Communication Issues

[Sea Leslie 428]

Hi,

 

Not sure if this a good place to start this topic. However, I am noticing that the stress of this immigration process his causing stress in relationships. Particularly, with mine... It seems like we are having more disagreements as this process is being dragged out. Is anyone else having this issue? 

[D-R-J 153]

I think this is very common. I was actually living with my wife going through the visa process and it was stressful and caused tension. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would have been being apart.

[Lil bear 3,831]

24 minutes ago, Sea Leslie said:

Hi,

 

Not sure if this a good place to start this topic. However, I am noticing that the stress of this immigration process his causing stress in relationships. Particularly, with mine... It seems like we are having more disagreements as this process is being dragged out. Is anyone else having this issue? 

Relationships .. new and old ones .. are always affected by stressful events , life changes and other “happenings”. This is normal .. and it can make or break a relationship. It’s worth looking below the surface .. passed the  event that are happening and talk about what it’s triggering for each person.. frustration? fear of being denied , disappointment ...  all valid emotions .... support each other by trying  to hear how it’s affecting them .. patience and acceptance is very important. This won’t be the last stressful event you encounter in your relationship .. use it to grow together.. 

[Sea Leslie 428]

Just now, D-R-J said:

I think this is very common. I was actually living with my wife going through the visa process and it was stressful and caused tension. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would have been being apart.

Thank you for sharing, what do you think I can do on my end?

[Sea Leslie 428]

Just now, Lil bear said:

Relationships .. new and old ones .. are always affected by stressful events , life changes and other “happenings”. This is normal .. and it can make or break a relationship. It’s worth looking below the surface .. passed the  event that are happening and talk about what it’s triggering for each person.. frustration? fear of being denied , disappointment ...  all valid emotions .... support each other by trying  to hear how it’s affecting them .. patience and acceptance is very important. This won’t be the last stressful event you encounter in your relationship .. use it to grow together.. 

I like your recommendations, and you are also right that life will have stressful events. I think my fear involves being rejected, but I am not sure if there are any triggers for him, or maybe I'm the trigger because of my unnecessary fear.

[D-R-J 153]

Focus on the things that you can control. I’d start with meticulous self-care. Make sure you are getting enough sleep and exercise, eat well. Don’t forget to spend time with friends and family.

[Fe.Ta 857]

1 minute ago, Sea Leslie said:

I like your recommendations, and you are also right that life will have stressful events. I think my fear involves being rejected, but I am not sure if there are any triggers for him, or maybe I'm the trigger because of my unnecessary fear.

As the other user said, talk it out.  Also, no fear, feeling, etc. is invalid.  You are both entitled to feel a lot and talk it through.  Do not disregard each other's feelings or discard them as if they are not valid.  When talking to one another, acknowledge and validate the other person's feelings, then find a way to rationalize or come up with "plan B" to neutralize them.  For example, my now husband feared the K1 would be rejected (even though we had a strong case), so I would validate his feelings and say "if so, I will move with you, get married, and start off from there".  This would neutralize his fear into thinking that, even if the worse were to happen, there was still a solution to being together.

[Unlockable 7,306]

*** Moved to "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits"

 

VJ Moderation

[Sea Leslie 428]

5 minutes ago, D-R-J said:

Focus on the things that you can control. I’d start with meticulous self-care. Make sure you are getting enough sleep and exercise, eat well. Don’t forget to spend time with friends and family.

Thanks, you are right. I think I am so consumed with this process that I have not made time to do anything else. I am always on the computer and the phone focusing on this process and I think it has increased my anxiety. I really appreciate your input. 

[Sea Leslie 428]

4 minutes ago, Fe.Ta said:

As the other user said, talk it out.  Also, no fear, feeling, etc. is invalid.  You are both entitled to feel a lot and talk it through.  Do not disregard each other's feelings or discard them as if they are not valid.  When talking to one another, acknowledge and validate the other person's feelings, then find a way to rationalize or come up with "plan B" to neutralize them.  For example, my now husband feared the K1 would be rejected (even though we had a strong case), so I would validate his feelings and say "if so, I will move with you, get married, and start off from there".  This would neutralize his fear into thinking that, even if the worse were to happen, there was still a solution to being together.

We have discussed worse case scenarios and think that is what caused my mind to snowball into more negative effects. However, you are right, there should be a plan B.

[Fe.Ta 857]

5 minutes ago, Sea Leslie said:

We have discussed worse case scenarios and think that is what caused my mind to snowball into more negative effects. However, you are right, there should be a plan B.

As other users said, you also have to take care of yourself individually.  Thinking about everything is just making sure you are prepared, but you don't want to be focused on that or let anxiety take over yourself and your relationship.  VJ fam is good at talking things through and other times it is good to just unplug yourself and be in the moment with your significant over without overthinking.

[Mamuu 9]

1 hour ago, Sea Leslie said:

Hi,

 

Not sure if this a good place to start this topic. However, I am noticing that the stress of this immigration process his causing stress in relationships. Particularly, with mine... It seems like we are having more disagreements as this process is being dragged out. Is anyone else having this issue? 

Sorry to hear that?Have you done interview yet?

Just now, Mamuu said:

Sorry to hear that?Have you done interview yet?It happens and you guys will need to focus more on positives than negatives.wish you well

 

[carmel34 3,531]

For us, the key was visits to be together in person for quality time every two months, and also lots of daily communication via texts, email, WhatsApp, Messenger, then a nightly video call to express our feelings, share everything we were thinking, all the anxiety about the process, total honesty about fears, doubts, jealousy, everything...  Despite our language barrier we were able to do it and so can you.  Now we're living together and it is a whole new set of challenges--adjusting to life in the USA for my husband, learning English, driver's license, looking for work, adapting to each other's habits, making a daily routine that keeps on building our relationship, enjoying weekends together.  It's all worth it if you really love each other.  Good luck!

Edited September 30, 2019 by carmel34

[Sea Leslie 428]

3 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

For us, the key was visits to be together in person for quality time every two months, and also lots of daily communication via texts, email, WhatsApp, Messenger, then a nightly video call to express our feelings, share everything we were thinking, all the anxiety about the process, total honesty about fears, doubts, jealousy, everything...  Despite our language barrier we were able to do it and so can you.  Now we're living together and it is a whole new set of challenges--adjusting to life in the USA for my husband, learning English, driver's license, looking for work, adapting to each other's habits, making a daily routine that keeps on building our relationship, enjoying weekends together.  It's all worth it if you really love each other.  Good luck!

Thanks so much, I will take in all of your recommendations. One of his stressors now involves employment. He recently lost his job and he said that this is a difficult time for him right now, But I think I will start taking about how to express our emotions more. 

36 minutes ago, Mamuu said:

Sorry to hear that?Have you done interview yet?

 

Thanks, we are at the beginning stages of the NVC process. Our I-130 was approved last Friday.

[Sea Leslie 428]

58 minutes ago, Fe.Ta said:

As other users said, you also have to take care of yourself individually.  Thinking about everything is just making sure you are prepared, but you don't want to be focused on that or let anxiety take over yourself and your relationship.  VJ fam is good at talking things through and other times it is good to just unplug yourself and be in the moment with your significant over without overthinking.

Thanks, this is very helpful. I will definitely find something to keep myself occupied while we get though all of this.