My USC Husband Does Not Want to Sign I-864

[mallafri76 1,012]

OP, so sorry to hear about your troubles. Sounds like either your husband changed his mind or he's an abuser. Abuse doesn't necessarily mean physical, it can also be control. By refusing to sign the i-864, he's keeping you here illegally with no means of working and supporting yourself and he knows you won't be able to go to the authorities, no matter what he does, cause then you'll be deported. And due to the ridiculous and sexist laws of the Philippines, he's probably counting on you not filing for a divorce, and hence he has you right where he wants to...

If you do choose to go back home, how will you ever be able to re-marry in the Philippines if you file for the divorce? Is there a way to convince your husband to file, if you sign a paper saying you will not ask for support? I really hope it works out for you and your son.

[Amhara 460]

I had read in am immigration book that even if the sponsor doesn't fulfill the sponsorship requirements, then the chances of the US government actually taking the sponsor to court is slim. The cost of pursuing the case is higher than the government can recuperate and it would be treated as a civil case - not criminal. Maybe this will reassure him, but no matter what, the pain has been inflicted in the marriage anyway. He would really need to work to get that wound healed.

[Lauren and Kevin 55]

I noticed in your earlier post that you mentioned that your new husband had been married and divorced before.

It's hard to find anyone who has gone through divorce who does not have some scars - and the worst ones are around continuing payments to the ex-spouse which can degrade your life to subsistence level..

I have these scars, but I have a new partner for whom I would do anything, truly anything, but I'm not your partner.

With his history, and the possibility of supporting you and your son, and a luke-warm relationship (from his side), added to previous failure, and from what I hear, the high rate of failure in US/Phillipino marriages (I could be wrong here..sorry), it looks like he is scared, and is not willing to Man up, and show his love.

Alas, this refusal will always be between you now and corrosive. It may not seem that way, but this relationship is over, and the only decent thing left for him to do is sign the divorce papers and free you.

Edited April 17, 2015 by Lauren and Kevin

[McBy 1]

Thank you. I haven't contacted Philippine Embassy. I will later.

Sometimes, a foreign consulate within the U.S. can help to repatriate its citizens. Consult the nearest Philippines consulate. Charity organizations might help to provide some funds for your return tickets.

[Cathi 5,610]

This is an examples on why I think they should put a mandatory timeframe on when a person needs to file the AOS. It's unfair to put the beneficiary in this predicament. Petitioning someone to the US is a privilege (even if some say it's their right), and should come with responsibilities.

It's annoying when the petitioner is worried about the I-864 obligation, but it's OK to put the financial responsibility on the US resident. Might as well just find someone in country if that is such a big concern. Sorry OP about my rant.

I also think that the petitioner for the k-1 should have to sign an i-864 and that the i-134 should be done away with. K-1 petitioners should have proof before their fiances enter the country that they will indeed be able to support their future spouse, just like cr1 petitioners

[Vette 116]

Here's a bit of tough love/truth for you:

If you husband is like "Hey, I ain't signing the paper. You can leave if you want, but I won't sign it,"

YOU SHOULD GO!

It shows he really doesn't care enough about you or your kid to risk any sort of liability. This means he truly doesn't love you (or your son) so it's best you be on your merry little way.

[blahblahblog 36]

There seems to be enough here to sue your husband in civil courts for the ticket home, lost wages from the past ~6 months, lawyer fees for divorce and emotional distress if he isn't willing to pay your trip home the nice way. It was reasonable for you to expect that after the wedding he would follow through with the petitions or move with you to your home country or move to a third country. There's a break in the implicit contract here because he *did* marry you but doesn't want to move back with you or help you with the adjustment of status placing involuntarily in the position of being an undocumented immigrant by no fault of your own. The natural remedy here is for him to cover all expenses from the divorce and your trip home. Emotional distress added as punitive measure.

[Vette 116]

There seems to be enough here to sue your husband in civil courts for the ticket home, lost wages from the past ~6 months, lawyer fees for divorce and emotional distress if he isn't willing to pay your trip home the nice way. It was reasonable for you to expect that after the wedding he would follow through with the petitions or move with you to your home country or move to a third country. There's a break in the implicit contract here because he *did* marry you but doesn't want to move back with you or help you with the adjustment of status placing involuntarily in the position of being an undocumented immigrant by no fault of your own. The natural remedy here is for him to cover all expenses from the divorce and your trip home. Emotional distress added as punitive measure.

I like how you think. I think it's really lousy for her husband to pull a stunt like this once she gets over here with her kid. It's almost like he knows she needs him so he's going to be a _______ and try and put her in a tough position.

This is a tough one but with positive thoughts and education, you will win.

[lysander 14]

That's some bleeding heart liberal ####### there, at one time nearly every relationship was abusive by this definition. Having power over someone could be as simple as being the person who is the money earner in the family. Domestic violence is physical abuse or verbal threats, liberals have sprinkled fairy dust and turned it into something else. I've had a sugar momma and I've been a sugar Daddy, they both have their ups and downs. If you're letting someone control you it's just as much your fault as it is theirs. There's plenty of people living a fancy life on government money, no reason to think you need someone to survive. Keep someone from leaving, now that is domestic violence.

Yeah, feminists like to broaden the meanings of words like "abuse," "violence," "rape," etc. to encompass everything they consider boorish or unfair. It's a propaganda tactic designed to make their opponents look like misogynists (since only a misogynist would support abuse, violence, etc.). There's probably a name for whatever kind of fallacy it is. Equivocation, maybe.

But a traditionalist could find fault with the USC's behavior too, since it could be construed as violating the marital promise to love and care for his spouse. It also contributes to foreigners being more reluctant to marry Americans for fear of ending up in a similar scenario, and it makes the public more likely to support further restrictions on fiancee and spousal visas, to prevent other women from ending up in this position. My fiancee too is a little concerned about the I-864 because she's heard stories of Filipinas marrying Americans in the Philippines and then being stuck there and unable to marry anyone else, when the guy turned out to be unwilling or unable to meet the support requirements. I told her that even if the guy is honorable and has a lot of money and sponsors lined up, approval is never guaranteed; they can still theoretically find, based on other factors, that the alien is likely to become a public charge. This process involves some rolls of the dice.

I guess it pays for both spouses to thoroughly research the visa requirements prior to marriage, and come to an understanding about what they both agree to do to build a life together after they are married. I don't understand why the kind of mellow, non-abusive guy described here would be willing to marry but unwilling to sign the I-864, unless he either didn't understand from the beginning what was going to be required of him in order to obtain the visa, or he changed his mind. It's kind of late for that, though.

[McBy 1]

It's quite difficult to contact the Philippine Embassy. Sigh.

[InHisTime 110]

So sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with majority of the comments here. True love is never selfish. You have a selfish husband and it's not worth at all staying married, even more out of status. Just go back home and ensure divorce has been filed / settled. I am sure you will recover back home. God will keep you better without him, just stay strong and positive.

[Lee&Ana 88]

What i wonder about is how is the marriage other than the husband not filing for AOS?

If the day to day interaction is good, then maybe give him time to sign? Maybe he is insecure and thinks she will run off? I am not taking sides or justifying the op's husband's actions. If the only issue is not signing and the marriage is good otherwise it may be worth waiting. Another question is does the husband make enough money to support the three of them? There are several things to consider here and it is not a cut and dried case of sign or divorce. I think a heart to heart talk between the op and her husband is in order. If he isn't happy with the marriage, he should send her home and pay for it.

[McBy 1]

Things would be fine without the document. At this time we are on financial crisis but even if we have the funds he would not go for it. Sample, just to sign and pray and save for it then submit it when we can - he says he is not comfortable with it.

We had times when we were like in a roller coaster while adjusting. He is willing to keep me here like forever just that he doesn't even think that it is a responsibility for him to sign. Even recommended self petition for me. Really weird.

Now im just hoping that i would be able to go home before 180 days of overstay here.

What i wonder about is how is the marriage other than the husband not filing for AOS?

If the day to day interaction is good, then maybe give him time to sign? Maybe he is insecure and thinks she will run off? I am not taking sides or justifying the op's husband's actions. If the only issue is not signing and the marriage is good otherwise it may be worth waiting. Another question is does the husband make enough money to support the three of them? There are several things to consider here and it is not a cut and dried case of sign or divorce. I think a heart to heart talk between the op and her husband is in order. If he isn't happy with the marriage, he should send her home and pay for it.

[McBy 1]

Btw, we had the chance to file for it but when he read about the i864 he wouldn't.

He said that he is going to pay for my tickets and give me some funds to start with a new life back to my home country. I am just not sure about when he would be able to have the funds when we also have other things to pay.

What i wonder about is how is the marriage other than the husband not filing for AOS?

If the day to day interaction is good, then maybe give him time to sign? Maybe he is insecure and thinks she will run off? I am not taking sides or justifying the op's husband's actions. If the only issue is not signing and the marriage is good otherwise it may be worth waiting. Another question is does the husband make enough money to support the three of them? There are several things to consider here and it is not a cut and dried case of sign or divorce. I think a heart to heart talk between the op and her husband is in order. If he isn't happy with the marriage, he should send her home and pay for it.

[Boiler 43,451]

There was a thread some months back started by a guy who did not wish to complete the I 864, he then came back asking about the waiver, I think a mod closed it.