Do relationships survive this?

[sms78 18]

You can learn a lot about your partner by looking at how s/he is handling the whole process. I realized my husband's laziness and disorganized-ness is incurable. I also re-discovered how patient, detail oriented, and overall freaking fantastic I am If you control your emotions well, you'll be fine during and after the process:D Good luck!

[Sandris&Jim 3]

Great posts!! thank you all of you guys for being so open and honest about it. I am very scared because I like my life here and I am not familiar at all with American culture. On the other hand, nothing is compared to the moments I am with him and the love we have. Definitely I will take into account those advices. I am already looking for that book!! God bless you guys and be with you in your path.

[lilQueenP 15]

Hi there! I'm so amused with the timeline of your application...compared to most of us here who are waiting for ages...Anyways, based on my experience and observing other's experiences...Life is really a gamble and You'll never know unless you try...It's not on how long or short your time of knowing or dating or the period of waiting...it's on how the two of you will deal with each other and live together with the commitments and new Life...the culture, lifestyle, and lots more will be some of the factors that will somehow be considered but it's always difficult at first...it will take loads of patients and understanding...just give your best shot to make things work better for both of you...and everything will be okay!don't think much, there's no assurance on our decisions, but at least you're on the track that will make you happy...goodluck on your journey...

Yeah, and I realize we're very fortunate... although we've hit a slight bump at NVC. But that's why I ask. I know how difficult it is for us, and those who wait months... and even years. I can't imagine how hard that is! It's inspiring to me.

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Touche!

However, I meant it very tongue in cheek and your post captured the essence of what I did not say.

I think that many relationships break up - divorce or otherwise - because people are hooked on self-gratification and the moment something does not go their way, they are only too quickly to throw it all away and seek the next best thing.

I oftentimes ask others how did the entire population of the world manage to survive before there were cell phones and answering machines? These days, most people can't even manage to sit through a civilized dinner without absolutely having to answer a phone call or reply to a text message. It is as though there is a general feeling, that no matter how enjoyable what you are currently doing, there is something even better out there, out on which you are missing. Technology has managed to eliminate all the ailments of yesteryear of all those who are engaged longtime relationships. Mail used to be too slow, phone calls prohibitively expensive and transatlantic trips enterprises demanding of years of planning.

I think the same goes to relationships. I think many rush into them and want immediate results. You need not go further than these fori to see many complaining about the wait times for their visas. It seems many are desperate to exchange vows promising a lifetime together all the while doubting if their relationship can survive a few months apart.

So back to my comment, I am sure that out of those 50% there are many who are just too immature to endure the process. I meant is as an eye opener so that you know what lies ahead and be prepared to keep your eyes on the destination, undisturbed by the rocks and ditches in the way.

Best. Post. EVER. Love it!

Our 4th anniversary is two weeks away. We survived. We're still on the honeymoon. But in our favor--

Spoke the same language.

Similar culture.

Similar lifestyles.

Same values.

Didn't get engage at our first meeting. Knew each other as trusted friends for many years.

Many visits.

He knew how to drive and didn't hang around waiting for me to drive him.

No money worries.

Mature enough to have gone through tragic life experiences and know waiting on a visa is not one of them.

The people who have to overcome many differences are amazing to me! The people who whine constantly about being apart aren't.

[adiiann 163]

Surviving depends on two people involve on how committed they are in the relationship.

Nothing is easy but things can be done if two person involve works together harmoniously.

I am not sure what is the good statistics of how many couple survive the married life that went thru a lot of immigration process. As for my own stand view, relationship is doom to fail when either one party is weighs more in own personal interest than what's good for the relationship.

It might be too early for me to state this as we're just a little over 3 years together in our married life, but I must say that I still feels that we're newly wed and I think we survive some critical points . Now we're expecting our first little bundle of joy, things are just working fine. We've got a lot of struggles both emotional and financial like most couples do but we're working together to get thru with those circumstances. Love is there and so as care, so being selfless is not hard to do. Good communication always plays a great role towards harmonious relationship.

[X Factor 1,110]

Surviving depends on two people involve on how committed they are in the relationship.

That is the bottom line

[david'sgirl 134]

Touche!

However, I meant it very tongue in cheek and your post captured the essence of what I did not say.

I think that many relationships break up - divorce or otherwise - because people are hooked on self-gratification and the moment something does not go their way, they are only too quickly to throw it all away and seek the next best thing.

I oftentimes ask others how did the entire population of the world manage to survive before there were cell phones and answering machines? These days, most people can't even manage to sit through a civilized dinner without absolutely having to answer a phone call or reply to a text message. It is as though there is a general feeling, that no matter how enjoyable what you are currently doing, there is something even better out there, out on which you are missing. Technology has managed to eliminate all the ailments of yesteryear of all those who are engaged longtime relationships. Mail used to be too slow, phone calls prohibitively expensive and transatlantic trips enterprises demanding of years of planning.

I think the same goes to relationships. I think many rush into them and want immediate results. You need not go further than these fori to see many complaining about the wait times for their visas. It seems many are desperate to exchange vows promising a lifetime together all the while doubting if their relationship can survive a few months apart.

So back to my comment, I am sure that out of those 50% there are many who are just too immature to endure the process. I meant is as an eye opener so that you know what lies ahead and be prepared to keep your eyes on the destination, undisturbed by the rocks and ditches in the way.

I agree.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

The stress of the waiting and the time apart pass. You do 'forget' the pain and the immediacy of that sense of being apart. That is a big plus. That being said, the first year is going to be tough, especially on the person who has moved to the US. You are now together - but he/she has just left behind everything that is familiar and known: family, friends, job, home, often language, culture and country. You've gone from a place where you probably feel quite confident in yourself and who you are to someone who is uncertain and insecure and dealing with new situations, new faces, new ideas, new culture and new experiences every day Sometimes, it even feels like you have lost yourself in your move to the US. Add into that you are now trying to learn to adapt not only to a new country and society - you are trying to learn how to share your living space with a man or woman you love - who in many ways is still very much a stranger.

As mentioned above it very much becomes a matter of how committed are you to the relationship. Not to yourself, or being right, or being 'the man' or 'the woman' - but to the relationship itself. In every new marriage there will be times when things get rough, and even when you love your partner, at that moment you don't particularly like them . You are in a process of adaptation and it will often be the little things that you had no idea were so important either to you or to your partner that can surprise you. Sometimes, these little things are really the safe triggers for larger issues that still need to be worked out . It seems that many of the problems you face in the first year or so of learning to live together involved missed or misunderstood expectations. These expectations are not only about each other, but also about yourself. No matter how much you love each other, you are going to find yourself having to face compromises that may seem uncomfortable to you - which ever partner you are, the US one or the immigrant one. This is when you decide what is most important in your lives together. You find out where you can compromise and where you can't. Hopefully, the times where neither of you can compromise won't be over the same thing. Once the honeymoon is over, you will find that marriage is often hard work, especially at first. Only you will know if it is 'rewarding' enough work - and that is where you come face to face with 'how committed are you really to the relationship and to each other'. Your first year will be spent finding out. Hopefully there won't be any 'deal breakers'.

If you survive the first year, the second year does start to get better, and the third year even better again. You begin to find your space with each other and with your new life together. You have figured out what the 'small stuff' is and as they saying goes, you have learned not 'to sweat it'. (Hopefully).

So, I certainly don't want to be discouraging or anything like that . I just want to let you know that the wait and all of its problems do get forgotten when you are finally together -to be replaced with a whole new set of challenges. Like the waiting, though, if you are committed to each other, then it is all worth it, and you will find, when you have hit your stride together as a couple, the growing pains will also recede and life really is good .

[sarsorti 36]

Yeah, and I realize we're very fortunate... although we've hit a slight bump at NVC. But that's why I ask. I know how difficult it is for us, and those who wait months... and even years. I can't imagine how hard that is! It's inspiring to me.

Miracles never cease! We have to remember that and believe it, especially when we see your timeline! So happy for you really, I hope for you that the last part goes as quickly as the first part. Your story gives me hope in our system.

[titantom 2]

Like the waiting, though, if you are committed to each other, then it is all worth it, and you will find, when you have hit your stride together as a couple, the growing pains will also recede and life really is good .

This is a REALLY good post... We are nearing the end of "the wait"... But I am expecting this to happen later on. Not sure how much my fiancee is expecting it, because she is excited and things will seem so shiny and new at first. But that will wear off. For some reason I think I or (we) will want to read this again later. Some very good insight and advice...

[evelyn1140 18]

That is a good question. We are only in the beginning of our journey and it is taking me forever to go back to US. I wonder if this will affect our relationship at some point.

It would be really nice to hear someone's experience on this.

oh it will be affected believe me. It is not easy.

[Mariya and Tim 5]

I know now.. =( Everything is already affecting it..

[TracyTN 237]

Yes people do survive it. We've been married five years.

But it isn't all roses and clovers like it seems to be at the start. The adjustment is hard on the foreign spouse (even when English is a first language and the cultures are relatively similar) and the US spouse is often left having no way to really help with the transition. Sure, the love and support helps, but on certain days, it is challenging for that to be enough.

[revtech100 16]

We have these concerns to, but one thing we are doing, besides skyping etc everyday, is that I am over on a two week vacation and we rented an apartment. This gives us the perspective (although limited) of where we need to adjust, what I need to prepare back home for her and how we will interact together when we play house for real. It's really, for me anyway, an excellent experience to see how she and her son live so that I can tweak what needs to be tweaked from my perspective before she gets there. She likes lots of sunshine and living in Alaska in the winter, well, that won't happen. But I can' change out lighting and place SAD lighting to help her. It's also good for her because we are really getting in tune to the communications issues that all couples have at first. making sure that we both explain our needs. My point is this will somewhat ease the stress when she shows up. It may not work for everybody, but it is helping us.

[Mochamich 7]

I think every relationship is different. It is definitely a big adjustment but I want to suggest a book I picked up to help me better understand and navigate the common issues that come up. This book has been a huge help: It's called The Promises and Pitfalls of Intercultural Marriage by Dugan Romano. It talks about everything from finances, in-laws, raising children and more. Wish you luck through this process.