interview denied because the lady was tired and missunderstood my custody dicree

[f f 725]

I would think this has been quite a productive thread and you have gotten some good advice.

 

the outcomes I took from it are

more face time in both quantity and duration.

have both of you get to know each others family and have both Fama lies approve of the future marriage.

take the legal steps needed to certify you are not married or to show that it is over and you are free to msrry.

make sure that your children and him get along which again is more face time and I would recommend finding a common video game and have them play online together so that they can casually chat as they play.

I would recommend having a nice talk about politeness and civility. he is a grown up that shul be able to control himself to not need security to escort him out then refer to the interviewer as a "grumpy white lady" shows an attempt to shift blame to her.

 

I personally think adversarially debates are the best type since points must be able to withstand the scrutiny of others. 

 

 

Edited March 3, 2017 by f f

[ConOfficer 167]

I'm not sure about the officers at consulate Nigeria, but I'm willing to admit when I've made a mistake (not that it happens often). Write an email explaining your situation. Include an affidavit affirming that you are not married and send your tax returns. Personally I think this is improper as the ConOff should assume that USCIS has verified the civil status of the applicant. It's the officer's task to verify that the petitioner and applicant are not married in their own jurisdiction (in this case Nigeria). USCIS should verify US marriages and divorces. 

[Ash.1101 1,755]

I guess one of the things I would like to point out is the importance of physical contact, for more than just you're actually together.


You can talk to any person online, email them, skype them, what ever, any time anyone wants. MOST of my friendships exist online, I have skyped plenty of people and I have emailed and chatted them up.

Skyping and email is free, there is no commitment to talk to the person, it's a if you call they may answer but it doesn't establish a relationship past friendship.

A person paying money to get on a plane, stay in a hotel, or with their friend, holds an incredible amount of weight against just skyping, chatting or emailing. 

A person has to take off work, have money saved, go through visa processes, just to go spend time together. MOST don't do that JUST for a friend, most people even have trouble doing it for a loved one, but to USCIS, you saving money and you uprooting your life to go visit your fiance is SIGNIFICANTLY more important than that you skyped everyday, as that's something you can do with little to no effort.


Just a note, as since the world is becoming more and more skype friendly, more and more people seem to think that video chat is equal to being together, when it truly isn't for more reasons than just the lack of physical contact. 

Edited March 3, 2017 by Ash.1101

[MeAlone 158]

So true. And even visiting in person, dating during the visits is not enough for a successful marrieg but yes, shows the effort and love

Tasha

[Ben&Zian 4,397]

Definately agree with posters about more face time.

 

No matter how long you talk to someone online, things are different in person. You get to really see how they act, their mannerisms and such.

 

Even after 2+ years, and we only had 9 days together (mostly my fault because of work), we had things we had to get adjusted to and used to so to say as we all of a sudden lived together. 

 

You are well aware that meeting someone like on a vacation basically is supposed to be the happy and good times; but it takes more than 1 time to begin to really understand and sense who that person is... 

[Kosi Wahala 153]

As some have already pointed out, I don't think anyone is trying to be condescending toward you, and I certainly cannot comprehend what you must be feeling right now - but, I hope by now you have taken a few deep breaths and have taken time to gather yourself a bit. 

I just had dinner with some dear friends. He is a retired Foreign Service officer - I read you post to him, and he (like many of us) is sure there is more to the denial than your custody order. In fact he (also like many of us) is sure that the custody order probably had nothing to do with it. He said that your assumption that the CO had not reviewed your file at all is extremely unlikely. And, he said that since the application made it as far as the Consulate, the CO was most likely worried about the red flags we have already pointed out to you, throughout this entire thread.

 

If you don't mind, may I ask a few questions?

 

Where is your fiancé from, in Nigeria? What tribe is he from? How many siblings does he have, and where does he fall in birth order? How did the two of you meet? 

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

  To an outsider looking at things I can see why the officer had issues.   Reserve age difference, you had a prior child producing relationship and he has no children that I have seen mentioned.   Meeting where you did ( it happens to be a very popular place for the Nigerian 419 guys to be at )  and only for a short period of time.  You say he is unemployed   , have you been sending him money ?   You say you have been in an bad relationship ,  which makes one prone to have more of the same type .     Then the obviously red flag of you being white and he isn't.     You hit about every red flag there is when it comes to Nigeria.  

   There is definitely a need for more face time.  The CO's in Nigeria know how good the scammers are at pretending that someone is the center of their life,  with red flags they want to be sure that you spent plenty of time in country .  

[Jawaree 717]

Get your Congress-person to contact  the Embassy & request a new interview (its been done but not often) you

will also have to convince the liason there that you were never married, used his last name, or did common law

agreememt, getting marry will not solve the prob have it sorted out then go marry

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Consult a lawyer on how to prove you have never married.

You already contacted your congressman I think you said and that's good.

Be very specific on what you want his aid to do,tell the aid to request a review by the section chief of the case as

soon as possible and that you would be willing to be present at a second interview if granted with proof that you aren't married.

You should have been on the premises for the interview so that your fiance could have told them she is waiting outside

would you like to talk to her (even if a no go it would show effort and support of the relationship).

They don't care why you say you aren't able to visit more, it's either visit more or be refused the visa.

 

Your congressman can try the angle of informing the section chief that the CO "acted in error and assumed you were

married" even though your lack of real face time was likely the issue, still she shouldn't have said you are a liar and scammer

and married. That was out of line. Also have the congressman inquire what the exact reason(s) was to arrive at the

decision to return your case. Speak to the congressman's immigration aid personally on the phone rather than emailing

and again be very specific in what you want them to do, don't rely on them fixing anything with you on the sideline, you

drive the bus or else it will end up being a basic 'your petition will be returned' general answer.

 

If your case will be returned there is nothing else you can do but fix the issue of proving you aren't married (lawyer),

then marry in Nigeria (not Dubai or anywhere else) meet his family, take lots of photos and file a CR1.
I understand the pain you are going through and you are shell shocked right now, been there done that with our first K1

refusal after 16 months in AP.
Took us 5 years for him to come here so I totally understand but you must visit more, even when filing a CR1.
Best wishes, please update here what happened with the congressman's inquiry and request.

[Boiler 43,859]

I would just remind everyone that exactly what happened at the interview may be open to doubt, and let us say it did go down exactly as reported I doubt very much that was the way it was recorded.

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

hi tasha. can I text u that document to your phone.  I cant resize the picture to add it here. I've tried everything using my phone. 

 

 

 

[USC1961 251]

The fact that your fiance was escorted out by security, indicates that something went really wrong on his end during the interview.  If it was me I would have a long hard talk about what "really" happened.  Of course I wasn't there and we don't know what happened.  But people usually aren't escorted out by security simply on a whim.  It would be strongly advisable to take into account how your fiance acted very seriously and spend more time with him in person.  I know you are upset right now, but the denial might very well be a blessing in disguise. Hopefully your representative can help you find out what happened in the interview.  In the meantime I wouldn't even consider marriage until your fiance comes 100% clean about what happened.  And as mentioned before lots and lots of in person face time.  Good luck....you'll need it.   

[MacUK 983]

I'm curious about the references to the CO being a white lady, is the OP implying that this had anything to do with the outcome?

We will only ever know one side of the story but I struggle to understand what the skin colour of the interviewing officer has to do with it.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

Well, I really wish the OP would reply to me. I just noticed her fiancé's name "Ayomi" - he's a Yoruba man. This causes me to scratch my head a bit more...why the meet-up in Dubai? Yorubaland is about as safe as you can get in all of Nigeria. To visit there, with your fiancé...that would be, as my profile name states, ko si wahala.

I am going to go out on a limb here - I dare to say that of all the people replying to the OP, I have the longest history of direct knowledge of Nigeria. Again, I have known my husband (also a Yoruba man) for 18 years. I lived over there for 7 years. It is really, really unusual for a woman to not have met her Yoruba man's family. Family is EVERYTHING to a Yoruba. I will also tell you that the CO's in Lagos are very familiar with Nigerian tribes and their culture - I can tell you that the red flags were flying full staff, when the CO learned that you had not been to Nigeria, nor had any meeting with a Yoruba man's family. 

Within the first hour, of meeting my (now) husband, I had my future mother-in-law's phone number. By the second hour, he had called down two of his junior brothers, so I could meet them in person. By the next day, I had spoken to all six of his siblings. By the day after that, I had met his uncle - a former Speaker of the House of Assembly. If you were to look at my WhatsApp chat and call logs, you would see that - every single day - all of us speak to each other for long periods of time...all of us, not just my husband and I. Family is EVERYTHING. 

For your fiancé to lose his cool, so far as to be escorted out of the consulate - that should have your radar scanning at full power. Yoruba men aren't known to display such temper - unless, a nerve has suffered a direct hit - and even at that, this display of anger should be cause for great concern. It is not normal to get that angry. Your custody order isn't the thing that sparked the outburst. That CO knew exactly what she was looking at. My 11 year old was born out of wedlock. I included my custody order with my I-130 - because it goes right along with the affidavit I had to swear out at the High Court in Akure, to prove that I was never married to my son's biological father, and that I was free to marry. That affidavit is attached to the front of my custody order. 

If you would respond to my post, I'd like to ask this - was your fiancé asked why you had not ever visited him in Nigeria? Also, from what part of Yorubaland is he from? Ni o ti kẹkọọ lati sọrọ Yorùbá? Has he expressed a desire to have a traditional wedding, even at a later date? 

I am, certainly, not doubting that you love this man - but there are so many things that cause me to have questions. You only have one chance to get this right, and you owe it to yourself to do so. If you aren't willing to do it for yourself, then your biggest obligation is to your young child. 

Edited March 3, 2017 by Kosi Wahala

[soulstriker 274]

well overall it seems the redflags were too much , adding the custody decree, and the way your fiance reacted at the embassy just add more redflags to the list you already had. CR1 i suppose would be the best option when you can afford it . Alot of ppl say lagos is tough , but from my experience and others lagos embassy knows what there looking for when they approve or deny, they had your petition and reviewed it entirely