I can't do AOS now

[Chica123 0]

I came here last August and got married last November(within 90 days). I've prepared those documents to submit the application of green card. But my husband doesn't want to sign the form I-864 because he feels uncomfortable to sign the contract with federal government(part 8 in Form I-864) now. He said once he signed, he might have a risk to lose money if we divorced in future. He's decided to sign it in 1 or 2 years. I'm afraid I'll become to stay here illegal if I don't change my status in 1 or 2 years. I've been to travel in many countries and never stayed illegal in any country. So I don't want to be an illegal resident here. What shall I do now?

[Darnell 8,478]

holding a green card is tantamount to you successfully participating in USA society and economy.

Without it, IMO, you've just become a house-slave.

[Cathi 5,624]

That has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Without AOSing you cannot get a job, drive, open a bank account, you cannot travel out of the US. Your husband is holding your future hostage. Every marriage on Earth runs the risk of divorce.

[Asia 2,491]

Doesn't he want you to work, to help financially? Doesn't he want you to participate in the life of your comunity?

I concur with Darnell and mimolicious posts.

Without being able to work/drive, you won't be able to evolve.

Edited January 18, 2013 by Asia

[aaron2020 11,651]

This is wrong.

Your husband is choosing to make you an illegal alien.

Without a green card, you cannot legally work or go to school. You could be be arrested by ICE.

As others have pointed out, you will not be able to fully participate in American society.

You will grow dependent upon him, and he will have the power. You will be a virtual prisoner dependent upon him for food and shelter.

Tell him to make you legal or divorce.

Edited January 18, 2013 by aaron2020

[Villanelle 4,121]

You need to reevaluate your relationship.

What hes basically saying is I am not committed to you. I am not willing to sign my name on this line, Id prefer to wait a year or two and see how things play out and then if I still like you, perhaps then I'll commit. That is simply unacceptable.

You entered into the marriage in good faith, you left your home in China. You moved across the world for him. And he wants a year or two to see if its going to last before he makes a possible future financial commitment to you?

He obviously cares a great deal about himself and his financial future. And hes clearly not going to risk it by signing something for you, until hes sure. Is that how you married him? Under the impression lets try this out? Or did you think this was it, were both in this forever starting now?

Im really sorry that youre going through this. You need to have a serious discussion with your husband about his commitment level to your marriage and if you cant resolve it to your satisfaction then its probably best to separate. You would have no choice but to return home, because the only way to adjust status on a K1 is to file through your spouse or through a VAWA abuse claim and your husbands refusal to file an 864 is not abuse.

[LeftCoastLady 441]

Yet another reason to get rid of the I-134 and make the I-864 required for K-1s. If he doesn't want to sign a contract with the government, then why did he opt to "import" someone?

Now that you're here, he's essentially keeping you from doing anything and gaining any privileges. By chance did he book a round-trip ticket to fly you to the U.S.? Depending on the airline, they keep the return ticket available for a year. If he's set on not signing, contact the airline and perhaps you can get a flight back to your home country.

[Sam and Fen 41]

You need to reevaluate your relationship.

What hes basically saying is I am not committed to you. I am not willing to sign my name on this line, Id prefer to wait a year or two and see how things play out and then if I still like you, perhaps then I'll commit. That is simply unacceptable.

You entered into the marriage in good faith, you left your home in China. You moved across the world for him. And he wants a year or two to see if its going to last before he makes a possible future financial commitment to you?

He obviously cares a great deal about himself and his financial future. And hes clearly not going to risk it by signing something for you, until hes sure. Is that how you married him? Under the impression lets try this out? Or did you think this was it, were both in this forever starting now?

Im really sorry that youre going through this. You need to have a serious discussion with your husband about his commitment level to your marriage and if you cant resolve it to your satisfaction then its probably best to separate. You would have no choice but to return home, because the only way to adjust status on a K1 is to file through your spouse or through a VAWA abuse claim and your husbands refusal to file an 864 is not abuse.

I agree with this except refusal to file an I864 does constitute mental abuse and you should have no problems filing for a GC on your own as you entered this marriage in good faith.

[Villanelle 4,121]

I agree with this except refusal to file an I864 does constitute mental abuse and you should have no problems filing for a GC on your own as you entered this marriage in good faith.

Well, I mean I considered that. But since she posted this so early on after his refusal to do so, its not enough to substantiate a VAWA claim.

If she chooses to remain with him, and like the above posters mentioned, she becomes in essence a 'house-slave', a victim to his abuse because she has no privileges and no freedom to work or drive and is subject to extreme stress not knowing if or when she will have status. Yes that will take an emotional toll on her and she can develop anxiety and depression and qualify for VAWA.

So in essence she would have to remain--->become a victim--->file for VAWA. As is stands now she is not a victim and she can not file a VAWA claim simply based on the fact that he refused to sign the 864, as she has not become a victim yet.

I can not in good conscience advise anyone to remain in a bad situation and allow themselves to become a victim to abuse simply to obtain a GC.

[Sam and Fen 41]

Well, I mean I considered that. But since she posted this so early on after his refusal to do so, its not enough to substantiate a VAWA claim.

If she chooses to remain with him, and like the above posters mentioned, she becomes in essence a 'house-slave', a victim to his abuse because she has no privileges and no freedom to work or drive and is subject to extreme stress not knowing if or when she will have status. Yes that will take an emotional toll on her and she can develop anxiety and depression and qualify for VAWA.

So in essence she would have to remain--->become a victim--->file for VAWA. As is stands now she is not a victim and she can not file a VAWA claim simply based on the fact that he refused to sign the 864, as she has not become a victim yet.

I can not in good conscience advise anyone to remain in a bad situation and allow themselves to become a victim to abuse simply to obtain a GC.

I am not an expert on this but the way I look at it is..I leave my country , my job, basically everything I know and come to the other side of the world and marry some one hoping we can build a life together. When I come here my spouse refuses to grant me legal status and instead decides that I live as his slave or go back to my country where I might not have a future since I left/sold/quit everything to come here.

I think a good lawyer can make a case of mental abuse. JMO, maybe I am wrong, wont be the first or the last time.

[aaron2020 11,651]

I am not an expert on this but the way I look at it is..I leave my country , my job, basically everything I know and come to the other side of the world and marry some one hoping we can build a life together. When I come here my spouse refuses to grant me legal status and instead decides that I live as his slave or go back to my country where I might not have a future since I left/sold/quit everything to come here.

I think a good lawyer can make a case of mental abuse. JMO, maybe I am wrong, wont be the first or the last time.

USCIS does not regard leaving one's home to immigrate to the US and it not working out for whatever reason as abuse. It's a choice with risks. Immigrating to the US is not without risk. There is no guarantee that if you leave your home, you will get a permanent one in the US. That's why there is a K-1, an AOS, and even a ROC. Failure at the AOS or ROC means the foreigner is faced with returning home.

The way USCIS looks at it is that she is in the best position to protect herself. She should have made her expectations clear - she wanted a legal green card after getting to the US on the K-1.

Based on the facts so far, there is no way a VAWA petition would work. Refusing to AOS by itself is not a valid VAWA claim.

Edited January 18, 2013 by aaron2020

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

He signed the I-134 but not the I-864? It's the same stuff.

Edited January 18, 2013 by Harpa Timsah

[Villanelle 4,121]

I am not an expert on this but the way I look at it is..I leave my country , my job, basically everything I know and come to the other side of the world and marry some one hoping we can build a life together. When I come here my spouse refuses to grant me legal status and instead decides that I live as his slave or go back to my country where I might not have a future since I left/sold/quit everything to come here.

I think a good lawyer can make a case of mental abuse. JMO, maybe I am wrong, wont be the first or the last time.

While I personally agree, and wish there were other options for those on K1s, the VAWA program has strict regulations on the qualifications for mental abuse claims. You can take a look at the VAWA thread here on VJ and see the struggles those who have filed are currently going through. For one to submit a successful mental abuse VAWA claim they need to show proof of extreme mental cruelty by their USC spouse. They need a complete evaluation by a psychologist. They need a diagnosis of PTSD, severe anxiety or depression. They need to be on medication. They need to show the abuse has changed the person who they once were.

So for this poster, she was married in Nov. If she prepared the forms immediately after marriage and her husband refused, this has been going on for maybe 2, 2 1/2 months? And again I dont know if it has been going on that long or if this was a recent incident which prompted her to post. But if it has been going on that long- she did mention her fear of being illegal. So she is beginning to suffer anxiety. Is it enough to qualify for VAWA? If thats her only fear and her husband treats her 'well' otherwise- no. However if there are other issues in the home and the refusal to sign the 864 is just the tip of the iceberg, and the small glimmer of anxiety she expressed here over her legal status is actually a tremendous anxiety disorder shes harboring as a result of the last 2 months, then yes. That would be VAWA.

[Chica123 0]

Thanks for all of your reply.

Maybe I can open an account in the bank here because I've gotten my SSN.

I still can support this family in finance monthly without working because I have enough savings in China to do so. I'm so lucky for this point. I came here and married with him was not for his money, just because of love. In fact we've signed pre-marriage agreement which indicates his money is his and mine is mine if we divorce. I even agree to sign a post-marriage agreement to avoid losing his properties or money once he signed Form I-864. But after consulting with some lawyers, the risk still exists because the federal law is above all other law. So we can do nothing to avoid his worry. He said I would be so selfish if I asked him to sign that uncomfortably. He checked online(I don't know which website) and told me that my stay was legal because I marriage within 90 days after arrival. Even the police couldn't arrest me or deport me. He said I could still get my driver's license without green card and I still could get my green card after he signed it in 1 or 2 years. The penalty from immigration was to take a longer time to be approved. He asked me to decide to leave here or to go back. I decided to stay here and see what will happen in 1 or 2 years. But I feel upset if I don't have a legal identification.

[LeftCoastLady 441]

...

He said I would be so selfish if I asked him to sign that uncomfortably. He checked online(I don't know which website) and told me that my stay was legal because I marriage within 90 days after arrival. Even the police couldn't arrest me or deport me. He said I could still get my driver's license without green card and I still could get my green card after he signed it in 1 or 2 years. The penalty from immigration was to take a longer time to be approved. He asked me to decide to leave here or to go back. I decided to stay here and see what will happen in 1 or 2 years. But I feel upset if I don't have a legal identification.

You're selfish for wanting to have legal permanent resident privileges?

Your husband is incorrect on your stay being legal. While it's true that you fulfilled the requirements for the K-1 (marrying within 90 days of arrival in the U.S.), if you don't file to adjust status and your I-94 has expired, you are technically in "unlawful status."

You will not be able to get a driver's license without formal documentation stating that you're a legal permanent resident, which will not happen until you adjust status -- whether that's first with an EAD or ultimately getting a green card.

If you have the money to return home, think seriously about it. If he doesn't want to sign for you in two years, what will you do? What makes you believe he will change his mind in two years' time?

Edited January 18, 2013 by LeftCoastLady