Older American woman Younger Algerian man

[sandinista! 1,816]

There's a wide range of MENA male capabilities and norms among guys in their 20s living at home, just like any other group of guys. My husband came to the US knowing some basic cooking and cleaning and self sufficiency skills, and actively worked to learn more of these skills while we have been married. No women in his house wait on any males in his house hand and foot. But there's plenty of stories and experiences shared here in MENA over the years of utter incompetence in these areas, and the guys seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that incompetence, and not looking to make any changes or improvements there. Some relationships with American females are totally ok with that. Others it takes completely by surprise, and it becomes a big source of conflict. Reading experiences shared on this website since 2006, I've seen a lot of complaints and frustration expressed about it. Far too many to write off. And far too many to agree with general statements about how it's silly not to assume that guys in their 20s, MENA or not, are totally prepared to run households with women of any age. That's ridiculous.

Money has been a major source of conflict too, I've read countless complaints about MENA guys who once they start working in the US contribute absolutely zero to the financial needs in the house. This has to be discussed beforehand. There are no guarantees at all that a MENA guy in his 20s, or any other guy, is financially responsible, or knows how to or wants to contribute to household expenses, just because Madeinmorocco2 says they " understand the meaning of money and how to spend money wisely at a very young age as we start working and helping our families live." No. That is not even remotely a universal truth. MENA guys can be just as big of losers in this area as any other guys.

Comparing broken marriage rates in the US of same age couples to couples with age differences in Morocco is like trying to compare apples to bowling balls, Madeinmorocco2. Sociologically, there are HUGE differences, reasons, and consequences that make it impossible to compare side by side the way you're trying to do here. Pointless comparison really.

[momof1 205]

My husband lived abroad for for close to 6 years before we married. Had I gotten him fresh out if Algeria, and his family's home, I'm sure we wouldn't still be together. That's bc the women in his family do wait on the men hand and foot. He was away long enough to learn to be self sufficient. He lacked any relationship experience but I was you when we married so I feel like we learned together. There is no standard for MENA men, but there are many truths in generalizations.

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

There's a wide range of MENA male capabilities and norms among guys in their 20s living at home, just like any other group of guys. My husband came to the US knowing some basic cooking and cleaning and self sufficiency skills, and actively worked to learn more of these skills while we have been married. No women in his house wait on any males in his house hand and foot. But there's plenty of stories and experiences shared here in MENA over the years of utter incompetence in these areas, and the guys seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that incompetence, and not looking to make any changes or improvements there. Some relationships with American females are totally ok with that. Others it takes completely by surprise, and it becomes a big source of conflict. Reading experiences shared on this website since 2006, I've seen a lot of complaints and frustration expressed about it. Far too many to write off. And far too many to agree with general statements about how it's silly not to assume that guys in their 20s, MENA or not, are totally prepared to run households with women of any age. That's ridiculous.

Money has been a major source of conflict too, I've read countless complaints about MENA guys who once they start working in the US contribute absolutely zero to the financial needs in the house. This has to be discussed beforehand. There are no guarantees at all that a MENA guy in his 20s, or any other guy, is financially responsible, or knows how to or wants to contribute to household expenses, just because Madeinmorocco2 says they " understand the meaning of money and how to spend money wisely at a very young age as we start working and helping our families live." No. That is not even remotely a universal truth. MENA guys can be just as big of losers in this area as any other guys.

Comparing broken marriage rates in the US of same age couples to couples with age differences in Morocco is like trying to compare apples to bowling balls, Madeinmorocco2. Sociologically, there are HUGE differences, reasons, and consequences that make it impossible to compare side by side the way you're trying to do here. Pointless comparison really.

You never have nothing positive to say about MENA men do you? Especially the age gap ones. Hope you have the opportunity to sit down with couples who have succeeded many years beyond your marriage and maybe you will change your mind that couples can love each other beyond being the same age. Your statics are based on what you read, not actual percentages.

[Purpled23 2]

Is there some reason you can not migrate to Algeria?

Yes, there are two reasons......My children..... They do have a relationship with their father and I would never take them away from him and I would NEVER give them up for anyone.

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Honestly, it still amazes me after all these years visa journey is still the same. I remember six years ago, women came here including my wife and was given the same advice as it is today. There are so many age difference success stories that are forgotten about but yet we MENA younger men are only out for a Greencard. Amazing just amazing people.

I wish moderators would open a topic for successful stories of younger men married to older women so we don't have to always defend ourselves and have a place to go and tell our successful stories too.

[Boiler 43,548]

Let us take of outside of MENA, you certainly read of many Philippine cases where the US Male is much older, sometimes a couple of generations.

How would you do a statistical comparison with Americans in the same age differential relationship?

I do not know anybody like that and the only cases you read about either the Male is a multi Billionaire, money seems to have its own attraction, or is a leader of some weird religious sect.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Boiler

[Purpled23 2]

Honestly, it still amazes me after all these years visa journey is still the same. I remember six years ago, women came here including my wife and was given the same advice as it is today. There are so many age difference success stories that are forgotten about but yet we MENA younger men are only out for a Greencard. Amazing just amazing people.

I wish moderators would open a topic for successful stories of younger men married to older women so we don't have to always defend ourselves and have a place to go and tell our successful stories too.

That is what I would like to see too. All I have heard is how older woman , younger men will never make it together. Not ever relationship is the same, not ever man is the same. It doesn't matter if you are MENA or American or from any other culture, there are men who lie, cheat to benefit themselves. I believe in our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that he really loves me and no one here or anywhere else will ever change my feelings about that. All I asked for was advice, was hope that we have a chance to be together, that we wouldn't be denied based on our age. It wasn't intended for anyone to discriminate or say untrue things about MENA men. So my apologies to whoever took offense to mean or rude replies.

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

That is what I would like to see too. All I have heard is how older woman , younger men will never make it together. Not ever relationship is the same, not ever man is the same. It doesn't matter if you are MENA or American or from any other culture, there are men who lie, cheat to benefit themselves. I believe in our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that he really loves me and no one here or anywhere else will ever change my feelings about that. All I asked for was advice, was hope that we have a chance to be together, that we wouldn't be denied based on our age. It wasn't intended for anyone to discriminate or say untrue things about MENA men. So my apologies to whoever took offense to mean or rude replies.

There are so success stories here but once they come on it's the same people saying yeah just wait another year you'll see. My wife will be waiting a hundred years for what these women want to happen to us.

No need to say sorry for asking advice. You just need the right advice from STRONG women who are not intimated by these members who seem to know it all.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Yes! I totally have nothing good to say about all the MENA guys, all the time. Without fail.

Yessss! It's the big meanies on VJ saying meanie stuff just to be jerks. No

basis at all! MENA consulates, especially in the cases of dramatically large age gaps where American women are older, are just randomly some of the most difficult, scrutinizing consulates in the entire world out of sheer coincidence. No basis at all!

Lol, the mods should babysit and open a thread about this. One would think if it's the undeniable, dominant, prevailing phenomenon where the majority of totally mismatched and culturally bizarre relationships where American women marry MENA guys young enough to be their kids were outdistancing everyone else in marriage longevity, the threads wouldn't need mod creation to come into existence. But ok. No one denies there's a few scattered long term age gap couples out there. But the odds are heavily stacked. That's all anyone is saying here.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Lol @ the persecutory complexes here. Good grief. You realize a lot of the same people who

supposedly hate alllll the MENA guys are the very same ones who adamantly speak up in defense of the very real good guys coming out of MENA when people post about relationships gone wrong, and how it must be alllll of MENA guys' fault and they're all bad when that happens. But whatever, MENA baddd.

[Boiler 43,548]

Yes, there are two reasons......My children..... They do have a relationship with their father and I would never take them away from him and I would NEVER give them up for anyone.

Will they be going on this trip?

[Madeinmorocco2 15]

Yes! I totally have nothing good to say about all the MENA guys, all the time. Without fail.

Yessss! It's the big meanies on VJ saying meanie stuff just to be jerks. No

basis at all! MENA consulates, especially in the cases of dramatically large age gaps where American women are older, are just randomly some of the most difficult, scrutinizing consulates in the entire world out of sheer coincidence. No basis at all!

Lol, the mods should babysit and open a thread about this. One would think if it's the undeniable, dominant, prevailing phenomenon where the majority of totally mismatched and culturally bizarre relationships where American women marry MENA guys young enough to be their kids were outdistancing everyone else in marriage longevity, the threads wouldn't need mod creation to come into existence. But ok. No one denies there's a few scattered long term age gap couples out there. But the odds are heavily stacked. That's all anyone is saying here.

What business is it of yours to speak about women marrying men young enough to be there kids. That's just speaking hateful and you have a lot of hate amongst yourself/inside to say such. Your not a older woman married to a younger so really your opinion is blurred and not needed here.

[sandinista! 1,816]

What business is it of yours to speak about women marrying men young enough to be there kids. That's just speaking hateful and you have a lot of hate amongst yourself/inside to say such. Your not a older woman married to a younger so really your opinion is blurred and not needed here.

The numbers jive. My kid will be nearly as old as the the OP's fiancé when I'm her age. How that's hateful is beyond me, it's just numbers. No one's been rude or hateful about it. On the other hand, you've been rude and snippy since you first chimed in here, as well as being completely off point.

Non MENA people can study MENA norms, cultures, and standards until the cows come home. What ultimately matters in the situation of an American woman who is significantly older than her fiancé, with a significantly larger amount of adult life experiences is what that man's life experiences are and his relationship skills and abilities to relate to a wife who is at a completely different place in life, with those life experiences formed in a completely different place from where the guy is coming from. If he doesn't have the actual experience, as is common in MENA, does he at least seem promising? Squawking at Futureberberwife, like it's anthropology pop quiz time, doesn't have anything to do with what she was asking. Yea, north African norms are way different from north American. Everyone's clear on that. What matters, and what I think Futureberberwife was getting at, is how does the OP plan on dealing and adjusting to that? Can she? Will he contribute and try equally as hard? That'll be up to them. Hopefully it works. Lots of people have tried, and some have succeeded. Lots haven't. But anything less than Pollyanna is like hateful, blah blah blah.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Adding, I am actually a couple years older than my husband. (insert token phrase about gee, it's a good thing he's such an old soul and I'm not really all that grown up, and am lucky to look so much younger, etc etc)

[Peter_Pan 661]

I have met his mom on Skype and she is very accepting to us. She has said that she wants her son to be happy and if I do that for him then she is ok with it.

Red flag, red flag!

I have yet to meet the mother of a 22 yo boy that's ok with him marrying someone closer to her age.