Man, things sure are different here. and its sad!

[josandme 6]

I Opened this site for the first time in years to write a post, offering advice based on some experiences i have had in the last few years. I was sidetracked  when i opened the site and began reading several posts. I quickly realized if i did post soemthing it will be assumed i am talking about the same person i referred to in posts from years ago, and most likely the advice I was intending to give would be de-railed into a explanation of irrelevant comments or questions having NOTHING to do with my actual post. How sad. 

People here when i last posted a question, really tried to give genuine advise. Many comments i read today were hateful, and rude. Even more were Judgmental and/or insulting. 

You "old timers" look into past posts to "ascertain the entire story". They may be relevant, or they may not. But everyone assumes they are all linked and it becomes a beat down instead of a helping hand. 

Folks, I submit 99% of new members join this site to receive advice and help. Dont beat them down with insults. Even bad or negative information can be given in a considerate manner. 

I also see many people that offer NO ADVICE about the actual original question, but only critique the person that wrote it. Does that make you feel somehow superior to be-little another that is not as "good" as you? 

Many times i see advice or opinion is given that is completely wrong. That is not factual or worse, 100% contrary to law, as it relates to a particular type of immigration topic. To be clear i am NOT a lawyer and dont profess to know all the subtleties of the law. I have however read much of the actual law, as its written in the code, to have a better understanding of it. Most recently In particular  Sec. 212. [8 U.S.C. 1182] , in case you were curious. 

The thing that most surprised me however was the fact that this site has now taken away my constitutional freedom of speech rights. Thats right folks. I read this on several posts. 
"this thread is locked and is not to be reopened or referred to elsewhere."  Not to be referred to anywhere else????  Really??? I cant even mention it ??   Is it not a violation of my freedom of speech rights, to tell me what i can, or cant talk about. And was that in itself a referral to one of those topics, making me subject to some sort of punishment??

While i am very curious how this post will be received i am not too hopeful honestly. Stop and remember a time when you yourself were worried, hopeful, concerned, excited, and even fearful of the unknown future.  We here can be kind and honest at the same time. Giving truthful and hopefully helpful advice even if such advice is contrary to what the OP wanted to hear. 

If you were offended by this,. I can only ask you take a minute to think about what i have written before you reply. 

 

My 2 cents. 

Edited January 28, 2019 by josandme

[TBoneTX 43,022]

10 hours ago, josandme said:

I quickly realized if i did post soemthing it will be assumed i am talking about the same person i referred to in posts from years ago

Why do you assume this?

10 hours ago, josandme said:

Many comments i read today were hateful, and rude. Even more were Judgmental and/or insulting. 

If any post violates the Terms of Service, hit the "report post" button and explain.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

You "old timers" look into past posts to "ascertain the entire story".

Sometimes this is necessary when a story seems familiar (the poster is reviving a different thread from earlier) or a poster won't provide details necessary to give meaningful advice (which is like pulling teeth for pages on end).

10 hours ago, josandme said:

But everyone assumes they are all linked

This is an assumption in itself.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

Even bad or negative information can be given in a considerate manner. 

Absolutely agreed.  A pervasive challenge is when questioners refuse to accept what they don't want to hear.  Things go downhill in a hurry after that.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

I also see many people that offer NO ADVICE about the actual original question, but only critique the person that wrote it.

If a comment is noncontributory or violates a provision of the Terms of Service, report it.  (Note: do NOT over-report.)

10 hours ago, josandme said:

this site has now taken away my constitutional freedom of speech rights.

The Terms of Service govern the speech on this site, and every member's use of this site is contingent upon having agreed, when they signed up, to abide by the TOS.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

"this thread is locked and is not to be reopened or referred to elsewhere."  Not to be referred to anywhere else????  Really??? I cant even mention it ??   Is it not a violation of my freedom of speech rights, to tell me what i can, or cant talk about.

Threads that violate the TOS or that have degenerated to an unproductive stage sometimes have to be closed.  The topic is not to be reopened, nor is the OP or any participant in the thread to be referred to derisively or in derogatory fashion in other threads.  This last is called "transporting drama," which is not permitted.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

i am very curious how this post will be received

It's moved from Off Topic to the Site Discussion forum, to be among relevant threads.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

Giving truthful and hopefully helpful advice even if such advice is contrary to what the OP wanted to hear. 

Most members here persist in that aim.  Those who don't will typically run afoul of the TOS or otherwise wash out.

10 hours ago, josandme said:

If you were offended by this

Nope!  A worthwhile 2 cents.  

[millefleur 5,035]

I'm not offended by your post at all, just a little confused as some of it seems hard to understand without proper context. For example, which threads were locked and not to be reopened that you thought were unfair? I personally feel the mods do a really good job keeping things from getting out of hand.

 

I'm not an old timer but I feel that, you're right, sometimes people here can be a little sandpapery in their responses and not very sympathetic to the newbies just stepping in to the confusing quicksand that is US immigration. So I agree with you about this. I'm still (fairly) newish to the whole immigration shebang, not a seasoned K-1'er but a mid-level pre-ROC'er and I myself am still learning so I like to remember that a lot of people are still overwhelmed and confused by things and there's no such thing as a dumb question.

 

In terms of bad advice, I've come across it before too but it's usually corrected by other users. I don't think a lot of the folks giving bad advice even mean to come across as condescending, they just might have misunderstood or feel that because it worked for them that it will be the same for others.

 

Based on what you wrote, seems like overall you'd be a great contributor here! ☺️ I don't know how the site was back in the day, but it is true that there are a lot of "drama" threads that get super derailed and off topic. I usually try to stay out of those unless I can contribute objectively.

Edited January 29, 2019 by millefleur

[josandme 6]

@TBoneTX, wish I could format my response to you as purdy as was yours to me.. lol

7 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Why do you assume this? Because I witnessed it with my own eyes. and more than once I might add. people came with questions and the thread as  side railed with the op trying to explain it was not the same person he had questions about before. There was one in particular I wish I could remember so I could to give here as evidence.

If any post violates the Terms of Service, hit the "report post" button and explain.

Sometimes this is necessary when a story seems familiar (the poster is reviving a different thread from earlier) or a poster won't provide details necessary to give meaningful advice (which is like pulling teeth for pages on end).

As I stated, it may be relevant and it may not. 

This is an assumption in itself.

Point taken. But I maintain my original comment. I have seen it many times over many different threads. 

Absolutely agreed.  A pervasive challenge is when questioners refuse to accept what they don't want to hear.  Things go downhill in a hurry after that.

If a comment is noncontributory or violates a provision of the Terms of Service, report it.  (Note: do NOT over-report.)

The Terms of Service govern the speech on this site, and every member's use of this site is contingent upon having agreed, when they signed up, to abide by the TOS. 

This is not the issue for the purpose of this discussion. (continued below)

Threads that violate the TOS or that have degenerated to an unproductive stage sometimes have to be closed.  The topic is not to be reopened, nor is the OP or any participant in the thread to be referred to derisively or in derogatory fashion in other threads.  This last is called "transporting drama," which is not permitted.

I completely understand and agree some topics reach a point where they should be closed. and a warning to not re-open them is justified. But Read again what I wrote.... To tell me simply that I cant again Mention that thread elsewhere is a violation of freedom of speech. If the closure said as you stated above I would understand and agree with not referring to it, or them, in a derogatory manner. 

It's moved from Off Topic to the Site Discussion forum, to be among relevant threads.

Thanks

Most members here persist in that aim.  Those who don't will typically run afoul of the TOS or otherwise wash out.

Nope!  A worthwhile 2 cents.  

Thanks

 

[josandme 6]

 

7 hours ago, millefleur said:

im not offended by your post at all, just a little confused as some of it seems hard to understand without proper context. For example, which threads were locked and not to be reopened that you thought were unfair? I personally feel the mods do a really good job keeping things from getting out of hand.

Read again exactly what I wrote. I never said closing a topic was unfair. 

 

As for the rest of your comment, thanks for the input.   And what you said is EXACTLY what I was referring to as should be done. If the purpose of a comment is only to attack the OP then to simply refrain from commenting would be best. 

[Crazy Cat 39,193]

19 hours ago, josandme said:

The thing that most surprised me however was the fact that this site has now taken away my constitutional freedom of speech rights.

There is no "constitutional freedom of speech" on a privately owned web site......

[TBoneTX 43,022]

14 hours ago, josandme said:

wish I could format my response to you as purdy as was yours to me

Rather than quoting an entire post, highlight the sentence of your choice.

Hit the "quote selection" pop-up box.

Quoted sentence appears in your reply message.  Comment underneath it.  Repeat the procedure.  Pretty cool.

 

[Going through 5,668]

Just some general thoughts (not towards anyone in particular):

 

Sometimes people aren't prepared for type the answers they receive when not in their favor of getting a visa...shoot the messenger happens quite a lot on VJ and I have seen many posters turn around and insult respondents because they asked a relevant question (which the OP did not want to answer, but determined the depth of the advice they would receive if they had),  or verbally assault people just because it wasn't in agreement with what they thought, and then the entire thread spirals downwards from there.  I've seen one newbie post a question that was country-specific...and when the member asked "what's your country of origin"... they flew off the handle and started insulting that person's member profile photo.  So it can definitely go both ways.

 

 More people are helpful than not, and there is a wide breadth of information gleamed from very knowledgeable members here.  Are there the few that seem to revel in someone else's misery or enjoy belittling?  Sure---but that's everywhere in life, not just on these forums. 

 

Best thing is to weed out the factual information given in a thread, and absorb the well though-out opinions...and ignore (or report) the rest.

 

Not everyone is going to get along in a forum this size, and not everyone is going to view how someone says something the same way.   What one may see as rude, another will see it as straightforward.  

[josandme 6]

Quote

 

@Going through, those are good points. 

 

[Crazy Cat 39,193]

1 hour ago, Going through said:

Not everyone is going to get along in a forum this size, and not everyone is going to view how someone says something the same way.   What one may see as rude, another will see it as straightforward. 

^^^THIS^^   I see this often.......