worried and depressed (going to waterloo wi)

[Chicagoguy 2 27]

Madison is not a boring place to be. It might be a great advantage to arrive in the morning and leave late afternoon. Taka a class or two. You can

even audit some for no credit so there is no pressure. Maybe even a part time job. Hang out at the library or student union. Plus there are 42,000

students there from around the world. Write now for a catalog at the University of Wisconsin.

Take some driving lessons and you can get all the information you need for many other things because you are in the state capital.

[icv21 110]

I really hate to be the mean one here but that is truly not my intention so i hope it wont come across like that. People on this site would go through hell and back a million times to be with each other and some do. I don't think any of them are concerned with small stuff like not being independent and not living in a small or big city and so on. Everyone on this site gives up their entire life, family and friend, pack their belongings into two suite cases and move to be with their love for ever so since you do not have these fillings that is something serious to think about.

I do wish you all the best and the strength to figure it all out.

I really like how you say it..... After reading so many stories in this forum about so many couples fighting to be together it's so shocking seeing a k-1 seeing so much negativity. When that's the moment when everybody is head over wheels waiting to be with their loved ones no matter what being together is what should make you happy

[sheldonsgirl 19]

thank you all guys... As someone said, i still have time to think things better until december. Maybe during this time i can decide what to do, or find a way to keep myself busy there. As i said, i would work as illegal in the farms, i dont mind doing that, even if my fiance doesnt like the idea.

I feel better now, i dont feel like choking myself as a while before.

Im glad i found in u nice ppl willing to help.

I would be careful working when you aren't supposed to because you are put under oath when you go for AOS and they can and possibly will ask you if you've worked.

[sheldonsgirl 19]

Madison is not a boring place to be. It might be a great advantage to arrive in the morning and leave late afternoon. Taka a class or two. You can

even audit some for no credit so there is no pressure. Maybe even a part time job. Hang out at the library or student union. Plus there are 42,000

students there from around the world. Write now for a catalog at the University of Wisconsin.

Take some driving lessons and you can get all the information you need for many other things because you are in the state capital.

Some good ideas. You could go to a community college and learn a trade.

[Snag 57]

I would be careful working when you aren't supposed to because you are put under oath when you go for AOS and they can and possibly will ask you if you've worked.

Uhh... Sorry to get my sassy pants on, but working ILLEGALLY goes far being the constraints of immigration. Firstly, it's illegal. Breaking the law. It's not a case of being "careful" - which sounds like condoning the act. It's a case of not even going there. You've got big enough fish to fry of you're even considering it in a moment of desperation, such as OP has done.

[raven52 233]

I think you should think long and hard about this.,,..,it does not sound good, try to get out and find other things to do, find hobbies, and or join an exercise group.,.,.,.do something.,.,other than staying in that house.,.,.you cannot live your life there!

Think long and hard!

Is he willing to talk about it!

[newbie87 20]

Why not just get marry in Argentina? Then file for spouse visa, will wait longer but at least you'll be working while waiting and won't be sitting at home all day.

Then again, if you have doubt it's best not to proceed further, don't really want you to quit your job and your fiancé spend money on the visa and turn out you don't want to be there.

[Sandra G. 5,021]

My dear he is not the one for you,period! You are not "crazy"in love and not ready to be "insanely happy", then find someone willing to live in a BIG city (try NYC,Boston,Chicago,Miami) someone willing to give you a car as soon you get here,hire a maid to do all house work, and problem solved.We are our choices.

Edited September 16, 2014 by sandranj

[diane79 14]

well, today im more calm than yesterday.

the "shock" of the situation has passed.

I dont say i am completly new woman today

btw. the cow udder is a saying.. dont take it so literal.

My level of english is good, but i want to take english classes to improve it.

i know i have to change the way i think. i know i am stubborn like a child, and i say "NO" to everything. that im being negative with everything, as if the whole situation was the worst. I know that im denied to all the solutions he gives me, i dont even want him to drive me to madison, just because.... no reason.. just bc i dont want to give up being stubborn...i want everything to be done as i like.. and i know im being irrational.

today im more into the idea of how my life will be the firsts months before beign more independent. theres nothing much to say, its a fact it wont be the same kind of life i have now, and ill have to stay home, and see what i can find to do during this time. i cant say im happy now, but at least i dont see it as the end of the world like yesterday.... i bet in the nexts days ill find a way to spend this time alone and enjoy it. i know me, i am not going to stay doing nothing during this time bc otherwise ill kill myself (again, a saying). and this is not bc of him.. its bc i am this way...

maybe i expected things to be faster, maybe 1 month or 2 as much... and i thought. well, 2 months is not too much, i can deal with that. when i found out they were going to be around 5.. i was shocked.

i dont know if im ready for marriage or not, as much ppl say.. probably im not, im not going to deny it.. i have never had a serious and mature relationship before. but the only thing i can say is that i do want this to work and i want to do my best. I do want to work together in our relationship, and decide together, and thats why i also feel this way, bc right now i feel like hes the only one taking the decisions about everything.. and of course he is, bc he is there, and i am here. we r not still living together. so i cant decide with him were to move now (he just moved) or any other thing concerned to his life that we will share.. he has to think in himself and his daugther now... once im there, i guess we will take the decisions together.

im not all of u.. u r lucky maybe bc u know how to deal with some things in the relationship. and ur dreams r just to be with someone... i have my own dreams, i want to be independant inside or a relationship and i dont see anything wrong with that.we r not twin brothers..

i cant not feel more than envy to all of u that the moving, the relationship and everything was easy just bc u were going to live with the love of your lifes. I love him more than anything. he is the best man i have ever met. i have done things for him that i have never done for anyone else before. and i want to be at his side, and make this relationship work no matter what. learn everyday to be a better person, a good wife and a good mother. i wish i could spent more time with him and learn more every single day. but i cant. if i could, i would live 1 year with him before getting married, unfortunately, i cant. laws dont allow me.

maybe for u it was easier, but for me, marriage it is a big step, and the whole thing is a big change which scares me. i know thats not an excuse, but its a fact.

and i wish i could talk better with him, that he listens to me instead of acting as a drama queen. sometimes it is imposible to talk with him. after a couple of days that we both calm down.. it is hard to argue by email... and i know there r a lot of missunderstandings. i know that if i had him face to face, we would solve the few problems we have easier and without so much drama.

anyway, thanks to all... to those who really tried to give me an advice and say something usefull, and to those who just blame me... both opinions were apreciated.

now im going to my english classes. c ya

[Caryh 5,206]

Why? We waited two months after my divorce to file the I-129F, but we could have done it the day after my divorce.

Wisconsin requires a six month waiting period after a divorce before you can remarry. You need to be free to marry when you submit the K-1 petition, and legally he is not free to marry until that 6 month period has gone by. Wisconsin residents have received denials on immigration petitions because of this before.

[nitsirk7562 82]

You're not the only one who feels this way. Don't be hard on yourself, it's ok. What you're feeling is normal. It's a very selfless thing to give up everything you have for someone else. You're totally vulnerable and dependent on someone else. I would have some serious control issues with that too!

What's so difficult about this situation is we don't have the luxury that "normal" couples do. Face-to-face, actual time together. I think everyone who goes through this process has bumps along the way. It's not all rainbows and kittens--we aren't all happy to be sitting at home waiting! It's tough.

It's about weighing pros and cons. Can you put yourself out of your comfort zone for awhile? Do you want to build a new life in a strange place? Take your time and really mull things over, you'll find the answers you need.

This is NOT an easy process, things do get more stressful. It sounds like you really love and care about him. It's a little more than that though. You have to be selfless for an extended amount of time. Rushing into marriage certainly isn't a smart thing, but it's tough in our situation. It's not a black and white decision for everyone. We can't live together to "test the waters" -- we just take a leap of faith and commit ourselves to making it work. If you can do that and not lose yourself in the process, you'll be alright!

Best of luck with whatever you decide. At least you have lots of people here who get what you're feeling

well, today im more calm than yesterday.

the "shock" of the situation has passed.

I dont say i am completly new woman today

btw. the cow udder is a saying.. dont take it so literal.

My level of english is good, but i want to take english classes to improve it.

i know i have to change the way i think. i know i am stubborn like a child, and i say "NO" to everything. that im being negative with everything, as if the whole situation was the worst. I know that im denied to all the solutions he gives me, i dont even want him to drive me to madison, just because.... no reason.. just bc i dont want to give up being stubborn...i want everything to be done as i like.. and i know im being irrational.

today im more into the idea of how my life will be the firsts months before beign more independent. theres nothing much to say, its a fact it wont be the same kind of life i have now, and ill have to stay home, and see what i can find to do during this time. i cant say im happy now, but at least i dont see it as the end of the world like yesterday.... i bet in the nexts days ill find a way to spend this time alone and enjoy it. i know me, i am not going to stay doing nothing during this time bc otherwise ill kill myself (again, a saying). and this is not bc of him.. its bc i am this way...

maybe i expected things to be faster, maybe 1 month or 2 as much... and i thought. well, 2 months is not too much, i can deal with that. when i found out they were going to be around 5.. i was shocked.

i dont know if im ready for marriage or not, as much ppl say.. probably im not, im not going to deny it.. i have never had a serious and mature relationship before. but the only thing i can say is that i do want this to work and i want to do my best. I do want to work together in our relationship, and decide together, and thats why i also feel this way, bc right now i feel like hes the only one taking the decisions about everything.. and of course he is, bc he is there, and i am here. we r not still living together. so i cant decide with him were to move now (he just moved) or any other thing concerned to his life that we will share.. he has to think in himself and his daugther now... once im there, i guess we will take the decisions together.

im not all of u.. u r lucky maybe bc u know how to deal with some things in the relationship. and ur dreams r just to be with someone... i have my own dreams, i want to be independant inside or a relationship and i dont see anything wrong with that.we r not twin brothers..

i cant not feel more than envy to all of u that the moving, the relationship and everything was easy just bc u were going to live with the love of your lifes. I love him more than anything. he is the best man i have ever met. i have done things for him that i have never done for anyone else before. and i want to be at his side, and make this relationship work no matter what. learn everyday to be a better person, a good wife and a good mother. i wish i could spent more time with him and learn more every single day. but i cant. if i could, i would live 1 year with him before getting married, unfortunately, i cant. laws dont allow me.

maybe for u it was easier, but for me, marriage it is a big step, and the whole thing is a big change which scares me. i know thats not an excuse, but its a fact.

and i wish i could talk better with him, that he listens to me instead of acting as a drama queen. sometimes it is imposible to talk with him. after a couple of days that we both calm down.. it is hard to argue by email... and i know there r a lot of missunderstandings. i know that if i had him face to face, we would solve the few problems we have easier and without so much drama.

anyway, thanks to all... to those who really tried to give me an advice and say something usefull, and to those who just blame me... both opinions were apreciated.

now im going to my english classes. c ya

[frody 14]

Pffffff....you dont know nothing about that process. How stressfully has been for me and still is. Im in wisconsin and Im passing reallly hard times here...

Believe me you sound like a child doing child things.

I just will ask you something: do you know why he divorced? ...the 90 days they give to you to married when you arrive try to find the friends and know better the person you will marry.

Seems to me that you dont know him enough to trust him to depend on him for this little period of life that is the visa process.

Believe me it feels like years and its really hard.

There is a lot of "marriages that went wrong" so please be carefully and choose the right guy. If you dont trust on him .....better dont do nothing.

now small stuff:

you can have the drivers license if you apply in the 3 first month. but you has to be quick to have something that shows your address n wisconsin like a electric bill or bank ...I did it.

Cars? pfffff you can find a really cheap one and believe me really really cheap ones .

the working permit: takes a media of 90 days.

so everything you have moan here its ridiculous. ...work without permit? thats just the most "irresposable and selfish thing I ever heard. and if your job in argentina is so good...just keep working, save some money and 3 month living in his place at not cost will give you the peace of mind to expend all your money in a car insurance and inmigration papers. ...

[VFittipaldi 30]

I really like how you say it..... After reading so many stories in this forum about so many couples fighting to be together it's so shocking seeing a k-1 seeing so much negativity. When that's the moment when everybody is head over wheels waiting to be with their loved ones no matter what being together is what should make you happy

That is exactly my point

[Pickle 65]

btw. the cow udder is a saying.. dont take it so literal.

I don't think anyone took it literal (gosh I hope not!). However you did use it as a metaphor to express how desperate you are to stay busy, but then you stated everything that you do not want to do which was just a little contradictory. That's all.

Anyways, aside from that. I really do hope that you find peace with whatever you decide to do. It is the unfortunate thing about the K-1--you don't have the luxury of truly getting to know someone's ins and outs by spending a lot of time with them like you would have if you were in a relationship with someone living close to you. That being said, it works out great for many people.

Good luck with this big decision.

[BOS_LHR 829]

My two cents... no one should be made to feel bad for having concerns about completely changing their lives. That's a big dang deal. I would go to the ends of the earth for my spouse because what we have is worth it, I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me, and I'd do anything I had to in order to preserve that. Does that mean I'd never be afraid? Never sad or unhappy? Certainly not. It's ok to grieve the life you leave behind while celebrating the life you're building. It's natural and healthy. There's a process in coming to terms with such a huge, life-altering decision, and it will take longer for some people than others.

That being said, OP seems to have a more complicated situation than just that, having confessed she is new to serious relationships and probably not ready for marriage. That's a real concern on top of the regular upheaval of leaving your whole world behind to start fresh somewhere new. I add my voice to the chorus of people advising to wait. Let the relationship grow -- let yourself grow -- and see where you end up. Rushing to file as soon as it's legally feasible is unnecessary and probably very unwise. You've had a shock learning what the process will really be like, so I recommend doing much more reading, both about the filing process and the experiences of others upon moving to the US. Take time and educate yourself thoroughly so you can make the best possible decision for both of you.