the infamous ex husband and control over step kids

[ElectricBlue30 0]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a USC living in Australia with my wife, two step kids and baby on the way (step kids are from the previous marriage of my wife). I'd love to know what you can share about the level of involvement her ex-husband would have on the process of us attaining our visa... and if there are different options you recommend.

The long story short is the man was both physically and emotionally abusive to her in their 9 year marriage. Now that it's been 4 years since they've been married, he has had little involvement in the kids lives. While we lived in the same state, he would on average see them once every 6-8 weeks for an afternoon. Now that we live in another state, he might see them once every 6 months and calls incredibly infrequently. The man also has Aspergers. He does pay his child support, though he constantly pays less than he is supposed to and waits until the last possible moment to pay it before there would be any government consequences (he can prolong it up until 3 months each time).

Our concerns obviously are going to be how to get him to allow us to take the kids to the U.S. And whereas we might be able to get him to agree to it at one point in time, a week or two or a month later he would be very likely to change his mind.

So my question is what is involved, and what are our best options?

Does he just have to sign some papers? Or would he have to be interviewed as well? If it's just signing, that could be good because then he can't really change his mind.

Our other option is for me to adopt the kids. And based on the history and evidence we have on paper, there is no doubt in our minds that a court would rule that in our favor. Of course in that case he no longer would have to pay the child support (by the way our intention here is not to make it so he can never see the kids by any means; more than anything it's important he doesn't have some kind of control over us, even though he can and has gone to live in other countries at different points and for various amounts of time).

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

~E

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

To immigrate the children will need a signed statement from their bio dad allowing them to immigrate. No paper no visa.

[Pitaya 2,576]

Agree with NigeriaorBust. The only additional suggestion I would make is to make sure the biological father's immigration authorization statement is notarized.

Edited November 23, 2014 by A&B

[ElectricBlue30 0]

Thanks to both of you.

This of course wouldn't be the case though if the kids were legally adopted and all connection to the children was officially relinquished (even through a court order) by the father, correct?

Do you know where in the IR-1 / CR-1 process and the I130 this stuff about a signature from the bio father is?

Is it just a simple signature, or does he have to make a statement?

Thank you,

~E

[Pitaya 2,576]

Not sure about spouse visa process, others can likely respond.

My wife obtained a signed, notarized statement (special Chinese notarial certificate) from the stepson's biological father allowing his son to immigrate to the US. She presented that statement to the US consulate in Guangzhou along with their (K1) and (K2) visa applications during the embassy/consulate phase of the visa process. The stepson received his K2 visa without any problem.

Good luck on your immigration journey.

[ElectricBlue30 0]

If anyone knows exactly which forms through the I130 process and specifically where it is that the ex husband needs to sign, I'd be really interested in knowing where that is so I can see exactly what the extent of his involvement is (ie. what information he needs to read up on before signing, if he needs to make anything more than just a signature, etc.)

[Penguin_ie 5,984]

There isn't a form; basically, he needs to write a shot statement that he is ok with it, sign it (original signature- not faxed or anything). Make sure his contact details are on there in case the embassy wants to verify.

Yes if he relinquishes all parental rights (or if they are severed by a court), this permission would not be needed. We have had a few members on here who had to go to court and fight, which usually takes a long time. Often, agreeing with the ex that you relinquish any claims to child support will do the trick...

[AB loves AG 54]

To immigrate the children will need a signed statement from their bio dad allowing them to immigrate. No paper no visa.

My husband and I got a signed paper from the biological mom, the embassy never asked for it nor did anyone ask at POE for it. I wanted to be safe than sorry, my husband kept insisting we don't need it. He ended up being right but is it different depending on the country?

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

My husband and I got a signed paper from the biological mom, the embassy never asked for it nor did anyone ask at POE for it. I wanted to be safe than sorry, my husband kept insisting we don't need it. He ended up being right but is it different depending on the country?

Should the other bio parent ever decide to have a fit and you do not have the paper work to prove you had permission you both could face charges of international child abduction. Many US children have been abducted by one parent to another country and the reverse also happens. To legally bring a child to the US you need the other parents permission if they have legal say in the home country. ( some countries laws given preference to one parent over the other )

[Lee&Ana 88]

Adopting her kids will make you financially responsible for them. Why give up supporting income from the father? And if you bring the kids to the USA, when do you suppose he will see them? If you adopt the kids you are a braver man than me

[Pitaya 2,576]

There isn't a form; basically, he needs to write a shot statement that he is ok with it, sign it (original signature- not faxed or anything). Make sure his contact details are on there in case the embassy wants to verify.

Yes if he relinquishes all parental rights (or if they are severed by a court), this permission would not be needed. We have had a few members on here who had to go to court and fight, which usually takes a long time. Often, agreeing with the ex that you relinquish any claims to child support will do the trick...

Exactly!

[Transborderwife 4,666]

If a father is not doing his job as OP has suggested why not adopt? Why not give the child a loving nurturing environment? Nothing that wouldn't be "smart" about that.

[Ban Hammer 12,827]

several insulting and off topic posts removed.
please confine further posts to direct advice to the op and refrain from off topic commentary about the pros and cons of adopting.

[Boiler 43,359]

Seems there is a deal to be made.

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

It might be cheaper and easier than adopting to write up a contract and have it notarized stating that he allows you to take the children to the US and that, in exchange for his reduced access (though he's totally allowed to visit!), he no longer has to pay child support. My concern would be that adopting the children would require a possibly lengthy court battle and your visa process may be delayed by it. If he is and has been abusive, then it is likely that he will fight the attempt at adoption to maintain control over your wife and children. Him not having to pay but still believing he has control over the children is more likely to get you the results you want in a timely fashion. If you DO want to terminate his parental rights, I would do so after he's lived in another country from them for awhile. Give him time to realize how much easier things are without an ex-wife and children in his life if he doesn't want to pay child support or be involved in their lives.