Finally am forced to admit being scammed

[Thechosenone1969 0]

I had a similar situation back in 2012. I met a Filipina lady from a friend and traveled to Manilla. I then traveled eight hours to her village in Olocos Sur.After spending a lot of money supporting her she arrived on I-129F. Three days after her arrival to the U.S.A is when the major problems started of verbal abuse, and criticisizing everything. I gladly sent her back the way she came, broke ,busted,and disgusted. Two years have past and she still try and call to come back. But my life is better wirh someone else my wife. Put her on the plane immediately!

Edited July 6, 2014 by Thechosenone1969

[Asia 2,491]

Put her on the plane immediately!

Women/men no matter how different from what we thought they were aren't things that can be simply shipped back or put in a plane.

[Firebug 5]

Not an easy thing to admit, but with much embarrassment, I have to admit to being played... after so much work trying to get my wife into the US now I have to work at getting her away. Only three weeks here and her intentions are very clear.On second night she stated at 60 I should not have a desire for relations and stated she never had sexual feelings, ever.I asked why she had not previously mentioned this to me and that it was odd considering not one month before we agreed that she should be on the pill which she started before leaving for the US. The next day she said she didn't love me "but who knows, in a month I might". This from a female in her 30s. I offered to fly her home if she was so unhappy and she liked that idea because she thought I would continue to pay all of her living expenses as I had been doing since before we were married.No, that meant divorce. Not a good reaction from her. Now,we seldom talk and if so fight. She spends her days watching tv and smoking and talking to her new filipina friends. She moved into the spare bedroom on day 3 and has yet to unpack her suitcase.Next stop I guess is a lawyer to get me out of this mess as best I can and as fast as I can.And right now, all she will talk to me about is "when will the green card and ss card get here?".And I really did not see this coming. Love can be stupid as well as blind.

Dear Palu,

Please allow me to say a few words.

First of all, you shouldn’t be embarrassed. Your wife was the one who brought disgrace on you and hurt your well-being.

I’m not going to reiterate what our fellow VJ members said. Without a doubt, your wife or soon to be ex-wife betrayed you and committed a crime. Therefore, she must be brought to justice. Full stop.

What a nightmare! I’m sorry. I truly hope you get a lawyer who will help you win this battle.

I don’t know how the legal system works in the US but in some countries in Europe; if someone committed a fraud like this, the permanent residence status or citizenship will automatically be revoked—the person will be deported and get a lifetime ban. And also, the person who messed up always, I mean always loses the court battle and must pay for all the costs. For instance, in this case, your wife will lose and must pay the lawyers of both parties. Seriously!

And she has the nerve to think that you would continue paying for her livelihood in the Philippines? That's absurd! You already spent tons of money even before your marriage, as you said. For Heaven's sake, you shouldn’t have to spend more—not even a cent.

You are a person with high morals and dignity, you will find the true love that you deserve.

As a Filipina/European - I am angry and embarrassed beyond words for what your wife did.

My prayers and all the best to you,

S. & B.

[palu 23]

First, let me give a thank you to all who have posted. As far as age difference, this is a big deal in the US but not so in most of the rest of the world. What makes the whole thing difficult is that my wife is not a plotting, devious scammer.What she is is a woman who can not and will not trust any male.I have seen her reaction to both random males and females and her reactions are very striking indeed. I have been in a long term relationship with another woman in the past like this and have learned that I will never change this. My wife does not trust nor like males and I can not live like this.I know my own psycho dynamics well enough.So this marriage must be quickly terminated for my sanity if not hers.I do think she has been getting a great deal of bogus information from her family and friends abroad as well as new friends here. This is frustrating but will, in the end, only hurt her.My single goal right now is to remove her from my life in whatever legal way open to me. Tomorrow I will speaking to an attorney and go from there. Again, I thank you for your support.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

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^^

Isn't this the key then? One thing is that if USC had lived over there and met his soulmate naturally. A second thing is if he came there and lived with her for substantial time before deciding she is the one till death do us apart. And a third thing is when USC engaged in strictly mail-order thing, described directly above - maybe that led to title "Finally am forced to admit being scammed". So current topic begins with the second-day surprise, and offers no prior history. Then, most surprisingly, poster does receive dozens of advice - isn't all this advice out of context? The most surprising was the bit about "still being able to cancel sponsorship". Wasn't USC's sponsorship his conscious (and exclusive) side of the deal? My question has to be general, because OP provided no context so far

P.S. OP chimed in while I was writing the above. Now I heard a tiny bit of explanation...Yet, the question remains of responsibility and liability - when deciding to merry with so little in common, and so little groundwork... Some religions don't provide for pre-marital relationship opportunity, but this was clearly not the case here. The case here involves a USC with lifetime of experince

Edited July 6, 2014 by SingleDad2usc

[Avery Cates 1,141]

There are many horrendous, disgusting atrocities in this world committed by males, and awful natural/accidental tragedies, but yeah sure, nothing as bad as a 'bad woman' exists.

Agreed!

[Boiler 43,494]

Agreed!

Me too!

[deleteddd 35]

I am really sorry that you went through such a bad experience. She definitely needs to go back to her country! It's simply not acceptable what she did to you! Playing with people's emotions is just horrible!! I am really sorry for you but she needs to go back asap.

[NikLR 13,220]

^

^^

Isn't this the key then? One thing is that if USC had lived over there and met his soulmate naturally. A second thing is if he came there and lived with her for substantial time before deciding she is the one till death do us apart. And a third thing is when USC engaged in strictly mail-order thing, described directly above - maybe that led to title "Finally am forced to admit being scammed". So current topic begins with the second-day surprise, and offers no prior history. Then, most surprisingly, poster does receive dozens of advice - isn't all this advice out of context? The most surprising was the bit about "still being able to cancel sponsorship". Wasn't USC's sponsorship his conscious (and exclusive) side of the deal? My question has to be general, because OP provided no context so far

P.S. OP chimed in while I was writing the above. Now I heard a tiny bit of explanation...Yet, the question remains of responsibility and liability - when deciding to merry with so little in common, and so little groundwork... Some religions don't provide for pre-marital relationship opportunity, but this was clearly not the case here. The case here involves a USC with lifetime of experince

A) not everyone is religious and spiritual beliefs do not always play a part in how we chose our mates. (It certainly didn't play a part in mine. However it can be a big deal for others.)

B) everyone is capable of pretending to be someone they're not. Male and female, we are all capable; but that doesn't mean we do it. It's just as easy for a relationship to go sour when you fall in love with your next door neighbour as it is when the person is from a different country.

C) sounds like the OP just wants to get divorced and move on with his life, for which I commend him for. That's what people SHOULD do when you find out your relationship isn't working out.

D) I'm not sure why you're turning it into a conspiracy theory, except that I notice you tend to do that.

---

OP: Do take the vawa advice seriously. I do think you're doing the right thing by just getting a divorce. Let her live her life, and you live yours without the negativity that many people seem to want to impart to a passing relationship. I know, from experience, that parting amicably is easier than said than done, but really is the best for everyone involved, but mostly for you. You'll feel better about yourself and the higher road.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

How? (she is in no hurry)

I am really sorry that you went through such a bad experience. She definitely needs to go back to her country! It's simply not acceptable what she did to you! Playing with people's emotions is just horrible!! I am really sorry for you but she needs to go back asap.

[BBCC 16]

You guys are playing with federal law. If she lives at that address she is supposed to get her mail there unless she notifies them to use a different address. Stop with the hiding the green card game. She has the one year stamp anyway.

She needs to go away as in out of your life. You can't have her deported, you can't "hide" her green card. File for divorce. She can worry about removing conditions on her green card when the divorce is final or if she even remembers to do so. Get her out of your life and move on. Beware of false domestic violence accusations as she can use these to file for her removal of conditions.

If she no longer lives at that address, the OP is perfectly within their right to return-to-sender any mail that arrives for her.

But, yes, stop with the withholding game. No good came come of it.

[kehills 217]

Oh, I don't know. Advising him to tamper with mail by withholding it or by pretending she doesn't live there and sending back her mail sounds like a great way to meet new friends. ...and guarantee that she'll have her removal of conditions granted in a few years, when she can argue her good faith and show her ex-husband is in jail for tampering with her mail and other things that fall directly within the checklist for "controlling, domineering, abuse."

[Ortolan 381]

Agree with Avery and Boiler: play nice, send her home...then divorce her. She wasn't honest with you about her intentions. At this point she really needs to go back home. Sorry you're having to go through this pain.

[NikLR 13,220]

Agree with Avery and Boiler: play nice, send her home...then divorce her. She wasn't honest with you about her intentions. At this point she really needs to go back home. Sorry you're having to go through this pain.

No she doesn't. She has a green card. She actually has a right to stay.

However, he can get divorced. He can protect himself from false VAWA claims as well. Upon divorce she must file for the ROC. She will likely not be able to prove a genuine marriage (rather hard to do in a such a short period) and be denied the 10 year green card. At that point she will have to go back to her home country. Let the system work, it does have a plan.

[Apero 3]

promise her that you will pay for her upkeep and whatever she needs when she gets back home and that you gonna support her in whatever way she may need,but ones she's gone,cut off all communication with her and don't support her at all..........