sharing expenses?

[rkk1 34]

Hi guys. I'm just wondering.... in your relationships, who is paying for the visa related expenses (I-130, NVC, etc): the USC or the foreign spouse? Who is paying for the plane ticket? Are you guys sharing the expenses? This may not be so much an issue for spouses who have been married a while and have joint accounts... in which case, it doesn't really matter who pays as everything is already merged. But for those of us recently married, I was just curious how others are handling the expenses.

My husband and I spend a lot of money on one another... I've spent a lot on the visa process, paying originally for the I-129F (which we then cancelled) and then paying the $420 for the I-130. I also paid nearly $300 for some Apostille paperwork before I went to India to get married. My family also paid the majority of the wedding expenses, in addition to their tickets to India to be there. My husband conversely hasn't spent any money yet on the visa, though I was thinking of asking him to pay the remaining $470 at the NVC stage. We haven't discussed yet who will pay for his ticket over to the US after visa approval. I have made 3 trips to India thus far to spend time with him (including the wedding), the first two trips I paid for, and the last trip I paid for most (with my husband pitching in). I was telling him (half-jokingly) that I'll pitch in the same amount for his ticket to the US as he pitched in for my last ticket to India. However, understandably, it's harder for him as he's from India where the purchasing power is much lower, thus it's much costlier for him to pay for all this by rupee standards.

I understand that we are married, and technically our money is one now. But I think it will take time to make this mental transition, and probably something we'll fully do only once we live together. So I hope no one will make snarky comments for us not being fully there yet mentally. Our marriage is not a sham. It's genuine, but we are simply adjusting to new roles.

My husband was really sweet yesterday and made a day's trip to another city to get his passport Apostilled. He took two days off work to get this done for me. This will save me thousands of dollars by allowing me to file joint taxes. As such I was thinking if I should just go ahead and pay the remaining $470 for the visa.... and return his kindness for kindness back. Other times I think I should go ahead and let him pay the $470 including his plane ticket here. I have made sacrifices thus far for the expenses, and I want him to be able to realize the value of these monetary sacrifices which he can only do when its his turn to do the same. But then I start questioning this again, as he is making the ultimate sacrifice to leave his country behind to be with me (a sacrifice I don't think he has even begun to comprehend), so the least I could do is pay the expenses of the visa. Hmm....

Edited March 24, 2012 by rkk1

[rootbeer 0]

nothing wrong with being careful with finances. it takes years and earned trust to take the step to combine your assets. as far as i know, it is usually the USC (male) who pays for these expenses. but then again, your roles are reversed. in my case, the USC husband paid for the K-1 petition since it is filed in the US in USD and I/my family paid for the visa requirements (clearances, medical, etc) since they're processed in my home country. I think the petition and all the visa expenses add up to about the same amount.

make sure you are comfortable about joining your accounts before doing it.

[TimeTravel 78]

Does he make good money in India? Like 50+ K INR a month, alot of people do it here. If yes, then he can manage the expense for this visa fee and air-ticket. It is not that expensive for an Indian to afford.

[Amanda and Josh 12]

my USC husband paid for the visa applications (there are 4 of us coming) and will be paying for us and the cats plane tickets. i have paid for all the other costs eg. medicals, police certificates, flights and accomadtion to Sydney to visa interview). tickets aside it has worked out to be about the same, if not more for me! I also have the added cost of closing up my home in Australia to factor in.

[Ryan H 3,813]

Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to General Immigration-Related Discussion.

[rok 3]

If you think He is financially Ok, You should stop spending a single cent on Visa from now onward including plane ticket. Do not make him a parasite out of you. And you are right that you are not in a stage where you will consider your money as "our money".

[Deep2009 18]

In your post, you have clearly mentioned that you will save lot of money in taxes because you can file taxes "filling jointly".

You want to give favor back. I think you are spending this money into your future... IF you love him, these issues does not matter.

I am US Citizen, I paid everything, even the ticket to US (I went to India to bring her in US)..... did not even think of asking anyone else to pay for it. It does not matter, you are male/female... IF you can afford it, don't make it a big issues.

But with his taking 2 days off, getting stamp for passport copies....you will save lot of money in taxes.

Don't bring this up... You are doing this for your future.

In a relationship, I will decide from my heart not from my brains... Sometimes, you will stretch your resources... that is ok, future will be great.

[Laure&Colin 558]

IMO you should just stop counting who pays for what. You're married now, it doesn't matter at all. Whoever has money available can use it for immigration related expenses. It all comes from the same pot, tracking everything is just going to cause argument.

As for having him pay the fees at NVC stage, well, you can only pay using a US based bank account so I don't see how he could make the payment.

There's no "favor" to be done and returned, your expense are made for a common goal!

[TimeTravel 78]

IMO you should just stop counting who pays for what. You're married now, it doesn't matter at all. Whoever has money available can use it for immigration related expenses. It all comes from the same pot, tracking everything is just going to cause argument.

As for having him pay the fees at NVC stage, well, you can only pay using a US based bank account so I don't see how he could make the payment.

There's no "favor" to be done and returned, your expense are made for a common goal!

+1

[dwheels76 5,468]

For most of us who are USC its really comparing apples and oranges. We fell in love most of us with men and women who come from countries where they may not make alot. My husband lives in Nigeria the minimum wage is ?135 a month. He currently makes about $300 a month. So of course most of the expenses fall on me.

I don't look at it as man/woman roles. All that went out the window since most of us have some pretty not normal relationships (as how we meet, how we date and how we communicate). No one knows better than us how hard this is.

Yes money can be a BIG big part of couples and their problems, But as you said HE is sacrificing everything to come be with the love of his life. Living family, friends cultural. I am sure once he is here and gets acclimated he will very much enjoy taking care of his wife.

And yes at times it seems we are ATM's money money money. Unexpected expenses. This VISA thing can be crazy with mailing, making colored copies, reports, medical you get me. So just know everyone is sacrificing something. And really it is just money. Just keep your eyes on the prize which is getting our baby home to us.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Hi guys. I'm just wondering.... in your relationships, who is paying for the visa related expenses (I-130, NVC, etc): the USC or the foreign spouse? Who is paying for the plane ticket? Are you guys sharing the expenses? This may not be so much an issue for spouses who have been married a while and have joint accounts... in which case, it doesn't really matter who pays as everything is already merged. But for those of us recently married, I was just curious how others are handling the expenses.

My husband and I spend a lot of money on one another... I've spent a lot on the visa process, paying originally for the I-129F (which we then cancelled) and then paying the $420 for the I-130. I also paid nearly $300 for some Apostille paperwork before I went to India to get married. My family also paid the majority of the wedding expenses, in addition to their tickets to India to be there. My husband conversely hasn't spent any money yet on the visa, though I was thinking of asking him to pay the remaining $470 at the NVC stage. We haven't discussed yet who will pay for his ticket over to the US after visa approval. I have made 3 trips to India thus far to spend time with him (including the wedding), the first two trips I paid for, and the last trip I paid for most (with my husband pitching in). I was telling him (half-jokingly) that I'll pitch in the same amount for his ticket to the US as he pitched in for my last ticket to India. However, understandably, it's harder for him as he's from India where the purchasing power is much lower, thus it's much costlier for him to pay for all this by rupee standards.

I understand that we are married, and technically our money is one now. But I think it will take time to make this mental transition, and probably something we'll fully do only once we live together. So I hope no one will make snarky comments for us not being fully there yet mentally. Our marriage is not a sham. It's genuine, but we are simply adjusting to new roles.

My husband was really sweet yesterday and made a day's trip to another city to get his passport Apostilled. He took two days off work to get this done for me. This will save me thousands of dollars by allowing me to file joint taxes. As such I was thinking if I should just go ahead and pay the remaining $470 for the visa.... and return his kindness for kindness back. Other times I think I should go ahead and let him pay the $470 including his plane ticket here. I have made sacrifices thus far for the expenses, and I want him to be able to realize the value of these monetary sacrifices which he can only do when its his turn to do the same. But then I start questioning this again, as he is making the ultimate sacrifice to leave his country behind to be with me (a sacrifice I don't think he has even begun to comprehend), so the least I could do is pay the expenses of the visa. Hmm....

I completely understand how the "us and mine" money situation has you a little thrown. It will remain a little weird until you're both in the US and earning the same currency.

Personally Tony paid the K1 petition fee (US$340), I paid the medical (AU$400), I paid the police check (AU$131), I paid for flights for the Visa interview (around AU$80) and he sent me money for the K1 visa fee but he could only get it in USD so I paid it myself and then cashed the bank check when I got to the US so basically he paid it I paid for my flight back (AU$1900) and for my wedding dress (AU$2500). He has paid for EVERYTHING else. I wasn't allowed to work for some time until I got my GC. He paid ALL the bills. He paid for a phone for me. He paid for more cable channels so I wasn't bored, he bought me a truck, he pays insurance, mortgage, food etc etc. He paid for my dogs vet bills (spaying, shots, microchipping, toys etc). When I got a job I started saving and we were able to have a bit more "play" money but basically he continued paying the bills (that's what he wanted) and I paid for gas for my truck and what not.

The problem is, and I don't know if you've thought of this yet, but he is unlikely to get a job right away. You will be paying for EVERYTHING once he gets here and until he gets a job (I've been out of work for several months again now). Do you have a vehicle for him? What about health insurance? Car insurance? A phone? A family phone plan? Indian TV channels?

One thing that really mattered to me coming from somewhere where I earnt quite well and had been earning income since I was 16, was having money to spend on things like presents and haircuts and my "wants" instead of my "needs" (it was really hard to come to terms to suddenly not earning my own income). If your husband pays for the flights is he going to end up with very little savings? Conversely, will him paying for the ticket mean you're able to have more of a nest egg to "help out" and give him an allowance knowing that when you convert his "savings" to USD it's not the same?

Basically you have to talk to your husband about it. Ask him: How much savings does he have? How much is a flight in his currency? Would he prefer to convert his savings to USD to support himself or have you give him an allowance (many men would find this emasculating). Once he gets here you're going to have no choice but to be the sole breadwinner until he is able to get a job. That means paying for stuff he wants, paying for stuff he needs, and trying not to make him feel guilty about it... It won't be on purpose but I hated using "Tony's account" and instead would have to ask him before I spent anything. I think the idea of a joint account where you move his "allowance" so he can spend the money however he wants without asking and so you can still pay the bills from your main account until he gets used to how much things cost here is a good idea. We opened me an account with Wells Fargo and put "my money" in there. I was able to check my balance online and use my card and feel better about buying myself a snack or something.

Anyway there you go. Tony and I have all our accounts joint but Wells Fargo is considered "mine" and he has this local bank one I consider "his". I CAN take money out (and occasionally do after asking first) but I don't normally. I pay the bills online using his card. My account has a relatively low "emergency balance" because I don't have a job. I don't spend money except on groceries and use his account for that. Once I have a job his account will still be bills, mine will go back to groceries and savings. He has a card for my account and I've told him the balance and to spend money from it if he wants/needs to (when I was employed) but he didn't. It works for us. It's never been "he earns more money so he pays the bills" or he pays the bigger portion, or vice versa.. it's just how it works for us. Once i get a job we'll double-check the arrangement is working. I'll ask him if he wants me to pay this or that bill this month (to give him more to "play" with) but he normally says no anyway

[N M 96]

Annette (USC) paid for the K1 petition.

I paid for the medical fee, K1 visa fee, and flight.

After our marriage, everything immediately became intermingled, (one joint checking account, one joint savings account etc) but just like V&T say above, I wasn't working straight away. So although the AOS fee was paid from our joint account - it was still effectively Annette paying. Ditto the 6 months of food we ate, mortgage payments we made, healthcare costs etc.

I learnt to live VERY simply in those 6 months. Greatest extravagance was paying $4 to watch a high school football game over the street. It just didn't seem right to be spending money when I was effectively unemployed. And it has put us in great stead since - after living a very spendy London lifestyle, I have a completely different life here. No debt (mortgage aside), and I'm no longer living paycheck to paycheck.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I learnt to live VERY simply in those 6 months.

Yeah ditto! It's amazing actually how I went from spending money almost every day (back home on small things here and there but definitely added up) and now I will go weeks or even months without spending anything except on bills and groceries. I did "splurge" last week and spent about $20 on the dogs. My 1 y/o (in May) needed a new harness (finally an adult so she grew out of the puppy one), a shedding brush (yay for spring shedding!) and some treats. I felt guilty even doing that

[rkk1 34]

Wow! Thank you all so much for the fantastic replies.... I'd like to respond to each one in turn, but that would take too long, so I'll comment on some things that I thought about while reading your posts.

First of all, I would like to say that my husband has always been an absolute gentleman to me when I would come to visit him in his country. Yes, I would pay the airfare to get there (though last time he pitched in a good amount), but from the time I got there, he'd pay the rest.... train tickets, rickshaw (like a taxi) and other local transportation, food, small purchases for me, other gifts, etc. I hardly spend anything while I am there, as he doesn't let me. (My husband is strangely okay with taking money and gifts from my parents, which bothers me as I don't want him taking money from my folks despite them offering... but he won't take any money from me, as he likes being the one to provide for me. I suppose he thinks my parents make enough and its fine to take money from them if they offer it to him.) Although my family did pay for our wedding, my husband took me for a short 3-day honeymoon trip to a place I really wanted to go to after our wedding. It wasn't anything compared to what my parents had spent, but it was a huge amount of money by my husband's standards, as it was several months of savings for him. (My husband grew up in a middle class family in India in which they often had financial struggles, while I grew up pretty well off in an upper middle class family in the US.)

I was actually talking to my husband today (I hadn't even brought up this issue of money or who pays etc), and he was discussing how he is working really hard right now to expand his coaching business in India, as he is really financially stressed. His mom got a brain infection in January and her medical treatment (which will continue for the next 9-12 months) requires over 70% of his monthly income, and a portion of the rest goes to family household expenses (as he lives at home with his brother and parents, which is typical for adult children in Indian culture). His dad has stopped working to be there at home for his mom, and his brother works outside the home but doesn't make all that much. So most of their family income is coming from my husband. He told me that he hopes that by expanding his coaching business, he can make more money to save up for his visa and flight to the US to be with me. He also mentioned that he had drained half of the account that he shares with his mom over the last year when he was courting me (as he paid for 3 domestic flights to see me when I was in India last year, and then he paid for our little honeymoon after the wedding). A majority of that money was his mom's savings. So it's his goal to fully restore that account with the amount of money his mom had originally saved up (or more) before he comes here. Although the coaching business that he shares with his brother will suffer after he comes here (as my husband is a lot more trained than his brother is), he is hoping that his brother would still be able to make sufficient money carrying on the business afterwards. He is also hoping that his mom will have recovered so that his dad can also get back to work by then. Since his money is presently co-mingled with his birth family, I think that this is also part of why we talk about 'his' money versus 'my' money.

Although it seems my husband will try his best to pay the remaining visa expenses and plane ticket, I would be happy to step in and pay if he needs the help. He knows that my money is student loan money with 7% interest (as I work and make money, but also have a $50,000 per year tuition that put me in a negative balance). So anything he takes from me will eventually have to be paid back with interest to the government. I know he won't have much at all when he comes here, and thus we'll have to live on my student loans for a few months until he gets a job. We will both have to live simply knowing that this money is taken with interest. I think it might be nice for him to take some courses when he gets here too, so we have to decide if he also wants to take out student loans as well.

Edited March 25, 2012 by rkk1

[Scafidi454 22]

I've been paying for just about everything. But again, I make about 3x more than my fiancee, and even I'm having problems staying above water.

Wow! Thank you all so much for the fantastic replies.... I'd like to respond to each one in turn, but that would take too long, so I'll comment on some things that I thought about while reading your posts.

First of all, I would like to say that my husband has always been an absolute gentleman to me when I would come to visit him in his country. Yes, I would pay the airfare to get there (though last time he pitched in a good amount), but from the time I got there, he'd pay the rest.... train tickets, rickshaw (like a taxi) and other local transportation, food, small purchases for me, other gifts, etc. I hardly spend anything while I am there, as he doesn't let me. Although my family did pay for our wedding, my husband took me for a short 3-day honeymoon trip to a place I really wanted to go to after our wedding. It wasn't anything compared to what my parents had spent, but it was a huge amount of money by my husband's standards, as it was several months of savings for him. (My husband grew up in a middle class family in India in which they often had financial struggles, while I grew up pretty well off in an upper middle class family in the US.)

I was actually talking to my husband today (I hadn't even brought up this issue of money or who pays etc), and he was discussing how he is working really hard right now to expand his coaching business in India, as he is really financially stressed. His mom got a brain infection in January and her medical treatment requires over 70% of his monthly income, and a portion of the rest goes to family household expenses (as he lives at home with his brother and parents, which is typical for adult children in Indian culture). His dad has stopped working to be there at home for his mom, and his brother works outside the home but doesn't make all that much. So most of their family income is coming from my husband. He told me that he hopes that by expanding his coaching business, he can make more money to save up for his visa and flight to the US to be with me. He also mentioned that he had drained half of the account that he shares with his mom over the last year when he was courting me (as he paid for 3 domestic flights to see me when I was in India last year, and then he paid for our little honeymoon after the wedding). A majority of that money was his mom's savings. So it's his goal to fully restore that account with the amount of money his mom had originally saved up (or more) before he comes here. Although the coaching business that he shares with his brother will suffer after he comes here (as my husband is a lot more trained than his brother is), he is hoping that his brother would still be able to make sufficient money carrying on the business afterwards. He is also hoping that his mom will have recovered so that his dad can also get back to work by then. Since his money is presently co-mingled with his birth family, I think that this is also part of why we talk about 'his' money versus 'my' money.

Although it seems my husband will try his best to pay the remaining visa expenses and plane ticket, I would be happy to step in and pay if he needs the help. He knows that my money is student loan money with 7% interest (as I work and make money, but also have a $50,000 per year tuition that put me in a negative balance). So anything he takes from me will eventually have to be paid back with interest to the government. I know he won't have much at all when he comes here, and thus we'll have to live on my student loans for a few months until he gets a job. We will both have to live simply knowing that this money is taken with interest. I think it might be nice for him to take some courses when he gets here too, so we have to decide if he also wants to take out student loans as well.

Are you using private loans?