LlamaInvasion

We could have done a VWP visit and then get married and adjust status quickly. But we didn't because plain and simple it is not legal to do so if you are planning on staying. It resulted in not being together for almost a year, and hundreds more dollars then a straight VWP to AOS would have been. It seems through the tone of the OP's post it was their intention to stay.
All of these posts are allowing people to justify their actions. If you had the thought in your head when entering that you might like to say, regardless of what you stated out loud, you were breaking the law. The VWP is its own visa with stipulations. Even if you did not state to an official that you weren't planning on staying, you entering on it created an agreement that you would follow all rules of VWP including that fact that it is a nonimmigrant visa.
Just because the law is not enforced does not mean it is legal to do so. I don't have a cop at every red light but I still have to stop.

For someone to use VWP or a visitors visa with the intent on staying and applying for AOS show that they lack a basic respect of US laws and they don't deserve the right to stay. Do they get away with it , usually. Are they good moral people definately not.

I'm sure everyone can distinguish your words and my words (on style and grammar alone), especially in the context of a message board. That's what the "quote" feature does - it means everything in the green box was written by the username at the top.
Your caricature of women as attention-seeking flirts is insulting, and claiming that is their "nature" perpetuates a standard that has been used to discriminate against women for ages. I've barely touched on the fact that you are insinuating that victims of domestic violence are in that position because they didn't "do a good enough job" of bending to the whims of their abusers. His jealousy = his problem. Victim blaming is EXTREMELY detrimental, and if you want to call that "bashing," then, yes, you have "bashed" a group of people who have been abused and terrorized.
The OP was verbally abused. How badly, we don't know. But when she finally stood up to him, you accused her of not being "dependable."
Some people's opinions are racist. Some are homophobic. And some are mysoginistic, whether they are followed with the "IMHO" qualifier or not.

This kind of "woman blaming" is part of what reinforces the gender inequality we see in our society AND Latin cultures.
HUMANS are naturally flirty creatures. HUMANS seek attention. The MEN in Latin cultures are usually the initiators of flirting, especially in the OP's experience (catcalling on the street). Regardless, flirting usually goes both ways. To label women as seductive temptresses is offensive and mysoginistic.
OP, it sounds like you have been a victim of abuse. This is how things start - overly "jealous" men who like to control the women they are with. He was trying to CONTROL your actions - first, through his words, and once that failed, maybe through his actions.
I applaud you for being brave enough to buy him a ticket home, and I'm aghast that people fault you for getting out of a bad situation. The minute my partner abuses me in ANY way in my home, that ceases to be his home. Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to "victim blame" in our society, ie, "her skirt was so short, she was asking for it."
My own heritage is not American, and I am familiar with multiple cultures. It is not okay, in any culture, or any country, for your partner to control you and verbally abuse you. My heart goes out to you, and please know that you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect and TRUST.
Of course, you can't just turn off your love for him like a lightswitch, and it must be difficult to be alone after being together for so long. I hope that when (if) he comes back to the States, he will stick with the counseling. It sounds like you need a little time apart, and when (if) you start talking about him coming back again, you will see a change in him and will set firm boundaries. We don't know all the details of your relationship and if things crossed a line or not, but hopefully by making a commitment to work things out with a third party you can enjoy the happiness you felt in the beginning of your marriage.

We find babysitters via care.com or sittercity.com, but I know you can also search for full-time nannies there.
Also, I would never in a million years move in a friend or relative. NEVER! I love my family and in-laws, but the golden rule is, "Never hire someone you can't fire!" Grandparents especially (not just my child's, but in general) seem to have their own opinions on how to do things regarding a baby, and you do NOT need someone around who will constantly make you second-guess yourself as a new mother.

I'm not a hater, but i will say it sounds like this interview was a mess. Merely touching your SO is NOT going to get your visa stamped, and to give this as advice is just wrong. Sounds to me like the officer who did this interview didn't even bother to look at the details of this case. OP whether you want to admit it or not, using a false social security number, and/or falsely claiming to be a US citizen is a crime and it has huge ramifications. If I were you I would find out what status your employer gave you. If he said if you were a US citizen it is a lifetime ban from this country, and I would prepare for that if I were you. As a US born citizen I am appalled that you would be proud of admitting that you used a "made up" SS#, I don't care if your boss was the one to do it, you allowed him to.this. You might think it's humorous, but I don't.

Nope, falsely claiming to be a US Citizen is completely different than overstaying. A False claim to citizenship is a lifetime ban with no waiver, and has no statute of limitations. Overstay is irrelevant/forgiven for spouses of USCs who adjust in-country, by law. This can come back to bite you, and get your GC taken away. It's fraud. If your employer marked that you were a US Citizen, then you're toast. This can come back at any time...

Working illegally with a made up SSN ... and nobody brings it up? That's not "lucky" .. that's pretty sad. You'd think someone would have caught this, since you seem to admit it so proudly.

One thing that I have learned on VJ is that in many cases the best, and most helpful answers are also the harsh, straightforward and blunt answers. Sugarcoating doesn't help anyone.
Remember this: It's not us you're trying to convince, it's the IO who has complete authority to approve or deny your case, and thus decide your fate. If a VJ member plays devil's advocate, it's to prepare you for a worst case scenario.

IMO you should just stop counting who pays for what. You're married now, it doesn't matter at all. Whoever has money available can use it for immigration related expenses. It all comes from the same pot, tracking everything is just going to cause argument.
As for having him pay the fees at NVC stage, well, you can only pay using a US based bank account so I don't see how he could make the payment.
There's no "favor" to be done and returned, your expense are made for a common goal!

I've been here five and a half years now, and I feel pretty much exactly the same you do, but thankfully my husband was willing (quite eager, in fact) to relocate to a bigger city that would help me cope (we're moving this spring, yay!), and he fully understands that sometimes, yes I DO in fact need to spend $1000 on Norwegian food online, thank you very much, and doesn't complain about it. Once I asked him if he'd be willing to move to a different state for me, and while it's certainly not ideal (I quite like his family, and like you, moving would mean that we'd both be starting from scratch), he said pretty much exactly what was posted above: I was willing to move across the globe for him, if necessary he'd certainly manage a cross-country move.
Your mother-in-law is not part of your marriage, so take her out of the equation right away. I've faced a fair amount of pressure from my own family to move back home, but honestly, every time my mom brings it up, it makes me want to tell her we're never coming home, period, because it annoys me so much that she thinks she has any say in what's best for us - me and my husband - and our family.
For us, our main motivation for staying here in the US is largely financial (minor reasons include my seasonal depression, which gets tough during Norwegian winters, language, etc), because we want to provide for our son, and going to Norway means my husband would likely be stuck flipping burgers (or the equivalent thereof) for quite a few years. I would pretty much trample puppies if it meant we could move to Norway - but for the time being, staying here is far more advantageous for us, financially and otherwise. If financial prospects in Norway change for my husband, we're reconsidering. Has he visited NZ with you before? I'm curious as to his reasons for being so reluctant to move there.

I've been here five and a half years now, and I feel pretty much exactly the same you do, but thankfully my husband was willing (quite eager, in fact) to relocate to a bigger city that would help me cope (we're moving this spring, yay!), and he fully understands that sometimes, yes I DO in fact need to spend $1000 on Norwegian food online, thank you very much, and doesn't complain about it. Once I asked him if he'd be willing to move to a different state for me, and while it's certainly not ideal (I quite like his family, and like you, moving would mean that we'd both be starting from scratch), he said pretty much exactly what was posted above: I was willing to move across the globe for him, if necessary he'd certainly manage a cross-country move.
Your mother-in-law is not part of your marriage, so take her out of the equation right away. I've faced a fair amount of pressure from my own family to move back home, but honestly, every time my mom brings it up, it makes me want to tell her we're never coming home, period, because it annoys me so much that she thinks she has any say in what's best for us - me and my husband - and our family.
For us, our main motivation for staying here in the US is largely financial (minor reasons include my seasonal depression, which gets tough during Norwegian winters, language, etc), because we want to provide for our son, and going to Norway means my husband would likely be stuck flipping burgers (or the equivalent thereof) for quite a few years. I would pretty much trample puppies if it meant we could move to Norway - but for the time being, staying here is far more advantageous for us, financially and otherwise. If financial prospects in Norway change for my husband, we're reconsidering. Has he visited NZ with you before? I'm curious as to his reasons for being so reluctant to move there.

I've been here five and a half years now, and I feel pretty much exactly the same you do, but thankfully my husband was willing (quite eager, in fact) to relocate to a bigger city that would help me cope (we're moving this spring, yay!), and he fully understands that sometimes, yes I DO in fact need to spend $1000 on Norwegian food online, thank you very much, and doesn't complain about it. Once I asked him if he'd be willing to move to a different state for me, and while it's certainly not ideal (I quite like his family, and like you, moving would mean that we'd both be starting from scratch), he said pretty much exactly what was posted above: I was willing to move across the globe for him, if necessary he'd certainly manage a cross-country move.
Your mother-in-law is not part of your marriage, so take her out of the equation right away. I've faced a fair amount of pressure from my own family to move back home, but honestly, every time my mom brings it up, it makes me want to tell her we're never coming home, period, because it annoys me so much that she thinks she has any say in what's best for us - me and my husband - and our family.
For us, our main motivation for staying here in the US is largely financial (minor reasons include my seasonal depression, which gets tough during Norwegian winters, language, etc), because we want to provide for our son, and going to Norway means my husband would likely be stuck flipping burgers (or the equivalent thereof) for quite a few years. I would pretty much trample puppies if it meant we could move to Norway - but for the time being, staying here is far more advantageous for us, financially and otherwise. If financial prospects in Norway change for my husband, we're reconsidering. Has he visited NZ with you before? I'm curious as to his reasons for being so reluctant to move there.

I love my life here. I love this country. But if my marriage with my husband broke up, or if he could ever find as solid of a job in Norway as he could in America, I'd be on the first plane out faster than you can say, "Abandon LPR status."

You are not over-reacting. This was an agreement, and there is nothing more important than the word of spouses between one another. It doesn't have much to do with parents visiting. It has to do with changing an agreement you made before you were married. If he is going to change 2-3 weeks into six months, (of every year?!) then what other agreements is he going to simply discard?
Don't take ####### about "compromising" with him in violating agreements. There isn't any point to making agreements in the first place if afterwards you are manipulated into changing them for spurious reasons. Presumambly we are talking about an adult here, not a six-year-old who wasn't capable of thinking through what an agreement means. You don't make cultural excuses for this. The time to have invoked that cultural matter was when you made the agreement in the first place. If he isn't a man of his word, then he isn't a man.
Most likely he made that agreement to satisfy you at the time, (prior to marriage) with the intention of manipulating you into changing the agreement later. If so, you can look forward to that kind of treatment for the rest of your marriage unless you prohibit it. It isn't really relevant whether a visa can be approved for this length of time - what is relevant is whether you can trust this guy.

IT is really heartbreaking.... Gay people love as hetero people and I personally think they should have the same rights....
This is really sad..... really sad... at least for hetero couple, no matter what, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, not for them.... Sad sad sad!!!
:cry: :crying: :(

While I agree with a lot of what's been said in this thread so far about racism; how to deal with it, ignoring it, etc - I do feel like I want to comment on something.
I'm quite surprised that as a teacher, you've never seen this before. I'm Asian of origin (adopted) and have always lived in extremely predominantly Caucasian countries/cities/areas. I have white siblings, white parents, a white family, and grew up in a white upper-middle class neighborhood.
In my experience, the age you described this child to be is exactly when they start questioning and commenting on skin color. It was in the first grade someone first commented on my "squinty, funny-looking eyes." It was in the second grade I was first asked why I looked "browner than my sister." And that girl quickly concluded that she didn't think my sister was really my sister, because if she was, we'd either both be brown or both be white. That was devastating to me at the time, but there was no inherent racism behind this girl's conclusion; she was just trying to make sense of how and why I looked different.
Still to this day, children around the 7-10 age range are the ones commenting on my looks, on the rare occasion it does happen. They are simply curious, and have no filter. Any remark coming from a child that age, I personally would take with a grain of salt.

More moralizing. I did not see where the OP asked your opinion on this. She asked if she can leave, and she is free to do so.

I love my life here. I love this country. But if my marriage with my husband broke up, or if he could ever find as solid of a job in Norway as he could in America, I'd be on the first plane out faster than you can say, "Abandon LPR status."

I love my life here. I love this country. But if my marriage with my husband broke up, or if he could ever find as solid of a job in Norway as he could in America, I'd be on the first plane out faster than you can say, "Abandon LPR status."

And some people move here because they fell in love with an American - not because they want to become an American. For many it's a personal issue - not identifying yourself as an American, even though you live here more or less permanently. I can't see myself identifying as anything but Finnish, even if I chose to naturalize one day. America is an interesting place in that sense - if my husband and I moved to Finland, and he was there as a permanent resident, no one would assume that he was going to get citizenship and/or identify himself as Finnish. However, in America, permanent residents are often expected to eventually naturalize if they can, and subsequently "become American" as a result. I personally think this is the only country where it is not only common, but natural, to take on a new national identity, even at adult age, and I find this to be a very fascinating issue.

From JimVaPhuong in this thread: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/327446-canceling-a-return-flight/
Here are some threads from people who had this happen:
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/255674-denial-of-aos-due-to-inaccurate-info/
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/268029-returned-flight-cost-my-husband-his-aos/
Obviously, for any non-citizen (not just K-1s) it could be pretty problematic if they're unknowingly documented as having left the country, when they didn't.

If he was an upstanding why was he shoplifting ? I think someone needs to rewrite the definition of upstanding to something other than " he didn't get caught for a really long time" because I will bet that wasn't the first time he comminted a crime in that time.

Did you just come onto this community site to piss people off? Really. What about the "wife " you bring into the country? She has to give up the security and life to be with you. Can't say it would be high on my list with your stinky attitude. Better end it now before it is too late for her.

I think if two people are getting married because they love each other this is not an issue... Does ###### happen? Yes.
If you're this worried about it, you probably don't have a solid relationship to begin with.