Married on K1 a year ago_Marriage is failing (Merged with updated questions)

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Months ago, I found out there were other women he saw in Jamaican while he was supposed to be faithful to me. I get it the LDR part of it is accepting a man will be a man, but what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. So know knowing, makes me question his courting and intentions for me.

I think the other people have given you good advice regarding filing for a no fault divorce, but if you are worried about his underhandedness, I wouldn't hesitate to get a lawyer.

That being said, I find your above quoted statement concerning. If that is the attitude you had, then one should not be upset to find out that one's partner took full advantage of this. Cheating is not a man being a man, but rather a player/cheater being a player/cheater. Even from a health perspective it is concerning that he had unprotected sex with someone else and didn't tell you and probably didn't get tested and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with you. You are lucky that you'd didn't catch something worse than a PITA from this man.

[Ortolan 381]

You need to talk to a divorce lawyer, as soon as possible, and file for divorce. If you think you can't afford one, call your county government office and ask to be referred to Legal Aid. You need to get out of that marriage and divorce that guy.

Your children will be just fine, in fact, probably better and happier if you get them out of a situation where you're always fighting with their father. My deep sympathies to you.

[Lilay 87]

I'm very sorry for what you are going through... And thank you so much for all the advice you gave to us in your posts.

Please don't ever think whether he loved you or not. I always believe if there isn't trust and honesty, love doesn't mean anything. He might have loved you, but he lied to you... And I can't think of a reason why someone would want to intentionaly make the person he/she loves upset and ruin their life.

You don't have to endure anything. If you are unhappy, divorce! Children raised in homes where there are arguments all the time are more effected than living with a single but happy mother and not having a father nearby. I have seen a lot of examples for this.

[Tina and Johan 206]

I think the other people have given you good advice regarding filing for a no fault divorce, but if you are worried about his underhandedness, I wouldn't hesitate to get a lawyer.

That being said, I find your above quoted statement concerning. If that is the attitude you had, then one should not be upset to find out that one's partner took full advantage of this. Cheating is not a man being a man, but rather a player/cheater being a player/cheater. Even from a health perspective it is concerning that he had unprotected sex with someone else and didn't tell you and probably didn't get tested and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with you. You are lucky that you'd didn't catch something worse than a PITA from this man.

I found this alarming too, and also want to point out that "a man being a man" doesn't mean being unfaithful. and it's certainly not something that should be expected in a long distance relationship!

I also agree that divorcing seems like the best option; it also seems like that is where you're leaning. If he stays here in the USA, then he can file his ROC alone. That's not up to you to do. All that said, what a jerk.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Tina and Johan

[PazDR 12]

I am very sorry that you are going through this especially after just having children! I think everyone can be empathetic to this because although we all love our fiances/husbands this is clearly a risk we take. There are separate lives being lived and you would hope honesty would be at the forefront of any relationship but that is not always the case. Good Luck to you, I am a product of a marriage that remained together for 30+ years for the children and already have a divorce. I could never do what my mom did, she was always unhappy and so were we! Not to make this about me but the best thing you can do for your kids is just that Move on! Good Luck to you...

[PazDR 12]

One more thing...Worry more about yours and the children's future...leave his fate to the authorized people and God!

[jb2015 0]

So sorry to hear!

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

What a disgrace of a man, sorry that you are going through this

[Tururino 2]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. It is tough enough having young kids and being the bread winner. Sounds to me like he is a coward and a liar and now that you know that, you have major decisions to make. Take a deep breath and think about you and your children, I know it sucks right now but this too shall pass, so keep your head up and focus on what is important to you in your life, best of luck during this process.

[AngieandScratcha 1]

I would seek a advise from an attorney. You have children you need to worry about, not about him and his immigration issues. It doesn't sound like he was very honest from the beginning. It is common it happened to me. Not exactly the same thing but close enough. So sorry because I do know how it feels.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I need a Like button!

You already have one, the little green arrow bottom right.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

I just wonder what a scumbag like him can add/teach to your children. The absence of this man with his moral compass broken won't make any difference in your children lives ,imagine what he will teach your children.

Edited November 8, 2014 by sandranj

[M and C 32]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I pray that you will have peace and comfort in your heart in the midst of this...

[Hiroshi 宏 64]

I don't have a suggestion or an answer, Just wanted to say I am truly sorry he wasn't the many you thought he was, But I guess we will all learn who we really marry at the end of the day. Once again, Truly sorry dear, Sending good thoughts to you from North Wales.

Edited November 8, 2014 by Hiroshi 宏

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I think the other people have given you good advice regarding filing for a no fault divorce, but if you are worried about his underhandedness, I wouldn't hesitate to get a lawyer.

That being said, I find your above quoted statement concerning. If that is the attitude you had, then one should not be upset to find out that one's partner took full advantage of this. Cheating is not a man being a man, but rather a player/cheater being a player/cheater. Even from a health perspective it is concerning that he had unprotected sex with someone else and didn't tell you and probably didn't get tested and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with you. You are lucky that you'd didn't catch something worse than a PITA from this man.

Exactly right. I agree with this post.

You set the bar way too low with the " man being a man" and "what I don't know won't hurt me" and he sensed that attitude in you and ran with it.

Raise your expectations so there is no doubt what you will not tolerate ever. Keep your eyes wide open to red flag behavior and don't be in denial.

Reasons of suspiscious behavior should not be explained away in a LDR.

He didn't want to put all his eggs into one basket and perhaps thought he may as well try another woman in another country and whatever woman

came through first he will hang with for a minute.

If he likes Jamaican women so much because of their "servitude" then he needs to go play king back in Kingston ! The nerve !

I really feel for you and omg twins ! So much work and energy you have to put into the little ones plus the other two children and he wants

time for himself and travels every month to Canada ? WTH ? What a loser and liar.

As was said before he can ROC without you and while I find it commendable of you to want the father of the twins around for their sake, you must also

think about child support and the financial aspect of it all. He needs to pay and stop making babies and take care of the ones he has.

I would definitely get a lawyer involved for the child support. You have only been married for a year so there should be no alimony issue.

The whole Facebook thing is disgusting and he seems to have a screw lose besides his zipper down.

Just unbelievable behavior from him. Please don't generalize in regards to all Jamaican men. It is not the country, it is the individual and he

is an idiot.

Best wishes for you and your children. I know it is very hard to raise them alone now, find yourself a good support system, you won't

have peace with this clown hanging around

Edited November 8, 2014 by Ebunoluwa