Dilemma.. bouncing thoughts around!

[Messybrownhair 251]

Hey everyone,

I just found out that I am pregnant, which is great! However, there are a lot of complications. I am a full-time graduate student and don't wish to stop, and my husband is deploying in a couple of months. I will be pregnant and alone, which is not something we want. Anyone know where to find a full-time companion/nanny to stay while my husband is deployed and while I'm in school? Anyone have any other ideas? I can't go home though I want to coz my insurance is better here and I'd really like to keep staying in school..

[GlobeHopperMama 95]

Having full-time help is brilliant and awesome if it's possible for you. I don't have a ton of advice but I would pursue that option vigorously in your position. I had a baby without my husband in the country and if it weren't for having my family around, I would have completely lost my mind. I not sure what area you live in, but there are a lot of websites and such that match up parents with nannies of all sorts, from the occasional babysitter to full-time live-in nannies. I can't recall any offhand but a google search might land you some good search sites. Many require their candidates to provide references and such.

[Darnell 8,478]

i would hire 3 part time undergraduate students, put them on a rotating schedule around your classes.

[Calypso 464]

Have you considered asking your mom or his mom to stay with you for a few months? My sister-in-law and her husband can easily afford hiring a nanny but they never have. She just asks her mom to come by whenever necessary. Maybe you have relatives or friends who are available to keep you company, of course someone reliable and likable.

I hope you create a viable solution to this. Stay healthy and congratulations on the baby!

[Messybrownhair 251]

Thanks everyone for the great suggestions!! Hubby is leaving in 2 months so I know we have time to figure this out! What I would really like if possible is to find someone.. like preferably a Filipina, to come and stay with me while my hubby is deployed and when the baby is here.. we can pay her a let her live here for free.. but im not sure how to filter out the crazies lol. My mom can only stay for a while after the birth but she has to keep working, and my MIL.. well, she has her own hands full too. but yeah that would have been ideal!! I will definitely be exploring nanny sites, and wouldn't be opposed to hiring students, I was just hoping to have someone here all the time! i really appreciate all your ideas, I know this isn't really visa-related, but being from the Philippines makes it all the more difficult for me since my family is so far away! sigh**

[Kajikit 65]

Instead of paying someone to be your companion, how about finding a housemate who'll actually pay YOU to share your home? You could offer a reduced rent in exchange for the companioning that you need - that way they won't be underfoot 24/7 but there will be someone there if you need them.

[sonechko 1]

did u think about getting a n Au-pair?

[Messybrownhair 251]

did u think about getting a n Au-pair?

Yes, I have.. but I need to more research.. Are you talking about the au-pair visa? It seems costly and time-consuming but certainly an option

Instead of paying someone to be your companion, how about finding a housemate who'll actually pay YOU to share your home? You could offer a reduced rent in exchange for the companioning that you need - that way they won't be underfoot 24/7 but there will be someone there if you need them.

That would be nice!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I just found out that I am pregnant, which is great! However, there are a lot of complications. I am a full-time graduate student and don't wish to stop, and my husband is deploying in a couple of months. I will be pregnant and alone, which is not something we want. Anyone know where to find a full-time companion/nanny to stay while my husband is deployed and while I'm in school? Anyone have any other ideas? I can't go home though I want to coz my insurance is better here and I'd really like to keep staying in school..

Firstly... CONGRATULATIONS!!

I commend you for wanting to continue studying full time but you might want to look into part-time classes, or at home classes for a term or semester. You could also speak to your school about whether they have a child care centre on campus and what's involved with that. Depending on whether you're planning on breast feeding or formula this could make it easier on you.

Being pregnant can make you very tired and stressed out. It might mean taking it day by day but at least look into taking a semester off or cutting back on classes so you are informed should the need arise. Finishing in a short time is great, but because you're tired and stressed your marks may suffer a little so some people would prefer taking a semester off rather than have that happen.

Live-in nanny wise I see a lot about the site www.care.com. A friend of mine here in Iowa used that site. You could also go to schools in your area that have child care or early learning as a study area and a new graduate may be interested in some "on the job" training. You could look into nanny agencies in your area that take care of the background checks and other things for you. You could also ask on base. There may be a parent or other military wife that is looking for somewhere to stay or like you support while her spouse is away, or who offers child care services because she's a stay-at-home mum. This enables you to continue going to school as well as knowing that your child is with someone safe, and someone who also understands her spouse being away.

Just a few ideas and again, congratulations!! I hope it's not rude to ask but, when are you due?

Edited July 1, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

[Messybrownhair 251]

Firstly... CONGRATULATIONS!!

I commend you for wanting to continue studying full time but you might want to look into part-time classes, or at home classes for a term or semester. You could also speak to your school about whether they have a child care centre on campus and what's involved with that. Depending on whether you're planning on breast feeding or formula this could make it easier on you.

Being pregnant can make you very tired and stressed out. It might mean taking it day by day but at least look into taking a semester off or cutting back on classes so you are informed should the need arise. Finishing in a short time is great, but because you're tired and stressed your marks may suffer a little so some people would prefer taking a semester off rather than have that happen.

Live-in nanny wise I see a lot about the site www.care.com. A friend of mine here in Iowa used that site. You could also go to schools in your area that have child care or early learning as a study area and a new graduate may be interested in some "on the job" training. You could look into nanny agencies in your area that take care of the background checks and other things for you. You could also ask on base. There may be a parent or other military wife that is looking for somewhere to stay or like you support while her spouse is away, or who offers child care services because she's a stay-at-home mum. This enables you to continue going to school as well as knowing that your child is with someone safe, and someone who also understands her spouse being away.

Just a few ideas and again, congratulations!! I hope it's not rude to ask but, when are you due?

Thank you!! Very helpful ideas.. I am due in February.. I plan to (hopefully) stay in school till December then possibly take a semester off.. but I'd like to try till December if I can.. I will look into your ideas.. I just hope we can figure something out before he leaves..It would be so much easier if he wasn't deploying!! Arrrrgh lol

[Messybrownhair 251]

Unfortunately my school only takes kids at the daycare that are 6 months+, so that's not an option. I'm sure I can certainly find a nanny who can just stay for the day, although I would prefer full-time if possible and as soon as possible since I don't want to be alone while pregnant. You all have been so helpful! I will keep you updated on what I've found..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thank you!! Very helpful ideas.. I am due in February.. I plan to (hopefully) stay in school till December then possibly take a semester off.. but I'd like to try till December if I can.. I will look into your ideas.. I just hope we can figure something out before he leaves..It would be so much easier if he wasn't deploying!! Arrrrgh lol

That sounds like a good plan. My sister gave birth a week ago. She was able to stay at work (very high-stress professional position) until about a month before she was due. The only reason she had to stop earlier than planned (she planned 2 weeks before due) was because she had a big bub (9lb10oz).. smaller than mum guessed though 'cause we're a family of big babies and so is my sisters hubby (he was 10lbs she was high 8's). So I think you should be fine but one major thing my sister complained about was tiredness and her inability to sleep 'cause of the baby kicking. She also had severe morning sickness (or all day sickness rather ) into the second trimester.

It will suck for him being deployed. Have you also looked into whether he can come home for the due date or after the birth and whether there's any paperwork you need to do to get the ball rolling there? Or whether you need to fill in any paperwork about the new dependant? Lucky being in the military makes your life a lot easier in that regard. Lots of people in similar positions to you at some stage or another.

Feb is a good month Not too hot, and not too cold. Apparently being heavily pregnant over summer sucks.

[Messybrownhair 251]

That sounds like a good plan. My sister gave birth a week ago. She was able to stay at work (very high-stress professional position) until about a month before she was due. The only reason she had to stop earlier than planned (she planned 2 weeks before due) was because she had a big bub (9lb10oz).. smaller than mum guessed though 'cause we're a family of big babies and so is my sisters hubby (he was 10lbs she was high 8's). So I think you should be fine but one major thing my sister complained about was tiredness and her inability to sleep 'cause of the baby kicking. She also had severe morning sickness (or all day sickness rather ) into the second trimester.

It will suck for him being deployed. Have you also looked into whether he can come home for the due date or after the birth and whether there's any paperwork you need to do to get the ball rolling there? Or whether you need to fill in any paperwork about the new dependant? Lucky being in the military makes your life a lot easier in that regard. Lots of people in similar positions to you at some stage or another.

Feb is a good month Not too hot, and not too cold. Apparently being heavily pregnant over summer sucks.

I am very tired everyday and have m/s but I was given some meds for it so I can function.. it's not easy!! lol.. He will look into coming home for the due date but can't promise, so I won't hope for it. There's definitely a lot of paperwork needed. I need a lot of POA and all that. Ahhh, I'm just so overwhelmed..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I am very tired everyday and have m/s but I was given some meds for it so I can function.. it's not easy!! lol.. He will look into coming home for the due date but can't promise, so I won't hope for it. There's definitely a lot of paperwork needed. I need a lot of POA and all that. Ahhh, I'm just so overwhelmed..

Can't be harder than begging immigration to live here right? lol

[adiiann 163]

Hey everyone,

I just found out that I am pregnant, which is great! However, there are a lot of complications. I am a full-time graduate student and don't wish to stop, and my husband is deploying in a couple of months. I will be pregnant and alone, which is not something we want. Anyone know where to find a full-time companion/nanny to stay while my husband is deployed and while I'm in school? Anyone have any other ideas? I can't go home though I want to coz my insurance is better here and I'd really like to keep staying in school..

Same dilemma on who's going to help me take care of my infant baby after I give birth since me and my husband both working (we can't quit our job as it pays more than paying someone for childcare, just need trusted one). I searched about au pair but it seems it wasn't offer to Philippines. Any filipino friends around that could render help? That's my best option and since I only need a year at least to leave my baby to childcare center when I have work during day.