How much money your husband gives you per month?

[Scott & Kaye 32]

Maybe you should just print out this thread and hand it to him with his morning coffee

Don't be shy and communicate your needs.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

My fiance shares all of his financial information with me and always saying, "mine is yours". I do agree with the other poster, when he came to Jakarta for my interview, I paid all expenses because I did not want him exchange his US dollars to local currency with bad rates. He refused to do at first but after I convinced him about the currency rates he finally agreed. Basically we do work together as a team and helping each other in any situation.

In fact, he spent much more money on me when we first met in person in Singapore from hotel bills, ticket plane, and all the other stuffs. And he paid everything when we flew out from Jakarta to the States.

I was worked for more than 11 years in my country and resigned after my visa was approved and I am not get used to ask money from others. That's why, when I came first time here in the States, he told me," ask anything you want, I can't read your mind, and I will buy for you". When we went shopping, I would choose things that I want and he paid for those. I still have a plenty money from my saving and don't worry about it now.

Other thing, He even asked his co-workers about the Body Shop store here in Key West because he knew that's beauty care that I use regularly and willing to drive 4 hours to Miami so I can get what I want since they don't have store here. We just could go online for shopping though but if you ever went to the Body Shop store you'll know why it is better go to the store rather than do shopping online.

There is a difference between what you "need" and what you "want". I worked before and knew how hard to get money. It doesn't growth from trees and we need hard working to get it. You need to make a list because if you don't know "what you need" and "what you want", you'll ended up spent money for nothing. Communication is a key and you know your husband way much better than we do.

[Yagisama 93]

We have joint checking and savings accounts and I made her an authorized user on all my credit cards. It's simple enough and although we usually shop together, she can get whatever she wants if the need arises. We'll save the 'allowance' for when we have kids.

[SennaBrigante 92]

I have this habit of always choosing the cheaper option even if it's not necessarily the best option. My husband HATES it so I guess that's partly the reason why he wants to check what I'm buying first before agreeing to pay for it to make sure I'm not just buying it because it's cheap. We've had so many arguments while grocery shopping because of this. Imagine us walking down a grocery aisle with me in tears because he won't let me get the cheap stuff.

[aynom 0]

Hi, Been there, done that and a vet. Same thing. I didn't know how to ask my husband about money being in a new country, having left an independent American life and there were problems later on that we had to really fix. I wholeheartedly suggest you talk from the heart and make it a comfortable solution for you. What I mean is that if you had an independent life and feel better setting up money put aside just for you (if you want to use the word allowance, it's the same) or if you feel you both should be sharing together, opening an account and talking together then tell him without filter exactly what would make you feel better. Believe me you don't want to wait because you are unsure how to do this (as I did; I was really hesitant to ask and had to swallow my pride. Turns out he really just had no clue of my feelings on this or needs coming from a very different background in his own family). It was difficult to share his account for the residency issue at first so we decided to get a pre paid card that I could use with my pin and he would just put a certain amount in (usually what I asked for that I needed; he really did not care so much either way), got groceries together and he would get extras for the kids, etc so it was no big deal and we didn't make it that way. I had to really be upfront and tell him that it was difficult for me in this position and we talked about how he could be sensitive to that. However, it would have been easier had I just talked to him upfront. I did also bring quite a bit that I had saved up and payed for everything for some time (maybe the first year) but when that was gone I went through some time of not wanting to tell him or ask. It was difficult for me and I wholeheartedly agree with another poster; FIND SOMETHING YOU CAN LOVE DOING THERE, even if it's voluntary. In time, it can be important to still have that feeling you had been used to and a little independence on your own doing something that can really make you feel your life is there. Best of luck and congratulations.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

We have joint checking and savings accounts and I made her an authorized user on all my credit cards. It's simple enough and although we usually shop together, she can get whatever she wants if the need arises. We'll save the 'allowance' for when we have kids.

After we married, he wants me to have a new credit card and adds me to his bank account. I was like," hmm, Baby, I already have 4 credit cards, what am I supposed to do with those?" He was like," we'll see but you still need a new credit card here, ". I don't think he really answers my question!

[raven52 233]

I may vere off this thread slightly, but it seems to be about couples adjusting to finical situations after entering the USA.

My wife and I do very well, until she tells me that her sister needs rent money, (father, who is younger than me) does not work, smokes, and drinks Tanduay, and I know the Filipino culture that the oldest worker in the children is responsible for all expenses for the family, (her father, two sisters).,.her mother lives in a cult in Mindano, so we have two parents, and 2 daughters, always asking for money, times are hard, budgets are tight, and I do the best we can.

I do have a problem paying rent for a man several years younger than me, and now a death in the family, and I am hit for 4 airline tickets from Cebu to Mindano,,..,.,2 sisters, 1 sister married and the father.,.,. this makes me very up-set.,.,.I do not understand the Filipino culture, but am I wrong, in being up-set about sending money to the Phils., to support her 2 sisters, and father, who could be working..,. this is the only problem we have had between us.

Recently, her oldest sister, married asked for a 2500. LOAN to prop up thei business, the answer was NO.,.,. and went away, now the airline tickets.,.., I love my wife dearly, but this is testing me, I worked 29 years.,., it takes what I put away just to keep me and my wife, I cannot support two families..,.,., comments welcomed.,.., really, please comment!

[hobbit 10]

I may vere off this thread slightly, but it seems to be about couples adjusting to finical situations after entering the USA.

My wife and I do very well, until she tells me that her sister needs rent money, (father, who is younger than me) does not work, smokes, and drinks Tanduay, and I know the Filipino culture that the oldest worker in the children is responsible for all expenses for the family, (her father, two sisters).,.her mother lives in a cult in Mindano, so we have two parents, and 2 daughters, always asking for money, times are hard, budgets are tight, and I do the best we can.

I do have a problem paying rent for a man several years younger than me, and now a death in the family, and I am hit for 4 airline tickets from Cebu to Mindano,,..,.,2 sisters, 1 sister married and the father.,.,. this makes me very up-set.,.,.I do not understand the Filipino culture, but am I wrong, in being up-set about sending money to the Phils., to support her 2 sisters, and father, who could be working..,. this is the only problem we have had between us.

Recently, her oldest sister, married asked for a 2500. LOAN to prop up thei business, the answer was NO.,.,. and went away, now the airline tickets.,.., I love my wife dearly, but this is testing me, I worked 29 years.,., it takes what I put away just to keep me and my wife, I cannot support two families..,.,., comments welcomed.,.., really, please comment!

I feel for you, and am glad you put your foot down about funding your sister-in-law's business. I do not understand how anyone can assume that their spouse will support their immediate family, even under the pretext of "culture". It's terribly off-putting to be hounded by a spouse for money, and it comes across as shameless, regardless of where you're from. Tell your wife that everyone needs to be responsible for their lives, and this includes their finances!

Anyway, to answer the OP's question: I would never dream of asking for a monthly allowance from my husband. I have always had my own stash of USD whenever I visited the US, and used that to buy lots of sunscreen and holiday gifts. There's a Kohl's near us where my husband buys clothes for me..from the clearance rack! They have really awesome deals, you should check that out! I do not need to be provided for since he foots the groceries, bills and mortgage. I do have a supplementary credit card which I use to pay for food when I have to visit campus. However, anything related to my own expense comes from my own pocket eg. Sephora, textbooks for class. He's always said he would never pay for women's cosmetics, because it makes him feel terribly uneasy, and I completely agree with that. In spite of our age gap, we have very similar philosophies regarding money, and that's a key part of the lack of conflict in our partnership.

Edited February 20, 2014 by hobbit

[Cathi 5,624]

I may vere off this thread slightly, but it seems to be about couples adjusting to finical situations after entering the USA.

My wife and I do very well, until she tells me that her sister needs rent money, (father, who is younger than me) does not work, smokes, and drinks Tanduay, and I know the Filipino culture that the oldest worker in the children is responsible for all expenses for the family, (her father, two sisters).,.her mother lives in a cult in Mindano, so we have two parents, and 2 daughters, always asking for money, times are hard, budgets are tight, and I do the best we can.

I do have a problem paying rent for a man several years younger than me, and now a death in the family, and I am hit for 4 airline tickets from Cebu to Mindano,,..,.,2 sisters, 1 sister married and the father.,.,. this makes me very up-set.,.,.I do not understand the Filipino culture, but am I wrong, in being up-set about sending money to the Phils., to support her 2 sisters, and father, who could be working..,. this is the only problem we have had between us.

Recently, her oldest sister, married asked for a 2500. LOAN to prop up thei business, the answer was NO.,.,. and went away, now the airline tickets.,.., I love my wife dearly, but this is testing me, I worked 29 years.,., it takes what I put away just to keep me and my wife, I cannot support two families..,.,., comments welcomed.,.., really, please comment!

First I suggest starting your own topic. And you need to put your foot down. There is absolutely no need for you to support her entire family, the can work...i mean NONE. My husband is from a similar culture where the children always send money home to their parents, but it is not by any means to "support" anyone, we send a little here and there and we are happy to. His parents are very wealthy and don't need the money, but it is just what is done in the culture. I will say his parents sent him money when he first moved to the US, he couldn't find a job for several months(they didn't want me responsible for supporting him, in their culture the man is supposed to be the sole support, I tried to explain it isn;t that way here but they wouldn;t hear it),. And if anyone else in the family is ever in need of money, all of the family members are always there to help. I have read many stories like yours from others in the Philippines, it seems like they expect their new found family member in the US to support them, they have some twisted idea that everyone from this country is wealthy, seems your inlaws think that of you. Unless you put a stop to it they will bleed you dry.

[MIDUVIL 34]

My husband and I, we have great relationship. We had a joint credit card, it was a second one that he took for me, and I was the second beneficiary. After he cancelled it, so I had to have my own credit card...I have 2 now. And for my checking account, he created a joint account one for me, I put all my money that I received for my wedding. It was a joint account when he created, after he removed his name, and I kept the checking account until now. We don't have any joint account. The only time he gave me money (200 doll) was a check that he sent to me in my country, not only that he had to pay fees on it (a check made in euro in usa), but I had to pay fees also (an account in us, or worse in germany?). crazy.

When he bought one time a pajamas for me, it was a man pajamas...he seems to understand that I'm a woman, so he told himself that I love pink, and try to buy sports items (I dislike sports) for me in pink. crazy.

I never asked my husband for money, I worked a little bit (7 months) had unemployement, removed some money from my country account, and now I have a business at home. It's more my husband who is asking me for money.

You have just to talk to your husband, I never asked my husband, because I don't like to ask also. But I think that if you want to buy some items for you, try to see the different prices, or/ and ask him 200 or 300 dollars. You won't be able to buy a lot of clothes in some stores, but you can try TJ maxx, khol's (my favorite). And you will see, if you need more. If you didn't come with a lot of clothes, so ask more for the beginning, I'm sure that he is able to understand. Or show him some women clothes on the computer, how they are nice...maybe he can think about adding 1 and 1.

[ChelseaKate 3]

Maybe you should just print out this thread and hand it to him with his morning coffee

Don't be shy and communicate your needs.

LOL!!!!

[rlogan 2,036]

I may vere off this thread slightly, but it seems to be about couples adjusting to finical situations after entering the USA.

My wife and I do very well, until she tells me that her sister needs rent money, (father, who is younger than me) does not work, smokes, and drinks Tanduay, and I know the Filipino culture that the oldest worker in the children is responsible for all expenses for the family, (her father, two sisters).,.her mother lives in a cult in Mindano, so we have two parents, and 2 daughters, always asking for money, times are hard, budgets are tight, and I do the best we can.

I do have a problem paying rent for a man several years younger than me, and now a death in the family, and I am hit for 4 airline tickets from Cebu to Mindano,,..,.,2 sisters, 1 sister married and the father.,.,. this makes me very up-set.,.,.I do not understand the Filipino culture, but am I wrong, in being up-set about sending money to the Phils., to support her 2 sisters, and father, who could be working..,. this is the only problem we have had between us.

Recently, her oldest sister, married asked for a 2500. LOAN to prop up thei business, the answer was NO.,.,. and went away, now the airline tickets.,.., I love my wife dearly, but this is testing me, I worked 29 years.,., it takes what I put away just to keep me and my wife, I cannot support two families..,.,., comments welcomed.,.., really, please comment!

First of all, the wife needs to protect you from the manipulative money-grubbing by her family instead of acting as their agent. If she does not explicitly agree with you that their bad behavior is not your responsibility then you have a problem with the wife that will never end. The whole point of their behavior is to wear you down with guilt-tripping, shaming and other nasty manipulative tactics as a means of extorting money. If she does not agree to the inherent evil of this behavior then in my view she is not qualified to be a wife.

A tip on how to say no: Say "no", and then shut up. The more explaining you do, the more avenues are opened up for manipulative responses.

[Scott & Kaye 32]

I may vere off this thread slightly, but it seems to be about couples adjusting to finical situations after entering the USA.

My wife and I do very well, until she tells me that her sister needs rent money, (father, who is younger than me) does not work, smokes, and drinks Tanduay, and I know the Filipino culture that the oldest worker in the children is responsible for all expenses for the family, (her father, two sisters).,.her mother lives in a cult in Mindano, so we have two parents, and 2 daughters, always asking for money, times are hard, budgets are tight, and I do the best we can.

I do have a problem paying rent for a man several years younger than me, and now a death in the family, and I am hit for 4 airline tickets from Cebu to Mindano,,..,.,2 sisters, 1 sister married and the father.,.,. this makes me very up-set.,.,.I do not understand the Filipino culture, but am I wrong, in being up-set about sending money to the Phils., to support her 2 sisters, and father, who could be working..,. this is the only problem we have had between us.

Recently, her oldest sister, married asked for a 2500. LOAN to prop up thei business, the answer was NO.,.,. and went away, now the airline tickets.,.., I love my wife dearly, but this is testing me, I worked 29 years.,., it takes what I put away just to keep me and my wife, I cannot support two families..,.,., comments welcomed.,.., really, please comment!

Once you open the door and send a little money then they see you as a source of income. If you don't want to send money then don't do it and explain to your wife that you have your own responsibilities to take care of. Hopefully she respects your decision and will stand up to her family and say no to their requests. It might cause some stress on your wife initially if they put pressure on her. Make a decision and stick with it.

[Tingbudong 12]

My Chinese fiancee is much more frugal and better with money than I am. Not only will she be on all my accounts with her own cards when she gets here but I'm handing over managing them to her. Lol, we will be better off.

we have complete transparency and are completely on a share everything, all is both of ours plan. When she can finally work here so much the better but I think its the only way a good marriage can be. Trust and openness with each other makes this work. (I just hope someday she will let me buy a new motorcycle, LOL... If I'm really good and we can afford it of course!)

one of the reasons I broke up with a Filipina I was dating in the past was that even though her life was a shambles, every couple of months something would come up and she'd send ALL of her money that shed been struggling to save for her own place or a car etc back to the Phillz for whatever reason they all thought up to guilt her with. I can understand wanting to help but when the oxygen masks drop down on the plane you put your own on first before turning to help those around you. ...and your mother doesn't have enough money to buy presents for her 47 god children is not the kind of emergency that should make you homeless and unable to pay your own bills. Particularly when you have a pile of siblings who dont help and live right there. There seems to be a mindset that the ones who leave are like colonies that exist purely for the be me fit of the mother country and aren't allowed to actually have a life of their own. It's not fair for them to expect this but at some point you have to stand up for yourself and put your own life first.

[Yagisama 93]

After we married, he wants me to have a new credit card and adds me to his bank account. I was like," hmm, Baby, I already have 4 credit cards, what am I supposed to do with those?" He was like," we'll see but you still need a new credit card here, ". I don't think he really answers my question!

My wife still has her Japanese credit cards and we still sometimes use them (when ordering from Amazon JP). But really, having credit cards is easy (I have 10+) it's paying the bill at the end of the month that's the issue.