Should I be jealous of my husband's ex gf?

[twinkee23 0]

My husband's ex gf of 7 years asked my husband recently if he could take care of her dog while she goes on training for 2 months. They got a dog a year before they broke up. They broke up 7 years ago. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and been married for a year. According to my husband, they saw each other by accident a week ago and they exchanged numbers. She lives in the same neighborhood. She recently lost her job, but her new job requires her a 2 month training out of state. The dog they had is not socialized and my husband said it only trust him and her. So, she was asking if when she leaves, he could go to her apartment everyday to walk the dog, fed her etc. My husband was asking if it;s okay with me, if not he won't do it. Am I being unreasonable if I don't want her back in his life. They are not friends, have only seen each other once in the past 5 years. She came to visit in our apartment a few days ago, the same apartment building where she and my husband used to live. Not sure what I feel about the entire situation. Although my husband keeps reassuring me that he wants to help out not because of her but because of the dog.

[Pitaya 2,577]

My husband's ex gf of 7 years asked my husband recently if he could take care of her dog while she goes on training for 2 months. They got a dog a year before they broke up. They broke up 7 years ago. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and been married for a year. According to my husband, they saw each other by accident a week ago and they exchanged numbers. She lives in the same neighborhood. She recently lost her job, but her new job requires her a 2 month training out of state. The dog they had is not socialized and my husband said it only trust him and her. So, she was asking if when she leaves, he could go to her apartment everyday to walk the dog, fed her etc. My husband was asking if it;s okay with me, if not he won't do it. Am I being unreasonable if I don't want her back in his life. They are not friends, have only seen each other once in the past 5 years. She came to visit in our apartment a few days ago, the same apartment building where she and my husband used to live. Not sure what I feel about the entire situation. Although my husband keeps reassuring me that he wants to help out not because of her but because of the dog.

Where there is smoke, there is fire. Your HUSBAND should have no need to take care of the ex-gf's dog. Get him his own dog if he wants to take care of a dog.

YMMV.

Good luck.

[NikLR 13,232]

You're not being unreasonable and you've said he'll respect your choice and understand, and it's okay to say no. Since they seem to have gotten along fine with no contact for quite some time I don't think you have much to be jealous about. He may just truly think he was helping someone he used to know, and realized after that you may not approve. At least you can hope he's being open and honest with you if you've never had problems before and I'd be likely to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I do think that you should think about why you're jealous. It's rarely a trust issue and often has more to do with the jealous person's self esteem. Unless you do have trust issues with him and then you need to talk to each other about it.

I really dislike the fact the I have to have my ex in my life but try to make the best of it. Sometimes I fall flat on my face, but I do the best I can and always try to consider how my husband would feel.

Edit. That's it. No more paragraphs on the tablet. Too much to fix if I post too quick! Lol

Edited April 11, 2013 by NikiR

[spookyturtle 9,466]

If your husband hasn't seen the dog for 7 years, how does he know it will trust him? Or how does he know anything about the dog at all if he hasn't seen his ex for all these years? Hmmmm.....

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

If you are not comfortable with it, you are not comfortable with it. End of. People on here are going to tell you OMG HE WANTS TO BONE HERRRRRRR, and others will say "Not a biggie, grow up!" Only YOU know what you are comfortable with.

For example, my ex-husband and I are good friends, and he helps me out with any issues relating to my car. I saw him last night because he's working on my car radio upgrade, and we hung out, had dinner and watched an old movie. My boyfriend knew this was happening, and he had no problem with it. I made it clear when I entered my relationship with my boyfriend that I am friends with my ex-husband and a couple of ex-boyfriends, and that if he wasn't cool with that he needed to tell me upfront. He asked me if I was still sleeping with any of them, or wanted to, and I said NO WAY. We've been together two years and I maintain a policy of always telling my BF if I'm hanging with an ex. Hell, he's even friends with one of my ex-boyfriends now.

The key is honesty and openness. What are YOU comfortable with? Have you told him your concerns?

[EminTX 131]

I agree with the last post. My ex is my EX for a reason and there is absolutely zero attraction between us in any way whatsoever any more. My husband knows this and is very comfortable with the situation. He understands that in our family, the only way out is to die--you can't even divorce your way out and at holidays and gatherings, ex's bring their new spouses/kids and sometimes even their ex. The more people to love everyone in the family, the better. The more trustworthiness you can have, the better. The more community and family unity you can have, the better.

If my ex calls to invite for a BBQ, pool party, road trip, whatever--we are on it like white on rice.

My ex was a part of my past and there is no reason that he should be disposible. No one has ever been like that for me - not friends, acquaintances, or lovers (except a violent one).

Besides, if you do have some insecurity about it, you can go with him sometimes over the 2 months and see if her house is covered in momentos or photos of him or if he has clearly been replaced by someone "better" or what. If she is away training, she won't be around.

Why would anyone expect that a dog won't remember someone from 7 years ago? Dogs are especially loyal and have demonstrated this repeatedly throughout history with examples of several years of absence from their lives being forgiven in a moment.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

OP, IMHO, it's a bad idea all around.

Personally, unless they share custody of a child together (sorry but I don't consider animals to be same as human children) then they have no business to be together socially.

Unless you leave in a secluded hamlet, there are hundreds of thousands new people he can make a choice to become friends with.

I think the Dog thin is a thinly veiled ruse, a childish one at that. There is a reason where they have Doggy Day Care or what nots.

Your Husband should spend some of that free time of his with your own new Dog or something that will grow you two together as a couple.

"Two a company, threes a crown, and then add a Dog and it's a heck of a circus". Goo dluck with your decision.

Gowon "cave dwelling knuckle dragging troglodyte", yes I know

[Darnell 8,479]

OP - screw that all the way round.

Put dog in dog hotel, instead.

since yer visiting VJ to get input and info - wei - make a timeplease, please, nowish, over at http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=151827

Edited April 14, 2013 by Darnell

[Novembro 1,763]

Steal dog, euthanize ex-gf.

Jokes.

I would draw a hard-line no on keeping the dog. It's not you or your husband's responsibility.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I say no.

Aside from it being odd that she's back in his life after so long and just "happened" to run into him when she needed help, I don't think it's fair for the dog to be locked up all day and only let out for a walk and to eat for TWO MONTHS!

The dog should go and stay with someone, or a doggie hotel. Somewhere where it gets human interaction for more than just once a day, again, over a period of TWO MONTHS. Plus she's going to of course call and text for updates while she's gone...

Honestly, it borders on animal cruelty to put a dog in that situation. It's been 7 years. I'm almost positive that dog has to have SOMEONE else it trusts in its life (like her friends).

Anyway, no.

[twinkee23 0]

Thanks for all your replies. My husband has a very good heart and would not think twice about helping others. It's just that I am not really comfortable with the idea of him spending time with the ex.

[Darnell 8,479]

so what was final decision?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thanks for all your replies. My husband has a very good heart and would not think twice about helping others. It's just that I am not really comfortable with the idea of him spending time with the ex.

It would mean he has a bigger heart if he said no. It would mean she would have to find someone to give that dog PROPER care for 2 months. The situation you explained in the OP is animal abuse. Leaving a dog unattended for 2 months, save for one or 2 trips outside to use the bathroom is animal abuse.

[degreeofhope 2]

To the original OP,

I'm never in close contact with my ex, eventhough i have her phone number and facebook. I never even add her to my facebook.

I do that out of respect for my wife. It's ok to bump into each other on the street or at social events, but i would never try to be in close contact with her.

I know my wife would not say, but deep down inside, if I make contact with my ex, she would be hurt a little.

I even threw away all of the photos of me and my ex after we got married.

That's what RESPECT means. I didnt have to do all this, but I did it out of respect for my wife.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

That's what RESPECT means. I didnt have to do all this, but I did it out of respect for my wife.

That's what RESPECT to YOU means. Not to everyone.