property and wellbeing are protected.

[rlogan 2,036]

Good God man, you can't make it up better than this! Another hall of famer for sure.

So singed, in the long run the question is what defect is there in your personality that allows a bold faced liar to pee down your back and tell you it is raining? Naivite, gullibility, trusting to the point of utter stupidity... These are traits I have in common with you. Once I recognized that, I decided to read up on manipulative personality disordres and study the enemy so I could protect myself from them. Both of us lack a certain kind of "radar" that most other people have that allows them to see through manipulative B.S. It is amazing how successful they can be at it though, once they get hold of a target.

First of all, these people are hunting for you 24/7. They know how to recognize you at a distance from your happy-go-lucky face, your polite and cheerful attitude, your sincerity, etc. - and most of all they can see you have a conscience. So of course you are going to marriage counseling to try being an even better husband to this Frankenstein beast while she thinks about how she can get you put into jail on unjustified charges, ruin you financially, and harm your children. Ha ha! The absurdity of that. I can laugh with you because I have been there.

Your lawyer can take seven grand cash in advance from you and tell you to plead guilty to first degree murder. You don't want him to be upset, so you take the life sentence. Really, can you believe this - he essentially advised you to misrepresent this monster to the court by not informing the court of her felony child abuse, extortion, assault - under the theory it will look like "retaliation" if you report her. There is no reason for tolerating child abuse, period. Your lawyer works for you. He represents what you tell him or he is fired. You are in charge, not him.

That is, by the way, what manipulative people do: they make outrageous charges against you, usually accuse you of what they themselves are doing, and then when you defend yourself by saying it is you who are being victimized by them, yes - they accuse you of retaliation. Your lawyer is either working for her, he is stupid, unscrupulous, or incompetent.

When I realized I was at a crisis point - where I knew I was in over my head and I did not have the skills to respond to it - I read three books in rapid succession. One was "In Sheep's Clothing", and that was the best of them. Another was "Nasty People". The third was "Take the Bully by the Horns". Then I started reading widely on all these related disorders - narcissism, sociopaths, emotional vampires, serial killers, con-men, etc. and started to see all the commonalities. What it really did - studying my enemy - was teach me about myself. What my weaknesses were.

The theme through all of it is that these people have absolutely no scruples, no conscience, and no mercy: they exist and there is nothing you can do to change them. All you can do is learn how to recognize them and defend yourself from them. Avoiding them like the plague is the best policy. But when you have to deal with them, then you will know every single tactic they use by name. Before you learn this stuff, you feel like you are being kind of led along. Something feels wrong but you cannot quite see or vocalize what it is. It's frustrating. Baffling.

You are going around thinking everyone is motivated like you are - to be honest and forthright, fair, kind and giving. People don't need to earn your respect and trust because you give it too freely. I can tell you I am an astronaut writing you from the space station right now and you will give me the benefit of the doubt because you wouldn't tell a lie like that. If someone tells you that my name is not on the astronaut list, then all I have to do is tell you another lie - "of course not, because I work for the CIA. That's why my name is not on the list." I'll make you feel really bad for talking to anyone about it and jeapordizing my cover.

If you didn't tolerate lies, people wouldn't lie to you. If you could recognize lies better, along with the double-bind, shaming, guilt-tripping, evasion, denial, selective memory/attention, etc. then you could call them the instant they are played on you. These incessant little ambushes manipulators are always setting for you, in their infinite variations. Start off with "In Sheep's Clothing". That's my top recommendation. But read widely.

[robandlou 0]

Wow i have to say I admire your persistence! If as many people put that much work in there marriages the divorce rate would drop like a rock! But yea I would have let her butt get deported! Its crazy how love can blind you sometimes! Anyways my thoughts and prayers go out to you man hope you and your family can get back on your feet.

[rsn 135]

everyone: please stop quoting the entire original post in your replies. Thanks

[happyblessedme 12]

No offense taken. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It was definitely my fault which I stated at the end of my story, and the only thing I can say is the marriage counselling I received, along with advice from my church and pastor was behind providing me the "hope" that she was sincere and would change. Of course, at that time, no one "suspected" she was scamming me.

I have a philosophy on her too--There's a good reason she left us and went to California--it was to go to work for Hollywood, because she was a great actor! Maybe we'll see her on the next soap opera.

In hindsight, I should have simply allowed her to be deported and let her deal with that crisis on her own, but I really believed she'd change--and certainly hoped she would seeing as we had endured a huge investment bringing her here, and acquired bills needing to be supported by two incomes.

Perhaps "excuses" now, but they were enough at the time to convince me to give it another shot. I guess some people don't give up as easily as others, and I can be hard-headed at times in that regard.

I am so sorry and so sad with what u are going through right now. I am not here to judge anyone but i do think she does not really love u as much as u love her. Or she didnt even love u at all.

I been married for over 4 years and we been to the same situation u have now before when my husband lost his job and was unemployed for over 2 years.

I am thankful to God my husband is a god fearing man who truly,truly loves me.There is always ups and downs in every relationship but true love finds a way always.

I am just hoping that u will get over this and move on esp. ur young and innocent children.My prayers goes with u.I hope someone from here can give u an advice.

[nicky&imad 16]

wow, as many other people said, the woman is certainly evil! I was surprised by how many times you "rescued" her and she never even cared, I feel so bad for your children and i hope for there sake they will go to counceling for the cruel things she did to them, they should never be threatened not to say anything. obviously you are hurting right now. karma will pay her back for the evil things she did to your family, I wish you the best of luck at winning your case, and i would certainly let your children tell there side of the story. your lawyer must be pretty dumb, no offense. the court would surely take a child's side.

[SuperDuper! 230]

OP: Sorry you had to endure this woman. But the bottom line is that you have to get her out of your life and move on.

Sit down with a SHARK atty, I mean one with a bad tie and a comb over. An atty who believes how evil this woman is, and who can get you fair justice.

You have to undue the damage now.

Good luck!