Jump to content
QueenOfBlades

Worried about marital issues

30 posts in this topic

Recommended Posts

Hi guys.

Please know I'm not looking for relationship advice in this thread, strictly immigration advice. My husband tells me I worry way too much and he doesn't understand what I'm worried about, but I have bad anxiety and I worry so much that the slightest thing could go wrong. I have throughout the whole process.

My husband and I aren't sure where our future may lead right now. We were best friends for many years before we started dating - I went through a lot of trauma and sexual assault with an abusive ex-partner, my husband flew up from the US as I was close to suicide and made me see a doctor. I owe him my life and he stayed with me for months, and we sparked up a passionate romance in that time. Initially I wanted him to move to the UK, but the rules were so complicated and his mum offered to help me move there so we could be together. It seemed the easiest way for us to start a life together back then. Our relationship and marriage was and always has been completely legitimate. My husband is autistic, he finds it hard to work and he acts very child-like sometimes. I love him as a husband, but also as family, like a brother, best friend and son. He enjoys the care and nurturing I can provide for him.

Anyway - we aren't sure where our marriage is headed right now. There have been a lot of strains on it including his mother being depressed and taking it out on us, him not working and financial difficulty, etc. I've found it difficult to adjust in SC and I'm not happy here. We both intend to move to the west coast next year with a woman we are both close to/consensually and know about in a polyamorous arrangement. She is very kind and good to us both and we both love her like family.

We've discussed divorce but we are simply not sure what is going to happen. We still love each other very much and care for each other deeply. Our assets are all still very much co-mingled. We still want to be in each other's lives. The move could do us the world of good and it might change things. We still want a life together, we just aren't sure what that looks like right now.

All things considered, I'm terrified of getting an ROC interview. If I did get called in, I'm not sure what this would look like to the interviewer. I am not ready to file for divorce, and even if I were, the state of SC requires you to live apart for a year which we cannot and will not do. That's not what we want. I don't know whether I should send a letter in to USCIS letting them know my marital situation is rocky at the moment. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I love my family and want them both in my life, just my husband and I are currently evaluating how we want our relationship to look in the future and whether we want to remain husband and wife, or something else. We are very amicable and we filed the ROC petition jointly. We still have our assets co-mingled and continue to build assets/finances together because I know I want him in my life regardless.

USCIS has always stressed me out beyond belief and now that I feel like my case isn't an open and shut one if I get an interview, it's giving me panic attacks.


AOS posted - 02/18/2014

NOA1 - 03/04/2014
Biometrics - 03/28/2014
EAD in post - 5/5/2014

EAD in hand - 5/10/2014
Interview waiver letter received - 6/9/2014

Card production notice - 1/10/2015

ROC mailed - 10/11/2016

ROC received at CSC - 10/18/2016

Interview Notice Received - 3/30/2017

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also my husband's attitude is - "I don't know what you're worried about. We entered it in good faith, we aren't divorced, we've no idea if we will divorce, having marriage issues isn't grounds to deny it. We are legit so why are you worried?"

Meanwhile I'm taking anxiety pills to calm myself down.


AOS posted - 02/18/2014

NOA1 - 03/04/2014
Biometrics - 03/28/2014
EAD in post - 5/5/2014

EAD in hand - 5/10/2014
Interview waiver letter received - 6/9/2014

Card production notice - 1/10/2015

ROC mailed - 10/11/2016

ROC received at CSC - 10/18/2016

Interview Notice Received - 3/30/2017

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also my husband's attitude is - "I don't know what you're worried about. We entered it in good faith, we aren't divorced, we've no idea if we will divorce, having marriage issues isn't grounds to deny it. We are legit so why are you worried?"

Meanwhile I'm taking anxiety pills to calm myself down.

can I send you a message?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sure, anyone is free to PM me.

(For the record - the anxiety meds are my prescription, nothing dodgy.)


AOS posted - 02/18/2014

NOA1 - 03/04/2014
Biometrics - 03/28/2014
EAD in post - 5/5/2014

EAD in hand - 5/10/2014
Interview waiver letter received - 6/9/2014

Card production notice - 1/10/2015

ROC mailed - 10/11/2016

ROC received at CSC - 10/18/2016

Interview Notice Received - 3/30/2017

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also my husband's attitude is - "I don't know what you're worried about. We entered it in good faith, we aren't divorced, we've no idea if we will divorce, having marriage issues isn't grounds to deny it. We are legit so why are you worried?"

Meanwhile I'm taking anxiety pills to calm myself down.

To be honest I pretty much agree with your husband. Not having problems in your marriage is not a requirement for ROC. Edited by EM_Vandaveer

Entry on VWP to visit then-boyfriend 06/13/2011

Married 06/24/2011

Our first son was born 10/31/2012, our daughter was born 06/30/2014, our second son was born 06/20/2017

AOS Timeline

AOS package mailed 09/06/2011 (Chicago Lockbox)

AOS package signed for by R Mercado 09/07/2011

Priority date for I-485&I-130 09/08/2011

Biometrics done 10/03/2011

Interview letter received 11/18/2011

INTERVIEW DATE!!!! 12/20/2011

Approval e-mail 12/21/2011

Card production e-mail 12/27/2011

GREEN CARD ARRIVED 12/31/2011

Resident since 12/21/2011

ROC Timeline

ROC package mailed to VSC 11/22/2013

NOA1 date 11/26/2013

Biometrics date 12/26/2013

Transfer notice to CSC 03/14/2014

Change of address 03/27/2014

Card production ordered 04/30/2014

10-YEAR GREEN CARD ARRIVED 05/06/2014

N-400 Timeline

N-400 package mailed 09/30/2014

N-400 package delivered 10/01/2014

NOA1 date 10/20/2014

Biometrics date 11/14/2014

Early walk-in biometrics 11/12/2014

In-line for interview 11/23/2014

Interview letter 03/18/2015

Interview date 04/17/2015 ("Decision cannot yet be made.")

In-line for oath scheduling 05/04/2015

Oath ceremony letter dated 05/11/2015

Oath ceremony 06/02/2015

I am a United States citizen!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you submitted plenty of joint assets and since you're still married, you are unlikely to get an interview at the ROC stage. Very few applicants get interviews.

If you decide to divorce at some point while your ROC is in process, you file with a divorce waiver. But since you would still have lot of joint evidence to show while you were married, your ROC case will still work in your favor. There are many examples on VJ where divorce waiver applicants successfully filed ROC on their own and many did not even get interviews. I personally think either way you're going to be fine. Good luck!

I know you want strictly immigration advice but I just wanted to add, that pretty much like your spouse, mine also has a very relaxed attitude towards my immigration for the very same reason as your spouse, that we're a legit couple so he thinks USCIS will not mess up. It bothered me in the beginning but I eventually understood his thinking. Although my husband is nonchalant about immigration, he's very supportive of our relationship and day-to-day life in every other way and I'm very grateful, especially when I read of other very manipulative U.S. citizen spouses on VisaJourney. Perhaps you can relate to how I feel.


 

 



07/09/2008: F-1 Interview - Successful
05/01/2013: (L) Married (L)

AOS from F-1:
07/09/2013: AOS package (I-130/I-485/I-756/I-131) fedexed
09/25/2013: AOS Interview with my husband at Milwaukee, WI
03/03/2014: AOS Approved

I-751 Removal of Conditions:

11/13/2015: Received reminder notice dated 11/08 from USCIS to apply for ROC
Day 00 - 12/04/2015: Mailed I-751 package to CSC via USPS Priority Mail
Day 03 - 12/07/2015: I-751 package delivered
Day 05 - 12/09/2015: Check cashed
Day 07 - 12/11/2015: NOA1 received dated 12/07/15
Day 22 - 12/26/2015: Biometric appointment notice received dated 12/19/15
Day 35 - 01/08/2016: Biometric appointment

Day 235 - 07/26/2016: Approved (E-notification of Card Production)

Day 238 - 07/29/2016: Status changed to 'Card Was Mailed to Me'

Day 241 - 08/01/2016: CSC returned original docs that were submitted at the time of application.

Day 241 - 08/01/2016: New status update 'Card was picked up by the United States Postal Service' Priority Mail 2-Day with tracking number provided.

Day 243 - 08/03/2016: Received 10 year Green Card

Day 255 - 08/15/2016: Received NOA2 with approval dated 07/26/2016

Click here for a sample of my cover letter, list of evidence, package assembly & shipping box

Click here for a sample of my I-751 notarized affidavit from a friend

 

 

N-400 Naturalization:

12/03/2016: Eligible

Day 00: 12/12/2016 Mailed N-400 to Phoenix, AZ lockbox via USPS Priority Express

Day 01: 12/13/2016 N-400 application delivered

Day 03: 12/15/2016 Credit card charged

Day 07: 12/19/2016 Text & e-mail notification received with a NBC receipt #

Day 11: 12/23/2016 NOA received via mail with priority date 12/13/16

Day 16: 12/28/2016 Received E-mail notification reg. biometrics scheduling

Day 19: 12/31/2016 Received Biometric notice via mail with notice date 12/24/2016

Day 32: 01/13/2017 Biometric appointment

Day 53: 02/03/2017 Received e-mail notification stating I am "in line" for interview scheduling

Day 144: 05/05/2017 Filed an e-request that interview notice was not yet mailed to me

Day 148: 05/09/2017 Received e-mail notification that interview has been scheduled after being in line for 95 days

Day 151: 05/12/2017 Received N-400 Interview notice via USPS

Day 183: 06/13/2017 N-400 Interview at USCIS Milwaukee, WI field office (Approved!) ***To read about my interview experience, click here***

Day 192: 06/22/2017 Received e-mail notification stating I am placed in line for oath ceremony

Day 206: 07/06/2017 Received e-mail notification stating oath ceremony notice was mailed

Day 210: 07/10/2017 Received oath ceremony notice (N-445) via USPS

Day 227: 07/27/2017 Oath Ceremony at Milwaukee, WI!

Dual citizen (France & U.S.A) / OCI card holder

 

Day 00: 07/27/2017 U.S. passport application at Milwaukee, WI (routine processing)

Day 05: 08/01/2017 Passport application locator number provided

Day 06: 08/02/2017 Checks cashed

Day 12: 08/08/2017 Received 2 e-mails stating that passport processing is over and it has been mailed with tracking # provided

Day 15: 08/11/2017 Received passport book via Priority Mail

Day 18: 08/14/2017 Received passport card via First Class Mail

Day 22: 08/18/2017 Received naturalization certificate back via Priority Mail / Updated citizenship status with SSA
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not an expert, but I tend to think that your husband is right... Just because you have thought of divorcing, if you haven't made that decision you should proceed as though you are expecting to stay together. Relationships are hard, and a lot of people may talk about or think about divorce, but until they actually take the step they are entitled to be treated as a married couple.

I suppose you might have some grounds to worry that if you are engaging in polyamorous situations they might think that your relationship is not legitimate, as "infidelity" (a slippery term) is considered a deal breaker by many couples. However, I don't know how that would come up if you don't volunteer it. Does anyone else have any insight on that front?

Be careful with anxiety pills. I recommend meditation or yoga, although I know it may not work for everyone.

Good luck!

Edit: I saw your post about the pills after I posted... I didn't mean to imply that your use of the pills was dodgy, just that they could have side effects you might not find desirable.

Edited by dawning

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is reassuring from you all, thank you.

Yes, the polyamory thing worries me as well. I don't want it to be a smudge on my character if it ever comes up. It's far from infidelity though, it's something all parties agreed to from the beginning with full communication and understanding. The heart can't help where it goes but a person can help how they handle it and allowing all individuals to make informed decisions.

Despite it all being very above board and stable, I worry if a USCIS officer might get upset if it came up in interview. I didn't include info about it in my packet because it wasn't relevant and the seriousness of it is more recent.

My ROC packet was also quite comprehensive and showed many joint assets, including a car we both bought two weeks before we sent the packet with a 5 year joint loan, and previous cars, bank statements, leases etc dating to the start of our marriage (a loooot of stuff)


AOS posted - 02/18/2014

NOA1 - 03/04/2014
Biometrics - 03/28/2014
EAD in post - 5/5/2014

EAD in hand - 5/10/2014
Interview waiver letter received - 6/9/2014

Card production notice - 1/10/2015

ROC mailed - 10/11/2016

ROC received at CSC - 10/18/2016

Interview Notice Received - 3/30/2017

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you planning to complete ROC before moving? The reason I mention that is my hubby and I did have an interview because we moved twice in 2 year's time. We were interviewed separately but the majority of the questions were about the moves we made. I think they just wanted to be sure we made the moves together. It was a short, easy interview, because we both knew all the answers, because we did everything together. My hubby got his 10 year card. Best of luck to you and hope you can breath a sigh of relief soon.


XMY93gI.jpgXMY9m5.png

AAD1m5.pngThankYouUSA-Kosova.jpg

See my Timeline for details of our visa journey
17-Aug-2011 Our Wedding Day in Kosovo heart9.gif
07-Nov-2011 Filed I-130
21-Nov-2011 NOA1
23-Aug-2012 NOA2 Approved 276 days
10-Jan-2013 Case complete via email

28-Feb-2013 Interview, result AP
11-Apr-2013 Embassy appointment - VISA APPROVED and issued in 4 hours
30-Apr-2013 POE Chicago O'Hare - He's home!

04-Sep-2014 Moved to northern California

12-Mar-2015 Filed ROC
16-Mar-2015 Documents delivered
18-Mar-2015 Check cashed
19-Mar-2015 NOA1 dated 03/16/2015 received in mail
13-Apr-2015 Biometrics completed
02-Feb-2016 Contacted USCIS about case, was told it's on hold because of security checks (email)
04-Mar-2016 Moved to Wisconsin
12-Aug-2016 New Biometrics appointment
14-Sep-2016 Contacted USCIS again about case (email said we should hear from them by Oct 6)
22-Sep-2016 Letter from USCIS dated 9/20 explaining the Service Request is currently being reviewed by an officer.
22-Sep-2016 Letter from USCIS dated 9/20 with Interview appointment for both of us for 28-Sep-2016
28-Sep-2016 Interview, both of us, separated, not hard, 10 min. each, result---said hubby will get GC in about 10 days
26-Oct-2016 *****STILL WAITING*****
02-Nov-2016 Card is being produced!!!
08-Nov-2016 Card is mailed
10-Nov-2016 Card is Delivered!!!! YAY

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the CSC processing times hold up, it will be after it completes. Our move is planned for mid May and the 6 month mark for our case is mid April. We haven't moved from our place of residence since I arrived in 2013 (except temporary lodgings due to an ice storm destroying our kitchen which I documented and explained in the initial packet and provided the lease with joint names)


AOS posted - 02/18/2014

NOA1 - 03/04/2014
Biometrics - 03/28/2014
EAD in post - 5/5/2014

EAD in hand - 5/10/2014
Interview waiver letter received - 6/9/2014

Card production notice - 1/10/2015

ROC mailed - 10/11/2016

ROC received at CSC - 10/18/2016

Interview Notice Received - 3/30/2017

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with your husband; I think it's going to be fine. A lot of couples have problems adjusting, especially in the first few years. Doesn't mean you're going to divorce.

If you move before your case is decided, just be sure to file your change of permanent address quickly (you're supposed to do that within 10 days of your move). It's my opinion that everything's going to work out fine, so try not to worry.


"Wherever you go, you take yourself with you." --Neil Gaiman

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is reassuring from you all, thank you.

Yes, the polyamory thing worries me as well. I don't want it to be a smudge on my character if it ever comes up. It's far from infidelity though, it's something all parties agreed to from the beginning with full communication and understanding. The heart can't help where it goes but a person can help how they handle it and allowing all individuals to make informed decisions.

Despite it all being very above board and stable, I worry if a USCIS officer might get upset if it came up in interview. I didn't include info about it in my packet because it wasn't relevant and the seriousness of it is more recent.

My ROC packet was also quite comprehensive and showed many joint assets, including a car we both bought two weeks before we sent the packet with a 5 year joint loan, and previous cars, bank statements, leases etc dating to the start of our marriage (a loooot of stuff)

Honestly, I don't see why your relationship arrangement with that 3rd person would come up in the interview unless you volunteer information. USCIS will Remove Conditions based on your marriage to your husband. For as long as you both want to remain married, I don't see the problem. You will not be marrying that other person, so why explain your heart desires?

If asked, you should always be truthful, but you should NEVER volunteer information either. Once again, I don't see how USCIS would even ask you about it unless you tell them first. Your marriage is yours and your husband's.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I completely agree with what your husband told you; i.e., no need to worry about it. You entered the marriage in good faith and you're not divorced/separated. There is no legal obligation at this point that you need to inform USCIS. Just wait and see how things go. You're stressing out for no reason. Take it easy and everything will be alright! :-) If you do move before your petition is approved, you must inform USCIS about this and provide them with your new address.

Edited by genghiz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything about immigration is stressful so I understand why you're feeling this way. But I also agree with the others.

Best wishes in your journey.


N-400 May 2017 Google Doc

Full timeline- 

 

Filed from abroad- Costa Rica

NOA1- NOA2: 316 days

Jan 12, 2013: Married!!
Mar 19, 2013: NOA1

Jan 28, 2014: I-130 approved

NVC- Green Card in Hand: 189 days

Feb 3, 2014: TSC sends case to NVC
April 14: Real checklist for AOS (saying tax number was incorrect when it wasn't)
April 30: Another AOS checklist, for proof of employment (which was already sent)
May 1: Checklist for IV- certified marriage certificate (even though I sent a certified one originally)
July 1: INTERVIEW!!! - APPROVED!
July 16: POE through Miami
July 22: SSN card in the mail
August 30, 2014: Green card arrives in the mail!!!
 
ROC: 366 days
April 27, 2016: Sent 300 page ROC packet to VSC via overnight mail
May 16: Check shown as charged online, received NOA 1 dated April 29
June 20, 2016- Biometrics
April 28, 2017: Approval
May 4, 2017: Approval letter arrived
May 15, 2017: GC arrives in mail
 
N-400: 190 days
May 8: Sent packet to Dallas Lockbox
May 12: NOA 1, Credit card charged
June 7: Biometrics
June 16: "In line"
Oct 2: Interview letter arrives (online status still says ''in line'')
Oct 31: Interview- Approved!
Nov 13: Oath ceremony!  Applied for passport & registered to vote on site.
Nov 22: Passport arrives (paid for expedited service and overnight delivery)
 
Journey complete! A total of 1701 days or 4 years, 7 months and 26 days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Ask our VJ Immigration Lawyers.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
- Back to Top -


Important Disclaimer: Please read carefully the Visajourney.com Terms of Service. If you do not agree to the Terms of Service you should not access or view any page (including this page) on VisaJourney.com. Answers and comments provided on Visajourney.com Forums are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. Visajourney.com does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments. VisaJourney.com does not condone immigration fraud in any way, shape or manner. VisaJourney.com recommends that if any member or user knows directly of someone involved in fraudulent or illegal activity, that they report such activity directly to the Department of Homeland Security, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You can contact ICE via email at Immigration.Reply@dhs.gov or you can telephone ICE at 1-866-347-2423. All reported threads/posts containing reference to immigration fraud or illegal activities will be removed from this board. If you feel that you have found inappropriate content, please let us know by contacting us here with a url link to that content. Thank you.
×