My wife hates everything here.

[garfield529 47]

I have often seen the risky habit of generalization of Chinese women in these forums. My wife and I were just talking about this and she feels that this is a problem that has to be solved together and it is not just his problem or her problem. If she is not willing to fight for the relationship, then my wife feels that she might have a different motivation for marrying this man. She needs to be involved and be positive about her new life. If she cannot do this, then perhaps she needs to go back home. Every relationship will have troubles and struggles, but in the end if she wants this new life then she will look for things and ways to make the relationship work. Of course, we are only hearing one side of the story and the Chinese perspective is often totally different than the American perspective. Good luck.

[VOL 425]

Most everyone says to wait. But she don't want to. Every 3 or 4 days . It's I want a divorce and I want to go back to China. She has her travel card. I'd like her to go visit. But she don't want to hear it. If we divorce its surely over.

I would punt on this woman. Go find you a new girl, maybe get someone a bit younger maybe late 20's or early 30's.

Sound like she is a major KillJoy

Good Luck

[minions2 24]

This maybe harsh. But if shes unappreciative send her home. You're going to have future problems with her. You mentioned shes not happy despite all your efforts. Its because she doesn't like it here.

[TBoneTX 43,069]

One post removed for importing drama from another thread.

[chanhungli 6]

Wow, sorry to hear you are not happy, I would like to pass on few things I have learned in 8 months with my wife and we get along just fine.

1) Chinese women run the home-man make money

2) They love to be included in anything you do so ask them

3) They like to save and will wait on a item till it is on sale

4) They love to hear I love you every day

5) They will not contradict you in public- just give you that sly smile

6) They love to try new cooking menus- you are the guinea pig till she gets it right

7) Treat her as a partner in everything

8) Talk about everything no matter how small so she will have some input

These are just a few things we do, the others just happen without much effort on each others part

I know not everyone will agree with these things but they work for us and so far she is happy so I am happy.

I wish you the best in your decision Dieseltu, but do try counseling before making the really big jump, you both have much time and money invested in this relationship, sometimes a rose is just a rose.

Regards,

[JIJourney 96]

Except our air and water. Other then that. She regularily complains that she wants a divorce and wants to go back to China. I'm about to oblige her.... She is not adjusting well. And from reading on here. Our life is pretty decent. She really doesn't have to do anything , Anything she wants I get her. Were holding our own, the neighborhoods nice, quiet, works ok. sex, ok. we just got her combo travel, work card. Even have a Chinatown here. I like her cooking. I love her , really. She don't like anything.

All comments are welcome.

Take her to Disney Land

[Dieseltu 19]

Thanks people. I've read everyone's posts. I don't have much to say right now. But many things are noted. Things are not improved much. I'm busy doing the AOS interview papers. For July 31st. I tried to put together a Niagara Falls trip, but Canada wont let her in without a visa, and submitting a huge stack of internet papers including names and addresses of her immediate relatives and all her brothers and sisters in China. So Screw that. I just figured out last night she cant read a lick of English.

I've lost my confidence that this will work out, but I'm moving forward. The government don't wait for people to be in a good mood. Saying that, we had a few good days. We had our teeth cleaned at the dentist. I got acupuncture, I moved my pc where she wanted it, She is an awesome cook, I'm eating well, And summers been quite nice here.

[Darnell 8,478]

Well, it sounds like progress, of a sort. I likes the progress, big or small or inbetween. For us, it still takes time, mostly I am in your same shoes except she has found a job that pays little money.

She's been hanging out with me on Saturday mornings at the Farmer's Market here in town, when I go in to sell my crops - so she finally understands why my garden work is worth about 40,000/year for part time work [a plus, in my book]

[Dieseltu 19]

Nice. Do you go every Saturday. Id like to hear about this. Do you got another post on here somewhere about it. The wife has shown a keen interest in gardening. Furthermore I'm good at it too. At my other place , I had quite a garden . Sun all day, and another spot does spring lettuce very well until June. Without blocking the sun. Tomatoes just run rampant. This place just isn't good for it. The lack of sun. Will be glad to get back there. Hopefully next year.

Edited July 18, 2014 by Dieseltu

[Dieseltu 19]

Wow, sorry to hear you are not happy, I would like to pass on few things I have learned in 8 months with my wife and we get along just fine.

1) Chinese women run the home-man make money

2) They love to be included in anything you do so ask them

3) They like to save and will wait on a item till it is on sale

4) They love to hear I love you every day

5) They will not contradict you in public- just give you that sly smile

6) They love to try new cooking menus- you are the guinea pig till she gets it right

7) Treat her as a partner in everything

8) Talk about everything no matter how small so she will have some input

These are just a few things we do, the others just happen without much effort on each others part

I know not everyone will agree with these things but they work for us and so far she is happy so I am happy.

I wish you the best in your decision Dieseltu, but do try counseling before making the really big jump, you both have much time and money invested in this relationship, sometimes a rose is just a rose.

Regards,

Mine likes to tell everyone how crappy I am . In public. And she thinks keeping things to herself is lying. She's a big blabbermouth. 2, 7, and 8. Well, if I have to explain everything to her for two hours. I would get nothing done.

[believe 46]

ESL classes? Sounds like she needs some independence.

[zoe_sir 2]

I can't wait one more minute to signed up a new account.

To apologise all these dramas from Chinese wives, including mine. (||)

I do understand the situation.

I hated a lot around when i was in the States.

It takes time to be comfortable with a new place.

But I do think if she loves you, she should love everything about you.

You are live in city or country, you have beer belly or 6 packs.

Nothing matters.

Some Chinese women don't understand how to love.

It doesn't mean they don't love.

I hope you can give her a chance to realise how amazing you are.

Let her go back to China, ignore her for a while. Then she will realise you are important.

I do not agree with breaking up.

But if you don't love her anymore, you should follow your felling.

I think 50 years old for a man is still young enough to built a new family.

On the opposite, she will be difficult after being released to wild again.

You should let her know its a serious problem,

you can accuse her off the the States.

Hope you can work it out.

Hope you be happy everyday.

[bubblebubble 16]

Your wife sounds like my mom. Chinese women in her generation do nag a lot. And to trash their partner in public, it is how they show intimacy in front of others, like "hey, I can say bad things about him, we are so close. You have to pretend to say everything nice to be polite because you are not close to him" kinda stuff.

I don't think she really meant that she wanted a divorce. It is just how the Chinese wives tell you that they are not satisfied. Ask her if she really wants to go back, I doubt it!

I'm form China. Everything I did when I grew up, including things that I did perfectly, brought some "commenting"-well, criticizing, from my mom. LOL. They just want you to be better. That's how they care about you.

The way she said about you, to me simply is how she expresses her desires that she wants you to be a better person from her perspective. Chinese wives nag their husbands A LOT! Chinese men just deal with that and let the wives do whatever. The traditional "new" relationship, I mean for the past 20 some years, is that man listens to the wife and lets them nag.

I sometimes do the same things with my husband. But, no offense, I am in my 20s and are less that stereotypical. He told me that he felt bad when I nagged or made fun of him in front of others. So I stopped Though I didn't really do it much. You need to tell her that you don't like it. And ask her what her real feelings are, does she really think that you do not meet her expectations and what not. Something important is to give her something that she can brag about in front of other people and let her know that you are improving yourself too (does not have to be the Mr. Perfect, just let her know that you are trying your best to make future better than the current one). Give her the talk! Traditional Chinese relationships do not involve any talks, and she would appreciate it.

BTW, still no offense, but as her age, it is hard to adjust. So give her time and talk with her. Take her out downtown, to NYC, to the mall, get a pet or meet new friends, especially Chinese friends who you can both interact with, and etc.

Edited July 25, 2014 by bubblebubble

[Darnell 8,478]

One thing I learned, when she daily says 'I want a divorce' - she really not mean it. But that is her way of telling me that she is not happy. We shift much, change many things together, to relieve this unhappiness, kept trying till we got something that works. No one right answer, I wish there was.

[Darnell 8,478]

we not have this issue when she was in China, I stay with her 1 month every 3 or 4 months, almost 6 years. It was only when she came here, that she started this rant of 'I want a divorce'. I gotta tell ya, for that first month, it killed my heart much , each time she say this. But I finally looked past that one phrase, and started doing things that were meaningful. It's been working, so far.