Homesickness, when did it get better for you?

[ashley_ann 179]

Hey all, 

 

I've been struggling a solid 3 months now. I've been in the USA since January and I really miss my home. I really miss my family. I can't seem them still just because of everything going on (like so many others).

When did the homesickness get better for you? I've been in school so its helped but I'm just still struggling a lot...

 

I feel immense pain in regards to my family and leaving my mom and dad behind. I know things are exacerbated right now because of covid and logically I know things but just

my emotions are just so not on that same level. 

 

Yes Canada is similar but... there is still enough differences especially in this small texan town I'm in... its incredibly lonely. 

I seem to be watching everything I say so I don't rub people the wrong way as I have almost complete opposite views of everyone here. I won't get into

the details but lets just say small conservative town....so I just keep quiet...

and well... I'm extremely lonely and miss my family... 

 

sorry this is all over the place... its been a really tough week and I can't seem to shake it this time...and as a result I'm just all over the place... 

[TBoneTX 43,069]

There are a lot of excellent threads in the Moving to the US forum, where this thread is now moved. 

 

Homesickness is exceptionally natural, so whatever you're feeling is normal.  Face it head-on.  Figure out the specific triggers of the moment and analyze them, because you can defeat them.  Do everything possible to fight them -- hard -- aggressively rather than defensively.  Violent physical exercise also helps.  

[Ontarkie 13,918]

It was about 6 months before I started to sort of feel like it was all going to be ok. Flare up of homesickness came often, more so when I couldn't find things I wanted and the huge ### bugs came out. It took me 3 yrs to actually feel like this was home. I complained every single day, thankfully my husband was is an amazing man and didn't let it bother him. He would just let me vent and understood I wasn't complaining about him. I also brought 4 kids with me and had issues with the schools, buses and everything under the sun. 

 

I have always been a homebody so I was way out of my comfort zone. I do a lot of baking and cooking and make the things I miss back home.  The flour here is yukky, I did find a work around for many of the things I make. King Arthur flour is the best I can get my hands on here in Arkansas. They like the soft wheat flour and man it sucks for a lot of things. 

 

I hold my tongue a lot when I'm not home. People are just weird here and OMG how many days does one need to go to church. There are churches everywhere and they all want you to go to their church. Turns out some places give their members a bonus if they get new members to join. 

 

We take for granted and so do others thinking that just because Canada is right next door and we speak English that it's so easy to adjust, it is far from that for many of us. 

[SalishSea 16,779]

45 minutes ago, ashley_ann said:

Hey all, 

 

I've been struggling a solid 3 months now. I've been in the USA since January and I really miss my home. I really miss my family. I can't seem them still just because of everything going on (like so many others).

When did the homesickness get better for you? I've been in school so its helped but I'm just still struggling a lot...

 

I feel immense pain in regards to my family and leaving my mom and dad behind. I know things are exacerbated right now because of covid and logically I know things but just

my emotions are just so not on that same level. 

 

Yes Canada is similar but... there is still enough differences especially in this small texan town I'm in... its incredibly lonely. 

I seem to be watching everything I say so I don't rub people the wrong way as I have almost complete opposite views of everyone here. I won't get into

the details but lets just say small conservative town....so I just keep quiet...

and well... I'm extremely lonely and miss my family... 

 

sorry this is all over the place... its been a really tough week and I can't seem to shake it this time...and as a result I'm just all over the place... 

I'm so sorry - *hugs*.  I am not an immigrant, but my husband is, and he has felt everything you're feeling  I will say that it does seem to get easier, although COVID has made travel to and from NZ impossible due to the quarantines.  Prior to that, both of his daughters (19 and 23 now) had visited.  

 

Regarding being in a small, conservative town - as an American, even I would feel exactly the same way.  Out of my comfort zone, values, life experiences etc.  Husband does feel sort of-ish at home here in Seattle in terms of politics, although the previous four years were a struggle.

 

Is the long-term plan to stay put, or possibly move to someplace more like home?

 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by Jorgedig

[SalishSea 16,779]

10 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

The flour here is yukky, I did find a work around for many of the things I make. King Arthur flour is the best I can get my hands on here in Arkansas.

Our family doctor is Canadian, and she actually buys/brings in flour from Canada, because anything made with US flour bothers her gut!  Interesting and disturbing.....

[Ontarkie 13,918]

10 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Our family doctor is Canadian, and she actually buys/brings in flour from Canada, because anything made with US flour bothers her gut!  Interesting and disturbing.....

Scary indeed

[Daphne . 1,681]

I have been here for 2 years now and I am still not settled. We live in a very small conservative town as well and it is a world away from The Netherlands.

I still feel like an outsider looking in, trying to understand when people are talking about sports or where they went to highschool/university because I don’t know anything about it. These seem to be topics that are very normal to discuss here but it’s just not something Dutch people talk about. I feel no connection to American society, don’t feel like a part of it.

Maybe I will get used to it or maybe that’s just a reality of moving to a new country, I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️
“Home” is still The Netherlands for me. 

 

[ashley_ann 179]

14 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

It was about 6 months before I started to sort of feel like it was all going to be ok. Flare up of homesickness came often, more so when I couldn't find things I wanted and the huge ### bugs came out. It took me 3 yrs to actually feel like this was home. I complained every single day, thankfully my husband was is an amazing man and didn't let it bother him. He would just let me vent and understood I wasn't complaining about him. I also brought 4 kids with me and had issues with the schools, buses and everything under the sun. 

 

I have always been a homebody so I was way out of my comfort zone. I do a lot of baking and cooking and make the things I miss back home.  The flour here is yukky, I did find a work around for many of the things I make. King Arthur flour is the best I can get my hands on here in Arkansas. They like the soft wheat flour and man it sucks for a lot of things. 

 

I hold my tongue a lot when I'm not home. People are just weird here and OMG how many days does one need to go to church. There are churches everywhere and they all want you to go to their church. Turns out some places give their members a bonus if they get new members to join. 

 

We take for granted and so do others thinking that just because Canada is right next door and we speak English that it's so easy to adjust, it is far from that for many of us. 

Yes 🙌 I’ve noticed the flour… just so weird. And yes I’m holding my tongue so much and it really makes me feel unauthentic? If that makes sense. And yes. I’m in a small Texas town church and everything here is well everything. I am not a religious person but I go because i know it’s important to my husband and I’m supporting that. I love who he is and it’s a part of him and his family. But I’m noticing I am getting anxiety going haha 😆 I told my husband I can’t do this every Sunday all day practically (Sunday school, church, church lunch… it ends up being like half the day) so I definitely need to find a balance and articulate that. 
 

the other part to that is because I’m not religious and some know some don’t I get treated pretty oddly by not participating in weekly bible studies separate from church by some people lol

 

and yes I think I have definitely took that for granted. I knew it was going to be challenge but now I’m living the challenge haha 

[ashley_ann 179]

14 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

 

 

Regarding being in a small, conservative town - as an American, even I would feel exactly the same way.  Out of my comfort zone, values, life experiences etc.  Husband does feel sort of-ish at home here in Seattle in terms of politics, although the previous four years were a struggle.

 

Is the long-term plan to stay put, or possibly move to someplace more like home?

 

 

Thank you for your words of encouragement it’s nice to know I’m not the only one ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (I know I’m not but it certainly feels that way).

 

I wish we could sadly there is a lot of things stopping us because of his teaching license. It’s not valid in a lot of states. I think even moving to  a different area maybe a city a lot more different things but who knows. I really do wish it to be a possibility though. 

[ashley_ann 179]

13 hours ago, Daphne K said:

I have been here for 2 years now and I am still not settled. We live in a very small conservative town as well and it is a world away from The Netherlands.

I still feel like an outsider looking in, trying to understand when people are talking about sports or where they went to highschool/university because I don’t know anything about it. These seem to be topics that are very normal to discuss here but it’s just not something Dutch people talk about. I feel no connection to American society, don’t feel like a part of it.

Maybe I will get used to it or maybe that’s just a reality of moving to a new country, I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️
“Home” is still The Netherlands for me. 

 

I can definitely empathize with this… I don’t feel like people want to engage in topics we would discuss in Canada… but like to engage in things that back in Canada it’s just rude to talk about. I don’t feel a connection at all to the USA. Someone asked me “ you must feel so lucky to be here?!” 
 

and I said “ I feel lucky to be with my husband. I don’t care about living here. Home will always be Canada” 

 

and in return they said “well why don’t you leave? It’s a privilege to be here.” 
 

and I think… you totally missed what I said… 

[Ontarkie 13,918]

28 minutes ago, ashley_ann said:

Yes 🙌 I’ve noticed the flour… just so weird. And yes I’m holding my tongue so much and it really makes me feel unauthentic? If that makes sense. And yes. I’m in a small Texas town church and everything here is well everything. I am not a religious person but I go because i know it’s important to my husband and I’m supporting that. I love who he is and it’s a part of him and his family. But I’m noticing I am getting anxiety going haha 😆 I told my husband I can’t do this every Sunday all day practically (Sunday school, church, church lunch… it ends up being like half the day) so I definitely need to find a balance and articulate that. 
 

the other part to that is because I’m not religious and some know some don’t I get treated pretty oddly by not participating in weekly bible studies separate from church by some people lol

 

and yes I think I have definitely took that for granted. I knew it was going to be challenge but now I’m living the challenge haha 

If they have King Arthur flour grab it. It is more expensive then the other stuff but it is so worth it. The US does not regulate the protein in the flour like Canada. So the bag can say 3g of protein but it really only has 1g. One bag would work for something then the next bag you try flops. King Arthur flour is high in protein more like our plain old AP flour back home. If you can't find King Arthur the next best thing is the Gold Medal but only their bread flour will work. I used their bread flour for all my baking. Use the bread flour like as if it is AP flour. It will work better then the US AP flour

 

You should tell your husband you cannot do the church thing. All day is nuts. Heck I grew up Catholic and loved church but here for me even this is too much. I don't go to church here I miss it but it's nut church it's way overboard and I stopped going. Let him know he is welcomed to it and maybe you will go when the culture shock of other things settle down. Let him know you will try again but it is giving you anxiety and that is a fast way for you to get really sick fast. Bible study would be out all together. Once a week in church if and when you can handle it and that is it. Nothing else church related. 

 

 

21 minutes ago, ashley_ann said:

I can definitely empathize with this… I don’t feel like people want to engage in topics we would discuss in Canada… but like to engage in things that back in Canada it’s just rude to talk about. I don’t feel a connection at all to the USA. Someone asked me “ you must feel so lucky to be here?!” 
 

and I said “ I feel lucky to be with my husband. I don’t care about living here. Home will always be Canada” 

 

and in return they said “well why don’t you leave? It’s a privilege to be here.” 
 

and I think… you totally missed what I said… 

It is still that way here. The 3rd year I was here I did a Connect to Canada - Canada Day Party. Connect to Canada used to send out a party package to everyone who registered a party. That year I did and I figured I wouldn't hear from anyone but I least I got a party pack. Turned out there was a fellow Canadian just a few blocks away. We have been friends ever since. Until covid hit we would be over there or them over here regularly. It was so nice having someone to talk to that I didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. 

 

That was just rude what that person said to you. I'm terrible at coming up with quit comebacks but for this one I bet would be repeated you need to have something snappy to go back at them.

 

 

 

[ashley_ann 179]

@Ontarkie

 

thank you for the suggestions on the flour I’m going to have to definitely utilize this info! Because it’s been driving me nuts haha 😆 friggen flour. Who would have thought!? Haha

 

i’m Definitely going to have to tell him. I know I can tell him anything especially this but the Canadian in me doesn’t want to be “rude” 🤣🤣🤣 but yes, like you said, a break is needed…My family is catholic  I went to catholic school and even then it wasn’t for me. my mom was very worried for me moving down here just for that fact… 

I’ve been going steadily since January to show I support him and make his parents happy (I think they’re hoping I’ll come around by going) but yes I think I just need to nut up and tell them I need a break from it. I find it to be way too overwhelming right now. And yeah the Bible study… bible camps 🤣 never haha 

 

that sounds like a really cool thing I may have to look into that connect to Canada thing. I think that’s a great idea! So glad you were able to find another Canadian! The closet thing I have is an Aussie in Oklahoma City 4 hours away haha but aussies and Canadians are basically the same ish 🤣🤣 we try to get together when we are in the same neck of the woods. 
 

oh yes! I know rude! And don’t worry I’m planning hahaha 🤣 I’m usually pretty witty but that comment caught me off guard. I’ll be ready next time 😎

 

 

[MarkCarp 5]

There is no better place than home!

If does not matter where you come from, what part of the world, how bad or good the economic situation is in your country, how poor or not you are, home is and will always be home!

I saw a nice documentary with people being forced to leave their country because of the war, living in a "good" country and wanting to go back home as soon as possible. 

It is the call of your land, no matter how much money you make in other places. 

It is the same with the animals, forcefully being taken from their natural habitat for human's joy... 

 

[CH1314 8]

Ive been here since November and i know exactly how u feel. Just doesn't feel like home and i miss my family so much and feel extremely guilty about leaving my parents and it doesnt help that my husbands family arent the most welcoming of people. Some times i wonder did i make the right decision by moving here. Really affected my mental health but taking each day slowly

[MarkCarp 5]

3 minutes ago, CH1314 said:

Ive been here since November and i know exactly how u feel. Just doesn't feel like home and i miss my family so much and feel extremely guilty about leaving my parents and it doesnt help that my husbands family arent the most welcoming of people. Some times i wonder did i make the right decision by moving here. Really affected my mental health but taking each day slowly

I think you did not make the best decision, because you doubt it !