worried and depressed (going to waterloo wi)

[kehills 217]

And to me it sounds somewhat one sided, you are giving up everything and what is he giving up? I may way off base but it sounds as though he could live in Madison but is choosing a small town because HE likes it there.

Dude has a daughter and an ex-wife. Dude is likely bound by custody arrangements for where he can and cannot live.

i know i am stubborn like a child, and i say "NO" to everything. that im being negative with everything, as if the whole situation was the worst. I know that im denied to all the solutions he gives me, i dont even want him to drive me to madison, just because.... no reason.. just bc i dont want to give up being stubborn...i want everything to be done as i like.. and i know im being irrational.

It really doesn't sound like you're ready to be a stepmother, on top of all the other things you've mentioned. Yes, it is difficult that you can't live with him as a live-in girlfriend for a year before you decide if this is what you want and what you are capable of, but you can visit for significant periods of time. You should strongly consider that, rather than marriage, for the time being.

[diane79 14]

ohhh damn it. i was replying several posts, some that didnt say something usefull, and to other that really tried to find a solution and gave me good advices.

to those who say something like there r a lot of ppl struggling for being with there fiance and that i dont deserve this (o something like that) well.... there r different kind of ppl in the word, every one has their own point of view about life, goals, etc.... not bc their only dream is to be with someone and i have other concerns that means that they r right and i am wrong. im sorry if u dont like what i say o what i feel or if i have fears about this.

I dont see it as a bad thing that i want to be independent in my relationship. again, we r not twins, we r a couple, and there is a "us", and a "me".. and i think thats normal... i know not everyone thinks that way, and its ok... u have your right to think that way.. but u dont have the right to blame me or accuse me for thinking or feeling different from u. and as i always say, if u dont have something useful to say, be quiet.... u think i dont love my fiance, well, i do.. and despite the problems we can have now, despite my fears, despite my concerns, despite i dont like the idea of depending of him for 5 months, despite everything, i want to be with him...

for those who really say something usefull, or give me some advice of how to spend this time, or tell me that the truth is that things will be this way and maybe harder, i really appreciate ur interest. i know i was kind of crazy yesterday. today im more calm. i know i wont get a job ilegally. i just need to find a way to keep myself busy during this time, first bc i like to be busy, and second, bc this way time will pass faster. i know this is a temporary situation, and i know this is a big change, and maybe i tend to over react with something is not like i want. i know i have to change some manners, put my proud aside and let him help me with what he want to do. believe me that is the worst part, and not bc it is him, its bc im this way. i have never asked anybody for help, and i dont like doing that, and it makes me feel terrible. i have to learn more things about beign in a relationship and i hope i have the chance to do it.

i dont know if volunteer is an option for me, but maybe i could find a group of students of ppl doing something. i know that making friend and meeting new ppl will help me a lot.

[diane79 14]

Dude has a daughter and an ex-wife. Dude is likely bound by custody arrangements for where he can and cannot live.

It really doesn't sound like you're ready to be a stepmother, on top of all the other things you've mentioned. Yes, it is difficult that you can't live with him as a live-in girlfriend for a year before you decide if this is what you want and what you are capable of, but you can visit for significant periods of time. You should strongly consider that, rather than marriage, for the time being.

her daughter is not a child.. shes a teen... so i dont see myself as her step mother even if i will be .. i see myself more as her big sister... i wont raise her bc she is old enough.. but i think i could give her maybe advice about some things i have lived, what should she do, and why not.. i made several mistakes in my life that left me valuable lessons that i could share with her. I have my niece just 1 year younger than her and she lived with me (in my house with my parents) until i left my country (3 years ago)... i had to do the mother role a few times when my mom had surgery and my sister was out of the city/country for work.. and i can say im very proud of the work my sister and my mom did, and maybe u dont believe me after my post, but she has me as a role model, bc i have many many many things good in my life, despite of my lack of control when im in shock or my lack of tolerance to frustation. but i have a lot of good things to share with other ppl, and maybe, if u met me, u would know they kind of person im really are, and no the selfish monster u think i am after reading my post.. so, to sum up, i know how to be a big sister for someone, and thats what i think to do with my step daughter, i want to be her friend... i told his dad i will give her condoms, cigarretes and drugs at his back.. of course its a joke lol...

also, i am thinking to go visit him in april next year, to see everything and meet his family and see hows his life like...

[jxn 86]

OP, my advice would be to consider if you're truly ready for marriage and the sacrifices involved in it, especially if your plan is to move to the U.S. but you're not happy with what your living situation would be (living in Wisconsin).

Regardless of what you end up doing, make your life easier by getting a driver license in Argentina. Then if and when you come to the U.S., you can drive with your foreign driver license. In the months between arriving and waiting for your work permit and green card (or would OP get them on arrival?), you would be able to drive and get to know your community.

Also, since you can legally work in Argentina, start saving money now. You can buy a cheap car when you arrive in Wisconsin. Together with your savings and Argentinian driver license, you will have some of the freedom and independence that you want.

[*Snowdrop* 603]

Practical things you can do to help yourself in this situation:

While you are waiting to move to America:

- learn to drive, you'll still have some adjusting to do with the different road signs etc but it will be easier

- Save money. Save money. Save money. Get a second job or second form of income. Sell all your old stuff you don't want to take with you. Create the biggest nest egg you can to take with you. There are so many expenses associated with moving to a new place, it's a buffer if you don't get a job asap, and even if you don't need it for those things you can use it to take some trips and travel around the US with your new spouse and get to know your new home.

- Declutter and sort through your stuff. Reduce to only the stuff you really want to take with you. Get rid of or preferably sell the things you don't need to take. This will save you both the financial effort but also the emotional effort of moving or storing your belongings.

- Take advantage of all the things in your home country before you leave it, and tie up all loose ends. Great health benefits? Have all your medical needs, yearly physical, well woman tests, dental appointments etc taken care of while you can. Perform some housekeeping on all aspects of your life there. Double check all bank accounts, savings accounts, portfolios etc. Check everything is in the right name if you changed your married name. Close any accounts which are not really useful to you once you move (although it's nice to keep one open for future travel etc). Make copies or order copies of all essential documents - get really organised with binders to keep this stuff together. Consider leaving a copy of everything with someone you trust at home. (I left a binder like this with my parents)

- Research your future home - make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in your first year there and then work out what you need to know etc to make those things happen. How to get your driver's licence, maps of the area, recommendations for doctors, dentists, hair salons, the job market etc.

Once you are in America: You've probably got three months or so before you can legally work - here is how I would spend that time

- Get married - send off your AOS application

- Take some driving lessons - probably just one or two if you already learned to drive. Take the test and get your driving licence

- Decorating projects in your new home to make it feel like yours too

- Online classes and courses - perhaps related to the job you want to get or maybe just for fun

- Polish your resume and cover letters and create great online job profiles on job sites or LinkeIn etc

- Take the opportunity to spend two or more days a week in Madison - you don't have to wander aimlessly - have schedule for things you want to achieve - getting to know the town, shopping, job networking, library etc

- simply enjoy being married - create lovely meals for the two of you each night while you can and re not exhausted by work

- Start new hobby - maybe make something you can sell on Etsy and make some money, or something that helps you meet new people

you'll find the time flies by and you'll soon be wishing you had all that free time again

Edited September 16, 2014 by *Lynne*

[Merrytooth 5,748]

1 only thing to add:

Have a backup plan (job connections back home, emergency money ..etc) in case things don't work out in US.

[Darnell 8,478]

ohhh damn it. i was replying several posts, some that didnt say something usefull, and to other that really tried to find a solution and gave me good advices.

to those who say something like there r a lot of ppl struggling for being with there fiance and that i dont deserve this (o something like that) well.... there r different kind of ppl in the word, every one has their own point of view about life, goals, etc.... not bc their only dream is to be with someone and i have other concerns that means that they r right and i am wrong. im sorry if u dont like what i say o what i feel or if i have fears about this.

I dont see it as a bad thing that i want to be independent in my relationship. again, we r not twins, we r a couple, and there is a "us", and a "me".. and i think thats normal... i know not everyone thinks that way, and its ok... u have your right to think that way.. but u dont have the right to blame me or accuse me for thinking or feeling different from u. and as i always say, if u dont have something useful to say, be quiet.... u think i dont love my fiance, well, i do.. and despite the problems we can have now, despite my fears, despite my concerns, despite i dont like the idea of depending of him for 5 months, despite everything, i want to be with him...

for those who really say something usefull, or give me some advice of how to spend this time, or tell me that the truth is that things will be this way and maybe harder, i really appreciate ur interest. i know i was kind of crazy yesterday. today im more calm. i know i wont get a job ilegally. i just need to find a way to keep myself busy during this time, first bc i like to be busy, and second, bc this way time will pass faster. i know this is a temporary situation, and i know this is a big change, and maybe i tend to over react with something is not like i want. i know i have to change some manners, put my proud aside and let him help me with what he want to do. believe me that is the worst part, and not bc it is him, its bc im this way. i have never asked anybody for help, and i dont like doing that, and it makes me feel terrible. i have to learn more things about beign in a relationship and i hope i have the chance to do it.

i dont know if volunteer is an option for me, but maybe i could find a group of students of ppl doing something. i know that making friend and meeting new ppl will help me a lot.

ok - find my ONE post here, reread it, and reply to it. purty please? ask questions on words unknown, happy to explain time, timing, schedule, calendar and logistics.

[Caryh 5,206]

OP, my advice would be to consider if you're truly ready for marriage and the sacrifices involved in it, especially if your plan is to move to the U.S. but you're not happy with what your living situation would be (living in Wisconsin).

Regardless of what you end up doing, make your life easier by getting a driver license in Argentina. Then if and when you come to the U.S., you can drive with your foreign driver license. In the months between arriving and waiting for your work permit and green card (or would OP get them on arrival?), you would be able to drive and get to know your community.

Also, since you can legally work in Argentina, start saving money now. You can buy a cheap car when you arrive in Wisconsin. Together with your savings and Argentinian driver license, you will have some of the freedom and independence that you want.

Having a drivers license from another country is usually good for driving in most states in the USA if you are visiting. But they are not considered good for driving in most states if you're becoming a resident of that state. The foreign license is usually only considered valid for the first 30 days of moving to the state, when you're expected to get a drivers license from that state. This is a particular burden on K-1 visa entrants, as they often are not allowed to get a drivers license until they at least get an EAD. In most states following your advice will get a K-1 entrant a driving without a license ticket if they are stopped.

[jxn 86]

Having a drivers license from another country is usually good for driving in most states in the USA if you are visiting. But they are not considered good for driving in most states if you're becoming a resident of that state. The foreign license is usually only considered valid for the first 30 days of moving to the state, when you're expected to get a drivers license from that state. This is a particular burden on K-1 visa entrants, as they often are not allowed to get a drivers license until they at least get an EAD. In most states following your advice will get a K-1 entrant a driving without a license ticket if they are stopped.

This is true. I mentioned this because many states let you convert an out-of-country license. If OP gets an Argentine driving license, she may not need to take the driving test and whatnot, which takes a long time and requires getting a learner permit first, waiting for a mandatory minimum period, and then taking the driving test. If failed, there is usually a waiting period before one can retake the test.

I will let OP look up the specific requirements of the Wisconsin DMV, but if my wife had her foreign license when we got her local driver license her, we could have saved time and money.

[Caryh 5,206]

This is true. I mentioned this because many states let you convert an out-of-country license. If OP gets an Argentine driving license, she may not need to take the driving test and whatnot, which takes a long time and requires getting a learner permit first, waiting for a mandatory minimum period, and then taking the driving test. If failed, there is usually a waiting period before one can retake the test.

I will let OP look up the specific requirements of the Wisconsin DMV, but if my wife had her foreign license when we got her local driver license her, we could have saved time and money.

My wife had her foreign drivers license. The only thing it saved in our state, was the length of time she needed to have a permit. Which she really needed a lot more practice driving to American standards before she was ready to take the behind the wheel test. Driving in her home country, Philippines, is nothing like driving in the USA, and she only had to pay a fee to get her license there. But at least she was confident operating a car having driven one for a number of years.