My wife hates everything here.

[Darnell 8,478]

Are you in the city or suburbs? My wife asked this. If your wife came from the city, the suburbs will be difficult for her. Give her some autonomy, control over her own life. Find out what public transit goes near your home, if any, and make sure she can travel to Chinatown or visit her friends while you are not available. Buy a transit card, auto reloadable so she will not run out of rides while she is away from home. Give her some cash to spend as she chooses.

Remember, your wife was a fully functioning adult in China. Now she has put herself in your hands, and the dynamic between you is more of parent/child, since she is dependent on you for everything. You must be more supportive than you ever thought possible, more understanding than you are used to, and more accepting than ever. You brought her over here, now you must man up and help her in the way she needs to be helped. "You help your wife=you help your marriage=you help yourself" That is a direct quote from my wife.

Your marriage depends on this.

I suggest (quickly)

--drivers license

--older car with cheap insurance

--allocation of allowance

as

to participate in USA society requires a car .... Sure - I'm not writing long tomes about this or writing about my experiences with it - I simply give the short list.

Different vista with this integration into USA Society - each and every time.

[Sam and Fen 41]

Over time I have heard some common themes about Chinese Women from American men marrried to them. May be this will help the Op better understand his wife and please I do not mean to offend any one, please.

1. Clean freaks and their way is the only way how things should be cleaned. I know a guy whos wife wipes every thing with bleach once a month.

2. They never ever aplogise or say sorry about any thing, may be in their actions but never in words.

3. Chinese womans approach to marriage out side of China is what I would call pragmatic. Find a nice guy who can care for them, marry him and then fall in love with him.

4. They are only here because of you, for example, once I am 6 feet under my wife will be on the first flight back to China.

5. If you love them and care for them they will return it back to you a 100 times over.

6. They will always find something to complain about.

[Jawaree 717]

Since she is home all day sit her down and find out would she want to volunteer at a chines place,

interest in her hobbies, how about re-decorating a part of the home to her liking, she has to meet

ppl and develope her own friends, do you call from work just to say "I love U" to her, lacking

some of these things on top of being homesick creates these situations, and regardless what most

think not everyone wants to live in the US....they come, they see & visits to shop alone would be just

fine in their book....Dude remember to always praise her cooking, listen when she talks ....hang in there.

Please make sure she has her own money and that's for women from any country

Edited June 3, 2014 by Jawaree

[Operator 1,925]

Over time I have heard some common themes about Chinese Women from American men marrried to them. May be this will help the Op better understand his wife and please I do not mean to offend any one, please.

1. Clean freaks and their way is the only way how things should be cleaned. I know a guy whos wife wipes every thing with bleach once a month.

2. They never ever aplogise or say sorry about any thing, may be in their actions but never in words.

3. Chinese womans approach to marriage out side of China is what I would call pragmatic. Find a nice guy who can care for them, marry him and then fall in love with him.

4. They are only here because of you, for example, once I am 6 feet under my wife will be on the first flight back to China.

5. If you love them and care for them they will return it back to you a 100 times over.

6. They will always find something to complain about.

^^^ Bingo ^^^

Out of the park Sam

[Darnell 8,478]

ya - it took me some time to get used to her version of cleanliness here

along with the jabs that I'm a dirty man and she could not live with me...

we've come a long way since then - but it was painful !

i did learn - 'cleaning' mostly means to remove the dust - and since there isn't any dust inside the house - she finally understands that 'dusting' is a waste of time for her.

[naswagi 1]

May be she home sick I remember when got here the first year was hard. Give her time she will come around !!!!

[dixi27 5]

She is not patient. She wants everything fast. And I have to do everything. Contribute I can understand. But she isn't getting work without driving. And she fought me for a month to get a state ID because she wanted to use her own studio pictures. Her mastered skills are cooking. And she takes excellent photographs. Which she posts on a QQ blog. But I'm not doing projects with, or teaching a complainer. And she likes chatting on the computer with hundreds of Chinese women. But she gets really mad if I'm on the pc. Her English is pretty decent. She can have a conversation, And she taught Chinglish in China. She is making comparisons . And her expectations were unreasonable. I noticed it in China but thought she would adjust. For the most part she is not unreasonable. But she had some serious flawed ideas about America.

Her complaints seem to revolve around She don't like my job. Because I work shifts. She don't like my houses. Because they aren't Chinese concrete boxes with open sewers, with no maintenance.

And she is a clean freak. She says my health is bad. So I'm susposed to eat donkey skin shipped from China. And she said two times since she has been here . I broke her heart.

Her daily routine when I'm working is to stay home. She wont go for a walk, which she likes a lot. She cant drive and she doesn't want too.

When I'm here , its grocery shopping. Visiting parks. eating together.

She has plenty of friends. We have traveled around visiting, and have had her friends here.

All she has to say is I want to go visit, and its done.

she is deppressed,i dont know how your relationship was before marrige but maybe u didnt even get to know eachoter well enough.you should talk openly with her about what to do next

she is not getting better by her self,maybe u should have a child,having something of her own a baby would probably help her,she would not feel so alone anymore.its not easy to ajust to

something new yes,but so many ppl moved accros the world for the person they love because he or she was worth it,and they all mostly went to a better life then they had,talk and i wish u good luck

[dixi27 5]

I agree, if you love you figure a way to prosper not complain on the steppes of Peru or the hinterlands of Mongolia.

My ex hated our hometown when she was with me. Apparently taking care of a newborn was not enough for her. Now she has no child and she has a new man and miraculously loves her life now. So, I would suspect there are other reasons your wife hates her life. If she is really bored, then get a hobby. There is also plenty of charity work that can be done, too.

i agree with boh of you,sadly

[dixi27 5]

just wondering who deleted my post? i didnt said anything wrong if they love each other they can live wherever not just here thats all im saying.

i lived in states with my family when i was a child,we came as refuges and we could have stayed there forever,but after 2 years my mother couldnt take it anymore,so we all came back as a family to my homeland where it wasnt so pretty to live in for years,now after 15 years i am going back i am in k1 visa procces,i guess it was destined for me to live there but my mother and father,i never stopped feeling sorry for leaving the states,it was the best time of my life,i feel blessed for going back my dream coming true,but not for everyone

[Texasav8r 183]

It's not a Russian thing at all. Dishsoap is used in Russia by almost everybody, so if somebody from Russia thinks that dishsoap is bad for you, it's just a personal thing, nothing about being Russian.

I was hoping that was the case. I was referring to the automatic dish soap for washing machines by the way. I have heard a few cases of thinking it was poison but was hoping it was isolated cases . Fortunately, Tanya does not think so. I always hand wash my dishes and place them in the dishwasher to dry...how is that for reverse engineering?

Spasibo Viktor

[jsjs 10]

She needs to make an effort. I moved here last December, and I've had a lot of issues since doing so. I got really homesick around February, then South Carolina became a disaster area and part of my new home was destroyed by a tree as a result of the ice storm. This is mere months after trying to adjust to my new home and country, and we've had to live in two other places since and we're still not back in the house yet. My husband is autistic and can't work or drive, so we've been in the house most of the time and everything that happened has given me an anxiety disorder and I'm on medicine for it now. Before that, there were times I'd lay awake till 8am ranting about how England was better and I want to go back to England and I wish we'd moved there instead and EVERYTHING in England was better, and when he tried to say what was better for us in the US, I wouldn't listen. (I had a job there and we had transport and were independent).

Point being, I love my husband and the important thing is that we're together. I still suffer homesickness, but I am determined to make the best of the US and for us to have a nice life here and there are things I do like here and would miss. We are both very committed to making the US work for us. Another thing, I would never, EVER dream in a million years of asking my husband for a divorce. I love him to death and couldn't bear to part from him. We have our challenges and our struggles, and I've had one of the biggest unexpected challenges of moving to the US with my new house being wrecked, but we'll get through whatever happens together and we will make a good life for us. We'll stay together no matter where we are. Asking for a divorce that easily would make me question her commitment to you.

AGREED 100%

My husband and I would get in fights too but I can't imagine being separated from him. I would never threaten him with a divorce

[jsjs 10]

she is deppressed,i dont know how your relationship was before marrige but maybe u didnt even get to know eachoter well enough.you should talk openly with her about what to do next

she is not getting better by her self,maybe u should have a child,having something of her own a baby would probably help her,she would not feel so alone anymore.its not easy to ajust to

something new yes,but so many ppl moved accros the world for the person they love because he or she was worth it,and they all mostly went to a better life then they had,talk and i wish u good luck

I highly disagree. The last thing you want is to add a baby into this. Fix the problem first before bringing a child into the world and then ending up getting divorced anyway. Having a child will not fix it. It will end up being worse for the kid if you guys can't fix things between the two of you. She doesn't sound mature enough to have a child anyway.

[Simeon 25]

Over time I have heard some common themes about Chinese Women from American men marrried to them. May be this will help the Op better understand his wife and please I do not mean to offend any one, please.

1. Clean freaks and their way is the only way how things should be cleaned. I know a guy whos wife wipes every thing with bleach once a month.

2. They never ever aplogise or say sorry about any thing, may be in their actions but never in words.

3. Chinese womans approach to marriage out side of China is what I would call pragmatic. Find a nice guy who can care for them, marry him and then fall in love with him.

4. They are only here because of you, for example, once I am 6 feet under my wife will be on the first flight back to China.

5. If you love them and care for them they will return it back to you a 100 times over.

6. They will always find something to complain about.

My wife has none of these problems except 6. Lucky me? Or maybe I'm in for a big surprise when she transforms on US soil.

[Sam and Fen 41]

My wife has none of these problems except 6. Lucky me? Or maybe I'm in for a big surprise when she transforms on US soil.

Like elephants, Chinese women have two sets of teeth, one for show and one to chew.

[CowBoE 429]

Sorry to hear that. Though you said you will oblige to her request for divorce, its obvious that you are heartbroken and wished that happy marriage can be restored.

In general, we men think "too logically" and them women think "too emotionally".

So often there is a gap in our understanding.

For we men, logic overrules emotions, but often for women, emotion overrules logic.

Also, women gives us men hints at what they like and don't like,

but we direct men don't get that unless it's told exactly

and we miss what she really wants.

I would hate to encourage you to just throw in the towel if you really love her.

I would get some professional counseling, so that the expert can really dig into

what is bothering her and what can make her happy.

You may be surprised to find that, she just needed frequent loving hugs,

and sweet and complimentary words.

I talk to my fiancee in China twice a day on Skype, and I frequently tell her

(I know I'm going to make many men squirm and puke at this but...hahaha)

"you are so cute today", "you look good in that clothing", "I love you",

"I miss you a lot", "I will always care for you"...on and on...

(sorry to those macho men if I made you dizzy...hahaha)

And she has told me several times that, I make her feel secure, confident, and happy.

I'm not a very romantic guy by nature, but over time, I have learned through hard lessons

that this is how you connect with women, and...only then, you can connect with her on the logic part.

I wish all the best in your marriage. It's so much easier to save this one,

thann to terminate and start all over again.

Best of luck!