K-1 Sadness

[Tyger29 0]

Hello, I am in California and have been awake trying to find out what my options are. My story started when I met a girl from Colombia online. We started a one year online relationship where we talked almost every day and it was wonderful how we connected. I was Finally able to fly out to Colombia and spend two weeks with her. We held hands everyday and had such a romantic time together. about 6 months later I was able to go back and spend time with her and her family. I asked her mom for her hand in marriage and proposed to her with all her family there. The next two years we started the K-1 process and I would help her with rent and food as I could. From the beginning I shared everything about my life from my teenage daughter to my medical treatments for MS. I never lead her to believe I was "well off" financially. Finally our marriage visa was approved and She was able to fly here in January of this year. We were married in February, and If it were me leaving my home I would feel like it would be a huge adjustment to a new country, so I gave her space to adjust. Since then the problems have only increased and I am truly unhappy. We did consumate our marriage on our wedding night but since then we have maybe been together three times, the last being May 5th. There is always some reason or excuse why we can't be together. Yesterday made me feel the worst when I tried to be romantic with her, while kissing her neck she let out a sigh as if annoyed and I was denied again. She seems annoyed with my daughter and tells me my ex needs to take more responsibility for her. Before she came to the US she showed great interest in my hobbies and said she would go to church with me. When she arrived she never went to church with me. When I asked her she said why would she go, it was not her religion. Also now all my hobbies are boring to her and she wants nothing to do with them. When at home it feels like she avoids me. For example if I'm in the living room she will be on the computer in our room. If I go in to join her to talk or lay down she will leave the room and go to another. If we are in the same room she is on her Blackberry all the time talking to people back home. We have had several arguments about finances but the last was the largest when she found a BMW on a car lot and she had to have it. So when I did not co-sign for the car she became very angry with me (note that she doesn't even have her drivers license yet). Now she does have her own money coming in & helps with food but we still have aquired many bills from the application process and other items that buying a car was not the best for us financially. She didn't respond to me for three days until my grandfather passed away and then she spoke to me again. She had me open a joint bank account that is linked with my other account & my savings yet she keeps telling me she wants to go to another bank to open up her own account. She insisted on me buying her a new laptop so she could talk with her family back home so I did. I pay all the bills yet when I ran out of money for the month and asked her for gas money she would not help me at all. I recommended the money she receives should be put in our joint account to help us budget our finances but she is keeping all her money somewhere else for herself. She says it's for her independence.

I am sorry for the long, sad story but I felt all of it relavent for my next move. When I asked her why she seemed unhappy she said I did not tell her about my daughter and my financial struggles. As I mentioned before I never led her to believe I was wealthy. I even asked her many times about her accepting my MS and all the medical treatments. She said she would help me yet now she won't even go to the doctors with me even for support.

The bottom line is my heart is hurting emotionally & I know I have made a vow through marriage but I am so hurt and lonely and I hate to even think it but this is not the girl I fell in love with and I don't think things will change so I feel it would be best for us to part ways and for her to return home. When I confront her she still tells me she loves me and that she left everything to be with me but I don't feel any love or compassion from her. She can't even look me in the eyes.

I fear I need to act fast as we did receive the I-797C to appear for an interview on July 17th. She had already received her employment card and we applied for a social security card. The next step was to get her drivers permit.

I really hate to think that she is a fraud but as I read some stories online I am worried on how to confront her. Some stories say that when confronted they will try and claim abuse to stay in the country so don't be alone with them in the house. They warn about the joint accounts and to close them. I would want to confront her first about going our own ways but should I start papers first and withdraw my Affidavit of support. I would hope we could end this in a civil manner and she just goes home but if I'm wrong how can I protect myself?

I'm sorry to be new to this site and come to you all with such a problem. I'm just in pain right now and would love some advice.

Thank you all for hearing my story and I hope for a good outcome.

[Darnell 8,478]

if yer gut tells you it's fraud,

then show up at the interview , with a letter to withdraw the I-864.

Give it to the interviewer, and TELL HIM/HER - I am withdrawing the I-864, I am divorcing her

and then yer done with USCIS/INS.

Good Luck, what ever you decide.

[JohnR! 5,495]

IMHO, get a divorce, send her back home and find a woman who will love you the way you need and who will appreciate and welcome the love you have to give.

[Mononoke28 134]

if yer gut tells you it's fraud,

then show up at the interview , with a letter to withdraw the I-864.

Give it to the interviewer, and TELL HIM/HER - I am withdrawing the I-864, I am divorcing her

and then yer done with USCIS/INS.

Good Luck, what ever you decide.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I know it's a hard decision for you to make given the fact that you're so emotionally involved and it's hard to think with your head when your heart gets in the way. I hate to tell you this but based on my years here on VisaJourney reading all kinds of similar stories and personally knowing how some women in Colombia can be, I can honestly say that based on your story, she's a fraud. It's that simple.

Many women in Colombia who are struggling financially think that their only way out is to marry a foreigner who they believe is rich and can provide for them and their family. On top of that, your her ticket way out of that situation and my prediction is she's waiting to get her green card to take off. She'll use the money she's saving to start a new life, either keep on working where she's working now or get a better job so she can have a much better life than the one she had back home.

So in summary you have two options, one is to go through with the Adjustment of her Status so she can stay legally in the country and have a better life than if she were to go back to Colombia. Or 2, show up at your AOS interview with a letter saying what you feel she's doing, that you consider her a fraud and want to terminate the immigration process by filing for divorce. This will result in a denial of her AOS without her claiming any sort of abuse from you and won't give her time to get to plan B to make you look like the bad guy in order to get her permanent residency. She'll either have to stay in the US illegally or go back home. If you decide to do this, it's extremely important that you save all kinds of evidence that supports your story, that you're the good guy being used, that she has no interest in staying married and that it shows your marriage is not what it's supposed to be. Again, this will help you in case she plans on using the "abuse" excuse to get her green card.

Either way you'll have to accept the fact that your marriage will eventually end up in divorce, that she used you to move ahead in life and that the woman you thought she was was just a farce in order for her to get what she wanted.

Good luck!!!

Diana

[Tyger29 0]

I just can't believe it. Yes it is such a battle between my head & my heart. I just don't want to believe it but it's like the facts are right in front of me. I guess I just wanted someone someone else to hear my story to confirm what I know to be true.

So if I understand what you're saying is I need to bury my emotions & wait until our appointment before saying anything? I am on the verge of tears all the time now, I don't know how to hide that. Ok, does my letter need to be notorized? Do I start divorce or annulment proceedures? Can I do this without claiming fraud? Remember I love her with all my heart & even though this is happening I would hate to ruin her chances for reentry into the US later. My heart hurts so much...

[Calicolom 265]

Wow, if everything is the way you say it is, then you have to protect yourself. Use the Immigration proses to your advantage, you love her ? how can you still love someone that used you, and wants to hurt you, to their advantage. I be very honest with you, if this would happen to me, I don’t know what I would do. I can bet you she would not get the better of me. Love would turn to hate. I sure hope it does not happen to me. Sorry for your bad luck, you sound like a nice guy.

[Mononoke28 134]

I just can't believe it. Yes it is such a battle between my head & my heart. I just don't want to believe it but it's like the facts are right in front of me. I guess I just wanted someone someone else to hear my story to confirm what I know to be true.

So if I understand what you're saying is I need to bury my emotions & wait until our appointment before saying anything? I am on the verge of tears all the time now, I don't know how to hide that. Ok, does my letter need to be notorized? Do I start divorce or annulment proceedures? Can I do this without claiming fraud? Remember I love her with all my heart & even though this is happening I would hate to ruin her chances for reentry into the US later. My heart hurts so much...

You don't have to say that you're ending it due to fraud, you can simply say you don't want to be married anymore due to the change of circumstances or a change of heart.

It's a very personal decision, so if you think it's safe to tell her what you plan to do without risking the fact that she might pull a fast one on you and claim abuse from your part in order to get her permanent residency, then it's up to you. But whatever decision you make, just make sure you have as much evidence as possible that clears you of any wrongdoing. Evidence that not only proves you wanted your marriage to work but that you also feel it's not right to move forward with the paperwork based on what you feel and on her behavior.

Or like I said earlier, you can still go through with her AOS and allow her to get her permanent residency so she can eventually have a better life here in the US. It doesn't mean that you're going to stay married forever or that she will miraculously change her attitude, it only means that you're doing it as a favor to her.

Diana

[Darnell 8,478]

giving a letter stating you are withdrawing the I-864 is sufficient.

you don't have to write any big reasons for WHY - I suggested that you TELL the interviewer that you are filing for divorce.

It really is that simple - give that letter, walk away.

[rade2rising 205]

this girl used you

just get as far away as possible as you can

and TRY to forget her bcoz this is only the beginning

[Tyger29 0]

What is involved with the I-797C interview? If I do withdraw the I-864 at the interview She would have to come back home with me, should I be concerned? I'm in so much pain, I was so happy for our future and now I'm lost...

[Peter_Pan 661]

The girl used you just like you used her. Fair trade at the end of the day.

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

**** Moving from Introductions to Effects of Major Changes forum ****

[AmyWrites 593]

The girl thought you had a large bank account, you don't, now you're useless to her. Follow Darnell's advice. Good luck. I hope you find someone better.

[Messybrownhair 251]

Do as Darnell said! Great advice. I wish you all the best!

[Sandra G. 5,016]

I believe she scammed you and she is just waiting to get her green card,and i bet she will vanish after that. Go to the interview but i think you should tell Uscis that you feel she used to get a GC,because in a few days she will apply for Vawa believe me. As soon she realizes you withdrew the affidavit your wife will run to tell the cops she was battered blah blah blah. After the interview do not stay alone with her one second because she can call the cops saying you hit her,slap her etc. You deserve better.