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‘I feel like a 1950s housewife’: how lockdown has exposed the gender divide

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
Timeline

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/03/i-feel-like-a-1950s-housewife-how-lockdown-has-exposed-the-gender-divide

 

During the lockdown, Anna Bosworth, a freelance marketing consultant, has given up on her career so that her husband can concentrate on his. “There isn’t a second I can work, from 5am until my kids go to sleep at 8.30pm,” she says. “I can’t do anything productive.”

Like many working mothers, Bosworth is self-employed and went part-time after she had her first child. Meanwhile, her husband has a full-time job at an advertising agency. He is continuing to work normally, except for one day a week which he is taking as holiday. “He’s doing everything to help with the children, but I feel lucky he still has a job,” says Bosworth. “The priority for us is to keep our house and pay our bills, and his job is the most straightforward route to that.”

They have an eight-month-old baby and a five-year-old girl, and normally get help from grandparents and a childminder so that they can both work. “I’m a feminist and believe in choice,” she says. “But because of the pandemic, my choices have been taken away. I feel like a 1950s housewife.”

 

She is not alone. During the lockdown, mothers in the UK are typically providing at least 50% more childcare as well as spending around 10% to 30% more time than fathers home schooling their children, figures analysed by the Observer show.

It doesn’t matter whether a woman is working from home, working outside the home or not working at all: the research reveals she is typically spending at least an extra hour-and-a-half on childcare and home schooling every day, compared to the average man in the same circumstances.

The research, carried out by economists from the universities of Cambridge, Oxford and Zurich between 9 and 14 April, indicates that a woman who is at home – whether or not she is formally working – is affected by this gender divide. Both employed and unemployed mothers are typically spending around six hours providing childcare and home schooling every working day. By contrast, the average father at home is only spending a little over four hours on childcare and homeschooling each working day, regardless of his employment status.

“Whatever situation you have, on average it’s the woman doing more, and it’s not because she’s working less” says Dr Christopher Rauh, an economist at Cambridge University.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
7 minutes ago, Boiler said:

on average it’s the woman doing more

Not in every house.


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
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Really none of that comes as any surprise to me. Women -- on average -- perform considerably more child-rearing work even in non-pandemic times, even when they work as much or even more than their male partners. My friends who have children are reporting similar problems right now, and I encourage them to be more open with their partners about the need for greater equality in the amount of time spent, if there is no real difference in the amount of time they are also working. Often it's a matter of the guys just being clueless about their partner's needs -- women can't assume that men will pick up on cues unless you tell them. You need to tell a man what to do and not assume he knows. Of course he may still be a jerk when you tell him, so there's that, but more communication is better than less.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
32 minutes ago, laylalex said:

the need for greater equality

Some guys do all their work and much or most of hers too.

32 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You need to tell a man what to do

You're ready to be a real wife, si and sigh ma'am.


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
35 minutes ago, laylalex said:

tell a man what to do

       A gloomy-looking traveling salesman sat down in a restaurant and told the waitress, "Please bring me two eggs fried until they're like rubber, two pieces of dry toast burnt black, and some weak, lukewarm coffee in a greasy cup with sour cream."

       "Are you kidding?" asked the waitress.

       "No -- I mean it," insisted the man.

       When the waitress brought the order, she asked, "Anything else?"

       "Now sit down and nag me while I eat," said the man.  "I'm homesick."


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
Timeline
11 hours ago, laylalex said:

Really none of that comes as any surprise to me. Women -- on average -- perform considerably more child-rearing work even in non-pandemic times, even when they work as much or even more than their male partners. My friends who have children are reporting similar problems right now, and I encourage them to be more open with their partners about the need for greater equality in the amount of time spent, if there is no real difference in the amount of time they are also working. Often it's a matter of the guys just being clueless about their partner's needs -- women can't assume that men will pick up on cues unless you tell them. You need to tell a man what to do and not assume he knows. Of course he may still be a jerk when you tell him, so there's that, but more communication is better than less.

zero sympathy from me, a single dad.


* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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No issues of the sort here - marriage is a partnership of two people working together. And if we had kids I don't anticipate issues either. It's still bewildering to actively want to have kids, have the kids, and then really not want to devote the required time to that kid.

11 hours ago, laylalex said:

Really none of that comes as any surprise to me. Women -- on average -- perform considerably more child-rearing work even in non-pandemic times, even when they work as much or even more than their male partners. My friends who have children are reporting similar problems right now, and I encourage them to be more open with their partners about the need for greater equality in the amount of time spent, if there is no real difference in the amount of time they are also working. Often it's a matter of the guys just being clueless about their partner's needs -- women can't assume that men will pick up on cues unless you tell them. You need to tell a man what to do and not assume he knows. Of course he may still be a jerk when you tell him, so there's that, but more communication is better than less.

In my experience men don't like being told what to do. They like to be told what it is the woman really wants with little fuss or length of explanation. Simple and clear communication. My husband knows when he's not really listening and only gets stuff half right, it's a little joke between us when I can just say one verbal cue and he knows whatever it is I asked about went in one ear and out the other. He makes immediate attempts to correct that.


K-1 - AOS & ROC Timeline  - Immigration and the Health Exchange Price of Love in the UK Thinking of Returning to UK?

 

First met: 12/31/04 - Engaged: 9/24/09
Filed I-129F: 10/4/14 - Packet received: 10/7/14
NOA 1 email + ARN assigned: 10/10/14 (hard copy 10/17/14)
Touched on website (fixed?): 12/9/14 - Poked USCIS: 4/1/15
NOA 2 email: 5/4/15 (hard copy 5/11/15)
Sent to NVC: 5/8/15 - NVC received + #'s assigned: 5/15/15 (estimated)
NVC sent: 5/19/15 - London received/ready: 5/26/15
Packet 3: 5/28/15 - Medical: 6/16/15
Poked London 7/1/15 - Packet 4: 7/2/15
Interview: 7/30/15 - Approved!
AP + Issued 8/3/15 - Visa in hand (depot): 8/6/15
POE: 8/27/15

Wedding: 9/30/15

Filed I-485, I-131, I-765: 11/7/15

Packet received: 11/9/15

NOA 1 txt/email: 11/15/15 - NOA 1 hardcopy: 11/19/15

Bio: 12/9/15

EAD + AP approved: 1/25/16 - EAD received: 2/1/16

RFE for USCIS inability to read vax instructions: 5/21/16 (no e-notification & not sent from local office!)

RFE response sent: 6/7/16 - RFE response received 6/9/16

AOS approved/card in production: 6/13/16  

NOA 2 hardcopy + card sent 6/17/16

Green Card received: 6/18/16

USCIS 120 day reminder notice: 2/22/18

Filed I-751: 5/2/18 - Packet received: 5/4/18

NOA 1:  5/29/18 (12 mo) 8/13/18 (18 mo)  - Bio: 6/27/18

Transferred: Potomac Service Center 3/26/19

Approved/New Card Produced status: 4/25/19 - NOA2 hardcopy 4/29/19

10yr Green Card Received: 5/2/19 - Error will need to file I90 >_<

 

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
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4 hours ago, Ban Hammer said:

zero sympathy from me, a single dad.

❤️ I think when it comes to single parents, all the complaining the author does goes out the window. I really don't know how any of you do it even in non-pandemic times. 

 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

     A woman appeared at her trial for shoplifting in a supermarket.

     The judge said, "The charge is shoplifting canned plums.  How do you plead?"

     "Guilty, your Honor," said the woman embarrassedly.

     "How many plums were in the can?" asked the judge.

     "Six, your Honor," said the red-faced woman.

     "Very well," said the judge.  "I sentence you to 6 days in prison -- one day for each plum."

     At that moment, the woman's husband urgently whispered, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas!"


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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On 5/3/2020 at 11:35 PM, laylalex said:

Really none of that comes as any surprise to me. Women -- on average -- perform considerably more child-rearing work even in non-pandemic times, even when they work as much or even more than their male partners. My friends who have children are reporting similar problems right now, and I encourage them to be more open with their partners about the need for greater equality in the amount of time spent, if there is no real difference in the amount of time they are also working. Often it's a matter of the guys just being clueless about their partner's needs -- women can't assume that men will pick up on cues unless you tell them. You need to tell a man what to do and not assume he knows. Of course he may still be a jerk when you tell him, so there's that, but more communication is better than less.

Honey is genetics.  Its like a dog circling before it lays down or a salmon swimming upstream. You can try to change nature all you want but women are just naturally more nurturing and protective of their offspring in humans and the animal kingdom.

 

Not saying men should not help as much as humanly possible, just that its not ab evolutionary trait. Why do you think men do produce milk

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
3 hours ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

Why do you think men do produce milk

English-only outside the regional forums... unless you're talking about dairymen.


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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9EF9F40E-D4BC-400B-BA39-38B92C43C459.jpeg


NOA1: May 18th, 2015
NOA2: November 30th, 2015
Scan Date: December 22nd, 2015
CC: Groundhog Day, 2016 (42 days)

Medical: February 18th, 2016
Interview: March 16th, 2016 - Approved

Issued: March 21st, 2016

Visa in Hand: March 24, 2016

POE: March 24th, 2016

Received Green Card: April 25th, 2016

Removal of Conditions Approved: August 27th, 2019

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
Timeline

What is the source of that graphic? It says MSNBC and Gallup, but I can't find anything for that. I did find this very recent piece (January 2020) from Gallup which tends to disprove whatever is in that pic:

https://news.gallup.com/poll/283979/women-handle-main-household-tasks.aspx

oupp9pywt02_lmdca-m_sw.png

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3 hours ago, Gobucks! said:

 

9EF9F40E-D4BC-400B-BA39-38B92C43C459.jpeg

further solid proof MSNBC is fake news 

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