Struggling to find good friends

[Cam54 84]

I'm struggling to find good friends in California, I miss the realness of English people and it doesn't help that I just returned from a week spent with friends and family, feel like il never find socialising with Americans as easy as socialising with Brits. I've been here 8 months and I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't a huge amount of time but it's a long time to feel without friends

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I'm more solitaire person. I've been here since February this year and I am still comfortable with my own. I am a friendly person, don't get me wrong. I just don't like to socialize with new people especially if we have to meet up at a bar which I can't stand because smell of alcohol and cigarette make me sick. I spent most my time surfing on internet,blogging, watching videos on Netflix, workout, reading, taking care my cats, and talking with my friends and family over Facebook, Skype, and BlackBerry.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[Kg111 0]

I'm struggling to find good friends in California, I miss the realness of English people and it doesn't help that I just returned from a week spent with friends and family, feel like il never find socialising with Americans as easy as socialising with Brits. I've been here 8 months and I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't a huge amount of time but it's a long time to feel without friends

I know the feeling! I am from the UK and moved to PA permanently in June 2011. It is a culture shock and can be very lonely (even though I do enjoy my own company nothing beats a chat and a cuppa PG TIPS LOL) I am on my way to do my N400 so maybe that will help feeling a little more like I 'belong'. Hope things get better for you

[Redflame2012 32]

Hi Cam,

Do you want to meet up? I'm in touch with someone else who lives in L.A., 'Perdita'. Perhaps we could all meet up

for a coffee? 'PM' me if you're interested.

This offer goes out to other like minded souls!

Redflame

[PerditaD 35]

Hi there!

I know the feeling I'm also from Europe and I've been here since May. As redflame said, we've been in touch to organize a meet up and if you're interested just let us know. It's gonna be a bit challenging since your profile says you live in Ojai (I got married in Santa Barbara ) and we're both from the LA area but I'm sure we can come up with something.

It can be really hard at times but don't forget that you're not alone

[Cam54 84]

Hi there!

I know the feeling I'm also from Europe and I've been here since May. As redflame said, we've been in touch to organize a meet up and if you're interested just let us know. It's gonna be a bit challenging since your profile says you live in Ojai (I got married in Santa Barbara ) and we're both from the LA area but I'm sure we can come up with something.

It can be really hard at times but don't forget that you're not alone

That's really sweet but yep live all the way up in ojai, need some locals!

Never realised how much of a culture shock it'd be, nothing is like home

[elle13 15]

I love the idea of a meetup! Moved here last year from the UK too, it's my 15th month in the US. I've been working so that helps a little with meeting new people and socializing but it would be great to do a little meet up

Cam why don't you join us anyway? Ojai is not too far away to drive if we did something over the weekend? Would love to meet up with you ladies (men?) who've been through the same transition. A friend of mine just sent me some PG tips and Crunchies (my favourite chocs) and seeing them made me miss the UK so much. Lol! Totally irrational.

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I'm struggling to find good friends in California, I miss the realness of English people and it doesn't help that I just returned from a week spent with friends and family, feel like il never find socialising with Americans as easy as socialising with Brits. I've been here 8 months and I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't a huge amount of time but it's a long time to feel without friends

I know what you mean about socialising with Americans versus socialising with Brits. It does feel a little different somehow and at the moment I just feel a little awkward doing it. Hoping that will change! Have you tried looking at expat groups like http://britishexpats.com/ to see if there are Brits near you who might want to hang out or meetup.com where there are bound to be people in your area with similar interests?

Edited September 5, 2014 by Hotter Otter

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Pretty normal - after almost 7 yrs here, when I find a Canadian we just seem to click. I feel a bond with the guy 2 offices away who is also Canadian that I don't feel with anyone else. He was the first person at work to say...so, how do you feel being here?...'

Give it time, 8 months is a drop in the bucket - you'll find someone who clicks either through work or family friends who shares your core values and 'gets' you. In my case, the 2 women I consider close friends now were people I met through work. One is a diehard baseball fan, American through and through but her opinions and values are very similar to mine. She was always easy to talk to from the first day I met her.

Its hard to meet new adult friends

I'm struggling to find good friends in California, I miss the realness of English people and it doesn't help that I just returned from a week spent with friends and family, feel like il never find socialising with Americans as easy as socialising with Brits. I've been here 8 months and I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't a huge amount of time but it's a long time to feel without friends

Edited September 5, 2014 by Udella&Wiz

[cappucino boy 29]

Hi Cam54,

Where are you in Los Angeles? I can understand what you are feeling having lived in LA for quite some time now. It's hard to get to know people here and most really don't want to talk with you. It's definitely not the small home town atmosphere that can be experience in Europe and the UK. People here have the tendency to keep to themselves. You kind of have to find your niche somewhere depending on where you live or what you like to do. Churches are a good start if you are religious or if you exercise getting involved in a group, running hiking or something like that. If you need any tip PM me and I'd be glad to help out. I feel for your not having alot of friends. My wife is now connected with with a group of women who are Polish as she found it difficult to make friends here in Los Angeles.

I'm struggling to find good friends in California, I miss the realness of English people and it doesn't help that I just returned from a week spent with friends and family, feel like il never find socialising with Americans as easy as socialising with Brits. I've been here 8 months and I know in the grand scheme of things that isn't a huge amount of time but it's a long time to feel without friends

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

I have lived in many states in the US, and I am American. This has been my experience everywhere.

People don't ask about your job to size up your worth, it's just that they don't know what else to ask. They are trying to "get to know you."

Your response is odd. Just like American conversations. 'Nuff said.

It's true that talking about jobs seems very important in the US. Unless you are an astronaut or a palaeontologist or something else interesting then I'd much rather discuss something else

I always seem to say the wrong thing around Americans. I was hanging out with my wife and my American sister and brother in law and I was full of energy so I said "I'm full of beans today". There was an awkward silence and it turned out they thought I was farting a lot instead of full of energy.

[kehills 217]

My husband has remarked, relatively frequently, on how conversations with Americans are like battles to establish relationship: schools, jobs, where you were born, where you've lived, etc. When people ask him these things, it goes nowhere because his international status means there's no way to rank schools, jobs, etc, against known information.

He finds Americans really interested in establishing HOW to relate to one another, which he finds is generated by a host of things. After he pointed that out to me, I've paid attention and find he's generally right.

(I second/third/whatever the suggestion to find ex-pat meetups in your area!)

[Redflame2012 32]

Elle,

Do you want to join me and Perdia for coffee one weekend? Please 'PM' me! I'm hoping to find a few more souls willing to join us and perhaps willing to meetup on a regular basis for brunch or shopping etc.

Redflame

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

It's true that talking about jobs seems very important in the US. Unless you are an astronaut or a palaeontologist or something else interesting then I'd much rather discuss something else

I always seem to say the wrong thing around Americans. I was hanging out with my wife and my American sister and brother in law and I was full of energy so I said "I'm full of beans today". There was an awkward silence and it turned out they thought I was farting a lot instead of full of energy.

I think I know a very good amount a british phrases, but I have never heard that one! I also would have thought of gas :S

My brother is in the UK right now, and the other day someone seriously slipped him a mickey. So, you know, trading slightly awkward conversation or getting randomly drugged? Which is the worse fate?

[Cathi 5,613]

That's really sweet but yep live all the way up in ojai, need some locals!

Never realised how much of a culture shock it'd be, nothing is like home

Nothing is like home even for US citizens who move to a different state or a different part of the country. I grew up in Massachusetts until I was 27 years old when I moved to New Hampshire, that was 22 years ago and I still long to live back in the state and town I grew up in, there is no place like home.

My husband arrived in the US almost 2 years ago and he really only socializes with guys from work, he has yet to find any friends from Jordan or the Middle East where he is from, maybe once a month he will go out with the guys from work. I feel guilty over the fact that he doesn't have anyone really to hang out with all the time, but he says he is OK with it. Every day he talks to friends and family over Skype or Whatsapp and I an sure that's why he is OK with not having lots of friends here. What did we do before the digital age?

Are you working yet? If not perhaps once you start working you will find more people to socialize with. Chin up, you will find friends in time.