I feel horrible I need advice

[poofyforever 3]

Hey girl, I'm from Croatia and I'm getting my K1 fiance visa too! I hope that you are doing good now However, I'm going to be honest, if my fiance said that to me, I would leave him. I would, because I cannot believe that he would be so damn selfish and reply to me like that. You are carrying HIS CHILD! He should of come to Serbia like....YESTERDAY! If he is behaving like this now, imagine other hurtful things that he could tell you in the future... When you gonna be alone, far away from your home country and your family. If he really cares about you, then he will prove that by coming here and by showing his support. DO NOT PUT YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY INTO JEOPARDY!!!! Your child is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing right now! Just think about your precious angel. Jebeš njega, ali stvarno. Ako zelis razgovarat slobodno mi se javi, samo se nemoj nervirati oko idiota, vjeruj mi i ja sam prolazila kroz svašta.

I really hope that everything is going to turn out okay,

God Bless you xxx

[canadian_wife 1,791]

I am sorry your fiance has put you in this position. It is pretty clear what will happen if you move to the US on his timeline. However, I understand you love him, just be aware that it is no longer about you. It is not about him. It is about that precious child.

Good luck

[Zinaburst 2]

Well, people had already said a lot but if I can add something I'll have couple of things to add.

What were exactly the words he said to you? Were they exactly the way you post here? Or the post was more your interpretation of it?

You don't need to say to us but just reflect on it and check how you feel.

Although nobody needs to do anything that they don't feel comfortable doing sometimes a little push make us go beyond our fears and accomplish more than we thought we could. You are facing a delicate health situation for you and your baby. Ask yourself how much the risk is real and how much fear you are adding to it. Easily said then done, but try.

Think about the financial situation in your country and in U.S. and discuss it with your fiancé to understand which choice makes more sense for your short and long-term plans considering the delivery costs.

And finally never makes a decision to stick to a man that is less than you wish and deserve fearing it will be worse to be alone. Believe me, both situations have their challenges. When you are in a good relationship you will feel loved and have support but still have challenges. If you are in a bad relationship challenges can be worse than if you are by yourself with a little kid to raise.

Try to put yourself in a more calm state of mind and talk to yourself for a while. What advice would you give yourself?

[Soloenta 2,218]

The fiance's reaction is curiously extreme. Might he be worried about the unplanned expenses involved with a last-minute airfare, or losing more time from his job? Unless this behavior has been typical during the relationship, perhaps something else is underlying it.

OP, is his behavior in character or out of character for him?

Always the voice of wisdom Well said, it just might be clouding his reactions.

Edited September 16, 2015 by Soloenta

[AJSTR_23 0]

Hello Jelena,

I know you've had a lot of responses already, but as a person who had a baby in May I just wanted to say to you, that your health and the health of your baby is paramount. I had an uncomplicated straight forward pregnancy (thank God), I did travel to the US when I was 3 months and 4 months pregnant but there was no way I was getting on a flight after 6/7 months into my pregnancy, travelling when not being pregnant can be stressful, let alone when heavily pregnant. Then there's the stress of where you will have your baby in the US and the financial side of it. My husband has insurance through work, but as I already started my antenatal care and was familiar with the hospital and medical professionals where I gave birth it made sense to have the baby in London. My husband came to London for the birth and we applied for a CRBA which was processed quite quickly. Myself and my son are now in the US only having travelled here last month as I wanted the baby to have some of his vaccinations in London before coming here (US).

As has already been said, please do not feel bullied into putting your health and the health of your unborn baby at risk, you know what is right/best for the both of you.

I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and future.

[Soulmate1971 9]

Red Flag all over! Teach him a lesson and you will do yourself and the baby a favor! If this is how he is away from you, how much more if you are with him?

[Gary&Joy 18]

so much nitpicking, so much closed mindedness, so many seeds of hatred from so many and towards anyone that it can be directed towards... I really don't get how so many "developed minds" from so many "developed countries" can be so quick to suggest the end of relationships rather than the fostering of love,, and suggest a final decision to every question rather than invoking a helpful spirit of possibilities.. maybe the site is just packed with extremely stressed people, but my hat is off to those with an open mind to honestly help this child enter the world with a mom and dad that are closer and more ready to love it... good luck OP.. please use a strict filter against comments based in derision

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

at this point you are only the financee and he can't get you on his insurance plan and you have to be here 60 days to apply for other insurance/ you need to go online and look at our insurance rules/ obviously he hasn't

you need to talk to family and discuss all concerns with them and him

[AmAjjD 33]

Quite a few people are saying these are empty threats...that doesn't matter!! It's still a threat and that is still abuse even if it is empty and has absolutely no place in a relationship. This shouldn't have been said at all, he shouldn't be acting this way to begin with, especially when he is about to take on a lot more responsibility! I would just say "alright, see you!" and walk away before you get in too deep.

Maybe this is a sign that you need to move on to something else. Maybe something is warning you before you become trapped in a marriage and in a different country that you should not be going through with this.

Edit: At the absolute minimum you need to have a conversation with him that you won't tolerate that behavior, especially with a baby about to arrive, and that he needs to listen to the mother-to-be in this situation, because momma knows best!

Edited September 16, 2015 by AmAjjD

[puffers 14]

so much nitpicking, so much closed mindedness, so many seeds of hatred from so many and towards anyone that it can be directed towards... I really don't get how so many "developed minds" from so many "developed countries" can be so quick to suggest the end of relationships rather than the fostering of love,, and suggest a final decision to every question rather than invoking a helpful spirit of possibilities.. maybe the site is just packed with extremely stressed people, but my hat is off to those with an open mind to honestly help this child enter the world with a mom and dad that are closer and more ready to love it... good luck OP.. please use a strict filter against comments based in derision

There's a lot of red flags, and as soon as she enters the country, he has a lot more control over her than he already has. That's dangerous. She comes here, she'll depend on him in different ways. He's the one who would give her a home, give her money, bring her to the hospital, and if she's sick or something is wrong with her or the baby after she gives birth, it's him who has to take care of them.

From what she's telling us right now, he doesn't sound like he wants to or can do that, and that is a problem. That's a problem if she's just her fiance, but it's an even bigger problem if she brings a child or gives birth to a child that also depends on him.

There are other cases on this website where women came here and once they were married, their husbands "changed" and became abusive. That's what we want to protect her from. And the child, too.

He can prove that he wants to be a good father and husband, she doesn't have to be in the US for that. If he's serious about this relationship and being a father, he can go to Serbia right now and prove it.

[MrsAwakened 7]

If the doctor has said it is unsafe to fly, why should she then go from doctor to doctor to find someone who will say "okay, fly". You have no idea what's going to happen if she goes on that flight and if something goes wrong she's in danger. Yes, first time labor is slow, but like she explained she needs antibiotics during the labor. That won't be available for her in an airplane. And with complications things can go really fast. I definitely think she's doing the right thing by NOT flying. Flying would put both her life and the baby's life in danger.

Yeach going from doctor to doctor is not a good idea! Even if she wanted to do that, she should realize how many connecting flights there are and how longggggg the one crossing the ocean is. Seriously, the flight from the Balkans to the US is NOT fun for even non-pregnant people. It's safer for Jelena to stay in Serbia where they actually seem to care. Also, her family is there and she seems like she needs a good support system. Maybe she can also find a therapist.

He can prove that he wants to be a good father and husband, she doesn't have to be in the US for that. If he's serious about this relationship and being a father, he can go to Serbia right now and prove it.

This is 10000% accurate. Thank you for writing this.

If he is behaving like this now, imagine other hurtful things that he could tell you in the future... When you gonna be alone, far away from your home country and your family. If he really cares about you, then he will prove that by coming here and by showing his support. DO NOT PUT YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY INTO JEOPARDY!!!! Your child is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing right now! Just think about your precious angel. Jebe njega, ali stvarno. Ako zelis razgovarat slobodno mi se javi, samo se nemoj nervirati oko idiota, vjeruj mi i ja sam prolazila kroz svata.

As you can see Jelena, you have many people who care about you and your child. If you need to talk, feel free to message us. I'm sure we won't leave you hanging. Also, it might be a good idea to look for a therapist in your area. I know sometimes Balkan people can be kind of skeptical about that sort of stuff but please realize that it is extremely important that you are mentally and emotionally stable for you and your baby. People here are right when saying things are stressful enough with a baby, regardless of other things going in in your life. That means it's best that you take care of yourself and get healthier for your baby You gotta be healthy so you can tell your baby about how great pita and ćevapi are when they're older! Haha

People here are saying a lot and it might seem overwhelming. Just read what you can and choose what's right for you. The important thing is that your baby is safe. If your doctor says you shouldn't, that's probably the best advice to follow. As lovely as it would be for your fiance to relax and not try to scare you into doing something unsafe, if he really leaves, please know that there are ways you can get help. I'm saying this applies whether you're in Serbia or the US. As I said before, I really hope things do work out for you and your fiance.

Molim te budi oprezan

There's a saying, "better safe than sorry".

I think you could benefit from this quote!

Edited September 16, 2015 by MrsAwakened

[Alimanu 77]

so much nitpicking, so much closed mindedness, so many seeds of hatred from so many and towards anyone that it can be directed towards... I really don't get how so many "developed minds" from so many "developed countries" can be so quick to suggest the end of relationships rather than the fostering of love,, and suggest a final decision to every question rather than invoking a helpful spirit of possibilities.. maybe the site is just packed with extremely stressed people, but my hat is off to those with an open mind to honestly help this child enter the world with a mom and dad that are closer and more ready to love it... good luck OP.. please use a strict filter against comments based in derision

I have read most of the messages keenly, I think you said everything. The focus should be about the pregnancy/travel not how she can replaced her man.

[_Paul&Jesica_ 70]

Hello everyone, i really feel miserable rignt now and very stressed. Im 29 weeks pregnant now and i am at risk of premature labor, i got my fiance visa (expiration date is 10 february 2016) but doctor told me that i shouldn't travel for such a long trip from Serbia to New York where in case of emergency plane wont be anyhow abe to land. I also have som bactaerias that are very deengerous in pegnancy and i have to recive antibiotic 2 hours before labor and every hour during labor and baby also must recive them when its born and if dont there is a big chance that baby can die or be demaged and i can get blood poisoning and die. When i think baout that im even more scared when i think about what if something happen during flight, what will be with baby . I talked with m fiance about that and he knows that im at risk of premature labor and doctor told me not to travel but he says i should come next week and nothing wont happen during flight cuz its safe. I called embassy and told them for my case and they told me that the best thing would be if my fiance come here when baby is born and aply for crba (that takes 15 days) so baby can come with me and then he can take us to USA. I see that like the best thing but .. my fiance got very mad and he tod me that i must come next week and he wll book me ticket, i have only one chnace to come or to keep life on my own and take care alone about baby beecause he dosn't wnat to come back. So now he want me to come next week or dont come at all. I feel broken and i stress more and more every day. I don;t know what too do, i dont want to be single mother but im so afarid to fly now. ..

You need to listen to the advice of your doctor, not your fiancé! The way you described the situation, the lives of you and your child are at risk! That your fiancé is willing to take a chance on this would be a huge red-flag to me. Think about who he really is if he is pressuring you to take this change. This is someone that you are planning on marrying, he should be supporting you and not getting angry with you!

Your well-being and the well-being of the child you carry inside you comes above anything else at this moment.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Of course you can get health insurance while on K1, Ebunulowa. From the second you enter the country! What a strange thing to say you cannot! There are special plans for incoming immigrants that you can take out for any amount of days (like 22 days), not even monthly. Since they are not subject to Obamacare and are only for non-citizens they may have strict rules about existing conditions, i.e. not cover a birth.

You should still get one if and when you arrive and not wait for the wedding.

I would never enter the country without!

Link me up to one that covers childbirth and pre consistent conditions. That is the whole point here. Of course she can get ####### insurance that will

not benefit her. Here is one of many http://www.***removed***.com/fiance-visa-medical-insurance/which does not cover childbirth. Duh !

What a strange thing to say you can. Proof it with a link outlining the policy that pregnancy and childbirth for a K1 visa holder is covered.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Link me up to one that covers childbirth and pre consistent conditions. That is the whole point here. Of course she can get ####### insurance that will

not benefit her. Here is one of many http://www.***removed***.com/fiance-visa-medical-insurance/whichdoes not cover childbirth. Duh !

What a strange thing to say you can. Proof it with a link outlining the policy that pregnancy and childbirth for a K1 visa holder is covered.

A birth could potentially be covered by emergency medicaid.