dawning

I don't think you should wish to be less sensitive.  It would be wrong to bring her privately planning to see if you want to go through with it while she thinks it's a full on commitment.  People on this forum are sometimes cavalier about the fact that the immigrant is changing everything in their life to come and be with a new spouse.  What if she gives up everything to come her and you decide you aren't compatible?   Whether her dream is to be with you or to be in the US or both, bringing her here with the idea that you can send her back if things get hard is disrespectful.
That said, if you don't feel sure you should definitely wait.  It doesn't sound like you have spent much time together yet, and it seems unlikely that she will get a visitor's visa to the US
Would it be possible for you to stay in her country for a long period of time?  Maybe have some kind of couples' counseling there? Or is there a third country where you could live together for a while?

I think you are right... If you don't feel ready or you are unsure about the relationship the best and most honest thing is to hold off on filing for the visa.
There will be people on here who will tell you that she is probably a scammer and therefore it's ok for you to play around to test her honesty.  I don't agree with that morally as you can see by my answer. 
She may have a very different definition of marriage than you do... cultural expectations can influence people's view of relationships much more than they are aware of.  That's where more time together and maybe some kind of joint counseling with someone that knows about both cultures might help.
 
Good luck!

I don't think you should wish to be less sensitive.  It would be wrong to bring her privately planning to see if you want to go through with it while she thinks it's a full on commitment.  People on this forum are sometimes cavalier about the fact that the immigrant is changing everything in their life to come and be with a new spouse.  What if she gives up everything to come her and you decide you aren't compatible?   Whether her dream is to be with you or to be in the US or both, bringing her here with the idea that you can send her back if things get hard is disrespectful.
That said, if you don't feel sure you should definitely wait.  It doesn't sound like you have spent much time together yet, and it seems unlikely that she will get a visitor's visa to the US
Would it be possible for you to stay in her country for a long period of time?  Maybe have some kind of couples' counseling there? Or is there a third country where you could live together for a while?

***** several posts removed or edited for bad language and quoting same.  Give constructive advice to the OP or do not post. *****

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

While I am not an expert I tend to agree with Ebunoluwa on this.  If I were the judge hearing evidence that has so far been presented, I would not be at all convinced of fraud on the husband's part, although it does sound like he has some mental health problems.  (Mental health problems could co-exist with fraud I don't deny, but so far everything that the OP is calling fraud sounds like it is just him trying to survive in his world, just as the OP is trying to protect herself in this difficult situation.)
 
Bringing a spouse from another country away a support network and then threatening him or her with violence if s/he comes near what was supposed to be his/her home would seem in my mind to qualify as domestic violence.  Anyone can say "it was just talk" after the fact, but threats have an effect on people. 
 
It seems like cutting contact and divorcing would be the safest and healthiest for both parties.
 
Good luck!

It all looked like fraud from the posts until you mentioned his depression and bipolar disorder.
Divorce, but why go further in turning him in for fraud if you have no evidence ? 
A mood disorder can certainly cause this odd behavior and his fears of you may be very real to him even though they may not be valid.
You threatened to have him beat up so yeah that is an indication he is afraid and has illusions of being tracked.
He needs medical help.
Divorce, move on and leave him alone rather than all this trying to entrap him for any evidence.

I'm not saying you might not be right... obviously scammers are common. If she is a scammer, she doesn't sound expert or skillful at all, however.  Holding off on pregnancy from the affair would be smarter than producing a fictional rape at the last moment,  just because sadly there are a lot of men who leave women after rape, on the "Damaged goods" principal. 
It just makes me feel sad for your wife, and a bunch of other 3rd world significant others of Americans posting here, that producing an "official report" for "proof" (all that proves is that she talked to the police, and they are unlikely to draw a conclusion if she is not asking to press charges) is more important than a victim's well-being.  Is it more ok in your mind for a German or UK woman not to go to the police?  What about the women who don't get pregnant or live where abortion is an option and never tell their significant other?

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 
 
OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.
 
Good luck!

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 
 
OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.
 
Good luck!

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 
 
OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.
 
Good luck!

Honduras is facing serious problems with gang violence.  I have been hearing that witnesses in murder cases are often refusing to testify for fear of retribution, so the idea that a rape victim not going to police is unusual, or casts doubt on the rape, doesn't follow.  (A lot of studies in the US have shown that the majority of sexual assault victims don't report to law enforcement as well). 
 
OP, people are offering a lot of well meaning advice that paint your fiance in a bad light, but as someone just said, none of us really have any idea what happened.  I think it would be great if you could make it down there to Honduras.  Even if you don't feel you need to investigate, your fiance can surely benefit from moral support and your presence might help to sway the embassy as well.
 
Good luck!

Did you actually read the original post?  His first wife is a USC, and has no need to be "brought".  The children from his current marriage should be USCs as well, both from their mother and (probably) by birth in the US, so his fraud shouldn't make them vulnerable to deportation or bans.
 
Not that that negates the seriousness of of the situation for the OP and his wives.

Sorry you are going through this.  It sounds like a nightmare, like you said.
 
I don't know what resources might be available in your country, but you might seek counseling or support groups for people who have been badly treated by an intimate partner.  Perhaps also for people with STI's (sexually transmitted infections).  I know it seems that he should make things right for you, since you gave up everything to be with him, but it's probably an uphill battle to hold him accountable legally, especially when you are in another country. Making your healing, both physical and emotional, your first priority, is probably a better choice in the long run. 
 
Best wishes.

Did you actually read the original post?  His first wife is a USC, and has no need to be "brought".  The children from his current marriage should be USCs as well, both from their mother and (probably) by birth in the US, so his fraud shouldn't make them vulnerable to deportation or bans.
 
Not that that negates the seriousness of of the situation for the OP and his wives.

Perhaps Mexico or Canada? 

Thanks everyone for the input. He received a letter yesterday that I guess is NOA1. While it doesn't have a date other than the date the petition was received, it does say that his conditional green card was extended for one year, and that the fees were waived. So, as info for anyone else filing with a fee waiver, we received the NOA 29 days after the date they counted the petition as received. In other words, if you file a fee waiver be prepared to wait up to 30 days to hear if it was accepted or not.

Thank you Ketsuban. I am assuming that they won't scan in one that requests a fee waiver until they have made a decision on the request for the waiver... My thinking is that if they deny the waiver the will refuse the i-751, and so won't want to generate a notice of acceptance until they have decided to grant the waiver, the same way they would send back a petition filed with the incorrect fee. Is that not true? If it is true, how long is a reasonable amount of time to expect the fee waiver process to take?
Who should I call? If I call the USCIS centralized number, will they have any info in their system on a petition that hasn't generated a NOA1? I would call just to ask them what to expect, but know that they are often called the "misinformation line" here, and so though perhaps VJers could give me a more accurate picture of what might be happening?
I appreciate your answer. If you have any more insight please share.

Actually, your situation as described above shows that food stamps are not given out like candy... the working poor, especially one parent families, are often facing very difficult choices.

If it helps at all, a lot of "non-refundable" fees are not actually *refundable* but can usually be kept with the vendor and transferred to a different date (usually within a set period of months). Possibly with a little bit of a fee, but this early on, I would assume that any vendor would rather know NOW that they've got an opening in early September than find out at the end of August.It's not the easiest thing in the world because you've got to hope that everyone you've already paid will also all be available on the same day in the future but spoiler alert: happened to me moving from a late January wedding (dead wedding season) to a late April wedding (prime wedding season, complete with cherry blossoms in bloom) and they were literally ALL available.
 
If you think about the economics of being, say, a wedding photographer. That one date, usually one of 52 Saturdays per year, of varying desirability (in reality, there's fewer than 25 days per year that are the prime wedding days, and most vendors need to compete for clients the other weekends), one date is worth, say, $3000. You are *working* much more than just that one day and part of the cost is precisely because people pretty much only have weddings on Saturdays, you can pretty much only make money on Saturdays that you're available. This makes makes those 52 dates per year very valuable and this explains the cost. Now, imagine things like brides booking 3 photographers on 3 different dates because they're waiting to see if their first-choice caterer will have an opening on the same day as their top-choice band (or other stuff like that)  before really settling on a date. How many other brides did you just turn down because this woman was trying to keep her options open?  
 
Do you travel a lot? Ever notice how big standby lists can often get cleared really quickly? That's because a lot of people buy refundable tickets for the 2pm and the 4pm, hoping to make the 2pm. Standby list for the fully-booked 4pm is long. Until the 2pm takes off and those who made the 2pm cancel their booking on the 4pm, boom, everyone on standby on the 4pm gets on. Airlines compensate for this by overbooking flights and *usually* it all works out ok (even though it's overbooked, there's seats for everyone plus standby) but imagine a wedding photographer overbooks and needs to "bump" a couple (aka: not show up for their wedding). Not possible in that industry. Thus, the non-refundable thing. 
 
Also consider how many couples break up just weeks before? Why do YOU, the wedding photographer who only has the opportunity to make a living 25 days per year have to be out thousands of dollars THEY didn't think their engagement through?
 
Those really are the reasons for most of the strict refund policies.
 
TRUST ME, I got hit with this hard. Our wedding date just happened to be what became the "blizzard of the century" (I still think 2010 was bigger but eh). Even though the venue canceled, the band canceled and the caterer canceled (venue: refund, band: refund, caterer: future credit), the florist and the photographer said they could still show up. So if *I* canceled on *them*, I couldn't get a refund but rather a "future date credit" because of the "Act of God" clause. And on top of it, with the florist, because the flowers themselves had already been purchased by the florist for me (but not arranged which is a significant if not the biggest part of the cost), I owned the flowers and was free to come get them if I wanted. Thousands of loose flowers to keep in my apartment with my snowed-in in-laws and a frozen wedding cake. Ha. So anyway, if my whole wedding was cancelled with 3 days to go and it was considered by more than one vendor that *I* did the cancelling and I still got "future date credit", you can too.
 
Plus, the end result was that we wound up having our legal ceremony in the lobby of the hotel that our families were snowed in at (right around the corner from our apartment), with just our families and whichever friends were able to trudge/ski over. That's my profile picture (we decided to have the photographer come and photograph the ceremony plus have a snowy photoshoot in our wedding clothes just in case she wasn't available for our rescheduled date). Made for an adventure, lovely photos and a very memorable story. Can't tell you how many (really beautiful) snow globes we've gotten as wedding gifts! Plus, basically everyone thinks that my husband and I are some sort of Zen master saints for handling it with grace and good humor.
 
Sorry for the novel. TL;DR: non-refundable doesn't mean you're screwed. You can almost definitely negotiate for a future date. Rescheduled weddings aren't the end of the world and depending on how you handle it (and any accompanying stress your fiancee may experience), can actually win you points with the in-laws.

That was my first thought on reading those comments too.
 
I prefer not to spend a lot of time being political on forums.  However, this discussion is so related to some things I have been thinking about lately that I feel compelled to speak up.  What is happening lately in public discourse with the idea of  "illegal immigrants" (in quotes because the phrase tends to be thrown around without a lot clarification about what it means) makes me really uncomfortable, and the more I think about it, the more I come to think that it bothers me because it's targeting a vulnerable group and blaming (scapegoating) them for problems that often have little to do with them.  I'm also really concerned that if you look deeper at the actions of different people in power, target "illegals" is just a beginning.  A lot of their actions seem to me to indicate that there is also a willingness to target people of certain ethnicities and religions.  It's a pattern seen before at different times in history, and the results aren't usually something citizens are proud of 50 years later.  It may be hyperbole to compare the Trump administration's treatment of Muslims and Mexicans to Nazi Germany and the run up to the holocaust, but comparing it to the US's internment of citizens and LPRs of Japanese ancestry is much less a reach.  And while the invocation of US internment camps for Japanese doesn't conjure up nearly the stark horror in the collective consciousness that the word "Holocaust" does, it was unarguably a great failing of the US's ideals of equality, and one that we have an obligation to try to avoid repeating.
 
In other words, they sometimes say they are not against immigrants, but it's not at all clear to me that their actions are bearing that out.