K-1 Visa--My responsibility

[thelastpetitioner 218]

yup I understand,just made me sad if i read a sad story

no one gets in a long distance relationship,hoping for it to fail,however when it comes to it,its better to end it when you find out rather than wasting more time.im glad that at least if he is suspecting fraud he is getting to the bottom of it now.

one thing that pisses me off is people who see signs of fraud and still go with it out of the goodness of their heart and high hopes and wishes

[Eddyy 5]

He should be able to make his own choise based on his relationship and the facts that he has. She maybe is using him just for the GC or maybe not, we don't know it so it's not up to use to decide. I'm sure he is a grown man so he should be able to make a decission without our input because we don't know the whole story so we can make a rational judgement.

Good luck!

[FawkThisSite 13]

Definitely sorry to hear that! I hope that everything works out for you! Good luck!

[jnjs 0]

Wow! Thanks for all of your responses and great input. In regards to Vanessa and Tony, I"m willing to say what got me to this point-- I can always use more input and opinions. However, just a warning--it's kind of a long-winded story.

We talked with each other online, and at a point, I decided to go and visit her. She lives in the Philippines. Here are the incidents that have caused me to reconsider.

1. The initial plan was she was going to meet me at the airport. However, a few days before the trip, she contacted me and told me she would meet me at the hotel the next day. Initially, this didn't bother me; however, after talking to a few other people, they said this was not a good sign, that when their guy came over to visit them, they couldn't wait to see them at the airport. I asked her why she didn't meet me at the airport, and she said she hates airport traffic.

2. This was the big thing. We spent some time together, it was good, then when I got back to the U.S., I told her I wanted to start talking online more often. We had been talking 2-3 times a week, I wanted to talk 4-6 times a week. She said she didn't want to. I"m the kind of person where when I'm in a serious relationship, I need to talk to the person on a daily basis--I know some people don't, but I do. If I don't, it's hard for me to maintain feelings for the person. So I brought up the idea to her several times, but she resisted every time. I asked her why not, and basically she came up with two reasons: 1. she's busy with work, and 2. she doesn't like the crowded Internet cafes.

3. Up until last week, we had never talked two days in a row for the purpose of talking to each other. One incident really upset me. One Sunday night, I suggested we talk online the following night. She gave me the usual reply--nope, can't do it, she's busy. The next night I go online, and she's online! I asked her--I thought you said you were busy. And she replied that her sister(who lives in the U.S.) wanted to talk to her. That infuriated me. I asked her why is it that you're too busy to talk to me but not to your sister? She just smiled and said something about her sister knowing how to convince her.

As these incidents went on, I hesitated more and more to send in the I-129. But I figured we were so far along, that we should do it, so I sent it in.

Another factor to mention--she is physically attractive. I am physically attracted to her--that's not the problem. Or maybe it is the problem. When the webcam comes on and I see her, I started to forget about the personality flaws.

4. Another incident. Just a couple days before her embassy interview, she came online. We had talked the previous night, so I thought we would talk again. But she wasn't on to talk to me--she had to fill out some online form prior to the interview. When I tried to talk to her, she said she was busy. I waited for two hours, then I told her I was going to sleep(major time difference between the two countries). I told her she could have taken a 30 minute break and talked to me--she said she was stressed out over filling out the form she didn't realize she needed to do. That incident was kind of the final straw. A few days later, she had the interview, and the visa was approved. But by this point, the feelings I had had for her had been drained by all these incidents. This incident was pretty much the final straw.

5. She never called me and she rarely texted me. When I asked her why not, she said it's expensive to call. I was okay with that. As a result, I called her, but we always had problems hearing each other, so we both agreed online chat is better, which is another reason on the emphasis of chatting online. A rare time she called me, and I got excited cuz I thought it would be a romantic gesture--instead she called me to remind me to send in the paperwork, then she ended the conversation! That was so disappointing.

6. She also made a few flippant remarks which I thought was inappropriate for two people in a relationship.

So she got the visa, but my feelings for her had been drained by this point, so I told her I was not bringing her over. She did a lot of crying, and she said I was hurting her. She said that she loved me and only me, and that she was always honest with me.

My intuition is that it's not a fraud issue but a personality issue, maybe a lack of relationship experience? I don't know. The bottom line is she did not do things to make me fall in love with her, instead, just the opposite. The physical attraction was there, but it didn't go beyond that.

One final note to add to this. She was the second woman I met from the Philippines--the first one I had met prior to this one. We had great chemistry together, and she found a way to go online and talk to me almost every day even though she didn't have much money. She soon told me she was in love with me, and she wanted me to come over and visit her. But my job situation wouldn't allow me to do so at that time. But instead of waiting for me, she went and found another guy and they soon got married. While I was going through the paperwork process, we talked as friends and I told her my situation and I was having doubts. She soon told me she was having doubts about her marriage also, she now thought she had made a mistake, that I'm the one that she loved, and that she wished she was married to me instead. But now it was too late, because she is already here in the U.S. with the other guy. It was heartbreaking, because she put forth so much effort to talk to me, and we had such chemistry together. Talking to her during that period also put things into perspective and influenced me on not bringing the other girl over.

Sorry--kind of a depressing story, but that's the reality of the situation right now. Thanks for reading! I still haven't gotten a clear majority answer as to whether I need to contact the embassy or if I can just let the visa die on its own. In any case, I would like to be in good standing with uscis.

[dakay ♥ 10]

Sorry--kind of a depressing story, but that's the reality of the situation right now. Thanks for reading! I still haven't gotten a clear majority answer as to whether I need to contact the embassy or if I can just let the visa die on its own. In any case, I would like to be in good standing with uscis.

you have the answers in the first pages, you need to contact to the embassy ASAP, she is now on her own, she got a visa and if she wants to travel to the US she can do it without your monetary help

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I"m willing to say what got me to this point-- I can always use more input and opinions. However, just a warning--it's kind of a long-winded story.

I have to say I can understand your hesitation after reading that. My wife made every effort to contact me as often as possible. Early on she told me that she'd "Miss Call" me, call but hang-up before I had a chance to answer, just to let me know that she was thinking of me. A few times she was out after hours looking for an open internet shop just to spend 15 minutes online with me.

When I flew to the Philippines my wife made her first ever trip to the airport and was there at least 2 hrs before my plane was scheduled to land. I married Anna 3 1/2 months after first e-mailing her, she landed in the US 13 months after that first e-mail. During that time we rarely when a single day without contact, even when it hurt more to see her face or hear her voice (because I was missing her so much).

Even today, 11 months after she landed in Chicago, we still chat, e-mail & talk on the phone while I'm at work (even though the distance is reduced from several thousand miles to about 6 miles we still miss each other during the day).

Sounds like the first girl was a better match for you, too bad she was rash in her decisions at the time.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

A relationship in a situation like yours is an investment,its worth it,yes the costs will go up,for calling,for visiting and so on and so on,but if its worth it,then its worth it.

it shows lack of commitment from her side.

i suggest you read major life changing events forum to learn about frauds and the red flags.

whatever you do with your ex is your own business,but you have to finish this first,contact the embassy and let em know you want to cancel the visa

[*Yankee Love* 15]

Stop the Visa,

this seems fraud to me as much as you really seem like a good guy ! This as a foundation for a MARRIAGE, a bound between two people for the rest of their lifes,..this isnt anything solid or close to it !!!

Dont do it, enjoy MARRIAGE one day, cuz the woman you want, wants to be in it with YOU too

When two people are truly in love, they dont wanna hang up the phone, not spend a second apart !!

[baron555 934]

As these incidents went on, I hesitated more and more to send in the I-129. But I figured we were so far along, that we should do it, so I sent it in.

It doesn't seem that you really were very far along, what with all these "incidents" that kept eating at you.

Another factor to mention--she is physically attractive. I am physically attracted to her--that's not the problem. Or maybe it is the problem. When the webcam comes on and I see her, I started to forget about the personality flaws.

Maybe this is the key. Only you can search deep down in your soul to determine do you really love this woman and are willing to work very hard to maintain the relationship or not. Maybe you have fallen in love with her picture and not her?

You two should be able to talk about these issues; a strong relationship will allow this discussion to take place. If not, then the relationship is not that strong. Both of you have to be committed to work at it. Maybe she was busy and maybe she had to always use the crowded cafes....maybe another trip to see her is in your cards. She does have 6 months with which to use that visa. Go over and get her, or not.

Edited October 20, 2010 by baron555

[jnjs 0]

Baron makes a good point, about the relationship being solid first, but let me ask this as a counterpoint--wouldn't bringing her over and actually spending time together do just that? By being together for that period of time, we would be able to really confirm our relationship. And isn't that what the 90 day period is for? If it wasn't, then why not just make the time period 30 days? or 7 days?

[thelastpetitioner 218]

Baron makes a good point, about the relationship being solid first, but let me ask this as a counterpoint--wouldn't bringing her over and actually spending time together do just that? By being together for that period of time, we would be able to really confirm our relationship. And isn't that what the 90 day period is for? If it wasn't, then why not just make the time period 30 days? or 7 days?

if you care about the responsibility you accept,then you wouldnt do that.

this is the good thing about long distance relationship,both parts go through pretty much hell.

what makes you think if she couldnt make time for you back in Philippines things will change when she comes to the states?

those 90 days are like a last check before marriage,seems like thats not what you need,you dont even seem sure about wanting to marry her.

[Tahoma 2,291]

Baron makes a good point, about the relationship being solid first, but let me ask this as a counterpoint--wouldn't bringing her over and actually spending time together do just that?

Nope. The red flags are flying. You are simply choosing to ignore them. Bringing her here won't change who she is. Stop kidding yourself.

[curvebell 29]

Nope. The red flags are flying. You are simply choosing to ignore them. Bringing her here won't change who she is. Stop kidding yourself.

Well said.

As sad as it is, she is just not that in to you. Save yourself the money and hassle.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Wow! Thanks for all of your responses and great input. In regards to Vanessa and Tony, I"m willing to say what got me to this point-- I can always use more input and opinions. However, just a warning--it's kind of a long-winded story....

Every person is different. Every relationship is different.

But, one thing that I think should be in EVERY relationship is caring.

My husband was at the airport HOURS earlier than when I arrived to make sure he was there on time. I spent hundreds of dollars on phonecalls because it was cheaper for me than him. It mattered of course because I'm not made of money, but I considered it worth it. We texted, or called, or chatted via webcam every day.. whatever was possible.

I personally feel based on your stores that she WAS/IS using you for visa fraud. I think she planned to get the GC and then leave you. I also think she was/is probably having relationships with other people. The fact that her sister is also in the country makes the threat of fraud worse... she has someone she's trying to get through. The fact that she called you simply to tell you to do the documents.. that sounds like fraud to me. She could have emailed you that or something... very weird.

I think you need to call and cancel the visa. Her sister could easily send her sister money to take the flight now. Find another guy to marry and then leave and have HIM petition her, or something.

[sachinky 464]

The 90 day is not for you to 'test out the relationship' -- when you sent in the petition you signed letters of intent that indicated that this relationship was going to culminate in marriage once the beneficiary entered the US.

No matter what others tell you - and there are plenty who will - the K-1 is simply not a "try it and see it how it goes" visa. Try telling that to a CO and see just how fast your visa is denied. The 90 days is for you to sort out the logistics of the wedding. It is solely for people who are absolutely committed and convinced that they are going to get married. Sounds like you're not really sure.

She is playing you like a fiddle. Pull the plug while you can.

Edited October 23, 2010 by sachinky